The Best 75 Medium Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Medium jokes. There are some medium seance jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these medium dwarf puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Medium Jokes and Puns

Short armed and dangerous.

Did you hear about the mind reading midget that escaped from prison? The papers said small medium at large.

What do you call a midget psychic running from the law?

A small medium at large.

So a man walks in to a CVS..

and he goes to the female cashier and asks how he can know what size condom he should wear. She tells him to step behind the counter, she unzips his pants, gives him a few tugs and says "Medium". He buys his condoms and tells his buddy "Hey, there's this girl at the CVS who can guess your condom size just by looking!". His buddy, being a 'skeptic' goes and checks it out. She follows the same routine and says "large". He calls his friend when he gets home and is ecstatic. His 14 year old brother overheard the conversation and decided to 'try it out' for himself. So he goes to the CVS and asks the cashier what size condom he is, she asks him behind the counter, gives him a few tugs and says "Clean up on register 5!".

**tl;dr - handjobs.**

Medium joke, So a man walks in to a CVS..

Pizza Joke

If you slice up a large pizza, that's no big deal.

But if you slice up a medium, you can get jail time.

And she should have seen it coming.

Did you hear about the psychic midget who escaped police custody?

Be on the lookout for a small medium at large.


What about the mad cow?

A man and his wife arrive from a business trip and
go to his favorite steakhouse unaware of the mad cow outbreak in his town. The waiter sits them and says, "Our special today is duck or shrimp."

The man replies, "I want a T-bone steak medium well."

The waiter, a bit miffed continues, "What about the mad cow?"

The man looks at the waiter and says, "She can order for herself."

What size clothes do fortune tellers wear?

Medium.

Medium joke, What size clothes do fortune tellers wear?

A steak pun

is a rare medium well done

A man and a woman go out to dinner...

This is during the time the Mad Cow disease ravished Britain. A man and a woman are sitting at a table when the waiter approaches them, asking "what would you like for dinner?"

The man replies, I'll have a fat juicy steak, medium rare with all the trimmings. Gravy and roast potatoes please. The waiter asks "what about the mad cow?"

To which the man replies
"Nahh she'll just have fish"

Teddy Bears

A man meets a gorgeous woman in a bar. They talk, they connect, they end up leaving together.
They get back to her place, and as she shows him around her apartment, he notices that her bedroom is completely packed with teddy bears.
Hundreds of small bears on a shelf all the way along the floor, medium sized ones on a shelf a little higher and huge bears on the top shelf along the wall.
The man is kind of surprised that this woman would have a collection of teddy bears, especially one that's so extensive, but he decides not to mention this to her.
After a night of passion, as they are lying together in the after glow the man rolls over and asks, smiling, "Well, how was it?"
The woman says, "You can have any prize from the BOTTOM shelf."

A 3 foot tall psychic escapes prison, then he gets a look at the newspaper

"Small medium at large"

You can explore medium fortuneteller reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean medium media dad jokes. There are also medium puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


Did you hear about the psychic midget who is wanted by the FBI?

She's a small medium at large.

What do you call a little person who can talk to ghosts and just escaped from prison?

A small medium at large.

A dwarf, that happens to be a mystic, escapes from prison.

The call went out that there was a small medium at large.

Did you hear about that psychic who performed self-immolation in public today?

It's rare to see a medium well done.

What do you call a 5' 2" fortune teller that has escaped from prison?

A small medium at large

Medium joke, What do you call a 5' 2" fortune teller that has escaped from prison?

Did you hear about the midget fortune teller who broke out of prison?

He's a small medium at large.

A psychic dwarf escaped from prison

There's a small medium at large.

"They said 'You'll never amount to anything, you aren't handsome enough to be a star, you're too short, you can't sing, you're not funny enough'"

"So anyway here's your medium Latte that'll be 3.79"


All of the fortune tellers I've met are either really depressing or overly enhusiastic.

Why can't I find a happy medium?

What do you call a midget fortune teller, who is wanted by the law?

A Small Medium at Large

A psychic goes into a clothing store

A psychic walks into a clothing store looking for a new shirt.

Employee: "How about this shirt?"

Psychic: "That shirt is too small."

Employee: "You didn't even try it on"

Psychic: "Because I am a medium"

There aren't many books on how to cook steak

It's a rare medium done well.

A local movie theatre was robbed of $600 worth of merchandise

The suspects stole 3 medium popcorns, 1 bag of skittles and 4 small diet cokes.

Two midgets are sitting around, bored...

When one of them pulls out some weed and asks:

"Wanna get medium?"

What do you call a psychic midget wanted by the police?

A small medium at large.

Psychic buys clothing

Employee: How about this one?

Psychic: That shirt is too small

Employee: You didn't even try it on

Psychic: I'm a medium

What do you call a midget psychic that broke out of jail?

A small medium at large

An old Hitler joke

Some time ago, a medium contacted Hitler's spirit by accident. Out of curiosity, he decided to listen to what Hitler had to say.

"Listen to my words, you little brat: I'm gonna reincarnate someday, and I'm gonna kill six million Jews and two dogs".

"Why the two dogs?" the medium replied.

"See, nobody cares about the Jews!"

What did the headlines read after the midget fortune-teller escaped from jail?

Small medium at large.

When midgets smoke weed...

...do they get high, or do they just get medium?

Why couldn't the psychic fit in the small shirt?

Because he was a medium

A midget psychic broke out of prison.

Now there's a small medium at large.

What do you get when a short psychic escapes prison?

A small medium at large!

A psychic midget has escaped from prison..

Police are looking for a small medium at large.

How do emo's like their meat cooked

medium rawr

What do you call a short, psychic who is wanted?

A small medium at large

A midget who claims to see dead people just escaped from a psychiatric ward.

There's a small medium at large.

A psychic dwarf escaped from jail

The call went out that there was a small medium at large.

What do you call a fat medium?

Four-chin teller

Everytime I eat fast food I can talk to dead people...

Maybe I should quit ordering the medium fries.

I'm gonna start a company that makes medium sized pickles

Not to brag or anything but it's kind of a big dill.

Did you hear about the midget fortune teller that's on a killing spree?

They're saying he's a small medium at large.

A petite fortune teller excapes prison

**Breaking News**

Small Medium at Large

Condoms are available in three sizes:

Small, medium, and liar.

News break: A fortune telling midget just escaped from prison, police are reporting to be on the lookout for a:

Small medium at large.

I was looking for a new psychic when I noticed they were either obese or anorexic.

Is it that hard to find a healthy medium?

What do you call a psychic cow?

Medium Rare.

Why did the psychic medium hang himself?

To get to the other side.

A psychic dwarf has been on the run from the police for months...

He is a small medium at large.

The waitress brought me the wrong order at Texas Road House, and I told her it was a Miss Steak.

She shook her head, sighed, and told me, "Steak jokes are a rare medium well done."

What do you call a 3ft tall psychic who escaped from prison?

A small medium at large.

A blonde orders a medium pizza

The cashier asks if she wants it cut into four or eight slices.

"Hmm... four. I don't think I can eat eight."

What happens when midgets do weed?

They get medium, they're to short to get high

My dad died, and I wanted to talk to him in the afterlife.

So I went to a woman who could speak with the dead. I told her my situation, and described my dad. She went into a trance and, after a few moments, said "I'm communing with your father."

Then she smiled, so I punched her.

"What did you do that for?!" she demanded, shocked.

"It's what my dad would have wanted," I told her. "He always said it's important to strike a happy medium."

Breaking: Police are on the hunt for a 5 foot fortune teller.

She's a small medium at large.

Did you hear about the psychic dwarf that escaped prison?

News headlines say "Small medium at large".

What do you call a psychic dwarf on the run?

A small medium at large

Did you hear about the alcoholic medium?

He made all the spirits disappear.

My grandfather could communicate with ghosts, who would often ask him about his clothes sizing.

He was a medium.

A midget who went to prison for scamming people with his so-called psychic readings escaped.

Small medium at large.

Waiter: And how would you like your steak prepared?

Me: Guess

Waiter: Medium rare?

Me: Well done

Waiter: Uhhh..

A dwarf who can talk to ghosts escaped from prison.

The police alert said There's a small medium at large.

Why could the petit clairvoyant never find a dress that fits?

Everyone thought she was a medium

Most of the posts here are medium.

They aren't rare and they are definitely not well done.

My best friend with dwarfism started communicating with spirits...

My best friend with dwarfism started communicating with spirits. We were both happy for him.

He finally became a medium

Wife: I'm going shopping, do you need anything?

Husband: I'm looking for inner-peace and happiness, an answer to my doubts, a sense of fulfilment, a medium through which I can transcend consciousness and reach true spirituality, calmness and...


Wife: Be specific; Smirnoff or Absolut?

What do you call a clairvoyant dwarf that's on the run?

A small medium at large

Putin and Medvedev go to a high class restaurant.

Putin says to the waiter "For the meat I want a rib-eye steak, medium rare. The potatos are to be baked with sour cream".

The waiter asks "what about the vegetable?"

Putin looks at Medvedev and back to the waiter and says, "He'll have the same"

The medium is the massage...

Last year, I wrote a book on penguins. In retrospect, paper would have been much easier.

I was at a seance and the spiritualist kept giggling, so I punched him.

My mother always told me to strike a happy medium.

My friend came up to me and said, "Dude I'm starting a sweatshirts business. It's going to be huge".

I said "Alright make sure you have it in small and medium also."

Pharmacist: May I help you, sir?

Customer: Yes... I, uh... well, this is sort of embarrassing, but I'm going out on a date tonight and, you know, I need some...

Pharmacist: Protection?

Customer: Right.

Pharmacist: Small, medium or large?

Customer: Uhhhh... Medium, I guess.

Pharmacist: Okay, that'll be $2.35 including tax.

Customer: Tacks?! I thought they stayed on by themselves!

I spent all day calling my mates to tell them about the 3 way I had last night with twins

One guy asked if I could tell them apart.

I said absolutely! Chris was a blonde with medium sized breasts, and Pat was a dude.

A dwarf spiritualist broke out of prison today.

Police say there is a small medium at large.

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the medium psychic jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working medium large piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes