Medication Jokes
124 medication jokes and hilarious medication puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about medication that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Discover some of the funniest medication jokes and puns that will have you laughing out loud. From pharmacist and prescription jokes to pain medication and severe meds puns, these medical jokes will have you and your friends in stitches. Whether it's a clever play on medication names or a tongue in cheek joke about a severe medical condition, these jokes will have everyone in your circle in tears.
Quick Jump To
- Short Medication Jokes
- Medication One Liners
- Medication Name Jokes
- Pain Medication Jokes
- Pharmacy Medication Jokes
- More Medication Jokes
Funniest Medication Short Jokes
Short medication jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The medication humour may include short drugs jokes also.
- My grandfather died because the medical report said he had Type A blood. Unfortunately it was a Type-O.
- When I die I'm going to donate my body to science. That's the only way I'll ever get into medical school.
- There's only one problem with North Korea's miracle cure for AIDS and Ebola: The directions say the medication must be taken with food.
- Statistics say that 60% of women take medication for mental illness, Which means 40% aren't taking their medication.
- Why are there always two medics in an ambulance They're not called pair a medics for no reason
- So my daughters friend came over the other day and they played house together Now I have $50k in medical bills and she thinks she has Lupus.
- I got accepted into Harvard's medical program I just have to die first and give them my body
- Whenever I go out, I always wear a stethoscope. That way, in the event of a medical emergency, I can teach people a valuable lesson about assumptions.
- After being in an accident that disabled both my legs... The doctor walked in with the medical bill,
I couldn't stand to look at it. - This is a frightening statistic 25% of the women in this country are on medication for mental illness!
That's scary!
It means 75% are running around untreated!
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Medication One Liners
Which medication one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with medication? I can suggest the ones about pills and medicine.
- My Mexican uncle takes anti-anxiety medication It's for Hispanic attacks
- Don't vaccinate your children! Let a trained medical professional do it!
- Of all medical humor, optometry jokes are number one Or number two.
- My Mexican friend takes anti-anxiety medication Its for Hispanic attacks.
- What doesn't kill you cripples you with medical debt.
- There's an actual medical term for when your foot falls asleep. It's called 'coma toes'
- what do you call medical students who graduated online? google docs
- To the guy who stole my anti-depressant medication I hope you're happy now.
- If I photoshopped a medical license Would that be a doctored image?
- What's the medical term for a chill pill? A relaxative
- What do you call a sarcastic canine medical professional? A dog, duh.
- All pirates medics were required to be certified in C. P. ARRRRRR.
- What type of EMTs will touch up your makeup on the way to the hospital? Cos-medics
- Why did the Mexican take anti-anxiety medication? For Hispanic attacks.
- What medication does a snake take before giving a presentation? An antihissstamine.
Medication Name Jokes
Here is a list of funny medication name jokes and even better medication name puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Elon Musk and bill gates have decided to partner in a joint venture to invent a medication to overcome erectile dysfunction. They have decided to name the new drug 'Elongates'.
- if you think about it, the absolute best name for an anti-diarrhea medication has already been taken. Gonorrhea
- What's the name of the erectile dysfunction medication used in Pokemon? PP up
- What is the name of the medical procedure for female to male gender change? An Addadicktomy
- True story! I supervise medical residents and was told one's name was pronounced 'az-wee-pay'. Embroidered on her lab coat: a**...
- New Medication Doctor's have revealed the name of a new anti psychotic medication for l**... - its called "Tricoxagan"
Pain Medication Jokes
Here is a list of funny pain medication jokes and even better pain medication puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- What's the difference between a feminist and a dentist's drill? One causes a lot of pain and makes a constant high pitched whine. The other is a useful piece of medical equipment.
- Q: Why is Michael Jackson addicted to pain killers?
A: To stop him from going OW OW OW! - Why is it so hard to get pain medication in the jungle? Because the parrots eat 'em all.
- I need a medical m**... card for my joint pain. I'm always in pain when I'm out of joints.
- I need a medical m**... card for my joint pain! They're always burning!
- I just applied for my medical m**... certificate. Reason: Joint pain.
