The Best 63 Medicine Jokes

Following is our collection of funniest Medicine jokes. There are some medicine homeopathic jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud. Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these medicine the medicine puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Funny Medicine Jokes and Puns

Bill Gates and Elon Musk should team-up and make a medicine to treat erectile dysfunction,

and name it ElonGates.

The older man and his problems

A man getting along in years finds that he is unable to perform sexually. He finally goes to his doctor who tries a few things, but nothing seems to work. Finally, as a last hope, the doctor refers him to an African medicine man. The medicine man says, "I can cure this." With that said, he throws a white powder into a flame, and there is a flash with billowing blue smoke.

Then he says, "This is powerful healing but you can only use it once a year. All you have to do is say '123,' and it shall rise for as long as you wish!"

The man then asks, "What happens when it's over, and I don't want to continue?"

The medicine man replies: "When your partner can take no more sex and is completely raddled, all she has to say is '1234', and it will then go down. But be warned: The pork swordsman will not rise again for another year."

The old gent rushes home, anxious to try out his new powers. That night he showers, shaves, and smothers himself in aftershave. He slides into bed,cuddles up to his wife, says "123" and suddenly he has the most gigantic stiffie ever, just as the medicine man promised.

His wife turns over and asks: "What did you say '123' for?"

Russian pharmacy

Doctor: This medicine is from insomnia, this one is from nervous break-down, and also take this one from depression.

Patient: Thank you very much, doctor, but do you have any other medicine besides vodka?

Medicine joke, Russian pharmacy

BUD LIGHT AND SWEET TEA

A woman goes to the doctor all black and blue. Doctor: "What happened?" Woman: "Doctor, I don't know what to do. Every time my husbandcomes home drunk on Bud Light he beats me up." Doctor: "I have a real good medicine for that. When your husbandcomes home drunk on Bud Light, just take a glass of sweet tea andstart swishing it in your mouth but don't swallow. Just keep swishingand swishing until he goes to bed in his Bud Light stupor." Two weeks later the woman comes back to the doctor looking freshand reborn. Woman: "Doctor that was a brilliant idea. Every time my husbandcame home drunk on Bud Light, I swished with sweet tea. I swished and swished, and he didn'ttouch me!"
Doctor: "You see how much keeping your mouth shut helps?"

Where do Cows get their medicine from?

The Farmacy.


Cough Medicine

The owner of a drug store walks in to find a guy leaning heavily against wall. The owner asks the clerk, "What's with that guy over there by the wall?"

The clerk says, "Well, he came in here this morning to get something for his cough. I couldn't find the cough syrup, so I gave him an entire bottle of laxative."

The owner says, "You idiot! You can't treat a cough with laxatives!"

The clerk says, "Oh yeah? Look at him, he's afraid to cough!"

Bill works in a machine shop. One day he gets into an accident at work...

He leans in too close to a piece of machinery and chops off his arm. Bob rushes over to help. He puts Bill's arm in a plastic bag and takes him to the hospital. An hour later Bill comes out with his arm reattached. "Ah, the miracles of modern medicine," says Bob.

A few weeks later, Bill leans in too close again and chops off his leg. Bob puts Bill's leg in a plastic bag and takes him to the hospital. 2 hours later Bill comes out with his leg reattached. "Ah, the miracles of modern medicine," says Bob.

A few weeks later, Bill once again leans in too close and lops off his head. Bob puts Bill's head in a plastic bag and takes him to the hospital. 3 hours go by and finally a doctor emerges from the surgery room. He walks over to Bob and says, "I'm sorry, but your friend didn't make it." Bob is distraught and says, "But the miracles of modern medicine have samed him before. Why couldn't you reattach his head?" The doctor replies, "We would have been able to, but some idiot put his head in a plastic bag and he suffocated."

Medicine joke, Bill works in a machine shop. One day he gets into an accident at work...

Did you hear about the guy who OD'ed on homeopathic medicine?

He had forgotten to take them.

Why did the blonde tiptoe past the medicine cabinet?

She didn't want to wake the sleeping pills.

Why ebola medicine doesn't work in Africa?

Because it can't be taken on empty stomach

What do you call alternative medicine that works?

Medicine.

You can explore medicine suppository reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean medicine cure dad jokes. There are also medicine puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


A duck walks in to an alternative medicine practicioners office. Points a wing at him and says with a frown:

"Quack!"

Congratulations to Tu Youyou on winning the Nobel Prize in Medicine and for being the most confusing person to sing Happy Birthday to.

If laughter was the best medicine...

Your face would cure the world!

A guy walks into a drugstore and sees a guy leaning heavily against the wall

He asks the clerk, 'What's with that guy?'

