Men Cooking Jokes
32 men cooking jokes and hilarious men cooking puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about men cooking that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest Men Cooking Short Jokes
Short men cooking jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The men cooking humour may include short women cooking jokes also.
- Men are better cooks With just a piece of sausage and an egg, they can fill a woman's tummy for 9 months.
- Why men are the best cooks Because with 2 eggs, a sausage, and a little bit of milk they can fill a girl's tummy for 9 months
- Why are men great cooks.... because with 1 sausage, a pair of nuts and some milk it can fill up a woman for nine months.
- A new survey found that 80% of men claim they help cook Thanksgiving dinner. Which makes sense, when you hear they consider saying 'that smells good' to be helping.
- Why are men better cooks than women? Because with a sausage, a couple of eggs, and some cream, a man can keep a woman full for 9 months.
- According to a recent study, men on dating sites are more popular if they mention dancing or cooking. Because if there's one thing women love, it's a man who can lie.
- Why are men better cooks? They only need 2 eggs n 1 sausage to keep a girl full for 9 months
- Men are the best cooks... With 2 eggs, one sausage, and a little bit of milk, we can fill a womans belly for 9 months!
- I tried starting a unisex cooking group focused on fried foods But no one will join me in "The Battered Men & Women's Club"
- Men Are The Best Cooks With two eggs, a sausage, and some milk, he can fill up a woman's belly for nine months.
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Men Cooking One Liners
Which men cooking one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with men cooking? I can suggest the ones about wife cooking and kitchen cooking.
- Men that are great cooks tend to be good with the gals Food for thot
Charming Humor Men Cooking Jokes with Loads of Fun
What funny jokes about men cooking you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean women kitchen jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make men cooking pranks.
5 advices to men for a happy life
1. You should find a woman that helps you with the cleaning and the chores,
2. You should find a woman that is a good cook,
3. You should find a woman that you can trust and share your feelings with,
4. You should find a woman that enjoys making love to you,
5. Last and the most important thing is that these 4 women should never meet.
COWBOY TOMBSTONE JOKE
Headstone of Russell J. Larsen in the Logan City Cemetery, Logan, Utah! I wonder if he died knowing he won the 'Coolest Headstone' contest? His five rules for a happy life are below.
FIVE RULES FOR MEN TO FOLLOW FOR A HAPPY LIFE:
1. It's important to have a woman who helps at home, cooks from time to time, cleans up, and has a job.
2. It's important to have a woman who can make you laugh.
3. It's important to have a woman who you can trust, and doesn't lie to you.
4. It's important to have a woman who is good in bed, and likes to be with you.
5. It's very, very important that these four women do not know each other or you could end up dead like me
A young man decided it was time to come out to his family.
He was worried most about his grandmother, so he approached her in the kitchen.
"Grandma, I, uh, have to tell you something."
"Yes, sweety?"
"I, uh, I'm gay."
"Gay?" His heart stopped. "Does that mean you put men's things in your mouth?"
"Grandma!!!!"
"Well??"
Mortified, he muttered sheepishly, "I, uh, yeah?"
Whack! The wooden spoon found its mark. "Don't you EVER," she sternly replied, "complain about my cooking again."
FIVE RULES FOR MEN TO LIVE HAPPY LIFE!
1. It's important to have a woman, who helps at home, who cooks from time to time, cleans up and has a job.
2. It's important to have a woman, who can make you laugh.
3. It's important to have a woman, whom you can trust and who doesn't lie to you.
4. It's important to have a woman, who is good in bed and who likes to be in it with you.
5. It's very, very important that these four women do not know each other
A women invites 3 military men to her house
During WW2 many families near military bases would invite service men over to their house for an evening to forget about the war, and to enjoy a home cooked meal. So a women calls the military base and says she would like to invite 3 men over but expresses that they CANNOT be Jews. Absolutely no Jews. The base commander says fine he will send 3 over on Sunday. She agreed and hanged up. On Sunday a jeep drives up and 3 black men got out of the vehicle. The women is in shock and asks the men is this a mistake? Surely this HAS to be a mistake! One of the men replies, "No ma'am, Captain Goldstein never makes a mistake."
So Adam was lonely.
God asked Adam, "What's wrong?"
Adam replied, "I'm lonely."
So God said, "Adam, I will make you a partner. She will wash and cook and clean for you; she will listen to what you have to say and never interrupt you. She won't nag you about your actions and she will even bear your children. She will stay loyal to you and never be influenced by other men."
So Adam asked, "Well, what's his gonna cost me?"
"An arm and a leg," God replied.
Then Adam asked, "Well what can I get for a rib?"
Wife's Duties
Three men were sitting together bragging about how they had given their new wives duties at home.
