meeting Jokes

funny pick up lines and hilarious meeting puns

Four CEOs of beer companies are having a meeting and they decide to get a drink.

The CEO of Budweiser orders a Bud light.
The CEO of Miller orders a Miller Lite.
The CEO of Coors orders a Coors Light.
The CEO of Guinness orders a Coke.

The three CEOS then ask him, why aren't you ordering a Guinness?

He replies: "If you guys aren't drinking beer than neither will I."

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2 Trump Supporters go to heaven

St. Peter greets them at the Pearly gates and asks if there is anything in the universe they'd like to know before meeting God. The fist guy asks, "What was really in Hillary's emails?"
"Nothing incriminating really", replies St. Peter.
The other guy turns and whispers, "Wow, this goes higher than we thought."

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Hipsters

I had the joy of meeting a couple of hipsters today, and they yelled at me for making fun of them. Apparently the politically correct term is "conjoined twins".

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I didn't know what to wear to the Premature Ejaculation Anonymous meeting...

So I just came in my pants.

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Meeting with the boss

BOSS: Know why I called you in here?

ME: Because I accidentally sent you a dick pic

BOSS [stops pouring 2 glasses of wine] Accidentally?

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I went to my first Fight Club meeting last night

Unfortunately I arrived 10 minutes late so I missed the introductions but I must say I had a fantastic time I'd recommend it to everyone.

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The reason why I only date black girls

is because I don't like meeting dads.

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fight club

I went to my first fight club meeting last night, i showed up late so i missed the first few rules but it was awesome i love fight club cant wait for the next meetingο»Ώ

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Bill Clinton and the Pope die at the same time.

There's an administrative mix up in purgatory and the Pope is sent to Hell and Clinton to Heaven.

After 20 minutes the mistake is discovered and the mistake rectified. As they're heading down the escalator Clinton down, the Pope up, the pope says to Clinton "I'm really looking forward to meeting the virgin Mary".

To which Clinton replies "You're about five minutes too late"

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My biggest fear, when I first started dating, was meeting the girl's father.

But I mainly dated black girls, so it was never really an issue.

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A man was meeting a girlfriend somewhere...

And she said: "is that a gun in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?"
He replied: "Either way, we're having sex tonight"

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We had a safety meeting at work today.

They asked me "what steps would you take in event of a fire?

"Fucking big ones" was apparently not the right answer.

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"You know how I realized I had such a great butt?"

Because every time I would walk away after meeting a group of ladies I could hear them say, " what an ass"

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A kid is a painting prodigy.

He draws a 100 dollar bill on the floor of the classroom; his teacher breaks her nails trying to pick it up, and calls his father.

In the parent teacher meeting she complains from the kid and explains what happened, the father replies:
"You got lucky! at home he drew a vagina on the power outlet."

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My father complained "I've been using a dating app, but I'm only meeting Middle Eastern men."

Dad, you're using Uber.

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A factory owner is trying to come up with innovative ideas to save money and therefor save his business from going under.

The owner calls a meeting with all of his 200 employees out on the plant floor.
"Ok everyone, we are in deep trouble. I will give $2000 dollars to the first person that comes to me with a cost saving idea."
Immediately a guy in the front row shoots up his hand.
Owner says "Yes, Barry. That was fast, what's your cost saving plan?"

Barry says "make it $1000".

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Pedro was driving down a street when...

Pedro was driving down the Panjim street in a swift because he had an important meeting and couldn't find a parking place.

Looking up to heaven he said, "Lord take pity on me. If you find me a parking place I will go to Mass every Sunday for the rest of my life and give up my whiskey. I will give up gambling and womanising too!!"

Miraculously, a parking place appeared.

Pedro looked up again and said," Never mind, I found one ! Sorry I bothered you !!"

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Teacher at parents meeting :

- Your boy was caught smoking marijuana !!!

The mother :

- Oh my God. I wonder where he found it from ??

- He said he got it from his best friend.

The father, wiping a happy tear :

- My boy really said that ... ?

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The bravest thing I ever did

I went to a Transgender Alliance Support Meeting.

I waited over an hour to speak.

Heard all the stories.

Finally it was my turn.

"Sometimes I feel like a man trapped in a woman's body" I said.

Everyone nodded.

"That's how tight my girlfriends pussy is."

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Two engineers are meeting for lunch

Two engineers are meeting for lunch. The second arrives on a bicycle that the first doesn't recognize.

"Where did you get the bike? " the first asks.

The second explained, "It was the weirdest thing. I was walking over here when a beautiful woman rode up on the bike, hopped off, tore off all her clothes and said 'take what you want!' So I took the bike."

"Good call," mused the first, "the clothes probably wouldn't have fit."

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I was nervous about meeting new people on a cruise...

... until I realised, we are all in the same boat.

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What company is the best at meeting deadlines?

The Make a Wish Foundation

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I saw a play that had King Midas meeting Oedipus.

It was pure motherfucking gold.

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I didn't know what to wear to my first Masturbaters Anonymous meeting the other day...

So I just came in my pants

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On meeting Donald Trump, Kim Jon Un says I will destroy America...

Trump replies, No way, that's my job. I won't have another asian stealing an American job.

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Barack Obama and Vladimir Putin were in a meeting

Obama said, "Mr. Putin, the reason that I love my country is that a man can walk right into The White House and say, 'I don't like the way that Barack Obama is running The United States of America.'"

Putin responded, "That's true in Russia, too. Anyone can walk into the Kremlin and say, 'I don't like the way that Barack Obama is running the United States of America.'"

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My boss phoned me and he wasn't happy.

"You're late!" he yelled. "We've got an important meeting in ten minutes!"

I said, "I'm on my way to my car as we speak."

He said, "Do you think you'll make it?"

I said, "Probably, it's only a few feet away."

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A CEO and his board of directors gather for a meeting

CEO: We need to stop testing our products on animals.


BOD: Why? Shampoo companies do it all the time.


CEO: Yeah but we make hammers

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I've just discovered the quickest way to call a family meeting.

I turned off the WiFi router and simply waited in the room where it's located.

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My dad just called a family meeting.

Me, mum, my two brothers, my sister and grandma hurried into the living room and gathered round an IKEA box laying on the floor.

"Dad, it's some flat pack furniture, what do you need the whole family for?" I asked.

"Well, it must be these strange Swedish customs", he replies, "It says assembly required".

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Mexico's president says he will not go to the U.S. for a meeting with Trump

The wall's not even finished and it kept a Mexican out!

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Here's one from Russia

A guy is late for an important meeting but can't find a place to park.
In desperation, he begins to pray.
"Please Lord, if you help me find a parking stall right now, I promise to go to church every Sunday and never drink vodka again!"
A moment later, he sees a beautiful empty spot right next to the entrance.
"Never mind. Found one!"

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A man went to a meeting for premature ejaculators

but when he arrived there was no one there, he'd come too early.

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You can burn up to 150 calories through one vigorous session of masturbation...

Still got me kicked out of my weight watchers meeting though.

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A Jew, a Catholic and a Mormon were having drinks at the bar following an interfaith meeting...

The Jew, bragging on his virility, said, "I have four sons. One more and I'll have a basketball team."

The Catholic, pooh-poohed this accomplishment, stating, "That's nothing, boy. I have 10 sons, one more and I'll have a football team."

To which the Mormon replied, "You fellas ain't got a clue. I have 17 wives. One more and I'll have a golf course."

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What are the most funny Meeting jokes of all time ?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking with someone about Meeting? Well, here are the best Meeting dad jokes to laugh out loud. Crazy funny puns and Meeting pick up lines to share with friends.

Joko Jokes