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Men Jokes

143 men jokes and hilarious men puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about men that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Best Short Men Jokes

Short men jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The men humour may include short equality jokes also.

  1. Why do the election results take so long? It's a race between two 70+ year old men. What do you expect?
  2. My girlfriend told me women are better at multitasking than men. So I told her to sit down and shut up. Guess what... She couldn't do either!
  3. You know there's no official training for garbage men? They just pick it up as they go along.
  4. There are 3 men on a boat and 4 cigarettes, they don't have a lighter, how do they smoke? they toss one cigarette over board to make the boat a cigarette lighter.
  5. Caitlyn Jenner becomes a super hero but doesn't know what group to join... She's still deciding whether to be an Ex-men or a Trans-former
  6. What do you call the sexuality where you're attracted to men and women but neither are attracted to you? Bi-yourself.
  7. Why are all Jewish men circumcised? Because jewish women won't touch anything that's not 10% off
  8. To the women who say "Men are only interested in one thing" Have you ever considered being more interesting?
  9. Surveys show that 80% of women who wear yoga pants never do yoga … And 100% of men don't care.
  10. Trumpty Dumpty Trumpty Dumpty promised a wall
    Trumpty Dumpty had a great fall
    All the golf courses and all the white men
    Couldn't Make America Great Again

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Make fun with this list of one liners, jokes and riddles. Each joke is crafted with thought and creativity, delivering punchlines that are unexpected and witty. The humor about men can easily lighten the mood and bring smiles to people's faces. This compilation of men puns is not just entertaining but also a testament to the art of joke-telling. The jokes in this list are designed to display different humor styles, ensuring that every reader at any age finds something entertaining. Constantly updated, they offer a source of fun that ensures one is always smiling !

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Men One Liners

Which men one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with men? I can suggest the ones about males and separate.

  1. I saw 2 men in matching outfits I asked them if they were gay They arrested me
  2. If men call short women petite. What do women call short men? Friends.
  3. What rock group has four men that don't sing? Mount Rushmore.
  4. What type of doctor treats transgender men? A guynowcologist.
  5. Caitlin Jenner just signed a deal with Marvel. She is going to be in the new Ex-Men film.
  6. The bartender said we don't serve time travellers. Two men walk into a bar.
  7. How many Feminists does it take to screw in a lightbulb? One.
    Men can be Feminists, too.
  8. Scaring men is easy I just asked my husband if he remembers what today is..
  9. If Caitlyn Jenner were a super hero, what team would she be on? The Ex-Men.
  10. Why did Obama get two terms? Because black men always get a longer sentence
  11. Communists make the best snipers They're natural Marx men.
  12. Bikinis reveal 95% of a woman's body. Men are so polite they only look at covered areas.
  13. What do you call two gay irish men? Patrick Fitzgerald and Gerald Fitzpatrick
  14. Who's the lamest of all the X-men? Bruce Jenner
  15. What do men and women have in common? Both need some tissues after watching a good movie.

Men Will Be Men Jokes

Here is a list of funny men will be men jokes and even better men will be men puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Chuck Norris once threw a grenade and killed 50 men. It exploded and killed 20 more. Then he threw the pin and killed 10 more men.
  • Wife: Do men wipe after they pee? Aging husband: Yes. Wipe the floor, wipe the rim, wipe the wall…..
  • My girlfriend said to me the other day, "Why did God give women periods with cramp pains, and men nothing?" I laughed and replied, "Don't be silly, he gave us women."
  • Why are women and children always the first ones to get evacuated on a emergency situation ? So men may think on a solution in silence
  • Minorities play the race card. Women play the gender card. Homosexuals play the gay card. What's left for straight white men? The Trump card.
  • Why are gay men so well dressed? They didn't spend all that time in the closet doing nothing.
  • When wearing a bikini,women reveal 90% of their body When wearing a bikini,women reveal 90% of their body....men are so polite they only look at the covered parts
  • They say one in ten men are homosexual In my group of friends I'm pretty sure it's Marc. He's really cute
  • Three men are on a boat. They have four cigarettes, but nothing to light them with. So they throw a cigarette overboard and the whole boat becomes a cigarette lighter.
  • Hey girl, are you the Bible? 'Cause men keep misinterpreting what you say to support their own selfish agendas.

