Membership Jokes
56 membership jokes and hilarious membership puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about membership that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Discover the humorous side of gym memberships, church memberships, and voyeurs with these jokes. From gentle teasing to an overly-serious gentlemanly application process, these jokes provide a lighthearted take on the concepts of membership.
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Funniest Membership Short Jokes
Short membership jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The membership humour may include short subscription jokes also.
- My bank just called me about suspicious activity on my account. They didn't believe I bought a gym membership.
- I believe it was Benjamin Franklin who said: "You have reached the end of you free trial membership at BenjaminFranklinQuotes.com."
- If I had $ for every time I heard about net neutrality *The rest of this comment is only viewable with premium membership. Upgrade for only $299.99*
- Expensive Gym Membership My gym membership costs $120 a year.
That's pretty steep considering it's $60 a visit - I just cancelled my gym membership I feel like a huge weight has been lifted off of my shoulders.
- Today, I learned that some people are disgusted that others pee in the shower I don't think it was necessary to cancel my gym membership over it though.
- I forgot to renew the fee for my Scrabble membership Now they're sending me threatening letters!
- Not feeling creative? Open up a gym membership and see how many excuses you can come up with not to go.
- If I had a dollar for every post I've seen about NET neutrality... ...the rest of this comment is only viewable with premium membership. Upgrade for $79.99.
- My ex dumped me because I was too impatient. So to make myself feel better I got a gym membership. I still haven't seen any results and I've been training for hours now!
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Membership One Liners
Which membership one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with membership? I can suggest the ones about attendance and registration.
- I signed up for a gym membership this year. So far I've managed to lose £200.
- I have Abs olutely wasted my gym membership.
- It was a real pain canceling my gym membership. They made me hand in a too weak notice.
- I decided to cancel my gym membership today... ...just didn't work out.
- My wife and I are arguing about getting gym memberships It's a healthy debate
- I just cancelled my gym membership It wasn't working out.
- Americans pay for gym memberships and for people to mow their lawns.
- My gym just sold me a lifetime gym membership for our unborn baby. I hope it works out.
- Only people with 132+ IQ will get this... A Mensa membership
- So I got rid of my gym membership... just didn't work out ʘ ل͟ʘ
- My new year's resolution is to get my gym membership Cancelled.
- What do you get when you put human DNA into a goat? An ISIS membership.
- Girlfriends are like Gym Memberships You have it, you just never pay attention to it.
- I started a club for guys with erectile dysfunction We're trying to get our membership up
- 2018 - New year, new me. *Signs up to gym membership* Week 2: Jim? Who dat?
Gym Membership Jokes
Here is a list of funny gym membership jokes and even better gym membership puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Loving beer and wanting abs is hard So I had to cancel my gym membership due to conflict of interests
- My family was split up over an argument about gym membership. My wife wanted to continue, but we just didn't work out.
- My bank called me today and asked if my card was stolen today I said No, why do you ask
Bank teller: We have a transaction here for a gym membership, not sure if it was you or not - I bought a gym membership 3 months ago and I haven't lost even 1 pound I might even go there and check what's taking so long
- It must be pretty funny to work at a gym in January. You get to count how many people buy yearly memberships and instantly break their New Years resolutions in the following weeks.
- Last month I decided to invest in a gym membership. Since then I have lost... ...about $39.99 in cash.
- Why did the zombie get a gym membership? Gaaaainsss
Hilarious Fun Membership Jokes That Will Have You Rolling with Laughter
What funny jokes about membership you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean invitation jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make membership pranks.
In USSR we had this joke
An old Jew is on his deathbed. With weak voice he asks to call for a partorg because before his death he wants to join the Communist Party. A happy partorg rushes to him with filled out membership form to sign and a ready Party membership card. As the Jew signs the form he carefully takes the membership card and presses it against his heart.
In a peaceful and happy voice he whispers: "Today one more communist will die"
I have finally punched my membership card into Dad jokes!
So last night my 12 year old son and I are watching the Little League World Series. The pitcher for the Nevada team has a last name of "Kryszczuk". My son looks to me and asks "Do you think he's Russian?"
My response: Nope, it looks like he's taking his time.
It took him a couple of seconds to realize and then he gave me that wonderful "Really, Dad?" look. I'm so proud.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Usain Bolt goes to a golf course...
He turns up and walks into the clubhouse to get his membership and play a round.
The receptionist says 'Sorry Sir, we don't allow black people in this golf club.'
'That is ridiculous, its 2014 and you don't allow black people in your golf club?'
'Please don't make a scene Sir, there is another gold club 5 minutes down the road and they will let you in.'
'But I'm Usain Bolt!'
'OK then, 2 minutes.'
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Probably old, but I got it in email and it made me chuckle.
An Irish daughter had not been home for over 5 years. Upon her
return, her father cursed her heavily. "Where have ye been all this
time, child? Why did ye not write to us, not even a line? Why
didn't ye call? Can ye not understand what ye put yer old Mother
through?""
The girl, crying, replied, 'Sniff, sniff... Dad...I became...a p**...."
"Ye what!!? Get outta here, ye shameless harlot! Sinner! You're a
disgrace to this Catholic family."
"OK, Dad, as ye wish. I just came back to give Mum this luxurious
fur coat, title deed to a ten bedroom mansion plus a $2 million savings certificate.
For me little brother, this gold Rolex, And for ye, Daddy, the sparkling new Mercedes Limited Edition convertible that's parked outside, plus a membership to the country club... (takes a breath)... and an
invitation for ye all to spend New Year's Eve on board my new yacht in the Riviera."
"Now what was it ye said ye had become?" asks Dad.
The girl, crying again answered, "Sniff, sniff...a p**..., Daddy!
Sniff, sniff."
"Ye scared me half to death, girl! I thought ye said a Protestant.
Come here and give yer old Dad a hug!!!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I applied to every single college fraternity
But I was refused membership in all the fraternities because I was circumcised.
Apparently they only accept complete d**....
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
after 9 months of procrastination, of psyching myself up and never following through, last night i finally went to the gym
to cancel that d**... membership.
What did the incredibly racist country club owner reply to the Black guy who applied for membership?
"Come on right in! Every brother is welcome in my crib!"
Why did the black man go to the golf-club on Sunday afternoon?
Because he had a membership.
It's been 5 days since news broke about Amazon CEO's illicit photos being leaked and I've still yet to see them.
Thankfully I dropped my prime membership last week.