Clerk says, 'He came in with a bad cough and asked me for cough medicine. We were out of cough medicine, so I gave him a whole bottle of laxative instead.'

The guy says, 'What?! You can't treat a cough with laxative!'

The clerk replies, 'Of course you can! Look at him. He's afraid to cough!'

Did you hear about that new lesbian reversal medicine?

It's called Trycoxagin.

Medicine joke, Did you hear about that new lesbian reversal medicine?

They say laughter is the best medicine

Thats why I always make sure to laugh when someone tells me they have cancer.

A Polish man calls 911

And says, "Help! My wife is trying to kill me!"

The operator asks, "How can you be sure?"

The Pole says, "I was looking through her medicine cabinet, and I found Polish Remover!"

A doctor was checking up on his Patient at the psychiatric hospital

Doctor: How are you feeling?

Patient: I keep fantasizing about baboons playing soccer.

Doctor: Ok, I will give you medicine today, you'll stop fantasizing...

Patient: Give me the medicine tomorrow, today it's the finals!


In a farmers market, Farmer A sells pumpkins, Farmer B sells strawberries, what does Farmer C sell?

Medicine

... runs off ...

A friend of mine died last friday, while drinking his martini

It's on that day I learnt an important lesson:

Though laughter is the best medicine, in certain situations the Heimlich maneuver may be more appropriate.

I heard laughter is the best medicine

I heard laughter is the best medicine, so I went to the local hospital, found some cancer patients, and laughed at them.

Where do you take someone who overdoses on homeopathic medicine?

A mental hospital

A Russian doctor is treating his patient.

*"Take this for insomnia... take this for depression... and take this for anxiety."*

*"Thank you Doctor, but do you have any other medicine besides Vodka?"*

Unemployment at its best!

An Israeli doctor says: "In Israel, medicine is so advanced that we cut off a man's liver put them on another man, and in 6 weeks, he is looking for work."

The German doctor says: "That's nothing,
in Germany we take part of a brain, put it in another man, and in 4 weeks he is looking for work."

The Russian doctor says: "Gentlemen, we take half a heart from a man, put it in another's chest, and in 2 weeks he is looking for work."

The American doctor laughs: "You all are behind us. Two days ago, we took a man with no brains, no heart, and no liver and made him President.

Now, the whole country is looking for work!"

I asked a lawyer what I should do after being injured by cold medicine approved by the FDA. His advice?

Sudafed.

A SHORT HISTORY OF MEDICINE:

"Doctor, I have an ear ache."

2000 B.C. - "Here, eat this root."
1000 B.C. - "That root is heathen, say this prayer."
1850 A.D. - "That prayer is superstition, drink this potion."
1940 A.D. - "That potion is snake oil, swallow this pill."
1985 A.D. - "That pill is ineffective, take this antibiotic."
2017 A.D. - "That antibiotic is artificial. Here, eat this root!"

They say that laughter is the best medicine.

Well, I have diarrhea and it's making it worse.

What instructions are not needed on Parkinson's Medicine?

Shake well before use.

Why do blondes tip-toe past medicine cabinets?

So they don't wake up the sleeping pills.

An old woman drinks whisky for the first time.

She thinks for a while, and then says: Strange, the stuff tastes exactly like the medicine my late husband had to take for twenty years!

Why don't Ethiopians ever take medicine?

The package says, "take in after eating".

True story: when I was a kid I used to mix up lyrics. For example, after watching Mary Poppins, I sang "a spoonful of medicine helps the sugar go down." -My dad thought is was SO funny I mixed that line up.

Little did either of us know, I was predicting my future diabetes problems.

Laughter is the best medicine.

Unless they have cancer. You can laugh at them all day and they still don't get better.

Why is it that there's no pharmacies in Africa?

Because you shouldn't take medicine on an empty stomach.

Whomever said laughter is the best medicine...

clearly hasn't tried curing diarrhea with a tickle fight.

Gonorrhea

would have been a great name for diarrhea medicine.

If laughter is the best medicine,

Then, clearly I can't be a doctor.

Headache

Guy gets home from the bar and he wants some sexy time but he finds his wife asleep. So he proceeds to go to the bathroom and makes a lot of noise rummaging the medicine cabinet. The wife wakes up.

Wife: What's with the noise?
Husband: just open up your mouth.

She opens up jet mouth and he proceeds to shoot two pills into her mouth.

Wife: what was that?
Husband: two ibuprofen for your headache.
Wife: but I don't have a headache.
Husband: that's what I wanted to hear

My doctor got sick so I grabbed his medical bag, but he refused to let me treat him

He did not like the taste of his own medicine

What type of medicine does Dr Pepper practice?

