Mental Jokes

166 mental jokes and hilarious mental puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about mental that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Delve into the world of mental jokes and explore how we can use humour to discuss difficult topics like mental health, physical and cognitive instability, mental hospitals and mental asylum nurses. Laugh along and find out how mental jokes can be used to break down barriers and open up important conversations.

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Funniest Mental Short Jokes

Short mental jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The mental humour may include short mind jokes also.

  1. I believe in giving jobs to the mentally disabled... but we shouldn't elect them President.
  2. A conman, a mentally handicapped person, and a Russian spy walk into a bar And the bartender asks, "What will it be, Mr. President?"
  3. At a mental hospital, one patient keeps yelling "I am a messenger of God! I am a messenger of God!" "I didn't send anybody" says someone in the adjacent room.
  4. Statistics say that 60% of women take medication for mental illness, Which means 40% aren't taking their medication.
  5. I lost my virginity to a mentally disabled girl last night I wanted my first time to be special.
  6. My mom went mental at me for tickling my little brother's feet today - something about waiting until he's born?...
  7. I read that 1 in 5 women suffer from mental illness so I guess that means the other 4 must enjoy it.
  8. This is a frightening statistic 25% of the women in this country are on medication for mental illness!
    That's scary!
    It means 75% are running around untreated!
  9. The doctor asked Fred if anyone in the family suffers from mental illness. Fred replied: "No, we all seem to rather enjoy it."
  10. 25% of all adult women are currently on medication for mental illness which is quite scary.... Because that means 75% are running around untreated.

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Mental One Liners

Which mental one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with mental? I can suggest the ones about psych and thinking.

  1. My wife is leaving me because of my mental illness. At least thats what the cat told me.
  2. I identify as an elongated fish. People say I'm mentally eel.
  3. What do you call a person who kills cereal? Mentally ill.
  4. What Christmas song do they play at the mental hospital? Do you see what I see?
  5. Are you struggling with a mental illness? Or are you really good at it?
  6. For Xmas I got you mental arithmetic. It's the thought that counts.
  7. What do you call a horse that's thinking of home? Mentally in-stable.
  8. My mother took to me one of those buildings where they take the mentally ill. A church.
  9. My wife and I are a temperamental couple… I've got a temper and she's mental.
  10. I'm thinking of joining a gym. I'm keeping mentally active.
  11. What is the cutest mental disability? Awwtism
  12. What do you call a mentally challenged lion? A leotard
  13. If mental hospitals had walkways... They'd be called psychopaths.
  14. Why is Kim Jong Un so crazy? His father was mentally Il.
  15. Where do you take someone who overdoses on homeopathic medicine? A mental hospital

Mental Hospital Jokes

Here is a list of funny mental hospital jokes and even better mental hospital puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • A man who thinks he's a piece of luggage has been admitted to a mental hospital. Psychiatrists say he's the strangest case they've ever come across.
  • What's the best way to get to the mental hospital? Take the psychopath!!
  • A man walks into a mental hospital wearing nothing but plastic wrap. The clerk says to him, "You definitely belong here, I can clearly see your nuts!"
  • Whats the difference between the psychiatrists and the patients at a mental hospital? The patients are the ones who eventually get better and get to go home.
  • A police officer arrested a man who was in a mental hospital. The officer busted a nut.
  • What Christmas song is banned from playing at mental hospitals? 🎤Do you hear what I hear? 🎤
  • What person shows you around a mental hospital? Tour-ettes :)
  • What animal do psychiatrists bring in to mental hospitals to help patients with social anxiety? Squirrels; they're the best at getting nuts out of their shells.
  • Why unemployed squirrels go to mental hospital? Because that's where all the nutjobs are.
  • Why was the musician in hospital? Because he was instru-mental!