Pharmacy Medication Jokes
Here is a list of funny pharmacy medication jokes and even better pharmacy medication puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Went hiking and got a little poison ivy on myself. When I went to the pharmacy to pick up some medication I had to make a rash decision.
- Why did Lionel go to the medical store? because it was pharmacy.
Comical & Quirky Medication Jokes for a Roaring Good Time
What funny jokes about medication you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean treatment jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make medication pranks.
Isn't it annoying when engineering students call themselves engineers?
It's s**.... You don't hear medical students calling themselves doctors or arts students calling themselves baristas.
"Having too much s**... can result in memory loss."
I read that on page 37, paragraph five of the New England Medical Journal on September 15th, 2014 at 10:37 am.
My medication says to store it in a cool, dark place.
So I keep it in a jazz club in Harlem.
Dr joke I just made up
A young medical intern was standing in a hospital hallway, looking flustered whilst try to examine a patients' CAT scan. Seeing his confusion, an older doctor came to see what the problem was. He saw that the intern was reading the scan upside down, and turned it around for him. Seeing that the young intern was embarrassed by his mistake, the doctor said, "don't feel embarrassed, lad, there's more than one way to skim a CAT."
"Doctor," the embarrassed man said
"I have a s**... problem. I can't get it up for my wife anymore."Mr. Thomas, bring her back with you tomorrow and let me see what I can do."The next day, the worried fellow returned with his wife. "t**... clothes, Mrs. Thomas," the medic said. "Now turn all the way around. Lie down please. Uh-huh, I see. Okay, you may put your clothes back on."The doctor took the husband aside. "You're in perfect health," he said. "Your wife didn't give me an e**... either."
Medical School Entrance Exam...
When I was young (100 yrs. Ago) and my intent was to go to medical school, the entrance exam included several questions that would determine eligibility.
One of the questions was "Rearrange the letters P N E S I to spell out an important part of the human body that is more useful when e**...."
Those who spelled "SPINE" became Doctors. The rest ended up in Congress.
Entrance Exam
A recent entrance exam for Medical School included several questions that would determine eligibility.
One of the questions was "Rearrange the letters P N E S I to spell out an important part of the human body that is more useful when e**...."
Those who spelled 'spine' became Doctors.
The rest ended up in Congress.
Frightening Statistic
This is probably one of the most worrisome statistics to emerge in recent years.
25% of the women in this country are on medication for mental illness.
That's scary.
It means 75% are running around untreated.
A doctor had s**......
A doctor had s**... with one of his female patients and felt guilty all day long. No matter how much he tried to forget about it, he just couldn't.
The guilt and sense of betrayal of his patient were overwhelming. But every once in a while he'd hear an internal, reassuring voice in his head that said: "Don't worry about it. You aren't the first medical practitioner to have s**... with one of his patients and you won't be the last. And you're single. Just let it go."
But, invariably, another voice in his head would bring him back to reality, whispering...
"You're a veterinarian, you sick s**... fiend."
Computer diagnosis
One day, Pete complained to his friend, "My elbow really hurts. I guess I should see a doctor."
His friend said, "Don't do that. There's a computer at the drug store that can diagnose anything quicker and cheaper than a doctor.
Simply put in a sample of your u**..., and the computer will diagnose your problem and tell you what you can do about and it will only cost you $10.00."
Pete figured he had nothing to lose, so he filled a jar with a u**... sample and went to the drug store. Finding the computer, he poured in the sample and deposited the $10.00.
The computer started making some noise and various lights started flashing. After a brief pause, out popped a small slip of paper which read:
1. You have tennis elbow.
2. Soak your arm in warm water, avoid heavy labor.
3. It will be better in two weeks.......
That evening while thinking how amazing this new technology was and how it would change medical science forever, he began to wonder if this computer could be fooled.
He decided to give it a try. He mixed together some tap water, a stool sample from his dog, and u**... samples from his wife and daughter. To top it off, he m**... into the concoction.
He went back to the drug store, located the computer, poured in the sample and deposited the $10.00. The machine again made the usual noises, flashed its alights, and printed out the following analysis:
1. Your tap water is too hard.
2. Get a water softener.
3. Your dog has ringworm.
4. Bathe him with anti-fungal shampoo.
5. Your daughter is using c**....
6. Put her in a rehabilitation clinic.
7. Your wife is pregnant ....... twin girls. They aren't yours. Get a lawyer.
8. And if you don't stop m**..., your elbow will never get better.
So I've got some buddies...
They just so happen to be a high-ranking officials in Denver,Colorado. They're currently trying to get Republicans and Democrats to both agree to legalize medical m**... to ease arthritis symptoms. I guess you could say I have friends in high places in high places in high places for joint support for joint support for joint support.
A Chinese couple named Mr. and Mrs. Wong went to the hospital to have a baby...
Mrs. Wong had the baby soon after they arrived, and after they got to see their child, a nurse took it away for medical examinations. When she returned, she was carrying a white baby, not an Asian one. Mr. Wong was surprised and a little annoyed at the mistake and curtly told the nurse to go back and get their actual baby. The nurse insisted that it was the correct child, but Mr. Wong was positive that a mistake had been made, because, as he put it, "Two Wongs don't make a white."
I wanted to be a gynecologist, but I failed medical school in the last semester.
I was so close I could taste it.
Why are Helium, Curium and Barium called the medical elements?
Because if you can't Helium or Curium, you Barium.
(Heard it from Heimerdinger, League of Legends)
There is now a bipartisan push to legalize medical m**... to relieve arthiritis.
In other words, there is joint support for joint support for joint support.
A man has an appointment with a urologist.
The man is sitting on the examination table when the Urologist walks in. The urologist glances at the man's medical history, makes a few notes and then says: "Look, I hate to break it to you, but you have to stop m**...."
The man frowns and says, "Why, Doc?"
The urologist responds: "So I can examine you."
I just read that 25% of women in the United States take medication for mental illness...
That's scary! Why do we let 75% of them run around untreated??
I accidentally dropped my girlfriends epilepsy medication in the washing machine...
...now her clothes don't fit anymore
I went to the doctor for a checkup.
A friend asked "Which doctor?"
I replied "No, a medical one."
A doctor and a lawyer
During a party, a doctor is telling a lawyer that he is sick of his friends asking him for free medical advice. The lawyer says, "just do what I do, and leave a bill in their mailbox." The doctor decides he'll give that a try and thanks his lawyer friend. When the doctor gets home, he has a bill in his mailbox from the lawyer.
A man got lost on a camping trip
A man got lost on a camping trip. Rescuers scoured the wilderness until a medical emergency team finally spotted a solitary figure across a wide chasm.
Charlie Smith, someone shouted, is that you?
Yes, it is, came the reply. Who are you?
We're from the Red Cross.
I gave at the office! Charlie shouted back.
The s**... is made up of Glucose........
MBBS Professor:
The s**... is made up of Glucose, the same material Sugar is made of.
A Girl raised her hand:
"Then why doesn't it
taste like Sugar?"
Suddenly silence in hall.
Girl:Oops.
Then Professor's reply was also a Medical master piece:
My dear, Thats because, the taste buds are located on the tip of your Tongue and not at the end of your t**...
Killer .
A young woman had been taking golf lessons all week long.
She'd just begun her first game of golf when she suffered a bee sting. Her pain was so intense, she couldn't continue her game. She decided to go back to the clubhouse and get some medical attention.
Her golf Pro saw her enter the clubhouse and asked,
"Why are you back so soon?" What's wrong?"
"I was stung by a bee," she answered.
"Where?," he asked.
"Between the first and second holes," she replied.
He nodded his head knowingly and said, "Then your stance is too wide."
I've started wearing a stethoscope around my neck...
So, if there's a medical emergency I get to teach people a valuable lesson about making assumptions based on someone's appearance.
There's a bipartisan group petitioning for medical m**... as an option for arthritis patients.
In other words, there's joint support for joint support for joint support.
After seven years of medical training and hard work
my very good friend has been struck off after one minor indiscretion.
He slept with one of his patients and now can no longer work in the profession.
What a waste of time, training and money. A genuinely nice guy and a brilliant vet.
After seven years of medical training and hard work, my very good friend has been struck off after one minor indiscretion and I think it's outrageous . He slept with one of his patients and now can no longer work in the profession that he loves
What a waste of time, training and money. A genuinely nice guy and a brilliant vet.
Why do cats make better medical technicians than dogs?
