Membership Jokes

59 membership jokes and hilarious membership puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about membership that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Discover the humorous side of gym memberships, church memberships, and voyeurs with these jokes. From gentle teasing to an overly-serious gentlemanly application process, these jokes provide a lighthearted take on the concepts of membership.

Funniest Membership Short Jokes

Short membership jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The membership humour may include short joined jokes also.

  1. My bank just called me about suspicious activity on my account. They didn't believe I bought a gym membership.
  2. Why did the winter solstice cancel its gym membership? It thought staying up all night was enough exercise for one day!
  3. I believe it was Benjamin Franklin who said: "You have reached the end of you free trial membership at"
  4. If I had $ for every time I heard about net neutrality *The rest of this comment is only viewable with premium membership. Upgrade for only $299.99*
  5. Expensive Gym Membership My gym membership costs $120 a year.
    That's pretty steep considering it's $60 a visit
  6. I just cancelled my gym membership I feel like a huge weight has been lifted off of my shoulders.
  7. Today, I learned that some people are disgusted that others pee in the shower I don't think it was necessary to cancel my gym membership over it though.
  8. I forgot to renew the fee for my Scrabble membership Now they're sending me threatening letters!
  9. Not feeling creative? Open up a gym membership and see how many excuses you can come up with not to go.
  10. If I had a dollar for every post I've seen about NET neutrality... ...the rest of this comment is only viewable with premium membership. Upgrade for $79.99.

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Membership One Liners

Which membership one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with membership? I can suggest the ones about subscription and attendance.

  1. I signed up for a gym membership this year. So far I've managed to lose £200.
  2. I have Abs olutely wasted my gym membership.
  3. It was a real pain canceling my gym membership. They made me hand in a too weak notice.
  4. I decided to cancel my gym membership today... ...just didn't work out.
  5. My wife and I are arguing about getting gym memberships It's a healthy debate
  6. I just cancelled my gym membership It wasn't working out.
  7. My gym membership costs $120 a year. That's pretty steep considering it's $60 a visit
  8. Americans pay for gym memberships and for people to mow their lawns.
  9. My gym just sold me a lifetime gym membership for our unborn baby. I hope it works out.
  10. Only people with 132+ IQ will get this... A Mensa membership
  11. So I got rid of my gym membership... just didn't work out ʘ ل͟ʘ
  12. My new year's resolution is to get my gym membership Cancelled.
  13. What do you get when you put human DNA into a goat? An ISIS membership.
  14. Girlfriends are like Gym Memberships You have it, you just never pay attention to it.
  15. I started a club for guys with erectile dysfunction We're trying to get our membership up

Gym Membership Jokes

Here is a list of funny gym membership jokes and even better gym membership puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • I just cancelled my overpriced gym membership I feel like I've finally lifted a huge weight off my chest
  • My ex dumped me because I was too impatient. So to make myself feel better I got a gym membership. I still haven't seen any results and I've been training for hours now!
  • Loving beer and wanting abs is hard So I had to cancel my gym membership due to conflict of interests
  • I've assigned for a 6 months gym membership and i still have'nt seen any progress! I must go there myself and see what went wrong.
  • Republicans love black people! They send millions of them to a place where they get a free room, free rent and a gym membership
  • My family was split up over an argument about gym membership. My wife wanted to continue, but we just didn't work out.
  • My bank called me today and asked if my card was stolen today I said No, why do you ask
    Bank teller: We have a transaction here for a gym membership, not sure if it was you or not
  • I bought a gym membership 3 months ago and I haven't lost even 1 pound I might even go there and check what's taking so long
  • It must be pretty funny to work at a gym in January. You get to count how many people buy yearly memberships and instantly break their New Years resolutions in the following weeks.
  • The other day at the gym, I noticed a hole in my trainer big enough to stick a finger in She's now made a formal complaint and my memberships been revoked.
Membership joke, The other day at the gym, I noticed a hole in my trainer big enough to stick a finger in

Hilarious Fun Membership Jokes That Will Have You Rolling with Laughter

What funny jokes about membership you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean registration jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make membership pranks.

In USSR we had this joke

An old Jew is on his deathbed. With weak voice he asks to call for a partorg because before his death he wants to join the Communist Party. A happy partorg rushes to him with filled out membership form to sign and a ready Party membership card. As the Jew signs the form he carefully takes the membership card and presses it against his heart.
In a peaceful and happy voice he whispers: "Today one more communist will die"

I have finally punched my membership card into Dad jokes!

So last night my 12 year old son and I are watching the Little League World Series. The pitcher for the Nevada team has a last name of "Kryszczuk". My son looks to me and asks "Do you think he's Russian?"
My response: Nope, it looks like he's taking his time.
It took him a couple of seconds to realize and then he gave me that wonderful "Really, Dad?" look. I'm so proud.

Usain Bolt goes to a golf course...

He turns up and walks into the clubhouse to get his membership and play a round.
The receptionist says 'Sorry Sir, we don't allow black people in this golf club.'
'That is ridiculous, its 2014 and you don't allow black people in your golf club?'
'Please don't make a scene Sir, there is another gold club 5 minutes down the road and they will let you in.'
'But I'm Usain Bolt!'
'OK then, 2 minutes.'

Probably old, but I got it in email and it made me chuckle.

An Irish daughter had not been home for over 5 years. Upon her
return, her father cursed her heavily. "Where have ye been all this
time, child? Why did ye not write to us, not even a line? Why
didn't ye call? Can ye not understand what ye put yer old Mother
The girl, crying, replied, 'Sniff, sniff... Dad...I became...a p**...."
"Ye what!!? Get outta here, ye shameless harlot! Sinner! You're a
disgrace to this Catholic family."
"OK, Dad, as ye wish. I just came back to give Mum this luxurious
fur coat, title deed to a ten bedroom mansion plus a $2 million savings certificate.
For me little brother, this gold Rolex, And for ye, Daddy, the sparkling new Mercedes Limited Edition convertible that's parked outside, plus a membership to the country club... (takes a breath)... and an
invitation for ye all to spend New Year's Eve on board my new yacht in the Riviera."
"Now what was it ye said ye had become?" asks Dad.
The girl, crying again answered, "Sniff, sniff...a p**..., Daddy!
Sniff, sniff."
"Ye scared me half to death, girl! I thought ye said a Protestant.
Come here and give yer old Dad a hug!!!"

I applied to every single college fraternity

But I was refused membership in all the fraternities because I was circumcised.
Apparently they only accept complete d**....

after 9 months of procrastination, of psyching myself up and never following through, last night i finally went to the gym

to cancel that d**... membership.

What did the incredibly racist country club owner reply to the Black guy who applied for membership?

"Come on right in! Every brother is welcome in my crib!"

The Tories,

The Tories, with ageing voters and falling membership are worried about being "left behind". Why?
They're already right arses.
If they get left behind as well they can be complete arses.

Why did the black man go to the golf-club on Sunday afternoon?

Because he had a membership.

Membership joke, Republicans love black people!

jokes about membership