Memory Jokes

Following is our collection of Memory funnies and chistes working better than reddit. They include dirty puns, clean gags suitable for kids, that are actually fun like the best witze.

The Best Memory jokes

The oldest computer can be traced back to Adam and Eve.

It was an apple but with extremely limited memory. Just 1 byte. And then everything crashed.

I walked down a street where the houses were numbered 64K, 128K, 256K, 512K and 1MB

That was a trip down memory lane

"Having too much sex can result in memory loss."

I read that on page 37, paragraph five of the New England Medical Journal on September 15th, 2014 at 10:37 am.

If smoking Marijuana causes short term memory loss,

what does smoking Marijuana do?

My mum suffers with short term memory loss

Hope it doesn't run in the family because my mums got it too

I have the memory of an elephant.

I remember one time I went to the zoo and saw an elephant.

Yo mama's so fat

when she sat on a memory foam it forgot

Studies have shown that smoking weed causes short term memory loss.

Next thing you know they'll be saying smoking weed causes short term memory loss.

From grandma: Why do women wear panties with flowers on them?

In memory of all the faces that were buried there.

Your mom is so fat

Her memory foam mattress drinks to forget.

I'm going to open my own bar and call it "Chrome"

It will keep your tab open until you have no memory

Three old women are discussing how their memory isn't what it used to be.

The first woman says, "Sometimes, I'm in the elevator, and I don't remember if I'm going up or down."
"The second woman says, "sometimes, I have a bottle of mayonnaise in my hand, and I don't remember if I'm taking it out of the fridge or putting it back."
"The third woman says, "Well, I don't have any of those problems, knock wood," knocking on the table. "Oh, hold on a second, someone's at the door."

2 older couple were having breakfast

Old man 1: We went to the best restaurant last night
Old man 2: What's it's name?
Old man 1: Oh, I have such a terrible memory. What's that red flower?
Old man 2: Carnation?
Old man 1: No, the one with the thorns.
Old man 2: Rose?
Old man 1: That's it. (turns to his wife) Hey Rose, what's the name of that restaurant we went to last night?

I can't remember where I read this, but I heard too much masturbating causes memory loss.

Three old men

Three elderly men were at the doctor for a memory test. The doctor asked the first man, "What is three times three?" "274," was his reply.
The doctor said to the second man, "It's your turn. What is three times three?" "Tuesday", he replied.

Then the doctor asked the third man, "Okay, your turn. What's three times three"? "Nine", he answered. "That's great!" said the doctor. "How did you get that answer?

"Easy," said the third man. "I subtracted 274 from Tuesday."

What do you call an iPhone 6S that ran out memory space.

Successful

10 years ago to this day, I cut myself with a stick of RAM

I guess you could say I have a pretty sharp memory.

I just got a repressed memory foam mattress.

It holds me just like my uncle used to.

A man meets a Native American with flawless memory...

When he meets this Native American Chief he notices he is older than most.
He asks the Chief many questions, and the Chief replies flawlessly to each one.

Then he thinks of a random date and asks the Chief, "What did you eat on October 18, 1987?" The Chief replies "Eggs".

He leaves the Chief and goes home. A year later he meets the Chief again. Feeling respectful he approaches the Chief, and says "How" and the Chief says, "Scrambled!"

Why do they have fences around cemeteries?

Because everyone is dying to get in.


In memory of my Uncle David RIP. He would always tell this joke

In memory of my father, who died of blood loss because sadly no one could figure out his blood type.

As I stood beside him it was incredibly moving to hear him repeat, over and over, these inspirational last words: "Be positive, son! Be positive!"

Father, I don't know if you can hear me, but if you do, just know I will always remember to be positive.

My father suffers from short term memory loss

I hope it doesn't run in the family because my dad has it.

I have a photographic memory

it just hasn't developed yet

Just got a repressed memory foam mattress,

it holds me just like my gym teacher did

Did you know that cucumbers are good for your memory ?

Because I got one stuck in my ass a couple years ago and me, my family and doctor still remember it vividly

Great pickup line...

You:Hey, do you have a Memory foam mattress?

Her: Yes.

You: Wanna Traumatize it?

My friend drowned last week

My friend drowned last week, so I had a wreath made in the shape of a life jacket in his memory. I'm sure it's what he would have wanted.

-Milton Jones

I asked my librarian if she had a book on short term memory loss...

I asked my librarian if she had a book on short term memory loss...

I don't like my computer memory.

Not one bit.

My friend told me everytime he goes to this sub he finds new hilarious jokes

I was surprised at first, but then I remembered he has a short-term memory.

My first memory occurred 9 months before I was born...

...I remember going to this party with my dad but then i went home with my mom.