Ask Men Jokes

Here is a list of funny ask men jokes and even better ask men puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • My seatmate on a flight was a woman. Ever the charmer, I asked, Does the airline charge you extra for sitting next to good-looking men?
    Yes, she said, but I wasn't willing to pay.
  • I was walking down the street with my wife.. And i saw my mother in law being beaten up by six men, when my wife asked "Aren't you going to help?" I said "No, six should be enough."
    From Les Dawson.
  • I was asked who my favourite X-men was the other day... Apparently Caitlyn Jenner was inappropriate.
  • I was asked who my favorite X-Men character was.. Apparently Bruce Jenner was "inappropriate."
  • A blond girl turns on the radio and hears that 2 Brazilian men were killed As she starts to cry she asks "How many is a Brazilian?"
  • Husband asks wife, "how many men have you slept with besides me?" Wife: "zero"
    Husband really happy: "really?"
    Wife: "yes, I only slept with you, the rest kept me awake"
    Ok bye
  • At a restaurant.... Guy: hey can i ask a question about the menu please?
    Waitress: the men i please is none of your business
  • I saw two men wearing the same clothing and walking together, so I asked both of them if they were gay They did not hesitate arresting me after that
  • I asked my wife if I was the only one she had ever been with. She said yes, all the other men were sevens or eights.
  • A man is walking along the road when he sees his mother in law being attacked by five men. His wife asks, "Aren't you going to help?". The man says no five should be enough.

Women Men Jokes

Here is a list of funny women men jokes and even better women men puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Minorities have the race card, women have the gender card, homosexuals have the gay card, but what do discriminatory white men have? The Trump card.
  • Women say their number one fear of online dating is the guy will be a serial killer. Men say their number one fear is the woman will be fat.
  • Most serial killers are men. That's because women like to kill one man slowly over many many years.
  • When women wear a bikini, they expose 90% of their bodies..... Men are so polite, they only look at the covered parts.
  • Bruce Jenner winning woman of the year just proves that men are better than women at everything, including being a woman
  • I heard a statistic that there are more men named David in charge of companies than there are women. Well obviously. How many women do you know named David?
  • Why are Jewish men circumcised? Because Jewish women won't touch anything unless it's at least 20% off.
  • According to a recent survey, men say the first thing they notice about a woman is her eyes. Women say the first thing they notice about men is that they're a bunch of liars.
  • Have you ever wondered why, during a crisis, they let women and children go first? It's so the men can have some peace and quiet while they think about what to do.
  • If x=y and y=z, then x=z. Applying the same logic.
    If all men are pigs.
    And Men and women are equal.
    Then all women are pigs.

Men Women Jokes

Here is a list of funny men women jokes and even better men women puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • How many divorced men does it take to change a lightbulb? We wouldn't know, the women always get to keep the house.
  • "Why is there a Women's Studies Major, but not a Men's Studies Major" "There is a Men's Studies major, its called history"
  • Where can single men over 65 find younger women who are interested in them? In the bookstore, under "fiction".
  • What do you call men who make "Women belong in the kitchen" jokes? Single.
  • Do you know why Jewish men are circumcised? Because Jewish women won't touch anything unless it's ten percent off.
  • A study conducted by a group of scientists shows that women that have more than 25% body fat live longer than the men who mention it to them
  • Did you hear about the team of mutant trans-women super-heroes? They're called "The Ex-Men".
  • The reason for the wage gap is that men have high paying jobs like doctor, lawyer, etc. while women usually have lower paying jobs... ...like female doctor, female lawyer, etc.
  • Angry feminist told me that men are animals, men are pigs! So I told her that women are equal to men.
  • Feminist I don't understand why women want to be equal when they could be better.
    That shows a lack of ambition to me.
    Which is why men are better.

Silly Men Jokes for a Good Time with Friends

What funny jokes about men you can tell and make people laugh? One example I can give are clean boys jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help make men prank.

A man walks into a library and says to the librarian, "Do you have that book for men with small p**...?"

The librarian looks on her computer and says, "I don't know if it's in yet."
"Yeah, that's the one!"

Judge: How could you kill 24 people? What the h**... was wrong with you?

Driver:I was driving at 50mph when I saw two men crossing the road. On the roadside, there was a restaurant with outside seating. I wanted to apply the brakes, but I realised they were not working. So I had to take a decision: Either hit the 2 men or run into the restaurant.
Judge: Hit the 2 men of course!
Driver: Exactly! After hitting the first man, the other man ran inside the restaurant so l followed him.

Men think about s**... every 7 seconds...

Which is why I eat hotdogs in under 6 seconds... So it doesn't get weird.

Why do c**... drip into belly b**...?

It's sea men trying to get to the navel base.

Three men were about to be executed by the firing squad.

The first man was brought forward and before they could shoot him he yelled "avalanche"! The firing squad panicked and in the confusion, the man jumped over the wall and into freedom before the firing squad could regroup.
The second man thought what the first man did was clever and when he was brought forward for his execution, he yelled "earthquake"! Again, the firing squad panicked and the second man took advantage of it to jump over the wall and into freedom.
The third man thought he saw the pattern: yell a disaster and jump over the wall. When he was finally brought forward, with a smirk on his face he yelled "fire"!