Fizzyology

If farmer A sells apple's, farmer B sells bananas, what does farmer C sell?

Medicine

You hear about the new medicine doctors are giving lesbians?

It's called tricoxagain

Did you hear about the homeopath who forgot to take their medicine?

They died from an overdose.

There's a new erectile dysfunction medicine on the market

Its called mycoxaflopin

I dropped my wife's epilepsy medicine in the washing machine instead of fabric softener.

Now her clothes don't fit.

A huge earthquake shook Mexico

Around 3000 people died.
The world combined efforts to help Mexico during these hard times.
England gave medicine.
France sent food.
Germany made huge donations.
USA sent 3000 Mexicans to replenish the stock

A British doctor says: "In Britain, medicine is so advanced that we cut off a man's liver, put it in another man, and in 6 weeks, he is looking for a job."...

...The German doctor says: "That's nothing, in Germany we took part of a brain, put it in another man, and in 4 weeks he is looking for a job."

The Russian doctor says: "Gentlemen, we took half a heart from a man, put it in another's chest, and in 2 weeks he is looking for a job."

The American doctor laughs: "You are all behind us. A few months ago, we took a man with no brain, no heart, and no liver and made him President.

Now, the whole country is looking for a job!"

Actual conversation today. My wife: "i'm tired of anaesthesiology. What other area of medicine should I try?"

Me: I don't know. Emerg?
Wife: Nah, I want something lower stress. Hey, what about sleep medicine?
Me: Sleep medicine?
Wife: Like, helping people with sleep disorders and such. I wonder what sort of education i'd need?
Me: Probably night school.

British doctor says: "In Britain, medicine is so advanced

British doctor says: "In Britain, medicine is so advanced that we cut out a man's liver, put it in another man, and in 6 weeks, he is looking for a job."

The German doctor says: "That's nothing,

in Germany we took part of a brain, put it in another man, and in 4 weeks he is looking for a job."

The Russian doctor says: "Gentlemen, we took half a heart from a man, put it in another's chest, and in 2 weeks he is looking for a job."

The American doctor laughs: "You are all behind us. 4 years ago, we took a man with no brain, no heart, and no liver and made him President.

Now, the whole country is looking for a job!"

There are 3 farmers, let's call them A, B and C. Which one is the best with medicine?

Farmer C

One joke I've heard

They say laughter is the best medicine. So, maybe, if we keep laughing at people in wheelchairs...

A joke originally told in Arabic

The doctor asks him what is that dreaming problem.

"Every night I go to sleep," the man says. "I dream of a soccer match between a team of elephants and a team of ants"

"Ok, take this medicine," the doctor says. "It will fix the problem."

The man refuses though and says:

"Can I take it tomorrow though? Today is the finals"

Why did the cat need medicine?

Because it wasn't feline too good.

Sick chihuahua

A man takes his sick Chihuahua to the veterinarian. They're immediately taken back to a room.

Soon, a Labrador walks in, sniffs the Chihuahua for 10 minutes and leaves. Then a cat comes in, stares at the Chihuahua for 10 minutes and leaves. Finally, the doctor
comes in, prescribes some medicine and hands the man a $250 bill.

This must be a mistake, the man says. I've been here only 20 minutes!

No mistake, the doctor says. It's $100 for the lab test, $100 for the cat scan and $50 for the medicine.

Being a doctor and a married man with kids, it feels like I'm living two lives.

In one life there's medicine, scarring images and long, painful hours.

And in the other life I'm a doctor.

I have a joke about the exceptional healthcare and medicine Trump took to recover from COVID.

But, no one else would get it.

My dad always said laughter was the best medicine.....

Probably why so many of my siblings died from tuberculosis.

What do you call medicine that you give to pigs?

Oinkment

How did the people of India get so good at medicine?

They've got much practice thanks to a lot of Sikh people

A man sees his doctor for his fart problems.

I've been farting a lot lately, doc, says the man. I've actually farted ten times since I've been in here. But they don't make any noise and they don't smell. Can you help me?

The doctor says, I think I see the problem. I'm going to prescribe you some medicine that should help you. Take it and then come back and see me next week.

One week later, the man returns to the doctor's office. What did that medicine do to me, doc?! My farts smell horrible now!

The doctor says, Well, it looks like that medicine cleaned up your sinuses. Now let's get you a hearing aid.

Why did the blonde tip toe near the medicine cabinet?

Because she didn't want to wake the sleeping pills.

There's a medicine you can buy that apparently cures scepticism.

But I'm not buying it.

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the medicine pill jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working medicine antibiotics piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes