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Medium Jokes

174 medium jokes and hilarious medium puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about medium that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

These medium-length jokes are sure to make you chuckle! From medium rare steaks to a grande-sized cup of coffee, you'll find jokes about all kinds of mediums. Perfect for gatherings amongst friends, these jokes are at a medium level of difficulty, so even a fortuneteller could decipher them.

Funniest Medium Short Jokes

Short medium jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The medium humour may include short middle jokes also.

  1. Most of the posts here are medium. They aren't rare and they are definitely not well done.
  2. A local movie theatre was robbed of $600 worth of merchandise The suspects stole 3 medium popcorns, 1 bag of skittles and 4 small diet cokes.
  3. Waiter: And how would you like your steak prepared? Me: Guess
    Waiter: Medium rare?
    Me: Well done
    Waiter: Uhhh..
  4. Psychic buys clothing Employee: How about this one?
    Psychic: That shirt is too small
    Employee: You didn't even try it on
    Psychic: I'm a medium
  5. I cooked a medium-rare steak for my friend, and he said, I like it Well Done. I said, Thanks buddy. That means a lot.
  6. A psychic midget has escaped from prison.. Police are looking for a small medium at large.
  7. Steak related jokes are not very common... But when it's good, it's a rare medium well done.
  8. Found a shirt that says, I see dead people But I can't wear it because it only fits mediums
  9. All of the fortune teller I've met are either really depressing or overly enhusiastic. Why can't I find a happy medium?
  10. Everytime I eat fast food I can talk to dead people... Maybe I should quit ordering the medium fries.

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Medium One Liners

Which medium one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with medium? I can suggest the ones about median and semi.

  1. How rare is it for a cow to be struck by lightning? Medium rare.
  2. If a psychic dwarf is evading the police... Does that make him a small medium at large?
  3. What size clothes do fortune tellers wear? Medium.
  4. What do you call a 4 foot psychic that got away with robbery? A small medium at large
  5. Why couldn't the psychic fit in the small shirt? Because he was a medium
  6. What do you call a midget psychic that broke out of jail? A small medium at large
  7. A dwarf psychic is on the run from police. There is a small medium at large
  8. A psychic dwarf escaped from prison There's a small medium at large.
  9. Did you hear about the alcoholic medium? He made all the spirits disappear.
  10. What do you call a psychic midget wanted by the police? A small medium at large.
  11. What do you call a child psychic running from police? A small medium at large.
  12. A midget psychic broke out of prison. Now there's a small medium at large.
  13. What do you call a psychic cow? Medium Rare.
  14. What do you call a fat medium? Four-chin teller
  15. Why are there no psychics who enjoy life Happy mediums don't exist

Medium Rare Jokes

Here is a list of funny medium rare jokes and even better medium rare puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • A cannibal brings a fortune teller home to his wife. He says, "Remember not to overcook this one. I like a medium rare."
  • There aren't many books on how to cook steak It's a rare medium done well.
  • A steak pun is a rare medium well done
  • Did you hear about that psychic who performed self-immolation in public today? It's rare to see a medium well done.
  • Why are clairvoyants called mediums? Because they're not rare or well done.
  • Lightning striking a cow isn't a rare event It's medium rare
  • The waitress brought me the wrong order at Texas Road House, and I told her it was a Miss Steak. She shook her head, sighed, and told me, "Steak jokes are a rare medium well done."
  • Why is television called a medium? Because it isn't rare and is never quite well done
  • A student wants to know how he did on a test Student: I know my curved score was a 90, but how was my raw score?
    Teacher: Medium rare
    Student: What does that mean?
    Teacher: Not well done.
  • Steak puns are a rare medium well done. Credit to my brother. He thinks it's original, but it seems to perfect to be.

Medium Size Jokes

Here is a list of funny medium size jokes and even better medium size puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • A psychic goes into a store. The shop employee hands her a sweater in size large, and she says it's too big. The employee asks how she knows without trying it on. The psychic replies, I'm a medium.
  • My grandfather could communicate with ghosts, who would often ask him about his clothes sizing. He was a medium.
  • I'm gonna start a company that makes medium sized pickles Not to brag or anything but it's kind of a big dill.
  • Condoms are available in three sizes: Small, medium, and liar.
  • So, this fortune teller came in to buy a sweatshirt, but we were out of her size... Let me guess. She's a medium?
  • Shirts So like, you know how there's Extra Large and Extra Small sized clothing? Why can't I get something Extra Medium, like its the most generic sized shirt possible.
  • What size does Lady Gaga wear? Medium rare.
  • Waves passed through an average-sized psychic. He's a medium medium-medium.
  • I was trying to recall what size shirt to get my friend the psychic, then I remembered…..medium, of course.
  • What size clothing does a psychic wear? Medium
Medium joke, What size clothing does a psychic wear?

