Men Shirts Jokes
22 men shirts jokes and hilarious men shirts puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about men shirts that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Men Shirts Short Jokes
Short men shirts jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The men shirts humour may include short button shirts jokes also.
- I wanted to start a line of men's shirts made solely out of vegetables. But it doesn't seem that many guys are interested in Crop Tops.
- A study has shown 90% of women aren't interested in men that wear pink shirts. Ironically, 90% of men that wear pink shirts aren't interested in women.
- 90% of women don't like men in pink shirts. Ironically, 90% of men in pink shirts don't like women.
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Ridiculous Men Shirts Jokes to Spark Fun and Laughter
What funny jokes about men shirts you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean tee shirt jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make men shirts pranks.
A Foot And A Half
Maria had just got married and being a traditional Italian, she was still a v**.... So, on her wedding night, staying at her mother's house, she was nervous. But her mother reassured her. Don't worry, Maria. Tony's a good man. Go upstairs and he'll take care of you.
So up she went. When she got upstairs, Tony took off his shirt and exposed his hairy chest. Maria ran downstairs to her mother and says, Mama, Mama, Tony's got a big hairy chest.
Don't worry, Maria, says the mother, all good men have hairy chests. Go upstairs. He'll take good care of you.
So, up she went again. When she got up in the bedroom, Tony took off his pants exposing his hairy legs. Again, Maria ran downstairs to her mother. Mama, Mama, Tony took off his pants and he's got hairy legs!
Don't worry. All good men have hairy legs. Tony's a good man. Go upstairs and he'll take good care of you.
So up she went again. When she got up there, Tony took off his socks and on his left foot he was missing three toes. When Maria saw this, she ran downstairs. Mama, Mama, Tony's got a foot and a half!
Stay here and stir the pasta, says the mother.
This is a job for Mama.
A Sea Captain looks through his telescope
and sees ships approaching on the horizon. He says to his first mate "Arrrr Matey, fetch me me red shirt".
"But why, Captain?" the Mate says.
"If these be enemies and we must defend our ship I don't want me men to see me bleed".
The mate fetches the shirt as the Captain looks out again, this time seeing a fleet of Pirate Ships gaining on them. He turns to the first mate again:
"Arrr Matey, fetch me me brown pants".
So was at a bar last night and saw this fat chick wearing a shirt that said, "caution, I'm a maneater".
I walked up to the girl and timidly said, "excuse me, Miss... about your shirt"
She interrupted me before I could continue and furiously shouted; "Oh let me guess, you're here to make a comment about how I'm so fat and how I actually eat men.. I can't help my weight you know. I have feelings too and your comments can really hurt."
I looked at her, confused and said; "That's actually not what I was going to say at all."
"Oh.." she replied as a smile started to come across her face. "What were you going to say?"
"That's not how you spell manatee."
Two middle aged men went to the gym for a workout.
As they undressed beforehand, the first man was stunned to see the second wearing a corset beneath his shirt.
"Since when have you started wearing that?" asked the first man.
The second man replied "Since my wife found it in the glove compartment."
I saw a very large woman in a bar wearing a T-shirt that said 'I'm a Man-Eater'
I walked up to her, shot her a grin and she told me "Let me guess, you've got a joke about how many men I've eaten?"
I simply told her she spelled manatee wrong.
Can Flemish and Dutch people understand each other?
Two Flemish men are in Holland and see a poster: "Shirts - 5 Euros". They turn to each other and say "Wow, that's cheap. Let's buy a dozen to resell them back in Belgium"
They enter the store and say, in their best possible Dutch: "We would like 10 shirts, please".
The man behind the counter answers "Ah, I see that you're Flemish" They reply: "Huh, how? Is our Dutch not that good?"
"No, you both speak it perfectly, but this is a dry cleaners"
Shirt Size
While working at a men's department store, a woman asked me to help her choose a white dress shirt for her husband. When I asked about his size, the woman looked stumped at first, then her face brightened. She held up her hands, forming a circle with her forefingers and thumbs. "I don't know his size, but my hands fit perfectly around his neck!"
My wife phoned me.
"There are two men standing outside," she whispered in a panic. "I think they are going to break in to our house."
I said, "If they force their way in, don't let them have anything good. Ok?"
"Ok, ok. I'll try my best!" she cried.
I said, "No television, no Xbox, none of my expensive shirts. Ok?"
"Ok, ok!" she shouted. "But--my goodness, Thomas. What if they ask me for s**...?"
I said, "That'll be fine. I said 'anything good'."
A real man would never cry in public unless:
He watched a movie in which a heroic dog dies to save his master.
Or if Heidi klum unbuckled her shirt.
Or if he accidentally dropped crates full of beer.
Spanish captain was walking on his ship....
Suddenly ,a soldier rushes to him and says, "One enemy ship is approaching us!"
Captain replies calmly, "Go get my red shirt"
The soldier gets the shirt for the captain.
The enemy ship comes in, heavy rounds of fire are exchanged.
Finally, the Spaniards win.
Soldier asks, "Congrats sir, but why the red shirt?"
Captain replies, "If i got injured, then my blood shouldn't be seen, as i didn't want my men to lose hope."
Just then, another soldier,
"Sir, we just spotted another TWENTY enemy ships!"
The captain calmly replies:
"Go bring my yellow pants"
Moral : for success , hope is very important:)
Captains Pants (one of my favorites)
One day, a scout on a small ship sees another equally sized ship on the horizon.
He tells the captain that the ship looks hostile, so the captain orders everyone on board to ready the cannons.
He then tells the scout to bring him his red shirt so that way his blood will not show and the men on board will continue to fight and not be afraid if he was injured.
After a long and weary battle, the day is won.
The very next day, 10 ships appear on the horizon, and the scout tells the captain.
The entire crew waits to here what he has to say.
Staring at the approaching ships the captain says, "Bring me my brown pants."
The Captain of a warship is awoken by one of his officers
The Officer yells,
"Sir there is an enemy ship on the horizon!"
The Captain is quiet for a moment and then says,
"Bring me my red shirt."
The Officer is surprised by this,
"Your red shirt sir?"
The Captain nods,
"yes, so if I am wounded in battle the men shall not notice!"
They win the day and sink the enemy, but the next morning the Officer awakens the Captain again,
"Sir the entire enemy fleet is on the horizon!"
The Captain is quiet for a moment then in a soft voice he says,
"bring me my brown pants."
An admiral and his fleet are out at sea during war
An admiral at the head of his fleet is scanning the horizon for the enemy ships he's looking to destroy. Seeing them crest the horizon, he tells his first mate, "Bring me my red shirt."
"Why, Sir?"
"If I am wounded in the fight, and the men see me bleeding, they may lose heart. If I wear my red shirt into battle, that cannot happen. Now, bring me my red shirt!"
"Yes, sir!"
The Admiral continues to scan the horizon, and sees there are in fact ten times as many enemy ships as his own fleet has. The first mate returns with the red shirt. The Admiral turns to him and says,
"Bring me my brown pants."
So a three masted sailing ship is leaving port...
... just a day out of port the captain is standing on the deck when the lookout calls down "Sir! There's an enemy ship on the horizon!"
The captain turns to his cabin boy and shouts "Bring me my red shirt!"
After the cabin boy brings him the red shirt and he puts it on, the two ships close to fighting range and fight all day, with many heroics on both sides, but with the captain and his red shirt standing alive and victorious as the other ship sinks behind them in the sunset light.
Later that night the cabin boy is curious and asks the captain why he needed his red shirt, and the captain replies "Well, with my red shirt on, none of the men would see me bleeding if I was wounded, and so they would not lose heart and continue to fight on to victory!"
The cabin boy thinks that's pretty clever and goes to bed for the night.
The next day, the captain is standing on the deck as they sail along when the lookout shouts down "Sir! Twenty enemy ships on the horizon!"
And the captain turns to his cabin boy and says "Bring me my brown pants!"
The Captain
A long time ago there was this captain on his boat with his crew, sailing the high seas when they spotted a pirate ship. Before the battle began, the captain shouted, "Bring me my red shirt!" It was a long fight but the captain and his men were victorious. The next day three pirate ships appeared. The captain cried, "Bring me my red shirt!" and they proceeded to defeat the three pirate ships. Later on, as the crew was resting and tending to their wounds, an ensign asked the captain why he always wore that red shirt. The captain replied "I wear the red shirt so that if I'm wounded, no one will see the blood. That way everyone will continue to fight on unafraid." The crew was moved by this great display of courage.
The next day, ten pirate ships were spotted. The men looked to their captain, waiting for his command. Calm as ever, the captain cried out, "Bring me my brown pants."
Display of courage in House of Leaves.
From "Tom's Story", *House of Leaves*:
I call this "A Little Bedtime Story For Tom."
A long time ago, there was this captain and he was out sailing the high seas when one of his crew spotted a pirate ship on the horizon. Right before the battle began, the captain cried out, "Bring me my red shirt!" It was a long fight but in the end the captain and his crew were victorious.
The next day three pirate ships appeared. Once again the captain cried out, "Bring me my red shirt!" and once again the captain and his men defeated the pirates. That evening everyone was sitting around, resting, and taking care of their wounds, when an ensign asked the captain why he always put on his red shirt before battle. The captain calmly replied, "I wear the red shirt so that if I'm wounded, no one will see the blood. That way everyone will continue to fight on unafraid." All the men were moved by this great display of courage.
Well the next day, ten pirate ships were spotted. The men turned to their captain and waited for him to give his usual command. Calm as ever, the captain cried out, "Bring me my brown pants."
A pirate captain stands on the bow of his ship...
and he sees an enemy ship on the horizon. He calls to his first mate "Bring me my red shirt." A tremendous battle ensues in which the pirate captain is victorious. His curious first mate asks him "Captain, why did you wear your red shirt into battle?" To which the captain responds "Because that way if I were wounded the blood would not be noticeable and the men would fight on." The first mate was impressed, until the next day when the captain spotted ten enemy ships on the horizon and called to his first mate "Bring me my brown pants."
Captain of a Ship..
Captain of a Naval ship spots pirates on the horizon, He calls the men to arms and asks "Quick men, Bring me my red shirt." Just before they encounter the pirates he puts on the Red Shirt, they fight, the win the battle.
That night while celebrating the victory some of the crew members ask the Captain "Why do you always wear the red shirt into battle?"
"Well, If the worst should happen and i get wounded, i do not want my men to see me weak, so i wear a red shirt so no one can see me bleed." the captain responded.
'Wow' they thought, our captain is really a great leader.
A few days later as they searched, they came across a fleet of pirate ships, dozens over dozens of pirate ships. Worse, the pirates were headed their way. The Captain called they to arms and say "Quick men, bring me my brown pants."
A pirate was on his ship and his watchman comes to him and says, "
1 enemy ship on the horizont."
The captain says, "Bring me my red shirt, no men get injured or die."
So the watchman comes to him and asks, "Why did you want your red shirt?"
The captain says, "Because if i get injured they won't see and keep on fighting."
So the watchman comes to him again and says, "20 enemy ships on the horizont."
The captain says, "Bring me my brown pants."