Medium Sized Jokes
41 medium sized jokes and hilarious medium sized puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about medium sized that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest Medium Sized Short Jokes
Short medium sized jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The medium sized humour may include short medium jokes also.
- My grandfather could communicate with ghosts, who would often ask him about his clothes sizing. He was a medium.
- I'm gonna start a company that makes medium sized pickles Not to brag or anything but it's kind of a big dill.
- So, this fortune teller came in to buy a sweatshirt, but we were out of her size... Let me guess. She's a medium?
- Shirts So like, you know how there's Extra Large and Extra Small sized clothing? Why can't I get something Extra Medium, like its the most generic sized shirt possible.
- I was trying to recall what size shirt to get my friend the psychic, then I remembered…..medium, of course.
- Did you hear about the fortune teller who ordered shoes one size too large? Turns out he was a medium.
- Chicken My brother and I walk into a butcher shop and ask for a medium size chicken.
"Something like this?", the butcher asks.
"Yes", my brother replies, "that's a chicken!" - I met Mia Khalifa out in the street, so I told her that I'm not a huge fan, just a medium-sized one.
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Medium Sized One Liners
Which medium sized one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with medium sized? I can suggest the ones about middle and normal sized.
- What size clothes do fortune teller wear? Medium.
- Condoms are available in three sizes: Small, medium, and liar.
- What size does Lady Gaga wear? Medium rare.
- Waves passed through an average-sized psychic. He's a medium medium-medium.
- What size clothing does a psychic wear? Medium
- What size shirt do ghosts wear? Spiritual Medium
- What do you call somebody who is content being average sized? A happy medium.
- Today i took an L at the store I guess a Medium size would fit me better
- What do you call a medium sized thermometer? A fair in height thermometer
Medium Sized Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.
What funny jokes about medium sized you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean large jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make medium sized pranks.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
So a man walks in to a CVS..
and he goes to the female cashier and asks how he can know what size c**... he should wear. She tells him to step behind the counter, she unzips his pants, gives him a few tugs and says "Medium". He buys his condoms and tells his buddy "Hey, there's this girl at the CVS who can guess your c**... size just by looking!". His buddy, being a 'skeptic' goes and checks it out. She follows the same routine and says "large". He calls his friend when he gets home and is ecstatic. His 14 year old brother overheard the conversation and decided to 'try it out' for himself. So he goes to the CVS and asks the cashier what size c**... he is, she asks him behind the counter, gives him a few tugs and says "Clean up on register 5!".
**tl;dr - h**....**
Teddy Bears
A man meets a gorgeous woman in a bar. They talk, they connect, they end up leaving together.
They get back to her place, and as she shows him around her apartment, he notices that her bedroom is completely packed with teddy bears.
Hundreds of small bears on a shelf all the way along the floor, medium sized ones on a shelf a little higher and huge bears on the top shelf along the wall.
The man is kind of surprised that this woman would have a collection of teddy bears, especially one that's so extensive, but he decides not to mention this to her.
After a night of passion, as they are lying together in the after glow the man rolls over and asks, smiling, "Well, how was it?"
The woman says, "You can have any prize from the BOTTOM shelf."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I spent all day calling my mates to tell them about the 3 way I had last night with twins
o**... asked if I could tell them apart.
I said absolutely! Chris was a blonde with medium sized b**..., and Pat was a dude.
How NOT to cheer up your overweight girlfriend
My girlfriend was sad one day, and exclaimed "I look like a huge whale".
Being the compassionate caring man that I am, I said "no you don't, you're more like a medium-sized seal".
To my surprise she was not amused, or comforted.
A guy goes into a drug store to buy condoms.
The girl behind the counter says, “What size?”
He says, “I don’t know.”
She hold up a finger and says, “That big?”
He says, “Bigger.”
She holds up three fingers and says, “That big?”
He says, “Smaller?”
She holds up two fingers and he says, “That’s it.”
She puts the two fingers in her mouth and says, “Medium.”
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
The Russian President Vladimir Putin called Barack Obama with an emergency request
Mr President, we need help. Our largest c**... factory has exploded, the Russian President explained. My people now have no method of birth control! This is a true disaster!
Vladimir, said Obama, the American people would be happy to do anything within their power to help you.
We do need your help, said Putin.
Could you possibly send one million condoms to tide us over? No problem, I'm on it, said Obama.
Oh, and one more small favour, please? said Putin. Yes? said Obama.
Can you supply the condoms red in colour and at least ten inches long and four inches in diameter?
No problem, replied Obama, and with that, he hung up and called the CEO of Durex. I need a favour, you've got to make one million condoms right away and send them to Russia.
Consider it done, said the CEO of Durex.
Great! Now listen, they have to be red in colour, ten inches long and four inches wide.
Easily done. Anything else?
Yes, says Obama. Print 'MADE IN USA, SIZE MEDIUM' on each one.
A boomer, a millennial, and a Gen Z kid walk into a bar
They sit down at a table and order a bottle of whiskey. The boomer pours a tall glass for himself and says, "There ain't no social security left, so I'm pouring myself a big glass of whiskey!" Then, the millennial grabs the bottle an pours a medium sized glass and says, "I've got $100,000 in student loans and no one is hiring so I'M pouring myself a big glass of whiskey!" They both turn to the Gen Z kid and say "what about you? What are you drinking for?" The Gen Z kid holds up the empty bottle and says, "Nothing, you guys drank it all."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A middle aged man needs to buy condoms, but he doesn't know what size he needs...