Mental Patient Jokes

Here is a list of funny mental patient jokes and even better mental patient puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Why can't you hear a psychiatrist go to the bathroom? Because the 'P' is silent.
    I work in mental health and a patient told me this one the other day
  • My friend wanted to make a language that was easy for mental patients to speak But I told him that the idea was crazy talk.
  • In a mental asylum Patient 1: "Doctor, I am a messenger of god!"
    Patient next door: "Liar! I haven't send you anywhere!"
  • A psychiatric patient believed he was running with the bulls. He was mentally in Spain.
  • What do you call two mental patients in bed together? Two nuts in the sack.
  • In front of a mental clinic, a patient was pulling a rope. Doctor: why are you pulling that rope?
    Patient: what do you want me to do, push it?!
  • In Germany it's common for mentally ill patients to be committed to least ten different facilities. They're in-zehn asylums.
  • A patient with a mental decease walks to a doctor the doctor asks: "What's your problem?"
    The patient: "I'm paranoid about the Backstreet Boys"
    Doctor: "Tell me why"
    Patient: \*screams\*
  • What does uranium have in common with a mental ward patient? They're both unstable.
  • What would you call the act of giving charity or help to a Mental Patient? "Fund-a-Mental"
Mental joke, What would you call the act of giving charity or help to a Mental Patient?

Mental Illness Jokes

Here is a list of funny mental illness jokes and even better mental illness puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • My psychiatrist asked me if anyone else suffered from mental illness in my family. I answered " No they all seem to enjoy it"
  • My doctor asked me if any of my family members suffered from mental illnesses I said no, they all seem to enjoy it.
  • I just read that 25% of women in the United States take medication for mental illness... That's scary! Why do we let 75% of them run around untreated??
  • My doctor asked if anyone in my family is suffering from mental illness... I said No, we all seem to enjoy it .
  • If you hear a supernatural voice in your head telling you to destroy statues of the Ten Commandments, you might be mentally ill. But if the voice tells you to create them instead, you might be Moses.
  • Mental illness is on the increase... At least that's what the ketchup bottle told me this morning.
  • I saw an alarming stat the other day. Apparently 25% of women are taking medication for some sort of mental illness . . . That means that 75% of women are walking around unmedicated!
  • I've lived with a mental illness for 5 years. I'm now single.
  • Americans are the best when it comes to taking care of their mentally ill. ..they make them their President.
  • Cats don't cause mental illness, new study finds They're just a symptom of it

Mental Health Jokes

Here is a list of funny mental health jokes and even better mental health puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • I've been doing my psychology phd thesis on the mental health and wellbeing of little people. After 4 long years and multiple studies, I've concluded... 6 out of 7 dwarves aren't Happy.
  • Recent research shows that horses tend to have much better mental health than other farm animals Due to their stable environment
  • What do you call a horse with good mental health? Stable
  • Hi, I'm a mental health therapist helping people to be more at peace with their lives. Check out my Instagram! I'm a content creator.
  • The new Joker went to see a doctor for his mental health, but didn't make an appointment. It was a Joaquin.
  • What do you call the Mental Health class at Hogwarts? Defence against the Dark Thoughts.
  • Apparently people who exercise have been shown to recover better and be less at risk from mental health issues... So who said you can't run away from your problems.
  • Why is crushing pop cans taxing on one's mental health? Because it's soda pressing.
  • My pronouns are Rare/Medium Rare. And if you don't use these, my feelings and mental health is at steak...
  • In a bid to entice republicans, Biden vows to pick up right where Reagan left off... With rapidly detiorating mental health.

Mental Health Nurse Jokes

Here is a list of funny mental health nurse jokes and even better mental health nurse puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • What is similar between students with mental health issues and nurses giving vaccinations? They both tend to shoot up schools.
Mental joke, What is similar between students with mental health issues and nurses giving vaccinations?

Hilarious Mental Jokes that Bring Laughter with Friends

What funny jokes about mental you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean mage jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make mental pranks.

Mental Hospital

Jim and Edna were both patients in a mental hospital. One day while they were walking past the hospital swimming pool, Jim suddenly jumped into the deep end. He sank to the bottom of the pool and stayed there. Edna promptly jumped in to save him. She swam to the bottom and pulled Jim out. When the hospital director became aware of Edna's heroic act she immediately ordered that Edna be discharged from the hospital because she now considered Edna to be mentally stable.
The director went to Edna and said, "I have some good news and some bad news. The good news is that you're being discharged because you responded so rationally to a crisis by jumping in the pool to save the life of another patient. Your action displays sound mindedness. The bad news is that Jim, the patient you saved, hung himself in the bathroom with his bathrobe belt right after you saved him. I am so sorry, but he's dead."
Edna replied, "He didn't hang himself. I put him there to dry. How soon can I go home?"

Number 12...

A man is walking down the street when he begins to hear yelling. The man notices it's coming from the court yard of a mental hospital. Once he gets closer he notices they are all yelling the number 12. The fence being too high, he peaks through a hole into the fence to see why they are yelling twelve. To his surprise he gets poked in the eye and begins hearing everyone yell 13...13...

A nurse in a mental hospital receives a call

A man says: "Miss, could you check if the patient in room 14 is still there?"
Nurse: "A moment please"
After a while,
Nurse: "No!! He's gone!!"
The man: "Good, looks like I really escaped this time...."

How do you bid farewell to a s**... open Arctic animal with a mental disorder.

"Bye bye bi bipolar polar bear!"

Mental institution

There's a mental institution, and they are having a
patient evaluation, to see if any patients need to be there
any longer. The doctor then goes around questioning the top three candidates.
He goes to the first patient and asks him , "What is 3 times 3?"
After an hour of scratching his head, and with a confused look on his face he replies, "Two-hundred!".
"That is incorrect." The doctor responds.
He then asks the next patient."What is 3 multiplied by 3?" After a long period of time the patient
responds, "Thursday!". "That is incorrect replies the doctor.

He then goes to the next patient and asks him, "What is 3 times 3?"
The patient quickly responds, "Nine!". The doctor then says "Correct!,
how did you figure that out?" The patient then responds, "I multiplied, 200 by Thursday and then
I added three!"


There was a man in a mental hospital. All day he would put his ear to the wall and listen. The doctor would watch the guy do this day after day for months.
Finally the doctor decided to see what this man was listening to, so one day he approached the wall and put his own ear up to the wall and listened. He heard nothing.
He turned the mental patient and said, "I don't hear anything!"
The mental patient replied, "Yeah, I know. It's been like that for months!"

A man goes for a walk...

and as he walks he approaches the local mental institution, on the other side of the wall he can hear the patients chanting "3! 3! 3! 3!". His curiosity has been piqued by all the commotion coming from within so he decides to take a glimpse through a hole he sees in the wall, as he bends down and peers through the wall silence falls over the yard and a long stick gets shoved through the hole and pokes him in the eye
"4! 4! 4! 4! 4!"

Why was the mentally challenged midget crying?

He was a little down.

In a Mental Hospital a journalist asked the Doctor

How do u determine whether to admit a patient or not?
Dr: Well, we first fill a BathTub & give a teaspoon, a glass & a bucket to the patient & ask them to empty the Bathtub....
Journalist: Oh, obviously a normal person would use the bucket because its bigger....
Dr: NO, a normal person would pull the drain plug!
Now if you would be so kind as to proceed to bed no.39


a man walks by a mental hospital and over the wall he can hear the patients saying,"Fourteen" over and over again. The wall is too high to see over and as he walks along it he sees a small hole. Bending down to look through and see why they are chanting "Fourteen", he can see some movement.
All of a sudden a stick pushes through into his eye!

Then he hears...Fifteen!...Fifteen!...Fifteen!!!

A man is walking past the mental hospital

through the board fence he hears the nuts inside chanting, thirteen...thirteen...thirteen. Curious, peeks through a knot hole and someone pokes him in the eye! As he jumps back in pain he hears the nuts start chanting, fourteen...fourteen...fourteen.

When my wife told me she was going to give me some mental o**... s**..., I thought it was going to be silly.....

....but she actually blew my mind!

Frightening Statistic

This is probably one of the most worrisome statistics to emerge in recent years.

25% of the women in this country are on medication for mental illness.

That's scary.

It means 75% are running around untreated.

A mental patient escapes from an asylum, goes into a laundrette and rapes a bunch of women. The police arrive and he escapes. Newspaper headline the next day reads....


How I learned to miknd my own business:

I was walking past the mental hospital the other day, and all the patients were yelling "13...13...13..."
The fence was too high for me to see over but I saw a little gap in the planks, so I looked through to see what was going on.
Someone poked me in the eye with a stick and then they all started shouting "14... 14... 14..."!

An inmate from a mental asylum escaped and started r**... people.

The next day headlines read : Nut bolts and screws.

I escaped!

A man phones up a mental institution and asks the woman behind the desk to speak to the man in room twenty-seven.
When she tells him that the man isn't there he shouts excitedly *"Good! That means I escaped!"*

Do you know 25% of woman are seeking help for mental issues?

That means 75% are not getting the help they need

So a mentally disturbed man walks into a dentist's office.

He says, "Doc, you gotta help me! I think I'm a moth!"
"You think you're a moth??" the dentist asks.
"Well you don't need a dentist... you need a psychiatrist."
"I know," says the man.
"Then what are you doing here?"
"Well, you're light was on, so..."

My Life s**......

...I'm 22 years old and the only job I've had so far was working in fast food. My co-worker hates me and has tried to kill me. Also I have no friends except a southern girl I like and my other friend who only hangs out with me because he is mental. I have to ride my bike everywhere because I can never get my drivers license. And the worst part is, I live in a pineapple.

What did the mentally handicapped kid get on his math test?


During a visit to the mental hospital....

..a visitor asks the Director what criterion defined whether or not a patient should be institutionalized.
"Well," said the Director, "we fill up a bathtub, then we offer a teaspoon, a teacup and a bucket to the patient and ask him or her to empty the bathtub."
"Oh, I understand," said the visitor. "A normal person would use the bucket because it's bigger."
"No." said the Director, "A normal person would pull the plug. Do you want a bed near the window?"

Was walking by a mental hospital when...

I was walking down the street in front of a mental hospital when I heard a large group of people chanting 14, 14, 14, 14. My curiosity got the better of me so I peered through a small hole in the fence at which point a finger immediately poked me in the eye. After a short round of celebration I then heard the people start chanting 15, 15, 15, 15.

Hello, welcome to the mental health hotline.

If you are Obsessive Compulsive, press 1 repeatedly. If you are codependant, have someone press 2 for you. If you have multiple personalities, press 3,4,5,6. If you are paranoid, we know which one you want.

Was walking by a mental hospital when.....

I was walking down the street in front of a mental hospital when I heard a large group of people chanting 6, 6, 6, 6. My curiosity got the better of me thinking I was about to witness some sort of satanic ritual, so I peered through a small hole in the fence at which point a finger immediately poked me in the eye. After a short round of celebration and applause from inside, I then heard the people start chanting 7, 7, 7, 7.

A man goes to a mental hospital to visit his elderly mother...

when upon entering, he sees a man making beeping noises and waving his arms around. "what are you doing?", he asks.
"I'm driving a car. Can't you see?"
"Actually, you're in a mental hospital and your car doesn't exi-"
Then suddenly someone shouted out "Don't tell him! I get $20 by washing his car!"

Cat with mental disorder

The psychiatrist just diagnosed my cat for having dissociative identity disorder.
She now have 45 lives.

42! 42! 42!

A man Is walking past a mental health building, he can hear the patients in a yard shouting " ", not being able to see over the high walls, he finds a hole in the wall, as he looks through, a Finger pokes his eye. "43! 43! 43!" The yard shouts!

Imagine a masonry wall...

Now, picture just one piece of it...
This, my friends, is a mental block.

If a mentally challenged midget is late to an appointment...

... can you justifiably call them "a little tardy"?

A man is walking by a mental hospital and hears chanting.

A man is walking by a mental hospital and hears chanting from over the fence. He stops to listen and hears that they are saying "Five! Five! Five! Five!"
His curiosity peaked, he walks until he sees a hole in the fence. He puts his eye up to the hole to try to see what's going on, when he's poked in the eye by a broom handle! Angry and in pain, he starts to walk away and hears that the chanting is now, "Six! Six! Six! Six!"

What do mentally r**... parents give their kids?

Hand me Downs.

Love him or hate him at least President Trump is raising awareness of one of the greatest challenges facing America.....

....Mental Health. 'Cause either that dude is crazy or I am and my best guess is before all this is said and done we're all going to need a little therapy.

A man visits a mental hospital.

He sees a patient with torn clothes & unkempt hair shouting "Julie !! Julie !!"
He asks the assistant about the reason for the patient's  behavior. Asst says the patient used to love a girl called Julie but couldn't marry her. So he became mad.
The man visits the next ward. There also he sees another patient with torn clothes & unkempt hair shouting
"Julie !! Julie !!"
The man looks at the assistant.
The assistant says "This one married Julie"

I was walking by a mental institution on my way to work

And in the yard behind the fence, I heard people shouting "four, four, four...". I was curious so I peeked through the wood planks to see what was happening. Someone jabbed a stick in my eye and then everyone started shouting "five, five, five...".

They're not mentally disabled...

They're homies with extra chromies

Depression in Mexico

There are been a sharp increase in depression in Mexico since Trump got into office on the platform of building a wall between the two countries.
Leading mental health experts have said that sadly many Mexicans will never get over it.

A guy walks past a mental hospital

A guy is walking past a mental hospital with a high privacy fence, and can hear some kind of chant going on. As he gets closer, he hears them chanting, "sixteen! Sixteen! Sixteen!"Curious as to what is going on, he notices a small hole in the fence. He walks over and presses his face to it to try and see in, only to get poked in the eyes. The chant continues, "Seventeen! Seventeen! Seventeen!"

The one about the Pakistani Mental Health Hotline

*Hotline*: Pakistani Mental Health Hotline, how can I help you?
*Caller*: My life s**..., I see no way out.
*Hotline*: Do not worry, we are here to help you.
*Caller*: I'm feeling suicidal. What should I do?
*Hotline*: How close are you to India?
*Caller*: Don't know exactly, maybe 400km.
*Hotline*: So can you drive a truck?

A man was in a psych ward for thinking he was a piece of corn.

He was finally cured and set free, but immediatelly came back to the mental hospital trembling in fear. When asked why, he said, "there's a chicken outside."
Doctor: "but sir, you do know you're human right? Not a piece of corn."
Patient: "of course I know that! But does the chicken know?!"

Did you hear about the doctor who sent a group of crows to a mental health institution?

He committed a m**....


I walk past a mental Asylum every day and yesterday as I neared I could hear them chanting "Seven..Seven..Seven." This continued as I walked along the wooden fence and I found myself looking for a gap to see what was going on. About 100m down the fence i spotted a hole where the knot had fallen out and hurried towards it. I jammed my eye up to the hole, rather excited to see the ruckus and a finger sprung out and jabbed me in th eye. "Eight..eight..eight."

What did the pencil say to the suspicious piece of paper?

I dot my i's on you!
-Heard this from an 85 year old lady in a nursing facility. The mental image of this joke is quite funny!

Why did the African child have a mental breakdown at age 8?

He was having his midlife crisis.

There's no pleasing my wife sometimes.

She wanted help with the housework so I got my girlfriend to come round and she went mental.

"Doctor, my brother is crazy. He thinks he is a chicken."

"Well, why don't you commit him to a mental asylum?"
"I would, but I need the eggs."

So I got my concealed carry permit yesterday

So I got my concealed carry gun permit yesterday and then went over to the local Bass Pro Shop to get a small caliber p**... for home protection. When I was ready to pay for the gun, the cashier said, s**... down, facing me. Making a mental note to complain about these new invasive gun control laws, I did as she instructed. After her hysterical shrieking subsided, I realized she was referring to how I should place my credit card in the reader. I still don't think I looked that bad.