The first man had married a woman from Georgia and had told her that she was going to do dishes and house cleaning. It took a couple days, but on the third day, he came home to a clean house and dishes washed and put away.
The second man had married a woman from Arkansas. He had given his wife orders that she was to do all the cleaning, dishes, and the cooking. The first day he didn't see any results, but the next day he saw it was better. By the third day, he saw his house was cleaned and the dishes were done, and food was on the table.
The third man had married a girl from Texas. He told her that her duties were to keep the house cleaned, dishes washed, lawn mowed, laundry washed and hot meals on the table for every meal. He said the first day he didn't see anything, the second day he didn't see anything, but by the third day the swelling had gone down and he could see a little out of his left eye, enough to fix himself a bite to eat and load the dishwasher.
A guy has been chatting to a pretty Chinese girl in a bar and offers to take her home.
At her place things are starting to get hot and heavy, especially when she says "So, anything you really really like?". He decides to go for it and says "I'd love a 69."
She turns bright red, slaps his face and says "You b**... men all the same...
"I'm not cooking beef and broccoli at this time of night!"
The young man finally made up his mind to tell his mother he was gay.
He could no longer keep it a secret so one evening when she was in the kitchen making supper, he took the plunge and told her.
Mum, I have something to tell you, I'm gay.
Immediately, his mother replied, Does being gay mean you have men's d**... in your mouth?
Well … stammered the young man. Yes, it does.
In that case, she said angrily, don't you ever criticise my cooking again.
True story told by a friend: My nephew was gay and everyone knew it but he was slow coming out of the closet. One day, home from college, he was having breakfast and blurted out, "Mom - I'm gay."
She replied, "Does this mean that you sometimes put other men's p**... in your mouth?" Her son thought that this was an odd response but answered, "Yes." "Then I never want you to complain about my cooking again." (It was her hilarious way of saying that his orientation is not an issue for her.)
The 5 secrets to happiness for men....
1) Find a woman who can make you laugh.
2) Find a woman who can cook.
3) Find a woman who really listens to you.
4) Find a woman who is great in bed.
5) Make sure these 4 women don't find out about each other.
A group of men are out sailing when they decide to see what the chef is cooking for dinner.
They walk in and, being that he doesn't have a rolling pin, see him flattening biscuits with his armpit.
That's disgusting! o**... says to the other.
Yeah, well you should see how he makes donuts!
A Woman's Ultimate Fantasy
In a recent On-line poll 38,562 men across the UK were asked to identify a woman's ultimate fantasy.
98.8% of the respondents said that a woman's ultimate fantasy is to have two men at once.
While this has been verified by a recent sociological study,
it appears that most men do not realize that in this fantasy, one man is cooking and the other is cleaning.
This man was talking to a group of men at a bar and he said, "In my house I am the boss, I say when the laundry is done and when the cooking is made and when the dishes are washed."
One of the guys at the table said, "How long have you been married?"
The man says, "Oh I'm not married I'm single!"
Men are great cooks
With just some sausage and two eggs, they can fill a woman's stomach for 9 months
Yes ^I ^^Know ^^^Babies ^^^^Aren't ^^^^^In ^^^^^^Stomachs
Most men know that women dream of having two men at the same time.
But they don't understand that in those fantasies one man is cleaning the house and the other one is cooking.
How do men define a "50/50" relationship? We cook-they eat;
we clean-they dirty; we iron-they wrinkle.
When you have a man staring at a n**.
.. p**... model, be sure that he doesn’t wonder if she knows cooking, or if she plays piano or if she has a nice personality either!
A group of bricklayers a fixing up a nunnery
The abbess tells the sister cook to to cook up a meal for the hard working men, but before she gives it to them she should test their knowlege of the Bible. So she cooks lunch and carries it out to the workers. She spots one of them and asks him
"Good man, do you know Pontius Pilate?"
He ponders. "Pilate... Pilate... Hold on a sec." He yells upwards to his coworker on the scaffolding
"FRANK!"
"Yeah?"
"You know a Pontius Pilate?"
"Huh? No, why?"
"His wife's here with the lunch!"
A son comes home one day to see his mother...
When he sits down at the kitchen table while his mother is cooking, he calmly tells her, "Mom, I have something to tell you. I'm gay"
The mother has no reaction. She just continues cooking.
Again, the son says, "Mom, I am not sure if you heard me, but I wanted to tell you that I'm gay."
Again, the mother has no reaction, and just continues cooking.
The son says again, "Mom, I am gay. Did you hear what I told you?"
The mother stops cooking, walks to her son, and asks, "Does gay mean that you put other men's d**... in your mouth?"
The son tells her, "Yes, that is what it means."
The mother then slaps him and says, "Don't you ever complain about my cooking again"