Medium Sized Jokes

Here is a list of funny medium sized jokes and even better medium sized puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • What size shirt do ghosts wear? Spiritual Medium
  • What do you call somebody who is content being average sized? A happy medium.
  • Did you hear about the fortune teller who ordered shoes one size too large? Turns out he was a medium.
  • Today i took an L at the store I guess a Medium size would fit me better
  • Chicken My brother and I walk into a butcher shop and ask for a medium size chicken.
    "Something like this?", the butcher asks.
    "Yes", my brother replies, "that's a chicken!"
  • What size shirt does a psychic wear ? Medium
  • What do you call a medium sized thermometer? A fair in height thermometer
  • I met Mia Khalifa out in the street, so I told her that I'm not a huge fan, just a medium-sized one.

Medium Rare Steak Jokes

Here is a list of funny medium rare steak jokes and even better medium rare steak puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • I made a good video about steak in a sea of bad videos about steak... I guess you could say it's a rare example of a medium well done.
  • At the office barbecue, I grilled a medium rare steak for my boss, and he said, I like it well done! I said, Thanks. That means a lot.
  • "Two steaks please", I asked the writer. "Rare for me, medium rare for my friend." He brought us a lovely bit of panda and a nice chunk of giraffe.
  • A friend showed me a funny steak pun the other day. I must say, steak puns are truly a rare medium well done.
  • I have never actually heard a good steak pun... But I've heard it's a rare medium well done
  • My friend has become a master of making art out of steak. It is a rare medium, but well done.
  • My local newspaper ran a story on the decrease of cow psychics. It was called "Steak Medium Rare"
  • Why are Good steaks hard to find? Because it's a rare medium well done.
  • Why dont most people order medium steaks? Because they're rarely well done
  • About tasty steaks. You knowing the art of making a steak is a rare medium well done.
Medium joke, About tasty steaks.

Hilarious Fun Medium Jokes That Will Have You Rolling with Laughter

What funny jokes about medium you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean large jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make medium pranks.

A midget once smoked a lot of w**......

He got medium.

Short armed and dangerous.

Did you hear about the mind reading midget that escaped from prison? The papers said small medium at large.

What do you call a midget psychic running from the law?

A small medium at large.

So a man walks in to a CVS..

and he goes to the female cashier and asks how he can know what size c**... he should wear. She tells him to step behind the counter, she unzips his pants, gives him a few tugs and says "Medium". He buys his condoms and tells his buddy "Hey, there's this girl at the CVS who can guess your c**... size just by looking!". His buddy, being a 'skeptic' goes and checks it out. She follows the same routine and says "large". He calls his friend when he gets home and is ecstatic. His 14 year old brother overheard the conversation and decided to 'try it out' for himself. So he goes to the CVS and asks the cashier what size c**... he is, she asks him behind the counter, gives him a few tugs and says "Clean up on register 5!".
**tl;dr - h**....**

Pizza Joke

If you slice up a large pizza, that's no big deal.
But if you slice up a medium, you can get jail time.
And she should have seen it coming.

Did you hear about the psychic midget who escaped police custody?

Be on the lookout for a small medium at large.

What about the mad cow?

A man and his wife arrive from a business trip and
go to his favorite steakhouse unaware of the mad cow outbreak in his town. The waiter sits them and says, "Our special today is duck or shrimp."
The man replies, "I want a T-bone steak medium well."
The waiter, a bit miffed continues, "What about the mad cow?"
The man looks at the waiter and says, "She can order for herself."

A man and a woman go out to dinner...

This is during the time the Mad Cow disease ravished Britain. A man and a woman are sitting at a table when the waiter approaches them, asking "what would you like for dinner?"
The man replies, I'll have a fat juicy steak, medium rare with all the trimmings. Gravy and roast potatoes please. The waiter asks "what about the mad cow?"
To which the man replies
"Nahh she'll just have fish"

Teddy Bears

A man meets a gorgeous woman in a bar. They talk, they connect, they end up leaving together.
They get back to her place, and as she shows him around her apartment, he notices that her bedroom is completely packed with teddy bears.
Hundreds of small bears on a shelf all the way along the floor, medium sized ones on a shelf a little higher and huge bears on the top shelf along the wall.
The man is kind of surprised that this woman would have a collection of teddy bears, especially one that's so extensive, but he decides not to mention this to her.
After a night of passion, as they are lying together in the after glow the man rolls over and asks, smiling, "Well, how was it?"
The woman says, "You can have any prize from the BOTTOM shelf."

A 3 foot tall psychic escapes prison, then he gets a look at the newspaper

"Small medium at large"

What do a call a midget psychic that just robbed a bank?

A Small, Medium, at Large

Did you hear about the psychic midget who is wanted by the FBI?

She's a small medium at large.

What do you call a little person who can talk to ghosts and just escaped from prison?

