Medieval Jokes

93 medieval jokes and hilarious medieval puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about medieval that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Discover the good, the bad, and the funny side of Medieval times with these hilarious jokes about medieval history! From the jester to the knight, yo mama to the peasant, the siege of Canterbury to the codes of chivalry, explore the funnier aspects of Medieval life with these accessible jokes.

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Funniest Medieval Short Jokes

Short medieval jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The medieval humour may include short middle ages jokes also.

  1. I wanted to name my son Lance, but my wife said it was to uncommon... ... I told her that in medieval days, people were named Lance a lot.
  2. Lance is not a common name nowadays. But in medieval times, people called their sons Lance a lot.
  3. Last night, I gave my girlfriend a medieval battle uniform to polish while I went to the bar. I mean, she always said she wanted... ...a night in, shining armor.
  4. How did one become a medieval executioner? You had to axe nicely.
    h/t to my 8 year old daughter.
  5. Have you noticed that if you google the phrase "lost medieval servant boy" The search returns "Page not found".
  6. What did the medieval knight say when he got caught doping? I was just getting my Lance Armstrong.
  7. Medieval Minstrels were the first victims of EA's corporate greed They could only access their instruments by opening Lute Boxes
  8. Have you noticed if you Google the term "lost medieval servant boy" It says "page not found"
  9. What happens if you google "Lost Medieval Servant Boy"? It says "This paige cannot be found".
  10. Me and my friends argued all day what to call a medieval soldier But it was getting late, so we called it a knight

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Medieval One Liners

Which medieval one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with medieval? I can suggest the ones about viking and ancient.

  1. I Googled "Missing Medieval Servant" It came back: "Page Not Found"
  2. What do you call a Medieval spy? Sir Veillance
  3. Lance is an uncommon name nowadays. But in medieval times people were named Lance a lot.
  4. What do you call a stunt rider from the 1200's? Medieval Knievel
  5. Tried Googling "Missing Medieval Servant" but I kept getting Page Not Found
  6. I googled 'lost medieval servant boy'... The result was 'This page cannot be found.'
  7. Are you a good knight, or a bad knight? Ehh, medieval.
  8. What do you get when you cross a female horse with a medieval warrior? A Knightmare
  9. When medieval armies went off to war... were they playing for keeps?
  10. What is the rain's favorite medieval reenactment? Storming a castle.
  11. I like my wine like I like my medieval cities. Fortified.
  12. Why do medieval ghosts refuse to stop at McDonald's? They prefer Wight Castle.
  13. What did the borg say to the medieval peasant? Resistance if feudal
  14. When did medieval soldiers go to sleep? Knight time.
  15. [Stupid] Why was the medieval man such an a-hole on the plane ride? Because U-KNIGHTED AIRLINES

Medieval Times Jokes

Here is a list of funny medieval times jokes and even better medieval times puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Lance It isnt a common name anymore, but in medieval times, people were named Lance a lot.
  • If I lived in medieval times, I'd be a tavern guard. I've always been known for my Inn-Security.
  • Back in medieval times King Arthur had a knight that collected taxes His name was Sir Charge
  • What would be one of the worst crimes to commit if you were a sheep living in the medieval times? Muttiny
  • A guitarist traveled back in time to the Medieval Ages and became an apprentice to a noble knight He was a squier.
  • Arab scientists have invented a time-travel device that can transport an entire nation back to medieval times. They're calling it 'Islam'.
  • Dance music... Dance music can be traced back to medieval times when a farmer dropped some heavy beets.
  • Why were people in the Medieval times so self absorbed? Because they thought that they were the center of the universe.

Medieval Knight Jokes

Here is a list of funny medieval knight jokes and even better medieval knight puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • What do you call a medieval knight with one leg that's shorter than the other? An Angled-Saxon
  • What do you call a nocturnal medieval warrior? A night knight.
  • I hear the Black Knight isn't as bad as he seems... He's medieval
Medieval joke, I hear the Black Knight isn't as bad as he seems...

Medieval Castles Jokes

Here is a list of funny medieval castles jokes and even better medieval castles puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • What is the name of a medieval castle for stoners? Fort Wenty
  • What can you find in both medieval English castles and American art museums? Norman Rock Wells.

Medieval Peasant Jokes

Here is a list of funny medieval peasant jokes and even better medieval peasant puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Why was the 10 year-old medieval peasant depressed? He was going through his midlife crisis.
  • Did you know there were vegetarians in Medieval Europe? More often than not, they were called "peasants"
  • Why did the cannibal have a medieval peasant and JK Rowling over for dinner? They wanted to eat serf and terf.
Medieval joke, Why did the cannibal have a medieval peasant and JK Rowling over for dinner?

Amusing Medieval Jokes to Make You Laugh with Friends

What funny jokes about medieval you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean knight jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make medieval pranks.

This day is medieval...

Because it's a dragon.

What did the Medieval Gynecologist say to his patients?

At your c**..., m'lady

Today, someone asked me if there's a possibility that I know anything about Medieval music.

I said, "not a Gregorian chants".

What do you call a medieval dentist?

A plaque doctor.

I googled 'missing medieval servant boy'

404 Paige not found

TIL: Many medieval surnames like Fletcher or Cooper refer to the patriarch's traditional occupation.

I guess I won't be marrying Mr. Dickinson.

I was sword fighting this guy medieval style then all of a sudden he starts to unscrew his pommel

And then it hit me...

I recently came out to my family, I told them I wasn't on the outside who I was on the inside. I told them I wasn't a boy but a medieval stringed instrument.

They called me a lyre.

I tried searching the internet for a medieval servant boy...

but I kept getting the same error.
Page not found!

My buddy was into medieval things, so I asked if he had ever been poked by a lance,

He said "no but I was once lightly caressed by a Stephen"

People often misuse the word "chivalry."

I looked up the rules of chivalry. Only one part is about respecting women. The rest is medieval battle etiquette.
The other day I didn't open a door for a women behind me. "I guess chivlary is dead," she said. Enraged, I challenged her to armed combat
Turns out I'm the better jouster.
Chivalry is alive but that woman is dead.

Me: Honey, we are having dinner tonight with a medieval ruler of Germany.

Her: F*c**.... Not Burger King again!!

I asked my wife to polish my medieval battle uniform while I go to the pub.

She always wanted a night in, shining armour.

Have you noticed that if you google the phrase "lost medieval servant boy"

It comes back with "this page cannot be found"

Did you know, if you google medieval squire boy....

it'll say this page cannot be found.

One Time Long Ago, Way Back In Medieval Times...

There was a brave knight named Sir Finley who fought everything the king commissioned him to. One day, a dragon terrorized a nearby village, scaring the kingdom. Sir Finley was sent of to slay this terrible dragon. Once he got there, the dragon's tail knocked him off balance. Sir Finley fell to the dragon, and the dragon cut off his feet first when starting to cook.
Sir Finley was de-feet-ed.

What do you call a medieval ruler who frequently says farewell, is attracted to both genders, rides a motorcycle, and originates from Scandinavia?

A biking

A strange sight was seen in the Skies of Medieval Canterbury

It was a flying Chaucer!

A medieval worker in England was fixing the fence on the top of the castle

He decided to take a break because he was hungry.
Two knights practicing combat nearby. One of them accidentally made a mistake and got shoved into the unfixed fence.
When the fence broke, he forcefully fell down the long distance. When he got down, in his dying breath, he screamed "THIS ISN'T EVEN REPOSTED!"

A joke I translated from Russian

A pauper is sitting by a road in medieval England. All of a sudden, Robin Hood comes out of the forest, throws a bag of gold at the pauper's feet and says, "I am Robin Hood. I take from the rich and give to the poor."
The pauper tears up, embraces Robin Hood and says, "I am finally rich." Robin Hood then stabs the pauper with his sword,
"I am Robin Hood. I take from the rich and give to the poor."

A medieval astrologer prophesied to a king that his favorite mistress would soon die.

Sure enough, the woman died a short time later. The king was outraged at the astrologer, certain that his prophecy had brought about the woman's death. He summoned the astrologer and gave him this command: "Prophet, tell me when you will die!"The astrologer realized that the king was planning to kill him, immediately, no matter what answer he gave. So he said, finally, "I do not know when I will die. I only know that whenever I die, you will die three days later."

Did you see that their is a Medieval play about m**...?

It's a period piece

What does the Postal Service have in common with Medieval Blacksmiths?

They both deliver the Mail.

Why do babies in medieval paintings look like baguettes?

*It's cause they're i**...*

Medieval Yo Mama joke

Saw this joke today, it's from the 1400's
A young Florentine was going down to River Arno with one of
those nets in which they wash wool, and met a frolicsome boy,
who, out of fun, asked him what birds he was going to catch with
that net of his? "I am going to the Brothel's outlet," replied the
youth, "to spread my net there, and catch your mother." Mind
you search the place carefully," retorted the boy, "for you will be sure to find yours there also.

In medieval times, people used to attach a lamp to a horse when riding at night.

This is the earliest known form of saddle light navigation.

*I'll fetch my coat of arms*

Medieval joke, Me and my friends argued all day what to call a medieval soldier

jokes about medieval