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Ment Jokes

63 ment jokes and hilarious ment puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about ment that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

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Funniest Ment Short Jokes

Short ment jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The ment humour may include short surgery jokes also.

  1. What do pigs use when they get hurt? Oink-ment
    (My 7 year old made this up and wanted me to share!)
  2. What's the difference between bird flu and swine flu? If you have bird flu, you need tweetment. If you have swine flu, you need oink-ment!!!!
  3. What happens if you put two apartments together? Togetherments, because they were "ment" to be together.
  4. My girlfriend said that she'd break up with me if I kerp on making cheesy puns Its okay some things just are'nt ment to brie
  5. Why did the female asteroid deny her boyfriends marriage proposal? Because she was scared of comet-ment
  6. My friend supported me in everything I did in the house. He was just really good at indoors-ment.

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Ment One Liners

Which ment one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with ment? I can suggest the ones about tho and tweet.

  1. What do you give a pig with a rash? Oink-ment!
  2. Why didn't Miss Piggy get married? She was afraid of Kermit-ment
  3. Why can't miss piggy hold down a relationship? Because she's afraid of kermit-ment
  4. Where do cats go for fun? An a-mews-ment park
  5. What do you call a park loved by cats A A*mews*ment park
  6. What did the vet give the sick pig? Oink-ment!
  7. What do you call it when you buy stocks of a clothing company? A good in-vest-ment
  8. How do you make a thief a better person? Put em in con-fine-ment
  9. What is the Buddha's favorite California city? Shakra-ment-Ohhhm
  10. Why didn't the man go to dat place? Cuz dis-place-ment a lot to him.
  11. In school, I always wanted to sing in a group... But I couldn't meet the re-choir-ments.
  12. Harassment? Oh, I thought it was her-a**...-(was)-ment to be slapped.

Ment joke, Harassment?

Make fun with this list of one liners, jokes and riddles. Each joke is crafted with thought and creativity, delivering punchlines that are unexpected and witty. The humor about ment can easily lighten the mood and bring smiles to people's faces. This compilation of ment puns is not just entertaining but also a testament to the art of joke-telling. The jokes in this list are designed to display different humor styles, ensuring that every reader at any age finds something entertaining. Constantly updated, they offer a source of fun that ensures one is always smiling !

Delightful Fun Ment Jokes for a Roaring Good Time

What funny jokes about ment you can tell and make people laugh? One example I can give are clean quack jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help make ment prank.

Mental Hospital

Jim and Edna were both patients in a mental hospital. One day while they were walking past the hospital swimming pool, Jim suddenly jumped into the deep end. He sank to the bottom of the pool and stayed there. Edna promptly jumped in to save him. She swam to the bottom and pulled Jim out. When the hospital director became aware of Edna's heroic act she immediately ordered that Edna be discharged from the hospital because she now considered Edna to be mentally stable.
The director went to Edna and said, "I have some good news and some bad news. The good news is that you're being discharged because you responded so rationally to a crisis by jumping in the pool to save the life of another patient. Your action displays sound mindedness. The bad news is that Jim, the patient you saved, hung himself in the bathroom with his bathrobe belt right after you saved him. I am so sorry, but he's dead."
Edna replied, "He didn't hang himself. I put him there to dry. How soon can I go home?"

Mental illness is on the increase...

At least that's what the ketchup bottle told me this morning.

Mental health hotline.

Hello, welcome to the mental health hotline.
If you have obsessive compulsive disorder, press 1 repeatedly.
If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2 for you.
If you have multiple personality syndrome, press 3, 4, 5, and 6.
If you suffer from paranoid schizophrenia, we know who you are and what you want. Stay on the line so we can trace your call.
If you are delusional, press 7 and your call will be transfered to the mothership.
If you are hearing voices, listen carefully and a small voice will tell you which number to press.
If you are manic depressive, it doesn't matter which button you press. No one will answer anyway.
If you are dyslexic, press 96969696969696.
If you have a nervous disorder, please fidget with the pound button until a representative comes on the line.
If you have amnesia, press 8 and state your name, address, phone number, date of birth, social security number, and your mother's and grandmother's maiden names.
If you have post traumatic stress disorder, slowly and carefully press 911.
If you have bi-polar disorder, please leave a message after the beep. Or before the beep. Or after the beep. Please wait for the beep.
If you have short term memory loss, please try you call again in a few minutes.
If you have low self esteem, please hang up. All our representatives are busy.

Mental institution

There's a mental institution, and they are having a
patient evaluation, to see if any patients need to be there
any longer. The doctor then goes around questioning the top three candidates.
He goes to the first patient and asks him , "What is 3 times 3?"
After an hour of scratching his head, and with a confused look on his face he replies, "Two-hundred!".
"That is incorrect." The doctor responds.
He then asks the next patient."What is 3 multiplied by 3?" After a long period of time the patient
responds, "Thursday!". "That is incorrect replies the doctor.

He then goes to the next patient and asks him, "What is 3 times 3?"
The patient quickly responds, "Nine!". The doctor then says "Correct!,
how did you figure that out?" The patient then responds, "I multiplied, 200 by Thursday and then
I added three!"

Why was the mentally challenged midget crying?

He was a little down.

In a Mental Hospital a journalist asked the Doctor

How do u determine whether to admit a patient or not?
Dr: Well, we first fill a BathTub & give a teaspoon, a glass & a bucket to the patient & ask them to empty the Bathtub....
Journalist: Oh, obviously a normal person would use the bucket because its bigger....
Dr: NO, a normal person would pull the drain plug!
Now if you would be so kind as to proceed to bed no.39

A mental patient escapes from an asylum, goes into a laundrette and rapes a bunch of women. The police arrive and he escapes. Newspaper headline the next day reads....

.
---
### NUT SCREWS WASHERS AND BOLTS
---
.

I've got a mentally disabled flamboyantly homosexual friend.

I describe him as being flame retardant.

So a mentally disturbed man walks into a dentist's office.

He says, "Doc, you gotta help me! I think I'm a moth!"
"You think you're a moth??" the dentist asks.
"Yes!"
"Well you don't need a dentist... you need a psychiatrist."
"I know," says the man.
"Then what are you doing here?"
"Well, you're light was on, so..."

A mentally ill man visits his doctor

This is a joke I've only heard in Russian, so I did my best to translate it:
A mentally ill man visits his doctor.
While frantically brushing off his arms and torso he says to the physician "You have to help me doc! I'm covered in tiny alligators and crocodiles."

to which the doctor replies "Well then stop throwing them on me!"

What did the mentally handicapped kid get on his math test?

Drool

Mental patients

Two mental patients escaped from the mental hospital but had to cross a river to continue there journey. One patient said to the other: I have a Flashlight as he pointed it across the river and said: you run across the beam of light! the other patient said: Do you think I am s**......I will get half way across and you will turn the flashlight off.

Hello, welcome to the mental health hotline.

If you are Obsessive Compulsive, press 1 repeatedly. If you are codependant, have someone press 2 for you. If you have multiple personalities, press 3,4,5,6. If you are paranoid, we know which one you want.

What does a mentally challenged Time Lord use for travel?

A retardis.

What does a mentally disabled lizard said to be diagnosed with?

A Reptile Dysfunction
*ba dum tss*
I'll be here all night folks

What's the best way to get to the mental hospital?

Take the psychopath!!

What was the first mention of soccer in the bible?

When Jesus went up for the cross.

Why should you never mention the number 288?

Because it's two g**....
source: someone told me this joke, it's not my joke.

If mental hospitals had walkways...

They'd be called psychopaths.

My neighbor started yelling at my parents randomly

It turns out that ten years and eight months ago my parents broke his bed and never repaid him. I overheard my dad screaming and he said,"Oh we should pay you? You're lucky we aren't taking you to court! That accident happened on YOUR property!" I didn't know what he ment, so I just shrugged and blew out my candles.

"Am I mentioned in the will?" the nephew asked anxiously.

"You certainly are" , replied the lawyer.
Right here in the third paragraph your uncle says:
To my niece Sarah I bequeath a hundred thousand dollars,
to my cousin Janice fifty thousand dollars,
and to my nephew Charles, who was always curious to know if he was mentioned in my will, I say "Hi, Charles"

I mentioned to my friend Hanz that today's the anniversary of the world trade center attacks.

"Nein, 11" he said.

If a mentally challenged midget is late to an appointment...

... can you justifiably call them "a little tardy"?

I have 6 mental illnesses

Schizophrenia, OCD, ADHD, dislexia, anxiety, and hypochondria.

At a mental hospital, one patient keeps yelling "I am a messenger of God! I am a messenger of God!"

"I didn't send anybody" says someone in the adjacent room.

I mentioned my back pain to my dad in passing today. His reply?

"At least it's all behind you."

If a mentally challenged person shows up late

Is it ok to call him tardy?

My mental health is like a rainbow

All over the spectrum

What do mentally r**... parents give their kids?

Hand me Downs.

A mental question I'd have if I were to find a magic lamp and wish for a new car

Lamp or Genie...?

They're not mentally disabled...

They're homies with extra chromies

I can't mention stds around my friend who has h**...

It's a sore spot

Mental hospital...

A man is brought into a mental hospital late one night, who claims to be Napoleon Bonaparte. Turns out, there is another patient there who also believes he is Napoleon, but is also flamboyantly gay. The director thinks it will be interesting to House them together overnight and see what happens.
In the morning, the director approached the gay Napoleon:
Who are you, Sir?
(Heavy French accent) How do you not know that I am the great, Napoleon Bonaparte?!?
OK.
He then asks the new patient- And who are you?
Sacre' bleu! You do not recognize Josephine, zee queen?!?

My mental health is like bitcoin

Looks like it's on the decline, but could make a come back.

Why shouldn't you mention the number 288?

Because it's two g**....

Swimmer's mental problems

An Egyptian swimmer and a French swimmer were recently taken to a mental hospital.
One was in denial and the other was insane.

They say mental illness is genetic

I know my kids make me crazy

I mentioned in another thread how I was about to post a joke to /jokes

one of the mods asked, is it a common repost?
I said, No. Is that still required?

At the mental hospital

Doc: what are you doing? Patient: writing a letter I'll send to myself tomorrow. Doc: so, what does it say? Patient: are you crazy? How would I know? I haven't received it yet.

I don't have any mental disorders.

My other personalities aren't so lucky.

Mentally tough people are better at this important skill:

>!Resisting clickbait headlines.!<

A mentor of mine once told me

that a great way to let go of your anger is to write letters to people you hate and then burn them. Well, I did that and I feel much, much better, but I'm not sure what to do with all these letters.

The Mental Asylum

During a visit to the mental asylum, a visitor asked the Director what the criteria was which defined whether or not a patient should be institutionalized.
"Well," said the Director, "we fill up a bathtub, then we offer a teaspoon, a teacup and a bucket to the patient and ask him or her to empty the bathtub."
"Oh, I understand," said the visitor. "A normal person would use the bucket because it's bigger than the teaspoon or the teacup."
"No," said the Director, "A normal person would pull the plug out. Do you want a room with or without a view?"

Mental hospital

A nurse at a mental hospital checks in a room to find patient Bob pretending to drive a car.
- Bob, what are you doing?
Asked the nurse curiously.
- I'm on a road trip to Canada.
Bob replied.
The nurse wishes him a pleasant journey and proceeds to patient Gary's cell to find him m**....
- Heavens, Gary! What are you doing?!
Asked the nurse.
- I am having s**... with Bob's wife while he's in Canada.
Gary replied.

In a mental asylum

Patient 1: "Doctor, I am a messenger of god!"
Patient next door: "Liar! I haven't send you anywhere!"

Hi, I'm a mental health therapist helping people to be more at peace with their lives. Check out my Instagram!

I'm a content creator.

Two mentos are in a bar...

...just enjoying a drink of coke, (as they do of course.)
Then a Halls Cough Drop walks in.
One of the mentos hides under the table. Shaking.
The other one asks him "What's up?"
The mentos hiding under the table replies "You don't wanna mess with him... "
"...he's F--K!NG MENTHAL!"
"

(Mentions of gore) Once upon a time, there was a very brave but very arrogant man…

This man claimed he could survive anything. He survived falls from various heights, various guns, sharp objects and even acid.
One day, he declared he was going to survive a steamroller. So this brave man went in the roller's path…
He sadly died that day, but the most important thing was he proved that he had guts.

Did I mention my recliner is my best friend?

We go way back.

Ment joke, Did I mention my recliner is my best friend?

Jokes are a form of humor that often involves clever wordplay, puns or unexpected twists in a story. These are usually short narratives or anecdotes crafted with the intent of amusing its audience by ending in an unexpected or humorous punchline. Jokes are a universal form of entertainment that people of all ages like adults, teens, kids and toddlers can enjoy. JokoJokes' FAQ section has answers to questions you may have!

The impact of these ment jokes can be both social and psychological. They can help to ease tensions, create bonds between people, and even improve overall mental health. The success of a joke often relies on the delivery, timing, and audience. Jokes can be used in various settings, from social gatherings to professional presentations, and are often employed to lighten the mood or enhance a story.