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Medical School Jokes

78 medical school jokes and hilarious medical school puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about medical school that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

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Funniest Medical School Short Jokes

Short medical school jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The medical school humour may include short med school jokes also.

  1. When I die I'm going to donate my body to science. That's the only way I'll ever get into medical school.
  2. I will never have the audacity to choose a career path for my children, it's their responsibility to choose whatever medical school they'll graduate from.
  3. What do you call someone who graduates at the bottom of their class in medical school? A doctor
  4. I wanted to be a gynecologist, but I failed medical school in the last semester. I was so close I could taste it.
  5. My grandmother, 86 years old, just entered medical school. She's a cadaver, and she is living death to the fullest.
  6. I failed medical school for the same reason I failed English class Improper: Colon placement
  7. When is a fetus viable? To a Christian, it's the moment of conception. To a Jew, it's when he graduates from medical school.
    -my mom heard this on the radio
  8. I went to medical school with an incredibly ambitious guy who was obsessed with collecting skulls. He'd do anything to get a head.
  9. I don't think my doctor went to medical school He keeps insisting I have cancer, no matter how many times I tell him I'm a scorpio
  10. Kek day joke: What do you call the person who graduates medical school with the lowest GPA? Doctor.

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Medical School One Liners

Which medical school one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with medical school? I can suggest the ones about medical students and nursing school.

  1. A labrador picks up Mjölnir and goes to medical school Guess he's a DogThor now.
  2. Chicken A chicken was recently admitted to Medical School, thanks to its handwriting
  3. I always wanted to be a drug dealer But I had trouble getting into medical school
  4. What do you call a Native American who graduated from medical school? A doctor you racist
  5. What do you call a person who finishes last in medical school? Hopefully not my doctor
  6. What is the ironic part of medical school? It's bad for your health.
  7. What do you call an eeve that went through medical school? A Surgeon
  8. When is a Jewish fetus considered a human being? When it graduates from medical school
  9. What do you call a Doctor who received all 'D's in Medical School? Doctor
  10. Why did the vasectomist get kicked out of medical school? He didn't make the cut
  11. Jesus dropped out of medical school. I hear he got nailed on the boards.
  12. He failed out of medical school Guess he couldn't make the cut.
  13. What do you call a doctor who passed medical school with the lowest grade? Doctor
  14. One of my friends is halfway through medical school He signs all his emails "M."
  15. What do you call a person who got straight "D's" in medical school? A Doctor.

Cheeky Medical School Jokes that Will Make You and Your Friends Chuckle

What funny jokes about medical school you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean medical doctor jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make medical school pranks.

One day our professor was discussing a particularly complicated concept.


A pre-med student rudely interrupted to ask, "Why do we have to learn this pointless information"
"To save lives." the professor responded quickly and continued the lecture.
A few minutes later, the same student spoke up again.
"So how does physics save lives?" he persisted.
"It keeps the ignoramuses like you out of medical school," replied the professor.

A man goes to the doctor with a long history of migraine headaches.


When the doctor does his history and physical, he discovers that the poor guy has tried practically every therapy known to man for his migraines and STILL no improvement.
"Listen," says the doc, "I have migraines, too and the advice I'm going to give you isn't really anything I learned in medical school, but it's advice that I've gotten from my own experience. When I have a migraine, I go home, get in a nice hot bathtub, and soak for a while. Then I have my wife sponge me off with the hottest water I can stand, especially around the forehead. This helps a little. Then I get out of the tub, take her into the bedroom, and even if my head is killing me, I force myself to have s**... with her. Almost always, the headache is immediately gone. Now, give it a try, and come back and see me in six weeks."
Six weeks later, the patient returns with a big grin.
"Doc! I took our advice and it works! It REALLY WORKS! I've had migraines for 17 years and this is the FIRST time anyone has ever helped me!"
"Well," says the physician, "I'm glad I could help."
"By the way, Doc," the patient adds, "You have a REALLY nice house

A medical student is driving home on a narrow country road in the middle of the night after his shift in the hospital.
The weather is terrible.
It's raining cats and dogs.
Suddenly a motorbike is screaming by with very high speed.
"Jesus Crhist! What an idiot! He will c**... if he doesn't slow down!"
A few minutes later he spotted in his headlights on the side of the road the torn up motorbike against a big tree.
He stopped and quickly jumped out of his car to see in he can give first aid.
But it's to late.
The biker is already dead.
He looked around if there is anyone around. Nobody to see.
The student thouhgt "This is the oppertunity to finally obtain a real human eye!"
He always carryrna spoon and a glass eye in his pocket for an opperunity like this.
He quickly removes the left eye and places the glass eye in the socket.
One quick look around and he jumps in his car and races off.
The next morning when he wakes up he turned on the tv and watches the news.
It said: "Biker found dead on country road with 2 glass eyes."

Trip to the Doctor

Earlier today I was at the doctors office for my yearly physical but my regular Doctor was out. So in walks this beautiful blonde Doctor with the most amazing body... needless to say I was a little taken aback. She said she was fresh out of Medical School and had recently joined my regular Doctors practice. Halfway through my physical, she told me that I would need to stop m**..., when I asked "why?" she replied: "I'm not done giving you the physical".

The officer and the speeding Harley

Officer stops a Harley for speeding so he asks the biker his name. 'Fred,' he replies.
'Fred what?' the officer asks.
'Just Fred,' the man responds.
The officer is in a good mood, thinks he might just give the biker a break, and give him a warning instead of a ticket. The officer then presses him for the last name.
The man tells him that he used to have a last name but lost it. The officer thinks that he has a nut case on his hands but plays along with it. 'Tell me, Fred, how did you lose your last name?'
The biker replies, 'It's a long story, so stay with me.' I was born Fred Johnson. I studied hard and got good grades.
When I got older, I realized that I wanted to be a doctor. I went through college, medical school, internship, residency, and finally got my degree, so I was Fred Johnson, MD. After a while I got bored being a doctor, so I decided to go back to school.
Dentistry was my dream! Got all the way through School, got my degree, so then I was Fred Johnson, MD, DDS.
Got bored doing dentistry, so I started fooling around with my assistant and she gave me VD, so now I was Fred Johnson, MD, DDS, with VD.
Well, the ADA found out about the VD, so they took away my DDS.
Then I was Fred Johnson, MD, with VD. Then the AMA found out about the ADA taking away my DDS because of the VD, so they took away my MD leaving me as Fred Johnson with VD.
Then the VD took away my Johnson, so now I am Just Fred.'
The officer just walks away...

Your first job interview

Reaching the end of a job interview, the Human Resources person asked a young applicant fresh out of business school, "And what starting salary are you looking for?"
The applicant answered, "In the neighborhood of $125,000 a year, depending on the benefits package."
The interviewer said, "Well, what would you say to a package of 5 weeks vacation, 14 paid holidays, full medical and dental, company matching retirement fund to 50% of salary, and a company car leased every two years ... say, a red Corvette?"
The applicant sat up straight and said, "Wow! Are you kidding?"
Replied the interviewer: "Yes, but you started it."

Medical School Entrance Exam...

When I was young (100 yrs. Ago) and my intent was to go to medical school, the entrance exam included several questions that would determine eligibility.

One of the questions was "Rearrange the letters P N E S I to spell out an important part of the human body that is more useful when e**...."


Those who spelled "SPINE" became Doctors. The rest ended up in Congress.

Entrance Exam

A recent entrance exam for Medical School included several questions that would determine eligibility.
One of the questions was "Rearrange the letters P N E S I to spell out an important part of the human body that is more useful when e**...."
Those who spelled 'spine' became Doctors.
The rest ended up in Congress.

What did people start calling the medical school that allowed animals to study medicine?

The hippocampus.

TIL that some people are dumber than you think

True story, somebody told me today that it isn't smoking that gives you cancer. According to some girl who "is going to medical school", it is actually when you quit smoking and you are exposed to all the other harmful things in the air that you develop cancer.

After WWII, a German soldier...

After WWII, a German soldier left the tenets of n**... behind and decided to change his path in life. He went to school, got a medical degree, and went to work doctoring sick animals. He was a veterinarian.

What do you call a panda that graduates last in its class from medical school?

Dr. Bear Li

When do Jewish people believe the fetus achieves viability?

Not until he graduates from medical school.
Heard this one from a Jewish patient I had once.

How I Nearly Became A Doctor

How I Nearly Became A Doctor
When I was young I decided I wanted to be a doctor, so I took the entrance exam to go to Medical School.
One of the questions asked was to rearrange the letters *PNEIS* into the name of an important human body part which is most useful when e**....
Those who answered spine are doctors today.

My grandmother is an inspiration! At 84 years old she went to medical school.

She's a cadaver.

An engineer said: When I was young I decided to go to medical school.

At the entrance exam, we were asked to rearrange the alphabets
P N E I S
and form the name of an important human body part which is most useful when straight.
Those who answered SPINE are doctors today, while the rest are Engineers.

Did you hear about the narcissist who went to medical school?

He wanted to be a doctor so patients would be committed to his care.

When I was young I decided I wanted to attend medical school...