The Longest Memory in the World

One day, a young man takes a trip out West and comes across a little Native American village. He decides, what the heck, he'll stop and look around. One of the Native women, seeing that he's not from around, tells the man he should visit the Chief, who she says has the longest and best memory in the world. So the man decides to go visit the Chief and asks: "So I hear you have the greatest memory in the world." The Chief answers "I do. I can remember every single detail of my entire life." The man figures he should test this, and asks the Chief "What did you have for breakfast on April the 27th, 1959?" After stopping to think for a second, the chief answers "two eggs." Satisfied, the man says goodbye to the Chief and eventually leaves the village.
Twenty years later, the man takes another trip out West and comes across the same village. He's amazed when he notices the Chief, still alive after all these years. The man, stops and says hello, so he raises his hand and says, "How" and the Chief replies "fried."

Hitler died.

When he woke up, he looked around. Only to see fire and torture. In an attempt to question surroundings and to regain his lost memory, he asked the nearest figure.

"Where am I and who am I?"

The figure replied,"Hell Hitler".

Memory Lane...

An elderly couple had dinner at another couple's house, and after eating, the wives left the table and went into the kitchen.
The two gentlemen were talking, and one said, 'Last night we went out to a new restaurant and it was really great.. I would recommend it very highly..'
The other man said, 'What is the name of the restaurant?'
The first man thought and thought and finally said, 'What is the name of that flower you give to someone you love?
You know.... The one that's red and has thorns.'
'Do you mean a rose?'
'Yes, that's the one,' replied the man. He then turned towards the kitchen and yelled, 'Rose, what's the name of that restaurant we went to last night?'

An elderly man and woman enter the bar and ask the bartender for their usual drinks.

The bartender serves them, speaking to the man, "Mr. Johnson, it's been awhile since we saw you last, how are you and your wife doing? We were worried about you, the last time you came in you didn't seem to recognize or remember anyone."

The elderly gentleman responds, "Well, you know how it is when you start getting up in years… but I've been seeing a fantastic memory therapist. She's taught me some mental exercises that have helped me to remember all the important things in life."

The bartender says, "That's great! What's the therapist's name?"

The elderly gentleman looks confused before snapping his fingers, "What's that flower? The red one with thorns on its stem?"

The bartender answers, "A rose?"

"Yes, that's it," the older man smiles before turning to his wife, "Rose, what's the name of that therapist I've been seeing?"

An old actor has trouble getting work due to failing memory...

After contacting many people that he worked with in the past , he is finally able to land a job in a popular new Broadway play. The director tells him its only one line at the beginning of the play, but it is a very important line. It sets the mood for the rest of the play. It is ESSENTIAL he nails the line. The old actor emphasizes that he will nail it. The director reluctantly agrees and proceeds to tell him his role. You will take a beautiful rose, bring it to your nose and take a deep breath and say the following line: *Ah, the sweet scent of my mistress…* That's it. Do not screw this up! The old actor thanks him 10 times over and proceeds to practice for the next 2 weeks nonstop.

Opening night comes. It's a sold out theater. He takes to the stage, spotlight on him. He raises his hand, takes a deep breath and says the line perfectly * Ah, the sweet scent of my mistress… * Just after the line is delivered the auditorium burst into laughter. He walks off the stage distraught. I don't get it. I nailed the line perfectly. What happened? The director looks at him and yells YOU IDIOT! YOU FORGOT THE FLOWER!

Alcoholism causes memory loss, liver diesase,

And memory loss.

I woke up in the Police station this morning with no memory of the previous night.

I really need to stop drinking on duty.

Help! I need a push!

A man and his wife were awoken at 3am by a pounding on the door.
The man gets up and goes to the door where a
drunken stranger, standing in the pouring rain, is asking for a push.
"Not a chance," says the husband, "it is 3 in the
morning!"
He slams the door and returns to bed.
"Who was that?" asked his wife..
"Just some drunk guy asking for a push," he answers.
"Did you help him?" she asks.
"No, I did not, it is 3 in the morning and it is pouring rain out there!"
"Well, you have a short memory," says his wife.
"Can't you remember about three months ago when we broke down, and those two guys helped us?
I think you should help him, and you should be ashamed of yourself!"
The man does as he is told, gets dressed, and goes out into the pounding rain.
He calls out into the dark, "Hello, are you still there?"
"Yes," comes back the answer.
"Do you still need a push?" calls out the husband.
"Yes, please!" comes the reply from the dark.
"Where are you!" asks the husband

"Over here on the swing," replied the drunk.

What do you call a show about two cokeheads with short term memory loss?

Whose Line Is It Anyway?

Your momma's so fat

she gave her memory foam mattress brain damage....

The Indian with a great memory

When I was a kid, everyone all over the country would come to visit the Indian reservation to meet one person. He was the only man in the world to have a perfect memory, but people were only allowed to ask one question. My family decided to go visit him for ourselves, and when we got there I had the perfect question.
"Excuse me sir, what did you have for breakfast when you were 15 years old?"
He replied, "Eggs." and that was that. I was disappointed by his answer, but there was nothing I could do.
Ten years later I recognized the man sitting by himself in a park. I walked up to him, held my hand up with the palm up, and said "How". He said "Scrambled."

Memory trick

Two very elderly couples bump into each other in the street, Jack says " hi there George, how are you?" George says " Great! we've just been to that new memory clinic, they teach you how to remember things using word association, it's really good" Jack asks " really? what's the name of the clinic?" George thinks for a moment and then says " let me see, eh, what do you call that flower with a thorny stem?"
Jack says "A rose"?
"Ah yes that's it" George turns to his wife...."Rose, what's the name of that clinic"?

I've got a horrible memory.

I couldn't remember what onomatopoeia or metaphor meant and then BAM it hit me like lighting. It was like the time I remembered similes and realized I am dumb as a box of rocks.

If you want to be a General Motors engineer, your memory needs to be perfect.

You have to recall everything.

A man and his family walk into a bar...

Inside of the bar, the man's youngest child sees a Native American sitting under a sign stating "World's longest memory". The child walks up to sign and decides to test if this sign is true. The child asks "What did you have for breakfast 30 years ago?" The Native American states "eggs." The child states that the native could have just made that up, and then later leaves the bar.

Years later, when the child returns back with his own family he sees the same native at the bar. Walking up to the man, he states a stereotypical "how!" The Native replies "scrambled."

"your happiest memory..."

TV crew is shooting a reality series in a rural and mountainous area and they decide to interview this older man, John, who had lived there all his life. They ask him all sorts of questions, when finally the reporter says: "John, please explain to our viewers at home what your happiest memory is, as a man who has lived in this remote village all his life..."

- John: well, this one time Ed's donkey got lost in the woods, a group of us went up and searched for it. When we found it, we were so happy that we all had sex with the donkey.

- reporter, turning red: what? cut! cut! cut! John, we cannot air something like that! Do you not have another happy memory?


- John: well, this one time Waldo's wife got lost in the woods, a group of us went up and searched for her. When we found her, we were so happy that we all had sex with her.


- reporter, stupefied: cut! cut! cut! For Christ's sake John... you will get me fired. Never mind your happy memories... Why do you not tell us your saddest memory instead?

- John: well, this one time, I got lost in the woods...

Uncles funeral tomorrow- his fave joke

Tomorrow morning is my Uncle/Godfather's funeral. In honor of him I present to you his favorite joke, one I heard multiple times a week until he lost the ability to speak about ten years ago. *this is to the best of my memory*

This guy dies and goes to heaven, when he gets to the Pearly Gates, St peter checks the list and tells him he can enter. The guy asks St Peter if he has everyone that will be going to heaven on that list. St Peter answers 'yes'. He then asks St Peter if his brothers and sisters are on the list, to which St Peter replies 'yes' as well. So the guy asks St Peter if he enjoys spending his time outside the gates of Heaven. St Peter tells him 'No, but somebody has to inform people if they are getting into Heaven or not.' So they guy tells St Peter, 'instead of standing at the Pearly Gates waiting to let people know if they're going to Heaven why don't you just send everybody a letter?' St Peter likes that idea and sends the letter to the guys brothers and sisters and everybody on the list. When they got that letter they opened it up, and do you know what that letter said?.......No? I didn't get one either.

Stay away from the marijuanas it can cause memory loss

Or even worse, memory loss.

Drinking can cause memory loss...or even worse

Memory loss

Did you know cucumbers improve your memory?

My uncle put one in me when I was a kid and I still haven't forgotten.

Did you hear about the new Mike Tyson computer?

It has two bytes and no memory

Lost in the Woods

A reporter is doing a story on the life of a farmer. The first man she meets seems friendly enough, so she decides to interview him.
"What would you say your best memory is as a farmer?" she asked.
"Well, I would have to say it was when John down the road lost his pig in the woods, so we found it, raped it, and brought it back."
"Oh. Okay..." obviously the reporter could not use that, so she tries again. "What was your next best memory as a farmer?"
"Well, one day my cow, Bessie, got lost in the woods. We found her, raped her and brought her back"
...that couldn't be used either of course, so the reporter thinks for a bit, and asks "What was your least favorite memory as a farmer?"
"Um. Well one night I got really drunk, and found myself lost in the woods..."

Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends.

Joko Jokes