The Best 89 Medication Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Medication jokes. There are some medication administer jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these medication fever puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Medication Jokes and Puns

I accidentally took my cats medication today.

Don't ask me'ow I did it

My medication says to store it in a cool, dark place.

So I keep it in a jazz club in Harlem.

Frightening Statistic

This is probably one of the most worrisome statistics to emerge in recent years.

25% of the women in this country are on medication for mental illness.

That's scary.

It means 75% are running around untreated.

Medication joke, Frightening Statistic

This is a frightening statistic

25% of the women in this country are on medication for mental illness!
That's scary!
It means 75% are running around untreated!

The Greatest Old Guy Joke of all Time

There was an old guy who took suppositories as a medication. One time he went to a resaurant with his wife, she said,"What is a suppository doing in your ear." The old man says,"Oh! now I know where my hearing aids are!"


What medication that can make people inspire you?

Aspirin

sorry guys

Modern Medical Humor

Why are there never any good side effects? Just once I'd like to read a medication bottle that says, "May cause extreme sexiness"

Medication joke, Modern Medical Humor

Statistics say that 60% of women take medication for mental illness,

Which means 40% aren't taking their medication.

A man discovered a new medication that makes people sneeze constantly. What did he tell people in order to make them avoid taking it?

Eschew! Eschew!

My friend has gotten twelve auditions for movies in the last week alone.

I asked him how and all he could say was "It's this new medication". He never told me what it was, but I could safely assume that it was a fast acting drug.

Did you hear about the guru who refused to let the dentist use Novocain to numb his mouth?

The guru said he wanted to transcend dental medication

You can explore medication prescription reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean medication valium dad jokes. There are also medication puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


I just read that 25% of women in the United States take medication for mental illness...

That's scary! Why do we let 75% of them run around untreated??

There's only one problem with North Korea's miracle cure for AIDS and Ebola:

The directions say the medication must be taken with food.

I accidentally dropped my girlfriends epilepsy medication in the washing machine...

...now her clothes don't fit anymore

I spilt my epilepsy medication in my washing machine.

Now my clothes don't fit.

What do you get when you take an HIV medication and raise the price 5,000%?

Rich AND famous, apparently

Medication joke, What do you get when you take an HIV medication and raise the price 5,000%?

What did the urologist say to his patient who forgot to take his medication?

Urine trouble!

My dentist is a buddhist...

He uses Transcendental Meditation to help us Transcend Dental Medication.

Medication

A distraught senior citizen phoned her doctor's office. "Is it true," she wanted to know, "that the medication you prescribed To me has to be taken for the rest of my life?"
"Yes, I'm afraid so," the doctor told her.

There was a moment of silence before the senior lady replied, "I'm wondering, then, just how serious is my condition because this prescription is marked 'NO REFILLS'."


What you should do if you have a rash

Choose your doctor and medication carefully, you don't want to make any rash decisions.

My wife mentioned that she couldn't remember if she took her anti-anxiety medication.

I asked if she was worried about it?

Why is the magnet on medication?

Because it's bipolar

I saw an alarming stat the other day. Apparently 25% of women are taking medication for some sort of mental illness . . .

That means that 75% of women are walking around unmedicated!

Someone stole my anger management medication...

You can probably guess how I feel about it.

Statistics say that 30% of women are on medication for some sort of mental issue...

That means there are 70% running around out there unmedicated...

My son didn't take his kleptomania medication this morning.

He took mine.

What do you call the American president when he's taking his prescription hair-loss medication?

...IM-P.O.T.U.S.

I like my women like I like my job

Sometimes I have trouble holding it down, and it involves a lot of medication.

Btw: I work in the pharmaceutical industry

I walked into the doctor's office one day.

"It appears that you are severely depressed, so I reccomend you take some medication for this..." the doctor told me, writing something down.

I asked, "How much longer do I have to live?"

Confused, the doctor replied "Sir, besides depression, you're actually very healthy."

I asked again "I know, but how much longer do I *have* to live?"