Because dogs can't operate MRI machines, but catscan.
An engineer said: When I was young I decided to go to medical school.
At the entrance exam, we were asked to rearrange the alphabets
P N E I S
and form the name of an important human body part which is most useful when straight.
Those who answered SPINE are doctors today, while the rest are Engineers.
I walked into the doctor's office one day.
"It appears that you are severely depressed, so I reccomend you take some medication for this..." the doctor told me, writing something down.
I asked, "How much longer do I have to live?"
Confused, the doctor replied "Sir, besides depression, you're actually very healthy."
I asked again "I know, but how much longer do I *have* to live?"
My mom was watching TV when an Ad for an Alzheimer's medication cam on...
She says to me "Grab a pencil and paper and write down this medication in case i get Alzheimer's so you know what med to give me." I said "Mom don't be silly. You have already written it down five times"
I hate it when
I hate it when engineering students call themselves engineer.
I don't see medical students calling themselves doctor or history students calling themselves unemployed
Why are Helium, Curium, and Barium called the medical isotopes?
Because if you can't helium or curium, you barium.
Doctor: I have some medical news.
You'll have to stop m**... for a while.
Patient: Why?
Doctor: Because I'm talking to you.
I think medical m**... is really good...
... for joints.
I'll see myself out.
In one Intensive care unit
people always died on the same bed at 11 am on a Sunday morning, regardless of their condition. This puzzled medical staff, so a group of doctors decided to observe the bed in secret and waited for the fateful hour. Some held crosses and prayer books to ward off evil influences, while the less superstitious had video cameras to catch the whole thing on tape. At the 11th hour, the door to the ward slowly opened, then a cleaner came in, disconnected the life support machine and plugged in a vacuum cleaner.
If there was a bipartisan push in Congress to legalize medical m**... for arthritis treatment...
there would be joint support for joint support for joint support.
Had my medical license revoked today.
Being a medical professional is like being in a minefield. All it takes is one mistep and you can lose it all. I made a one-time mistake and slept with a patient. A co-worker heard her passionate crys and came to find us in the act. Embarrassing be as it was, I never expected to be the end of my career.
12 years wasted as a veterinarian.
25% of all adult women are currently on medication for mental illness which is quite scary....
Because that means 75% are running around untreated.
A doctor & a lawyer are talking at a party.
A doctor and a lawyer are talking at a party. Their conversation is constantly interrupted by people describing their ailments and asking the doctor for free medical advice. After an hour of this, the exasperated doctor asks the lawyer, "What do you do to stop people from asking you for legal advice when you're out of the office?" "I give it to them," replies the lawyer, "and then I send them a bill." The doctor is shocked, but agrees to give it a try. The next day, still feeling slightly guilty, the doctor prepares the bills. When he goes to place them in his mailbox, he finds a bill from the lawyer.
Stop me if you've heard this one...
A young woman was taking golf lessons and had just started playing her first round of golf when she suffered a bee sting. Her pain was so intense that she decided to return to the clubhouse for medical assistance. The golf pro saw her heading back and said, You are back early, what's wrong? I was stung by a bee! she said. Where? he asked. Between the first and second hole. she replied. He nodded and said, Your stance is far too wide.
It's a medical miracle
A man is recovering from surgery after a car c**..., and he notices that both his hands are covered in casts. When a nurse comes to check on him, he asks "Will I be able to play piano after this?"
"Yes, the casts should come off in a few weeks, then you should be able to play."
"That's funny, I couldn't play piano before the accident."
An chinese dad sees his newborn child and is startled when he realises the kid is clearly white.
He runs to the doctor and asks:
"Doctor, is it even medically possible for me and my wife - both chinese - to have a caucasian-looking baby?"
The doctor, turns to him, thinks for a bit, and replies:
"No. Two Wongs don't make a white."
Years ago, I decided I wanted to be a doctor
Years ago, I decided I wanted to be a doctor,
so I took the entrance exam to go to medical
school.
One of the many questions on human anatomy
asked was to rearrange the letters PNEIS" into
the name of "an important human body part which
is most useful when e**...."
Those who answered "spine" are now doctors
The rest of us are posting jokes on social media.
