Men And Women Jokes
83 men and women jokes and hilarious men and women puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about men and women that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Men And Women Short Jokes
Short men and women jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The men and women humour may include short men women jokes also.
- What do you call the sexuality where you're attracted to men and women but neither are attracted to you? Bi-yourself.
- My girlfriend said to me the other day, "Why did God give women periods with cramp pains, and men nothing?" I laughed and replied, "Don't be silly, he gave us women."
- Women say their number one fear of online dating is the guy will be a serial killer. Men say their number one fear is the woman will be fat.
- I heard a statistic that there are more men named David in charge of companies than there are women. Well obviously. How many women do you know named David?
- "Why is there a Women's Studies Major, but not a Men's Studies Major" "There is a Men's Studies major, its called history"
- Where can single men over 65 find younger women who are interested in them? In the bookstore, under "fiction".
- A study conducted by a group of scientists shows that women that have more than 25% body fat live longer than the men who mention it to them
- Did you hear about the team of mutant trans-women super-heroes? They're called "The Ex-Men".
- The reason for the wage gap is that men have high paying jobs like doctor, lawyer, etc. while women usually have lower paying jobs... ...like female doctor, female lawyer, etc.
- Why do men give their jacket to women when its cold? Because it hurts to get blown by chattering teeth
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Men And Women One Liners
Which men and women one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with men and women? I can suggest the ones about male and female and females males.
- If men call short women petite. What do women call short men? Friends.
- What do men and women have in common? Both need some tissues after watching a good movie.
- Wearing a seat belt Men: /
Women: % - Why do men prefer white women? They want the dishwasher to match with their fridge
- Why don't old men like old women? Ever tried to peel apart a grilled cheese sandwich?
- When women gossip we get called bitchy; but when men do it's called a podcast.
- What do women call men under 6 feet? They don't call them at all.
- Women say, Men never listen. Never heard my wife say that..
- Why do women love men who work with Horses? Because those men have got Stable jobs.
- What kind of guys are amputee women into? Army Men
- What do you call an Irishman who likes men and women? Birish.
- Why are men smarter than women? Two heads are better than one!
- Loneliness is when a person always knows where all of his things are.
- Why haven't there been any black men on the moon? There aren't any white women there
- Women are the foundation of our society But men are the ones who laid the foundation
Difference Between Men And Women Jokes
Here is a list of funny difference between men and women jokes and even better difference between men and women puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- What's the biggest difference between men and women? What they mean when they say I went through a whole box of tissues watching that movie .
- A major difference between men and women is if a woman says "Sniff this." it usually smells nice.
- The difference between men and women is that men insult each other but don't really mean it and women compliment each other but don't really mean it.
- What's the difference between swim wear for men and swim wear for women? Men's swimwear is designed for swimming.
- The biggest difference between men and women is what comes to mind when the word 'Facial' is used.
- What is the difference between a single 40-year-old woman and a single 40-year-old man? The 40-year-old woman thinks often of having children and the man thinks often about dating them.
- Difference between men and women Women tend to think outside the box
Men just want to be inside the box - What's the difference between Bill Cosby and O.J. Simpson? Simpson treats men and women equally.
- There is a big difference... between Men and Women when they say : "I finished a whole box of tissue watching that film last night..."
- There was a study on the different sexes least favorite word. They found that indeed "moist" was the least favorite word among women and that "deeper" was the least favorite word among men.
Men And Women Differences Jokes
Here is a list of funny men and women differences jokes and even better men and women differences puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- No man has ever won a game of "Notice anything different about me?"
Hilarious Fun Men And Women Jokes That Will Have You Rolling with Laughter
What funny jokes about men and women you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean ladies and gentlemen jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make men and women pranks.
Friendship between men and women
Women: A woman didn't come home one night. The next morning she told her husband that she had slept over at a friend's house. The man called his wife's 10 best friends. None of them knew anything about it.
Men: A man didn't come home one night. The next morning he told his wife that he had slept over at a friend's house. The woman called her husband's 10 best friends, 8 of which confirmed that he had slept over, and 2 said that he was still there.
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This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Which hurts worse: a kick in the nuts, or having a baby?
This has been a debate over the ages: which hurts worse, getting a swift kick to the nuts or birthing a child. It's kind of hard to say since men and women are quite different creatures, but I have noticed something. If a woman goes through childbirth, sometimes a year or so later, she'll ask to have another baby. However, a man who has taken a kick to the jewels...
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This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A group of elderly folks were watching television at the retirement home...
They were enjoying their show until it was time for a commercial break. Having nothing else to do, they stayed sitting and watched the commercials. Suddenly, one advertisement displayed attractive men and women in rubber bodysuits, latex clothing, and b**...-looking outfits. The elderly were aghast.
No one expected the Spandex intermission.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
So many double standards between men and women nowadays.
When women have s**... with men a lot,they get called w**.... When I do it I get called gay
I've got a mate who weighs 110kg and dates both men and women.
He's bi and large, a good person.
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Men vs Women
One of the greatest differences between men and women is the reaction to the word "f**..."
What do you call it when a bisexual person shoots down flirtations from both men and women?
A double bi-pass!
Its funny how men and women both want to make their chest look bigger and that they're both just one similar search away from doing so ..
men look for pull up bars and women search for push up bras
TIL Older forms of English kept Latin's gender-specific suffixes -tor and -trix; tor is for men and trix is for women. So a male pilot is an aviator, a female pilot is an aviatrix. A male fighter is a gladiator, a female fighter is a gladiatrix.
This contrasts with the modern system, where tor is for both men and women, and trix are for kids.
Great men and women can be found in all corners of the Earth.
Unfortunately, the Earth is round.
Not sure if this is the right place to post, but after the US election results from last night, I need help creating a new dating website. It will help desperate American men and women find love in Canada.
It'll be called ehHarmony
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This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A woman goes to s**...-counselling
Woman: "Doctor, My partner and I have been in a relationship for some time now, but recently he's been thinking about children."
Doctor: "That's a natural thing to do for both men and women when they are in a serious relationship, what exactly is the problem?"
Woman: "He's doing it during s**...."
Homecomeback
It was the annual homecoming dance at the local high school gym. Most of the young folk were out on the dance floor but a few young men and women lined the sides of the gym, hoping for a dance partner to ask them out onto the dance floor. After waiting anxiously for quite a while, a rather awkward freshman finally got up the nerve to ask a pretty junior for a dance at the homecoming. She gave him the once-over and said, "Sorry, I won't dance with a child." "Please forgive me," responded the underclassman. "I didn't realize you were pregnant."
Mob bosses who date both men and women are tollerated in the Mafia...
... they let bi-Dons be bi-Dons.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Some people think there's no difference between men and women...
...but I think there's a *vas deferens*.
The difference between men and women...
The difference between men and women? When men go shopping they know what they want, but not where it is. When women go shopping they have no clue what they want, but know exactly where it is.
When men and women argue who's the most stubborn...
Then men concede they are are, because they just don't want to argue this anymore.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
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As politically incorrect as it is to admit, there is a difference between men and women.
A vast deferens.
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The difference between men and women.
Women only have two knees. Men have three, left knee, right knee, and a w**....
Olympics
So I heard there was a Bi-athlon event, how many men and women do I need to sleep with to qualify?
The gender pay gap is mostly caused by the types of professions that men and women go into
Men are more likely to be doctors, lawyers, or engineers.
Women are more likely to be female doctors, female lawyers, or female engineers.
The bravest men and women in the world are military commandos.
Think about it: all that running, getting shot at, dangerous missions deep into enemy territory... and all while not wearing any underpants!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
How To Trigger A Feminist
Feminist: women get paid less than men for the same job
Me: `*shows pornstar income for men and women*`
Feminist: `*Triggered*`
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This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What's the difference between men and women after death?
Women: Ugh...I'm so bloated!
Men: I've never been *this hard* before!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
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Today I saw a man use a knot that had the statement "Love both men and women"
I didn't think I would witness an actual s**... bi-words
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A man goes to his friend for help with the ladies
He's never been with a woman before, but his friend is always seen flirting with the women and women are always spotted leaving his house.
The man asks his friend, How do you get them to come?
His friend replies, If I were you I'd try o**....
Satisfied with the answer, the man walks up to a woman at a club and asks, Hey do you want to come hang at my house sometime?
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
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The difference between men and women...
...is that after being in a relationship for six months a woman wonders if it's time to say 'I love you' and a man wonders if it time to f**... in bed.
What do you call a Russian sovereign with dwarfism and a taste for both men and women?
A little bizar
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
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What's the difference between men and women when it comes to drinking?
My boys drive me to drink, but women drive me to drink.
What do you call a nocturnal bird that likes both men and women?
A bisexuowl. I'm sorry.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Some people ask, "Is there a difference between men and women?"
I say that's nuts.
At which place do mostly all men and women have curly hair?
Namibia... but i like the way you think ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
If a brilliant scientist opens a clothing shop selling career pants for men and women...
...would it be called Twill by the Science Guy?
I want Trump to win the presidential election
We would be able to see a celebrity apprentice with only congressmen and women. It would be nice to see them work for a change.
My friend who is a feminist told me all guys are pigs...
I responded by saying, I thought men and women are equal.
The current social climate between men and women is tense
A lot of guys say they're often walking on eggshells. I tell them that's the problem. It creates a stressful sound.
Why don't men and women exercise with each other?
Because some couples don't work out.
Men and women, in the year 2014, are becoming more and more equal
But pay-grade wise, there is still a vas deferens between them
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
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What is the difference between men and women? A woman wants one man to satisfy her every need...A man wants every woman to satisfy his one need.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What is the difference between men and women?
A woman wants a man to satisfy their every little need.
A man wants all the women to satisfy their one and only little need.
Tommy doesn't want to go to Sunday school
Sunday morning, Tommy tells his mom, "I don't want to go to Sunday school anymore. I want to go to the real service with you and Daddy."
To his surprise, he gets his way. He sits in the main sanctuary for the first time, and he notices a display he hadn't seen before. There's an American flag and a few photographs of men and women in uniform.
After the sermon, he asks his mom what it is. She says, "That's a memorial for some members of our church who died in the service."
Really quietly, Tommy says, "I think I'll go to Sunday school next week."
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This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
The cruise ship survivors
There was a cruise ship that ended up sinking just off the coast of a small deserted island.There where only 3 survivors: 2 guys and a girl. They lived there for a couple of years doing what was natural for men and women.
After several years of casual s**... all the time, the girl felt really bad about what she had been doing. She felt having s**... with both guys was so bad that she killed herself.
It was very tragic but the two guys managed to get through it and after a while nature once more took it's inevitable course.
Well, a couple more years went by and the guys began to feel absolutely horrible about what they were doing. So...
They buried her.
God gathers the leaders of every nation
to tell them that the world is going to end in a week, and that they must inform their countrymen and women. Shocked, the leaders return home wondering how to best break the news. The next day, they all hold press conferences.
Barack Obama: "I have some good news and some bad news. The good news is that God exists, but the bad news is that the world will end in less than a week."
Robert Mugabe: "I have only bad news. God exists and the world will end in less than a week."
Kim Jong-Un: "I have great news! I am on a first name basis with God, and He told me I would rule until the end of the world!"
Difference between men and women
A woman didn't come home one night.
The next morning her husband asks her where she was.
She says that she decided to sleep over at a friend's house.
The husband calls 10 of her best friends to see if that's true... none know anything about it.
---------------------
A man didn't come home one night.
The next morning his wife asks where he was.
He says that he decided to sleep over at a friend's house.
The wife calls 10 of his best friends to see if that's true...
8 of them confirm that he slept over, 2 of them claimed he was still at their house.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
There was a cruise ship that ended up sinking just off the coast of a small deserted island.....
There where only 3 survivors: 2 guys and a girl. They lived there for a couple of years doing what was natural for men and women.
After several years of casual s**... all the time, the girl felt really bad about what she had been doing. She felt having s**... with both guys was so bad that she killed herself.
It was very tragic but the two guys managed to get through it and after a while nature once more took it's inevitable course.
Well, a couple more years went by and the guys began to feel absolutely horrible about what they were doing. So...
They buried her.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Difference between men and women
Julie didn't come home one night. When her husband Tom asked her where she'd been she said she spent the night at a girl friend's house.
Tom was a bit suspicious so he called her ten closest friends, but none of them had seen her.
The following week Tom didn't come home one night. Julie asks him where he'd been. So Tom says he got a bit drunk at a friend's place and thought it was safer not to drive but c**... out there.
Julie thinks he's been "fooling around" so rings his ten best mates.
All ten of them say he spent the night there and six claim he's still there.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
The Rabbi and the Devil
So, one day, the devil visits a synagogue while all the folk are deep in the middle of whatever it is they do at synagogues.
Once the smoke and clamour clears, the devil steps forth, slicing the air his pitchfork, flashing eyes of fire. At the sight of him, hooves and all, all the men and women in attendance run screaming for their lives out of the synagogue, trailing their children behind them.
As pleased as the devil is with his grand appearance, he can't help but twist his head to look at the rabbi, who's calmly putting his things away for the night with a tired sigh.
"You," the devil says, pointing his spindly finger at him, "rabbi. Do you not know who I am?"
The rabbi only sighs and continues to clear up the place.
The devil steps closer to the man, scalding the floor with each step. "And yet you do not seem to be afraid, why is that?" he hisses, s**... his beard.
The rabbi shrugs. "Why should I be? I've been married to your sister these past forty-three years."
.
.
Credit/Source: video I watched on youtube a while ago. I've probably added/cut-out from the original, but that's the charm of Chinese whispers, no?
