memory Jokes

funny jokes and hilarious memory stories

What are the best memory puns and pranks?

Did you ever wanted to prank someone about Memory? Well here is a complete list of the top memory jokes:

The oldest computer can be traced back to Adam and Eve.

It was an apple but with extremely limited memory. Just 1 byte. And then everything crashed.


I walked down a street where the houses were numbered 64K, 128K, 256K, 512K and 1MB

That was a trip down memory lane


"Having too much sex can result in memory loss."

I read that on page 37, paragraph five of the New England Medical Journal on September 15th, 2014 at 10:37 am.


Why do they have fences around cemeteries?

Because everyone is dying to get in.

In memory of my Uncle David RIP. He would always tell this joke


My friend drowned last week

My friend drowned last week, so I had a wreath made in the shape of a life jacket in his memory. I'm sure it's what he would have wanted.

-Milton Jones


I don't like my computer memory.

Not one bit.


My first memory occurred 9 months before I was born...

...I remember going to this party with my dad but then i went home with my mom.


When I was a kid my fairy godmother asked me if I wanted a long penis or a long memory

I forget my response.


An old man goes to the doctor's

An old man goes to the doctor's because he has been feeling bad lately. The doctor does some tests on him and tells him to come back the next day for the results.

The next day the man gets his diagnosis. The doctor says: "Sir, I have bad news for you. You have inoperable cancer. The tests have also shown that you have problems with your memory. It seems you have Alzheimer's."

The old man says: "Well, at least I don't have cancer!"


What is the difference between memory and ram?

I can't memory my weiner in your mouth.


When I was a kid my Fairy-Godmother asked me if I wanted a long penis or a long memory

I can't remember what did I chose!


A man is in a job interview..

"So it says here that you consider your memory to be one of your greatest strengths?"


"Could you give me an example of that?"

"An example of what?"


A genie asked me if I wanted a good memory or a big penis.

Guy: A genie asked me if I wanted a good memory or a big penis.

Friend: What did you choose?

Guy: I don't remember.


my wife after 25 years of marriage asked me to choose my happiest memory, a moment when we were together

I said for god's sake woman, make up your mind, which one do you want?


Having too much sex can cause memory loss

I read it on page 37 in a medical journal in November 2006 at 4:19pm


Me: How long have we had that mattress?

Wife: No idea

Memory foam mattress: Two years, five months and two days


John: "My memory is bad..."

George: "How bad is it?"

John: "How bad is what?"


What do you call a person with memory problems telling a joke?

To get to the other side.


Redneck son Jedidiah returns from college for the summer

He hops on a plane and arrives at the airport where his dad is waiting on him.

Daddy: Hey, Jed! Good to have ya back in town.

Jedidiah: Glad to be back, daddy.

Daddy: So tell me. What did ya learn there at college?

Jed racks his brain and decides on his memory.

Jedidiah: Pi r^2

Daddy: What are they teaching you in college? Pie are round!


I don't remember

When I was born, I was given a choice - A big dick or a great memory. I don't remember, what I chose.


Yo momma so fat

You took a picture of her on an empty sd card and it said memory full


Brett Favre reveals 'scary' memory loss

says he is not going back to play Pro Basketball


My memory is fantastic! In fact, I have a photogenic memory!

Whenever I think back, I recall how great I looked!


God Blessed Me...

With two great traits. The first being a great memory and the second I don't remember.


Alzheimer's is a bitch.

A young man called his father to see if he had gotten any information about his memory problem.

"Hey Dad, did you call the Alzheimer's hotline earlier?"

"Yeah, but after a few minutes I got disconnected, so I couldn't get the information."

"Why didn't you just hit redial?"

"I don't recall."


I keep getting bills from the Memory Erasing Clinic but I've never been there.


How many bankers does it take to change a light bulb?

One to hold the bulb, and three to try and remember the combination.


Police Officer says "We'll never forget 9/11..."
In my mind: "I hope not It's your damn number!"


Knock knock.
Who's there?
Déja who?
Knock knock.


So, I ate a memory foam mattress again

I had forgotten how much better they taste than traditional mattresses.


In order to help jump-start the U.S. economy, the INS has announced that this year they will stop focusing on illegal aliens, and begin the deportation of retired people.
It's predicted that this will not only help lower health care entitlement costs, but it turns out that retirees are much easier to catch.
Plus, they rarely can remember how to get back home.


Yo mama is so old that God doesn't remember her.


Man visits India and meets an old man in the town square who is renowned for his elephantine memory.

He asks the old man what he had for breakfast on the same day 15 years back.
"Eggs," replies the old man, the man scoffs at this saying everyone has eggs for breakfast and walks away.
Ten years later he returns to India and sees the same old man on the same spot, goes to him and asks, "How?"
The old man takes one look at his face and replies, "Scrambled."


President George W. Bush decides it is time to do some public relations at a local Washington DC nursing home.
The President begins his "tour" down the main hallway and passes by a little old man who doesn't seem to notice him.
Sensing this, President Bush backtracks to the resident and asks, "Do you know who I am?"
The little old man looks up from his walker and says, "No, but if you go to the front desk, they will tell you your name."


When I told the doctor about my loss of memory, he made me pay in advance.


Remember my name, because you'll be screaming it later!


Q: Why was the wizard kicked out of school.
A: Because he forgot how to spell.


The most effective way to remember to buy something to your wife for St.

Valentine's Day is... to forget it once!


Doctor (to an absent-minded patient): "

What is wrong with you?"
Patient: "I am losing my memory. Please prescribe some medicine."
Doctor (Handing him the prescription after a while): "Here, Take this."
Patient: "Why are you giving me this prescription? I am perfectly all right."


Once a teacher asked one of her students to memorize the numbers from 1-10.

And that night when he was memorizing he saw his mother drinking 7up, so the next day the teacher asked the student to say the numbers that he memorized so he replied," 1-2-3-4-5-6-8-9-10".
The teacher was confused so she asked the student," Where is the 7" so he said," my mom drank it last night!"


In the dim and distant past, when life's tempo wasn't so fast, Grandma used to rock and knit, Crochet, tat and babysit.
When the kids were in a jam, they could always call on Gram.
However, today she's in the gym exercising to keep slim.
She's checking the web or surfing the net, sending some e-mail or placing a bet.
Nothing seems to stop or block her, now that Grandma's off her rocker.


Patient: "Doctor, I'm starting to forget things."
Doctor: "I understand."
Patient: "Understand what?"


I hope this gas station sells Father's Day cards.


A scientist tells a pharmacist, "

Give me some prepared tablets of acetylsalicylic acid."
"Do you mean aspirin?" asks the pharmacist.
The scientist slaps his forehead. "That's it!" he says. "I can never remember the name."


Jim tells Bob that Billy and Joe

Opened up a hospital so Bob puts on a disguise and heads to the hospitals and says doctor doctor I lost my sense of taste! Joe says to get medicine number 7 and Bob tastes and yells THIS IS SHIT! Joe replies you seem to have gotten your taste back. The nexy day Bob goes and says doctor doctor I lost my memory and Joe says to go get medicine number 7 and Bob replies but thats shit! Joe claims that Bob has gotten his memory back.


The Memory Man

A man from Liverpool, England was touring the USA on holiday and stopped in a remote bar in the hills of Nevada. He was chatting to the bartender when he spied an old Native American man sitting in the corner. He had tribal gear on, long white plaits, wrinkled face.

"Who's he?" asked the Liverpudlian.

"That's the Memory Man." said the bartender. "He knows everything, remembers everything. He can remember every face he's ever seen. He can remember any fact he hears or reads. Go and try him out."

So the Liverpudlian goes over, and thinking he won't know about English football, asks "Who won the 1965 FA Cup Final?".

"Liverpool" replies the Memory Man.

"Who did they beat?"

"Leeds" was the instant reply.

"And the score?"


"Who scored the winning goal?"

"Ian St. John" said the old man, without a hint of hesitation.

The Liverpudlian was knocked out by this and told everyone back home about the Memory Man when he got back.

A few years later he went back to the USA and tried to find the impressive Memory Man. Eventually he found the bar and sitting in the same seat was the old Native American, only this time he was older and even more wrinkled.

The Liverpudlian approached him with the greeting "How".

The Memory man looked up and said, "Diving header in the six yard box".


The best thing about having short term memory loss....

Is that you're always meeting new people.


I have a bit of a sinking feeling about today

I feel like it's a day of titanic proportions, but my memory of what it could be is completely drowned out.


A college student walks up to the ten items or less line...

Heard on Car Talk... (from memory)

A college student walks up to the ten items or less line in a Boston supermarket....

He gets in line with an *enormous* number of items, far more than the 10 permitted.

The cashier takes a long look, and asks him, "So. You must be a student at either Harvard or MIT, right?"

"Why yes" he says, "how did you know?"

"Well, getting in *this* line with those groceries, you either go to MIT and can't read, or Harvard and can't count."


The Longest Memory in the World

One day, a young man takes a trip out West and comes across a little Native American village. He decides, what the heck, he'll stop and look around. One of the Native women, seeing that he's not from around, tells the man he should visit the Chief, who she says has the longest and best memory in the world. So the man decides to go visit the Chief and asks: "So I hear you have the greatest memory in the world." The Chief answers "I do. I can remember every single detail of my entire life." The man figures he should test this, and asks the Chief "What did you have for breakfast on April the 27th, 1959?" After stopping to think for a second, the chief answers "two eggs." Satisfied, the man says goodbye to the Chief and eventually leaves the village.
Twenty years later, the man takes another trip out West and comes across the same village. He's amazed when he notices the Chief, still alive after all these years. The man, stops and says hello, so he raises his hand and says, "How" and the Chief replies "fried."



You've red some of the best memory jokes of all time. We hope you had fun with this collection of 50 puns about memory. Most of the stories are suitable for kids with good sense of humor, children or teens boys and girls, of course dads. You must supervise your chidlren not to read pranks for adults. Note that some jokes are disgusting, filled with black humor so don't tell dirty memory gags to your kids. So please respect and be a good joking daddy !

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