Fred is a hippo who goes to a University where everyone is a hippo
One day, someone asked Fred where to find the medical building. Fred replied, "Its over there and to the left. I do brain research in there."
Fred is an expert on the hippocampus.
Going to open up a donut shop next to a medical m**... store
I'll call it glazed and confused
I caught the flu in Madrid.
While sniffling and coughing and rolling around in the hotel bed, I realized I needed medical attention, so I called the concierge to get help.
"Oh, so you're sick!" came the reply. "Not a problem, we'll send our very own hotel doctor up to your room right away!"
The doctor strolled into the room within seconds, and whilst I stuttered and tried to comprehend the situation, he gave me some medicine to ease the symptoms. When I finally stammered out "h...how does the hotel have their own doctor on call?", he simply shook his head and cracked a smile, and replied:
"Nobody expects the Spanish inn physician."
I have good friends, a wife that loves me, and a family that respects me
You want me to leave that behind and take my schizophrenia medication?
I will never have the audacity to choose a career path for my children,
it's their responsibility to choose whatever medical school they'll graduate from.
Did you know too much s**... can cause memory loss
I read that in a medical journal on page 34 at 3:23 pm last year on Wednesday November the 7th.
The police recently arrested a man selling "secret formula" tablets he claimed gave eternal youth.
When going through their files they noticed it was the fifth time he was caught for committing this same criminal medical fraud.He had earlier been arrested in 1794, 1856, 1928 and 1983..
A doctor's toilet gets clogged up
He calls a plumber. Plumber shows up, unclogs the toilet and gives the doctor bill for $200.
Doctor: $200? For 15 minutes worth of work? That's $800 an hour! I'm a top neurosurgeon in this city, 15 years of medical school, 3 years of residence, and even I don't make $800 an hour!
Plumber: Yeah. When I was a top surgeon in this city I also didn't make $800 an hour. Which is why I became a plumber.
Young couple at doctors office
Young couple visits doctor seeking advice,
"Sir you gotta help us, we tried everything to have a baby, we tried vitamins, we tried changing positions, we tried every different day of the month, we searched internet for pregnancy advice, but we just can't seem to have any luck with it, we need to know if there is some medical problem."
Doctor sat back on his chair crossed his hands and sighed,
"You boys are nuts."
Did you guys know too much s**... can cause memory loss?
I learnt that in a medical journal, page 34. At 3:38pm on Thursday the 7th.
A deer enters a bar...
A deer enters a bar and sits by the bartender. "Whatever's on tap, and keep them coming. I lost a patient today."
The bartender brings over a drink and says, "That's really rough. But I've never met a deer that's a medical practitioner. How did that happen?"
The deer replied, "Well I came from a impoverished part of the forest. It was difficult to get food, difficult to get water, and difficult to find shelter. Nothing came with ease, that's for sure."
"And a deer with no ease becomes a dr."
I was always told you lose a lot of friends after deciding to better yourself
I never believed it until all of my friends disappeared after I started taking my schizophrenia medication
An anti-vaxxer got a call from the Doctor.
The doctor said "Your test results are in and I'm afraid it's not good news."
"Nonsense," replied the anti-vaxxer. "I don't trust your pharmaceutical industry. My entire life I relied on homeopathic remedies instead of medication, and the only diagnosis I accept is based on my horoscope."
"Fair enough, in that case tell me your star -sign." said the doctor.
The anti-vaxxer replied "My star sign is Cancer."
The doctor said "Well what a d**... coincidence..."
Rearrange the letters PNEIS ...
**When I was young I wanted to be a doctor, so I took the entrance exam to go to Medical School.**
**One of the questions asked was to rearrange the letters PNEIS into the name of an important human body part which is most useful when it is e**.... Those who answered SPINE are doctors today.**
**The rest of us are swapping jokes on Reddit.**
A Jewish mother walks by a planned parenthood and sees a protestor who's sign says life begins at conception
She goes up to the man and says that may be true of Christian babies, but a Jewish fetus isn't viable until it graduates medical school!
I tried to apply for a medical exemption for the COVID vaccine.
Apparently being a republican isn't an acceptable medical condition.
Covid medical "experts" are such liars. They said masks and gloves were all you needed if you had to go shopping
But when I got to the store everyone else had clothes on.