An Englishman, a Frenchman, a Spaniard, and a Dutchman are all on a zoom call.

The four men are all on a zoom call with their boss. Their boss asks Can you see me? and they respond
Yes
Oui
Si
Ja

Three men are talking in a Soviet gulag.

One of them asks the two others: "So what did you do?"
The first one answers: "Well, I arrived late at the factory, and so they accused me of slowing down the Revolution and the victory of the Proletariat."
The second one answers: "Well, I arrived early at the factory, and so they accused me of wanting to be favored and promoted over my fellow workers."
Then they turn to the one who asked the question: "How about you, then?"
"Well, I arrived at the factory right on time, and so they accused me of having a watch from the West."

Two men are playing golf when one realises he's left his jacket at the last tee

He goes back to get it, stops halfway and turns back.
"What's up?" asks his mate.
"Well, you see those two women at the tee. One's my wife, and she's playing with my mistress."
His mate laughs and says, "No worries, I'll go get it for you."
He stops halfway, comes back, looks at his mate and says "Small world."

A couple of Italian guys are discussing who, if they could choose any woman in the world, they'd rather bang

One of them says some big name actress, the other says "Virginia Pippilini."
The first guy's like, "Who's that? Is she a model?"
"I don't know"
"Actress?"
"I don't know."
"Singer?"
"I don't know."
"Well if you don't know, why choose her?"
The guy pulls out a newspaper and points to the headline. "Virginia Pipeline blows 50 men dead."

The wage gap isn't real.

Men simply focus on getting the higher paying jobs like scientist, doctor, engineer. Meanwhile, women tend to go towards the lower paying jobs, like female scientist, female doctor and female engineer.

Recent political joke circulating in China

Three men who don't know each other sits in a prison cell. Each explains why he was arrested.
The first man said: I opposed covid testing.
The second man said: I supported covid testing.
The third man said: I administered the covid tests.

A guy walks into a library and asks the librarian, "do you have that book for men with small p**...?"

The librarian looks on her computer and says, "I don't know if it's in yet."
The man replies, "Yeah that's the one."

A man walks in a bar and shouts free beers outside! So everyone in the bar, except the bartender, ran outside in excitement.

The bartender, visibly angry, yells at the man what the h**... did you do that for? Now i have no customers!!
The man says Sorry mister, i honestly didnt fink any of those men would be brave enough to fight a grizzly beer, let alone free of them

I walked into a room full of men m**...

They all looked shocked when I didn't stop

One in every 2 and a half men is h**... positive.

There was a poetry competition final with two contestants, a university student and an old country man.

They each had 20 seconds to come up with a poem about Timbuktu.
The student goes first and says " Across the desert sands, crossed a lonely caravan, men on camels two by two, destination Timbuktu."
The crowd goes wild cheering for the poem.
The old country man then goes, "Tim and I off hunting went, found some girls in a pop up tent, they were three and we were two and I buck one and Tim buck two."

I like my men how I like my coffee...

Extremely hot and capable of severely injuring my t**...

How do you stop a fight between two blind men?

Just say you're rooting for the man with the knife.

5 advices to men for a happy life

1. You should find a woman that helps you with the cleaning and the chores,
2. You should find a woman that is a good cook,
3. You should find a woman that you can trust and share your feelings with,
4. You should find a woman that enjoys making love to you,
5. Last and the most important thing is that these 4 women should never meet.

100m Dash

A girl says to her friend "The last time I had s**... was like the 100 meter dash"
Her friend says "What, over in 6 seconds?"
"No, with 8 black men and a gun."

How many divorced men does it take to change a light bulb?

No one knows. They never get to keep the house.

A bikini is an outfit where 90% of a woman's body is exposed.

The amazing fact is that men are so decent, they only look at the 10% that isn't.

I saw two blind men fighting

And I yelled out "I'm rooting for the one with the knife"
Then they both ran away

Old rich white men selecting strong young black men to work on their fields?

I'm not sure about this NFL draft thing.

A girl I know said the last time she had s**..., it was like the men's Olympic 100m finals

I laughed, "Over in 9.5 seconds?"
"No," she said,
"Eight black men and a gun."

3 men were waiting in line to enter heaven

The angel at the gate asks the first man
"how many times did you cheat on your wife?" "10 times" the man answers. The angel gives him the keys to a 2010 Toyota Camry "this is how you will drive around heaven".
The second man says he cheated on his wife 5 times, the angel gives him a 2018 Lexus and let's him in.
The third man says he never cheated on his wife, he gets a 2021 Rolls Royce.

A few days later the 3 men meet and the man in the Rolls Royce is very sad, the men ask him what's wrong, he replys "I just saw my wife riding around on a scooter.

Two retired business men sitting on a beach.

Mike: Nice to meet you. I'm a retired businessman. When my store burned down, rather than rebuilding I took the insurance money and retired here.
John: You know, I'm a retired businessman, too. When a flood washed away my store I took the insurance money and retired here, too.
Mike is silent for a while then he asks John, "How do you start a flood?"

A black guy and a white girl are at a party

A black guy and a white girl are at a party. After a while they go together to a room, and she asks excited: "Show me if what they say about black men is true". He grabs her purse and runs

75% of men kiss their wives goodbye when they leave the house.

90% kiss their house goodbye when they leave their wives.

Two men are playing golf when one realizes he's left his jacket at the last tee

He goes back to get it, stops halfway and turns back.
"What's up?" asks his mate.
"Well, you see those two women at the tee. One's my wife, and she's playing with my mistress."
His mate laughs and says, "No worries, I'll go get it for you."
He stops halfway, comes back, looks at his mate and says "Small world."

What soaps are used to keep men away?

Deter-gents
Day 4 of posting soapy dad jokes for a week!

Bros v. h**...

A woman doesn't come home one night. The next day she tells her husband that she had slept over at a girlfriend's house.
The husband calls his wife's 10 best friends. None of them know anything about it.
A man doesn't come home one night. The next day he tells his wife that he had slept over at a friend's house. The wife calls her husband's 10 best men friends. Eight of them confirm that he had slept over, and two claim that he was still there.

COWBOY TOMBSTONE JOKE

Headstone of Russell J. Larsen in the Logan City Cemetery, Logan, Utah! I wonder if he died knowing he won the 'Coolest Headstone' contest? His five rules for a happy life are below.
FIVE RULES FOR MEN TO FOLLOW FOR A HAPPY LIFE:
1. It's important to have a woman who helps at home, cooks from time to time, cleans up, and has a job.
2. It's important to have a woman who can make you laugh.
3. It's important to have a woman who you can trust, and doesn't lie to you.
4. It's important to have a woman who is good in bed, and likes to be with you.
5. It's very, very important that these four women do not know each other or you could end up dead like me

Daughter: What does g**... mean?

Me: Well you know mum and dad love each other - two men can love each other the same way
Her: So what's 'penetrating g**...'?
Me: Er... read me the whole sentence
Her: "She stared at him with a penetrating gaze"
Me: Oh

Two Brazilian men die in a skydiving accident.

A woman is watching the news with her husband when the newscaster says Two Brazilian men die in a skydiving accident.

The woman starts crying to her husband, sobbing That's horrible!!! So many men dying that way!
Confused, he says, Yes dear, it is sad, but they were skydiving, and there is always that risk involved.

After a few minutes, the woman, still sobbing, asks, How many is a Brazilian?

Two men are robbing a liquor store…

One says, 'Is this whisky?'
'Yes', the other replies, 'but not as whisky as wobbing a bank'

An Englishman, a Frenchman, a Spaniard, and a German are watching a street performer.

The performer suddenly realizes that these men have a poor view so he gets on a small platform. "Can you all see me now?" He asks them.
"Yes"
"Oui"
"Sí"
"Ja"

At a wedding reception, the best man said, 'would all the married men please stand next to the person that made their lives worth living.'

The poor bartender was crushed to death.

As a woman it's annoying when men think they are better drivers

When I'm trying to park I don't need you to offer help every 20 minutes

A joke about golfers.

Two men were playing golf one afternoon when just as they are about to play an important putt on the final hole for the match a large f**... procession passes by on the road at the side of the golf course. One of the men stops in mid putt, removes his cap, bows his head in prayer. The second man retorts "Woah man, that was really respectful". "Well, we had been married for over 25 years" said the other man.

Doctors have confirmed that m**... is life threatening

Many men have died after having a s**...

Why do Scottish men wear kilts?

Because the sheep can hear a zipper from a mile away.

"This trampoline is for men only."

-mysogymnast

Two men are in love with a woman

One of the men is a doctor, and the other a deaf man
Every day, the doctor brings the woman a flower as a sign of his affection.
Every day, the deaf man brings the woman an apple.
She asks him, Why do you bring me an apple? A flower I understand, but what is the purpose of the apple?
The deaf man replies, WHAT?

jokes about men

Jokes are a form of humor that often involves clever wordplay, puns or unexpected twists in a story. These are usually short narratives or anecdotes crafted with the intent of amusing its audience by ending in an unexpected or humorous punchline. Jokes are a universal form of entertainment that people of all ages like adults, teens, kids and toddlers can enjoy. JokoJokes' FAQ section has answers to questions you may have!

The impact of these men jokes can be both social and psychological. They can help to ease tensions, create bonds between people, and even improve overall mental health. The success of a joke often relies on the delivery, timing, and audience. Jokes can be used in various settings, from social gatherings to professional presentations, and are often employed to lighten the mood or enhance a story.