My mom was watching TV when an Ad for an Alzheimer's medication cam on...

She says to me "Grab a pencil and paper and write down this medication in case i get Alzheimer's so you know what med to give me." I said "Mom don't be silly. You have already written it down five times"

What medication would you take to treat Erectile Dysfunction?

MyCocksFloppin

Why did the patient take his medication at 6:00pm when the doctor said to take it at 9:00pm?

He wanted to surprise the bacteria!

My doctor must be a very visual person,

Whenever I have a cold he holds out my medication and says "vitamins, see".

What medication are Deer prescribed to help them sleep?

Bambien.

A swami needed his teeth fixed, but refused Novocaine.

He wished to transcend dental medication.

My neighbor just died from after overdosing on his homeopathic medication.

Apparently, he forgot to take his pill.

Why did the Buddhist monk refuse Novocaine?

Because he wanted to *transcend dental* medication.

Ever had to force your dog into taking their medication?

It's the worst, right? You try to cover it with peanut butter, even then they know you're up to something. So it gets kinda physical, have to get in there with both hands and hold them open and push it in with your finger, hoping they don't bite you. Turns into a wrestling match, sometimes. But as it turns out, the trick was we were just using the wrong peanut butter. Ever since we switched to creamy, those suppositories just pop right in.

This weekend we saw a crocodile that had trouble swimming,

Does anyone know where we can find medication for a reptile dysfunction?

My doctor just prescribed me blood pressure medication

it was a tough pill to swallow

So I am opening an Italian style restaurant.

Every item on the menu is going to be medication themed.

I am gonna call it.... Big Parma.

25% of all adult women are currently on medication for mental illness which is quite scary....

Because that means 75% are running around untreated.

I went to an art event this morning, and this painting really SPOKE to me...

I then remembered that I forgot to take my schizophrenia medication.

New Medication

Doctor's have revealed the name of a new anti psychotic medication for lesbians - its called "Tricoxagan"

I took my wife's medication this morning, just to see what the side effects were.

Funny, it didn't make me want to sleep with my best mate..

A lady goes to a doctor...

"Doc, I have high fever. Can you give some medications?"

"Just walk in the rain, eat some ice-cream, drink cold-water..."

"What! Will my fever go away then?"

"No, you'll catch Pneumonia. I have the medication for it."

How do you prevent teenage pregnancies?

Make acne medication illegal.

Just got a new medication for my narcolepsy.

I'll let you know how well it

Alcohol may intensify the effects of this medication

I never know if this is a warning or a suggestion

The bad news: I took the wrong medication today.

The good news: For the next 3 months I'm protected against heartworms and fleas.

What medication are ants prescribed to deal with their low moods?

Anty depressants.

The Chinese pharmacist

A man sends his wife to pick up his erectile dysfunction medication.

She gets back and they get undressed and get down to business.

The wife stops and says our new pharmacist is a very nice Chinese man but talks too much politics but don't worry, I made sure your pills aren't made in Russia

Why would it matter if the Russians made my pills said the husband.

The wife responded well the pharmacist told me Russia was meddling in U.S erections

I dropped in at my ex's house to pick up a few things. While rummaging through her drawers I was surprised to find about 20 different types of medication.

I was expecting more...

Why did Ghandi refuse Novocain?

He wanted to transcend dental medication

What medication does a snake take before giving a presentation?

An antihissstamine.

My dad has Parkinson's medication.

His medication is labeled shake well before use

I ate the cats medication by accident

Don't ask meow.

My mother's sister is on heavy duty medication for schizophrenia.

I call her Aunty Psychotic.

Went hiking and got a little poison ivy on myself.

When I went to the pharmacy to pick up some medication I had to make a rash decision.

My wife and I spend so much money on arthritis medication and weed that we made a whole new bank account just for those two things!

It's a joint account

My roommate couldn't remember whether he took his anti anxiety medication or not.

I said, Are you worried about it?

Did you hear about the Buddhist monk who refused anesthesia for his root canal?

He wanted to transcend dental medication.

TIL My medication is also for bulimia

"Take 1 pill twice daily"

So on a flight, there is a woman who is sneezing.

Now see, this woman is sneezing very vigorously. Eventually, a man leans over and asks 'what's wrong?'
The woman replies, 'I have a very rare condition wherein every time I sneeze I orgasm.'
The man replies, 'oh why that sounds terrible! What medication are you taking for it?'
The woman smiles and replies, 'pepper'.

Here's a really easy way to figure out if you're taking too many meds:

You refer to your medication as 'meds'

Why did the Mexican take anti-anxiety medication?

For Hispanic attacks.

How to get revenge on your dangerous mexican boss

Steal his anxiety medication that stops hispanic attacks

I can't believe I was brave enough to skip taking my blood pressure medication.

Doing that is not for the faint of heart!

John gets bitten by a wasp.

And that too on his pee pee.

He and his wife go to the doctor immediately. Doctor takes one look at it and asks the nurse to give him some medication to help him.

The wife quietly signals the doctor to come outside the room and says - can you please only give something for the pain, and leave the swelling alone?

Why did the hippie driver refuse heartburn medication?

Because anti-acid would ruin the trip

The most important thing in life is to be able to control your gag reflex

So that you can swallow pills and take the proper medication you need, perverts.

You can actually file a lawsuit against the federal government in the United States. It's a myth that you can't. All you have to do is simply take some specific medication.

And that medication, my friends, is Sudafed®

The pharmacist said they only have the generic version of my laxative medication.

I said "I guess I'll have to make doo with that".

Man my girlfriend is stupid.

Just because I take my schizophrenia medication doesn't mean she has to leave me.

My Mexican uncle takes anti-anxiety medication

It's for Hispanic attacks

To the guy who stole my anti-depressant medication

I hope you're happy now.

Patient: I become terrified every time I think of large animals.

Doctor: We can control that with medication, but bear in mind--

Patient: AAAAAAUUUGGGHHH!!!

I have good friends, a wife that loves me, and a family that respects me

You want me to leave that behind and take my schizophrenia medication?

At first I was mad when my doctor prescribed me medication that would lower my sex drive, but now ..

No hard feelings.

Guy goes into a pub.

He orders 7 pints of beer, he drinks the first pint, the third pint, the 5th and the 7th pint and gets up to leave. The barman says why are you not drinking the other three pints.? He says, doctors orders, what do you mean by that asks the barman.? I am on medication and my doctor said to me the odd pint is okay.

Why does Donald Trump take anxiety medication?

For Hispanic attacks

To the guy that stole my depression medication...

I hope you're happy.

A distraught senior citizen phoned her doctor's office.

"Is it true," she wanted to know, that the medication you prescribed has to be taken for the rest of my life?"

"Yes, I'm afraid so,"' the doctor told her.

There was a moment of silence.
The senior lady replied, "I'm wondering, then, just how serious is my condition
because this prescription is marked 'NO REFILLS'."

Whoever took my anxiety medication

I'm worried about you

Elon Musk and Bill Gates have decided to partner in a joint venture to invent a medication to overcome erectile dysfunction.

They have decided to name the new drug 'Elongates'.

I'm on medication for my Pokemon Go addiction.

Gotacachemol.

I was always told you lose a lot of friends after deciding to better yourself

I never believed it until all of my friends disappeared after I started taking my schizophrenia medication

My Mexican friend takes anti-anxiety medication

Its for Hispanic attacks.

An anti-vaxxer got a call from the Doctor.

The doctor said "Your test results are in and I'm afraid it's not good news."

"Nonsense," replied the anti-vaxxer. "I don't trust your pharmaceutical industry. My entire life I relied on homeopathic remedies instead of medication, and the only diagnosis I accept is based on my horoscope."

"Fair enough, in that case tell me your star -sign." said the doctor.

The anti-vaxxer replied "My star sign is Cancer."

The doctor said "Well what a damn coincidence..."

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the medication xanax jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working medication medical examination piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes