Member Jokes
136 member jokes and hilarious member puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about member that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Make someone new at the office feel welcomed and get a few laughs with these jokes about board members, Disney cast members, and other team members. Whether it's a lighthearted joke or an informal affiliation, find the perfect one for you.
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Funniest Member Short Jokes
Short member jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The member humour may include short visitor jokes also.
- What does Superman and a blood gang member who lost his gun have in common? Neither one of them want to see a Kryptonite...
- I saw a kid getting beaten up by 4 gang members, so I helped out. He didn't stand a chance against the 5 of us.
- News has just come in that The mars Rover has discovered a member of the feline species while exploring. Unfortunately, Curiosity killed the cat.
- Long John Silver just donated us one of his crew members. Thanks for the stranger kind silver!
- A new gym opened near me. They are currently going door to door signing up new members. It's called Jehovah's Fitness.
- I'v been a gym member for 6 months without any progress... I think I need to go personally to see what 's going on
- 2 members of the Swiss army get in to a knife fight, then a corkscrew fight then a twezzer fight then a ......
- I was arguing with a flat Earth believer We argued about how many members the flat Earth community had. He said "We have members all around the globe".
- Levar Burton cannot replace Mayim Bialik as the host of the show... Because Captain Picard would never willingly put a member of his crew in Jeopardy.
- What did Pablo Escobar say when he was ratted out by members of his own cartel? "I would have gotten away with it too, if it weren't for you Medellín kids"
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Member One Liners
Which member one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with member? I can suggest the ones about chairman and partner.
- the flat earth society ... ... has members all around the globe
- I don't get how a member of the Kim Jong family dies randomly He wasn't even Il
- Ten of my Family Members are Non-Binary Doesn't matter to me though, I love them both.
- What do you call the pack of boars who killed members of Isis? Squeal Team 6
- Who is the latest member of the X-Men? Caitlyn Jenner.
- Why do the vowels refuse to acknowledge their sixth member? They don't know why
- How many NRA members does it take to change a light bulb? A: More guns.
- What do LGBTQ members drink? Gender fluid
- Who's Donald Trump's least favorite family member? Aunt Tifa.
- My French friend doesn't believe Eggs are round. He's a member of the flat Oeuf society.
- Why did the moth kill the other moth? He was a member of the Mothia.
- Wanna hear something funny? China is a member of UN human right council
- The local nudist colony has an New Years introductory offer New members take 50% off
- What do you call a guinea pig that has become a member of the mafia? A hamster
- Why do NRA members wear sleeveless shirts? Because they have a right to bare arms!
Crew Member Jokes
Here is a list of funny crew member jokes and even better crew member puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Why Wasn't LeVar Burton Offered the Hosting Job? Because Captain Picard would never put any of his crew members in Jeopardy.
- My friend with very dry lips caused his flight to make an emergency landing. Crew members took action when they noticed he had boarded the plane with a balm.
Founding Member Jokes
Here is a list of funny founding member jokes and even better founding member puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- How many PETA members does it take to change a lightbulb? None, because PETA can't change anything.
-A joke I found inside the game manual for Super Meat Boy for Steam. - I founded a religion devoted entirely to pens called Penism... ...being a member is pretty much the same as not; I just liked how fun they are to hold and how using them has permanent consequences.
- I founded a club for growers not showers It started out small, but our members are increasing in size every day.
- My teacher found out a family member of mine had passed away To show his respect, he marked all my work with an F
Audience Member Jokes
Here is a list of funny audience member jokes and even better audience member puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Why are noble gases the worst audience members for a comedic performance? They don't react.
- So the square root of -1 is performing in a Broadway show Suddenly, an audience member stands up and shouts "I'm sure everyone will agree that i could replace you!"
- I realized that Oprah is one of the few celebrities to love up to her name. Because her audience members Winfrey stuff.
Member Congress Jokes
Here is a list of funny member congress jokes and even better member congress puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- What is the difference between a prison guard and a member of Congress One interacts with felons, half of which are probably innocent of crimes, and the other works on Capitol Hill.