What do you call walking trails behind mental institutions?


Things have gotten so bad in The US that during the last parade they surrounded Donald Trump with bullet proof glass.

Just because he's a White guy with mental health issues doesn't mean he's gonna start shooting up the crowd

A captain was flying over a mental hospital...

...when suddenly he started laughing vigorously.
"What's so funny?" Asked the co-pilot.
The captain answered: "I'm just imagining their faces when they realize I'm not there anymore"

A man is in a mental hospital because he believes himself to be a seed.

He is treated for years by one of the world's best psychiatrists. After 6 years, he finally becomes convinced that he is not, in fact, a seed. There is a party to celebrate his release from the hospital.
A chicken shows up to the party. The man freezes and slowly starts to inch behind a nearby tree. His psychiatrist notices and sighs: "I thought you were over this. You are not a seed, remember?"
The man replies: "look, you know that I am not a seed. I know that I am not a seed. But does the chicken know?"

A man is yelling "People, listen to me! I am the son of Satan!" out of the window of a mental asylum.

Another one sticks his head out and yells:
"Don't listen to him, he's a maniac! I don't have a son!"

What do you call a heritable mental disability?


I refuse to insult someone by saying that they have mental issues

Only r**... do that

Mentally tough people are better at this important skill:

>!Resisting clickbait headlines.!<

The Bathtub Test

During a visit to the mental asylum, I asked the director how do you determine whether or not a patient should be institutionalized. Well said the director, we fill up a bathtub, then we offer a teaspoon, a teacup and a bucket to the patient and ask him or her to empty the bathtub.
Oh, I understand, I said. A normal person would use the bucket because it's bigger than the spoon or the teacup. No. said the director, A normal person would pull the plug, Do you want a bed near the window?

How i learned to mind my own business

One day I was walking on the sidewalk next to a mental hospital and heard 13...13...13...
So I decided to peek through a hole in the wall and immediately got poked In the eye and heard 14...14...14...

I was walking past the mental hospital the other day, and all the patients were shouting, "13... 13... 13..."

The fence was too high to see over, but I saw a little gap in the planks, so I looked through to see what was going on.
Some idiot poked me in the eye with a stick, then they all started shouting, "14.... 14... 14..."

An inspector goes to a mental institution to check if any of the patients had been cured

When he gets there he places an empty pool on the ground. All the patients start squealing with joy, and jumping in the pool, hurting themselves. Only one patient stands to the side and doesn't jump. The inspector goes to ask him why he isn't jumping. The patient says: do you think I'm crazy? I can't swim

A guy goes to a mental hospital for a psychiatric exam. The doctor shows the guy an inkblot image.

Doctor: "Look at this card and tell me what you think it is."
The guy studies it for a minute and says, "Well, not sure, but to me it looks like Rorschach Series 6, card number 9."

If I was in a room with h**..., o**... bin laden and stalin,

I would ask you to write a letter to my mother about my mental illness

3 people try to escape a mental institution

They decide to kill the three guards and leave. One guard is in the room with them, another in the hallway, and another guarding the gate. They kill the one in the room, kill the one in the hallway, and then make their way down to the main gate. When they arrive at the main gate, they find out the guard has the day off. They walk back in, saying "our plan failed."

The 12 Days of Corona

In the year 2020, the pandemic gave to me:
12 Cancelled Plans
11 Face Masks
10 Sanitizers
9 m**... Hornets
8 Zoom Calls
7 Mental Breakdowns
6 Feet Apart
5 Curbside Pickups
4 Quarantines
3 Travel Restrictions
2 Karens Complaining
And a massive shortage of Grocery Store TP

A guy is waiting for the bus in front of a mental institution

There is a tall wooden fence surrounding it. The man starts hearing a group of people on the other side of the fence yelling "14, 14, 14!" So he walks over and finds a small hole. When he ducks down to peek through, all of a sudden he gets poked in the eye.

The people on the other side of the fence start yelling "15, 15, 15!"

Mental joke, A guy is waiting for the bus in front of a mental institution

jokes about mental