A small medium at large.

A dwarf, that happens to be a mystic, escapes from prison.

The call went out that there was a small medium at large.

What do you call a 5' 2" fortune teller that has escaped from prison?

A small medium at large

What do you call a 7' 2" fortune teller in his underpants?

A large medium in smalls.

Why should you attempt to hit a psychic who is smiling?

Because you should always try and strike a happy medium!

Did you hear about the midget fortune teller who broke out of prison?

He's a small medium at large.

"They said 'You'll never amount to anything, you aren't handsome enough to be a star, you're too short, you can't sing, you're not funny enough'"

"So anyway here's your medium Latte that'll be 3.79"

What do you call a midget fortune teller, who is wanted by the law?

A Small Medium at Large

A psychic goes into a clothing store

A psychic walks into a clothing store looking for a new shirt.
Employee: "How about this shirt?"
Psychic: "That shirt is too small."
Employee: "You didn't even try it on"
Psychic: "Because I am a medium"

Two midgets are sitting around, bored...

When one of them pulls out some w**... and asks:
"Wanna get medium?"

When midgets celebrate 4/20...

Do they get high, or just get medium?

What do you call a midget fortune-teller who's on the run from the law?

**A small medium at large.**
^(Hope this doesn't get posted often)

An old h**... joke

Some time ago, a medium contacted h**...'s spirit by accident. Out of curiosity, he decided to listen to what h**... had to say.
"Listen to my words, you little brat: I'm gonna reincarnate someday, and I'm gonna kill six million Jews and two dogs".
"Why the two dogs?" the medium replied.
"See, nobody cares about the Jews!"

What did the headlines read after the midget fortune-teller escaped from jail?

Small medium at large.

When midgets smoke w**......

...do they get high, or do they just get medium?

What would u call a clairvoyant midget who escaped prison?

A small medium at large.

I punched a clairvoyant who was laughing at me once.

I like to strike a happy medium

What do you call a four foot tall mind-reader who escaped from jail?

A small medium at large.

What do you get when a short psychic escapes prison?

A small medium at large!

If a midget smokes p**......

...does he get high or medium?

How do emo's like their meat cooked

medium rawr

What do you call a short, psychic who is wanted?

A small medium at large

A midget who claims to see dead people just escaped from a psychiatric ward.

There's a small medium at large.

A psychic dwarf escaped from jail

The call went out that there was a small medium at large.

I'm reading a crime novel about a dwarf psychic on the run from the police

It's called: Small Medium at Large

What do you call a midget fortune teller on the run from the police?

A small medium at large

My wife wanted to visit a jubilant psychic, and I wanted to see a jovial palm reader.

Thankfully, we managed to find a happy medium.

Did you hear about the midget fortune teller that's on a killing spree?

They're saying he's a small medium at large.

A petite fortune teller excapes prison

**Breaking News**
Small Medium at Large

News break: A fortune telling midget just escaped from prison, police are reporting to be on the lookout for a:

Small medium at large.

What do you call a dwarf with ESP who escapes from prison?

A Small Medium at Large

I was looking for a new psychic when I noticed they were either obese or anorexic.

Is it that hard to find a healthy medium?

'Police have announced that a psychic dwarf has escaped from custody.'

'They're looking for a small medium at large.'

Why did the psychic medium hang himself?

To get to the other side.

A psychic dwarf has been on the run from the police for months...

He is a small medium at large.

When mediums get drunk and all sentimental...

They call their future spouses.

What do you call a 3ft tall psychic who escaped from prison?

A small medium at large.

If short people smoke w**... ,

Do they get high or medium?

A blonde orders a medium pizza

The cashier asks if she wants it cut into four or eight slices.
"Hmm... four. I don't think I can eat eight."

What happens when midgets do w**...?

They get medium, they're to short to get high

A psychic who has dwarfism escaped from prison yesterday.

He's a small medium at large.

What do you call a clairvoyant dwarf who's just escaped from prison?

A small medium at large.

My dad died, and I wanted to talk to him in the afterlife.

So I went to a woman who could speak with the dead. I told her my situation, and described my dad. She went into a trance and, after a few moments, said "I'm communing with your father."
Then she smiled, so I punched her.
"What did you do that for?!" she demanded, shocked.
"It's what my dad would have wanted," I told her. "He always said it's important to strike a happy medium."

Breaking: Police are on the hunt for a 5 foot fortune teller.

She's a small medium at large.

Did you hear about the psychic dwarf that escaped prison?

News headlines say "Small medium at large".

What do you call a psychic dwarf escaping prison?

An small medium at large!

What do you call a psychic dwarf on the run?

A small medium at large

A midget who went to prison for scamming people with his so-called psychic readings escaped.

Small medium at large.

Medium joke, A midget who went to prison for scamming people with his so-called  psychic readings  escaped.

jokes about medium