- A train carrying 12 members of congress derailed and hit a truck today It was too crooked
- Where do the members of congress go to workout? The house of reps
- One of my three brothers is an influential member of the congress. Guess you can call him my 'significant brother'.
- What's a super hero Trumpcare members of Congress currently love? Deadpool.
Board Member Jokes
Here is a list of funny board member jokes and even better board member puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- What do the members of Coldplay use to play board games? A pair o', pair o', pair o' dice.
- How many Reddit board members does it take to change a lightbulb? None. They just leave you in the dark and tell you they're working on it.
Silly & Ridiculous Member Jokes to Spread Joy & Laughter
What funny jokes about member you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean employee jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make member pranks.
A Latino gang member has received poor customer service at the railway station, so he vandalised one of the train engines in revenge.
It was a loco motive.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A man takes his seat at the World Cup final. He looks over and notices there's an extra seat in between himself and the next guy.
The man says, "Who would ever miss the world Cup final?
The guy replies, "Well that was my wife's seat. We have been to the last five World Cup finals together, but sadly she passed away.
The man says back, "That's terrible, but couldn't you get another close family member to come with you?
The guy says, "No. They're all at the f**...."
How many members of an ethnicity does it take to perform a specified task?
A finite number! One member to perform the task, and the rest to behave in a manner stereotypical to the ethnicity in question.
The usher in church greets one of their members...
and says "Welcome! You need to join the army of the Lord!"
The member says,"I am in the Lord's army".
The usher asked,"Then why do I only see you on Christmas and Easter?"
The member leaned over and whispered,"I'm in the Secret Service."
'What Will Communism Be Like?'- A Russian Joke
One day, as a young man, Ivan asked a member of the Party, "What will it be like once we have built communism?". The Party man replied, "The shops will be full of goods, and we will have no money". Four decades passed, and the Soviet Union fell. After the fall of the USSR, Ivan found himself walking the streets of Moscow. He looked at the shops, and he felt in his pockets, and smiled. "Comrades", he said, "We have built communism at last!"
How many members of an identifiable group does it take to perform a common task?
A certain number! One to actually perform the task, and the rest to act in a manner stereotypical of the group.
IRS
Father O'Malley answers the phone. 'Hello, is this Father O'Malley?'
'It is!'
'This is the IRS. Can you help us?'
'I can!'
'Do you know a Ted Houlihan?'
'I do!'
'Is he a member of your congregation?'
'He is!'
'Did he donate $10,000 to the church?'
'He will.'
A priest, a minister, and a rabbi decided to go skinny dipping...
Suddenly, they saw three women walking towards them. Each was a member of their flocks. The priest and the minister covered their privates with their hands and closed their eyes waiting for the agony to end.
After the women walked away they noticed the rabbi had covered his face and not his nether regions. He said, "My flock recognizes my face. What kinda sermons do you give?"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A die-hard fan was very surprised to see an empty seat at the Superbowl...
He noticed a woman sitting next to the empty seat and made a remark about it to her. "Well, it was my husband's", she said. "But he died." "Oh my gosh!" He said. "I'm sorry for your loss, but I'm surprised that another friend or family member didn't jump at the chance to take the ticket." "Beats me", she said. "They all insisted on going to the f**...."
How many members of a particular group of people does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
*n*. *1* to screw in the lightbulb, and *n-1* to do an act stereotypical of that group of people.
Overcrowded church
The two thousand member Baptist church was filled to overflowing capacity one Sunday morning. The preacher was ready to start the sermon when two men, dressed in long black coats and black hats entered thru the rear of the church.
One of the two men walked to the middle of the church while the other stayed at the back of the church. They both then reached under their coats and withdrew automatic weapons.
The one in the middle announced, "Everyone willing to take a bullet for Jesus stay in your seats!"
Naturally, the pews emptied, followed by the choir. The deacons ran out the door, followed by the choir director and the assistant pastor.
After a few moments, there were only three people left sitting in the church. The preacher was holding steady in the pulpit.
The men put their weapons away and said, gently, to the preacher, "All right, pastor, the hypocrites are gone now. You may begin the service."
the case for the lost bicycle
A Methodist preacher and a Baptist preacher live in a small southern town. Every day, they pass each other on their bycycles as they ride to their respective churches. One day, the Methodist notices the Baptist walking.
He says "Brother, where is your bicycle?"
"My heart is heavy, for I fear that a member of my congregation has stolen it" replied the Baptist.
"That's horrible." Thinking for a moment, the Methodist has an idea. "I know how we might get your bike back. This Sunday, you should preach the ten commandments. When you get to thou shalt not steal, really bear down on it. Maybe the theif will feel guilty and return your bike."
"That's a great idea, I'll try it!"
Sure enough, the following Monday, the Methodist preacher sees the Baptist Preacher riding his bike.
"I see my plan worked" said the Methodist.
"Well, not exactly" replied the Baptist. "I did like you said, and gave a real fire and brimstone sermon on the ten commandments. However, when I got to thou shalt no commit adultery, I remembered where I left my bike."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
The morticians wife.
The mortician gets a call to come pick up Schultz, who dies unexpectedly. While getting him ready for the f**..., he can't help but notice Schultz has a freakishly huge male member. So he cuts it off, puts it in a bag, and brings it home to show his wife this amazing specimen.
He gets home and says, " Honey come look at the amazing thing I found at work today!" She comes over, takes a look in the bag and shrieks loudly, "Oh my God! Schultz is dead!"
An Atheist tourist was walking around Belfast ...
An Atheist tourist was walking around Belfast and noticed all the community centre events for either Catholics or Protestants. After checking out yet another board, he asked a staff member:
Atheist: "What do you do in this town if you're an Atheist?"
Staff member: "Well sir, that depends on whether you're a Catholic atheist or a Protestant atheist."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What do a gang member and a r**... have in common?
They both know how to throw a good h**... down.
A CEO, a union worker and a tea party member sit down at a table ...
The union worker sets out a dozen cookies he baked.
The CEO grabs them all and tells the tea partier that the union member stole his cookie.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Preacher goes to a party
A member of the church decided to call on his preacher to his house one Friday night. The preacher arrives to find a party in full swing.
On entering the house, he sees a circle of n**... men with blindfolded women moving from man to man, fondling their g**... in an attempt to guess their identity.
The embarrassed preacher turns to the host and says, "I'm sorry, I don't think I fit in here."
"Nonsense," says the host. "Your name's been called three times already!"
The band The Doors have decided to change their name after the next member dies
It's gonna be Three Doors Down.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A woman went to the doctor with indigestion.
The doctor examined her and told her she was pregnant. 'I can't be' she said 'I am not married and havn't had s**... for months'. The doctor thought for a minute and then asked if her boyfriend was a member of the SAS. 'Yes' she exclaimed 'how did you know?' The doctor said 'well, they are trained to get in and out without anyone noticing!'
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Kennedy's USSR joke
A man runs into the the Kremlin yelling, "the Premiere is an idiot the Premiere is an idiot".
The man was immidetaly arrested by the KGB and sentenced to 23 years in prison.
3 years for insulting a high ranking member of the party and 20 years for divulging a state secret.
Why do Jehovah's Witnesses use Macs?
They prefer to not have windows.
[For those that don't get it, their churches, called "Kingdom Halls", frequently are built without windows. The official reason given is to avoid vandalism but the real reason is usually secrecy. Generally if the group builds a church it won't have windows. Source: my ex-wife was a former member]
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Attention!! A dark joke ahead
A Chinese man married an African woman and had a child. Two months later the child passed away.
At the f**... house, the African woman kept sobbing and saying: "I KNEW IT !!! I KNEW IT !!!"
A family member pulled her aside and asked:
"What did you know?" She replied: "That, Chinese products don't last long!!
The Soviet chairman asks a high ranking party member about potato supplies
Chairman: How does our potato supply look?
Party member: We have so many potatoes that, if they were piled one on top of another, they could reach God.
Chairman: But God does not exist.
Party member: Neither do the potatoes.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
They say 99% of the population is s**......
I'm glad to be a member of the other 2%!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Did you hear about the dyslexic k**... member?
He went around killing gingers.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Have you heard about the midget k**... member?
He was a little racist.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Isis and the Christian man
An ISIS member stopped the car of a Christian couple.
ISIS member: Are you Muslim?
Christian man: Yes, I'm Muslim.
ISIS member: If you are a Muslim, then recite a verse of Quran.
Christian man recited a verse from the Bible.
ISIS member: Ok yallah go.
Later his wife tells him: "I cannot believe the risk you just took.
Why did u tell him that we are Muslims?
If he knew you were lying he would have killed both of us."
"Do not worry! If they knew the Quran they would not kill people" answered the Husband.
TIL my mom isn't a member of any organized political party.
You see, she's a Republican.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What does a dyslexic k**... member hate?
Gingers
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I think my boyfriend is a member of the k**...
Because he is a wizard under the sheets.
A trip to Wales.
A couple are driving through Wales late one night and they pass through Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwilllantysiliogogogoch. With nothing much else to do , they start arguing over the pronunciation. Eventually they decide to stop somewhere and ask a local. They pull up somewhere and go inside, and ask the staff member "excuse me, could you pronounce the name of this place, really slowly?"
The kid behind the counter gives them a confused look, and says "burr-gurr kiiiiing"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Three members of the k**... walk into a bar...
They sit at the back in full costume.
The first k**... thinks to himself, "If the black guy at the bar tries to pull off my hood, I'll kill him!"
The second k**... thinks to himself, "If the gay guy at the bar tries to pull off my hood, I'll kill him!"
The third k**... thinks to himself, "If someone pulls off my hood, the gay black guy at the bar will recognize me from last night, and these two will kill me!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What do you call a place that you put an arrested caucasian gang member in?
A white blood cell.
An ISIS member walks into a bar
And He offers everyone free shots!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What do you call a depressed gang member?
An emoji... Emo g, get it? From my 13 year old son
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
How does the motorcycle of a Ku Klux k**... member sounds like?
Runnnnnnnnnnnnigganigganigganigaanigga
What do you call a former member of ISIS?
What do you call a former member of ISIS?
WASWAS
Member when "Member Berries" wasn't the main remember meme?
Pepperidge farm remembers.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Guy goes to a ballgame...
...finds his seat and sees an elderly fellow in the next row with an empty seat beside him. They get to chatting and he asks if the seat is taken:
"Not anymore. My wife and I used to go to all the games together, but she died. This is the first game I've been to since!"
"Oh, I'm so sorry. Couldn't you give the ticket to a friend, or a family member?"
"Nah. They're all at the f**...."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What do you call an ISIS member with Tourette's?
A ticking time bomb.
Q: How many members of a specified demographic does it take to complete a particular task?
A finite quantity. One to complete the specific task and the remainder to act in a manner stereotypical of persons from said demographic.
What do you call a family member who doesn't support their arguments with evidence?
Just cuz.
(I came up with this just now and I'm so proud of it and I haven't slept in 3 days)
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why did the k**... member buy a night light?
He was afraid of the dark.
The reverend John Flapps spots a female member of his congregation staggering drunkenly...
along the street. He tries to assist her but they stumble and he falls on top of her. A passing policeman comes up and says "Oi mate, you can't do that in the street"
The Rev replies "You don't understand, I'm Pastor Flapps."
To which the cop replies, "Well, if you're in that far, you may as well Finnish."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A man is up for m**...
A man is up for m**... and discovers his friend a member of the jury
He asks him with great glee "will you please try and get me sentenced with manslaughter"
His friend decides to take up the request.
The mans day in court comes up and he is sentenced with manslaughter, delighted he turns to his friend ans says "was it difficult to get everyone else to go with manslaughter"
His friend replies "it wasn't easy the rest of them didn't think you were guilty at all"
A vegan, a Mensa member, and a guy who doesn't own a TV walk into a bar.
How do we know this? Because they told everyone.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What does an ISIS member use for s**...?
A blow-up doll.
A man is stuck in a traffic jam on the highway outside Washington DC.
The traffic is stopped for miles ahead.
Another man walks up next to him and says, "Sir, terrorists have kidnapped every member of congress. If they don't get $100,000,000 in ransom, they will to cover them in gasoline and burn them. I'm here to collect donations."
The man asks, "how much do most people donate?"
"About a gallon."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A pastor cuts his chin while shaving one Sunday morning.
He hurriedly puts a band-aid on and rushes to his church for the 10:00 am service.
Afterwards, a member of the congregation, an older woman, comes up to the pastor and asks, "Excuse me, but what happened to your face?" The pastor replies "I was thinking about my sermon and I cut my chin." The old lady rolls her eyes and says "Maybe you should think about your chin, and cut your sermons."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Three women are getting dressed in the locker room of a country club when a man runs in n**... with a bag over his head...
He waves his e**... around and streaks out again.
"Well, that's certainly not MY husband!" the first woman huffs to the others.
"No. That's definitely not your husband," the second woman answers.
"He's not even a member of this club!" says the third woman.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What do you call a blind fascist?
A member of the "Not-see" party
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I asked a fellow church member if I can make jokes about Jesus...
They said "As long as you nail it."
I'm organising a debate to decide which member of U2 is the best.
I'm doing it completely pro bono
What do you call an ISIS member who has a 100 lovers?
A shepherd.
Who's the smartest member of the Army?
General Knowledge
A New Car
A rabbi and a minister decided to buy a new car together. The day after they bought it, the rabbi found the minister driving it. The minister explained that he had just gone to the car wash because in his religion it is customary to welcome a new member with the rite of baptism. The next day, the minister discovered the rabbi cutting the end off the exhaust pipe
Q: How many members of a cultural, religious or social outgroup does it take to accomplish a routine task?
A: An arbitrary number: One or more to actually perform the task, and the remainder to behave in an absurd fashion consistent with perceived humorous stereotypes!
What do you call a member of the blue man group when he's caught red-handed betraying his fellow blue men?
The purple traitor of a crime.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
How did the k**... member guess the name of his daughter's new black boyfriend?
They played hangman.
I'm a member of the American Medical Association...
...AMA.
The story of a U.S Army member named Will
His 3rd day into battle, his squad commander, upon seeing enemies, yelled FIRE AT WILL!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why did the PETA member c**... his car?
He loved vegetables so much he wanted to become one.
I'm part of a big band group called The Megabytes.
Our thousandth member recently joined, finally readying us for our debut live performance.
It'll be our first gig.
An eccentric dutch inventor whom invented inflatable shoes has died.
A member of the family said it was only a matter of time until he popped his clogs.
What do you call a PETA member that shoots a hippopotamus in the head?
A hippo-crit.
Teacher to a grade 2 student : Who is the youngest member in your family ? STUDENT : Papa
Teacher : How ?
Student : Because he still sleeps with mummy.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A r**..., a plagiarist, and a cult member walk into a bar...
Oh wait, I meant the Supreme Court.
Sad News At The Nestle Factory
Sad news at the Nestle factory today when a member of staff was seriously injured when a pallet of chocolate fell more than 50 feet and crushed him underneath...
He tried in vain to attract attention but every time he shouted "The milky bars are on me" everyone cheered
An Irishman walks out of a pub, stumbling back and forth with a key in his hand. A cop on the beat sees him and approaches, "Can I help you lad?" "Yesh, Shombody shtole me car!",
The cop asks, "Well now, where was your car last time you saw it?" "It was at the end of this key." About this time the cop looks down to see that the Irishman's member is being exhibited for all to see. He then asks, "Are you aware that you are exposing yourself?" The Irishman looks down woefully and moans "OOH GOD... they got me girl too!"
How many members of the GOP does it take to change a lightbulb?
None. They use gaslighting
Three women are changing at the gym when a man wearing nothing but a ski mask enters the changeroom and starts dancing in front of the women.
The first woman looks at the man and says, "I don't know who this guy is, but he isn't my husband!"
The second woman takes a closer look at the man. Then she turns to the first woman and says, "You are right. He isn't your husband."
The third woman takes an even closer look and says, "He's not even a member of this gym."