So he asks the cashier at the checkout line. She reaches over the counter, grabs his c**..., and calls out over the intercom, "Medium condoms needed at register 3!"
An older gentleman has the same problem later that day, so the woman grabs his c**... and calls out, "Large condoms needed at register 3!"
A few minutes later a 16 year old boy walks in with the same dilemma. The woman grabs his c**... and calls out, "Clean-up at register 3!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A guy goes into a drugstore
A guy goes into a drugstore to buy condoms. The clerk says, What size? The guy says, Gee, I don't know. The clerk says, Go see Sophie in aisle 4. He goes over to see Sophie; she grabs him in the c**..., and yells, Medium.
The guy is mortified, he hurries over to pay and get out of the store. Another guy comes in to buy condoms, the clerks asks the size, and again sends him over to Sophie in aisle 4. Sophie grabs him and yells, Large. The guy struts over to the register, pays and leaves.
A high school kid comes in to buy condoms. The clerk says, What size? The kid feeling embarrassed says, I've never done this before. I don't know what size. The clerk sends him over to Sophie in aisle 4. She grabs him and yells, Clean up in aisle 4!
A farmer has three bulls, One small, one medium, and one large.
The large one looks over the herd of cows and says, "Half these cows are mine!" The medium-sized bull then says, "A third of these cows are mine!" And the small bull, looking crestfallen, says, "Well, the rest of these cows are mine!"
The farmer comes home one day with a simply enormous bull, one that towers over the original three. The largest one says, "Whoa... I guess I'll give him half my cows." The medium-sized one, with fear in his eyes, says, "He can have two-thirds of my cows." But the littlest bull paws at the ground, snorting and stomping, tossing his horns. The other two tell him, "Are you crazy? That new bull will crush you!"
The littlest bull replies, "I just want to make sure he knows I'm a bull."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A guy goes into a drugstore to buy condoms...
A guy goes into a drugstore to buy condoms.
"What size?" asks the clerk.
"Gee, I don't know."
"Go see Sophie in aisle 4." He goes over to see Sophie, who grabs him in the c**..., and yells, "Medium!"
The guy is mortified! He hurries over to pay and leaves quickly.
Another guy comes in to buy condoms, and gets sent to Sophie in aisle 4. Sophie grabs him and yells, "Large!"
The guy struts over to the register, pays, and leaves.
A high school kid comes in to buy condoms.
"What size?" The kid embarrassedly says "I've never done this before. I don't know what size." The clerk sends him over to Sophie in aisle 4.
She grabs him and yells "Clean up in aisle 4!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Sensitive men do exist
A woman meets a gorgeous man in a bar. They talk, they connect, they end up leaving together. They get back to his apartment and she notices that his bedroom is completely packed with sweet cuddly teddy bears.
Hundreds of cute small bears on a shelf all the way along the floor, cuddly medium-sized ones on a shelf a little higher, and huge enormous bears on the top shelf along the wall.
The woman is surprised that this guy would have a collection of teddy bears,especially one that's so extensive, but she decides not to mention this to him, and actually is quite impressed by his sensitive side.
She turns to him... they kiss...and then they rip each other's clothes off and make hot s**... love.
After an intense night of passion with this sensitive guy, they're lying there together in the afterglow, the woman rolls over and she asks,
smiling,
"Well, how was it for you?"
The guy says:
"Help yourself to any prize from the bottom shelf."
A man meets a gorgeous woman in a bar.
They talk, they connect, and they end up leaving together.
They get back to her place, and as she shows him around, he notices that her bedroom is completely packed with teddy bears.
Hundreds of small bears are on a shelf all the way along the floor, medium sized ones are on a shelf a little higher, and huge bears are on the top shelf along the wall. The man is kind of surprised by the collection, especially because it’s so extensive, but he decides not to mention this to her.
She turns to him…they kiss…then they rip each other’s clothes off and romp around the room all night.
After an intense night of passion, as they are lying there together in the afterglow, the man rolls over and asks, smiling, “Well, how’d I do?”
The woman says, “You can have any prize from the bottom shelf.”
Jill goes home one night with a guy she met at a club. He's tall, super hot, and seems different than most guys she meets. They arrive at his place and head straight to his room. Jill can't help but notice a shelf full of teddy bears. On the bottom are small teddy bears, on the middle are medium-sized teddy bears, and finally, on the top are large teddy bears, all lined up beside each other. She begins to think that he is sentimental and sweet, and isn't afraid to show it. Her heart melts and she want to give him the best night of his life. She gives him a bl*wjob, and lets him really give it to her, and even takes it in the rear! In the morning, she slowly gets dressed, and smiles at him and asks, "How was that?" He nods and says, "Not too f*ckin' bad at all. Help yourself to a prize on the second shelf!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A blonde, brunette and redhead were smoking cigarettes one afternoon. The blonde had Camels, redhead had Marlboros, and the brunette had Kools. It began to pour down raining, so the redhead and brunette both pull out condoms and put them on their cigarettes. The blonde asks, "What are you doing?" and they reply, "We're saving it for later." Impressed, and in a hurry, the blonde goes to the nearest store and asks for a c**.... The clerk says "What size: small, medium, or large?" She answers, "I don't know, one to fit a camel?"