At the entrance exam, we were asked to rearrange the following alphabets:
 
P  N  E  I  S
 
The question asked us to rearrange the letters in a way that it would spell the most important part of the body that is most useful when straight.
 
Those who answered *SPINE* are doctors today, and the rest of them are my friends.

Nearly became a Doctor

Only a few of my friends know that I nearly became a doctor. But this is what happened.
When I was young in the 1970's, I decided I wanted to a be doctor so I took the entrance exam to go to Medical School.
One of the questions asked of us was to rearrange the letters PNEIS into the name of an important human body part which is most useful when e**....
Those who answered "spine" are doctors today.
The rest of us are sending jokes via the internet!

My cousin, a dermatologist, married just after medical school.

His wife is a dentist. I wish I could say they're doing well but they are getting by the skin of their teeth.

VERY SAD DAY.

A good friend of mine, after 7 yrs of medical school and training has been fired for one minor indiscretion. He slept with one of his patients and can no longer work in the profession. What a waste of time, effort, training and money. He's still paying on his school loans. This just goes to show one minor mistake can ruin your life. Thoughts for him and his family. He really is a great guy and would have been a brilliant veterinarian.

Years ago, I decided I wanted to be a doctor

Years ago, I decided I wanted to be a doctor,
so I took the entrance exam to go to medical
school.
One of the many questions on human anatomy
asked was to rearrange the letters PNEIS" into
the name of "an important human body part which
is most useful when e**...."
Those who answered "spine" are now doctors
The rest of us are posting jokes on social media.

My Grandmother always wanted to be a medical professional

She finally made it into medical school after 60 years. Rest in peace Grandma

What do you call someone who graduated last in their class at medical school? A Doctor.

Not my doctor though.

Today is a VERY, VERY sad day.

VERY VERY VERY SAD DAY. A good friend of mine, after 7 years of medical school and training has been fired for one minor indiscretion. He slept with one of his patients and can no longer work in the profession. What a waste of time, effort, training and money. He is still paying his school loans. This just goes to show you one minor mistake can ruin your life. Thoughts for him and his family.
He really is a great guy and a brilliant veterinarian.

A gynecologist has a midlife crisis.

He decides to leave the medical profession and become an auto mechanic. He goes to auto mechanic school, and pretty soon it's time for the final exam.
He finishes the exam and is amazed that the instructor has given him a grade of 200. He says to the instructor, "I thought the highest you could score on the test was 100."
"It is, " the instructor replies. "I gave you 50 for taking the engine apart correctly, 50 for putting it back together correctly, and the extra 100 for doing it through the muffler. "
- From The Dirty Joke Book, page 16

A life-saving topic

A college physics professor was explaining a particularly complicated concept to his class when a student interrupted him.
Why do we have to learn this stuff? , the frustrated student blurted out.
The professor ignored him and continued the lecture.
"I mean, why is this even required as a course? Why do I need to care about this?", the student continued.
"Because physics helps save lives," said the professor, turning back to the chalkboard.
Not satisfied, the student spoke up again.
So how does physics save lives?
The professor stopped, stared at the student, and responded, "Because it keeps the idiots like you out of medical school.

A doctor's toilet gets clogged up

He calls a plumber. Plumber shows up, unclogs the toilet and gives the doctor bill for $200.
Doctor: $200? For 15 minutes worth of work? That's $800 an hour! I'm a top neurosurgeon in this city, 15 years of medical school, 3 years of residence, and even I don't make $800 an hour!
Plumber: Yeah. When I was a top surgeon in this city I also didn't make $800 an hour. Which is why I became a plumber.

A gynecologist decides it's time to hung up his speculum.

A gynecologist who had lost interest in his medical practice decided to change careers and enrolled in auto mechanic school.
He performed well in the course but was still shocked when he got an off-the-chart 200 on his final exam. He asked the instructor to explain the grade.
"I gave you 50 points for taking the engine apart correctly," the teacher said, "50 points for putting it back together correctly -- and an extra 100 points for doing it all through the muffler."

Rearrange the letters PNEIS ...

**When I was young I wanted to be a doctor, so I took the entrance exam to go to Medical School.** 
**One of the questions asked was to rearrange the letters PNEIS into the name of an important human body part which is most useful when it is e**....  Those who answered SPINE are doctors today.** 
**The rest of us are swapping jokes on Reddit.**

A college physics professor was explaining a particularly complicated concept to his class when a pre-med student interrupted him.

Why do we have to learn this stuff?" The young man blurted out.
"To save lives," the professor responded before continuing the lecture.
A few minutes later the student spoke up again. "So how does physics save lives?"
The professor stared at the student for a long time. "Physics saves lives," he said, "because it keeps the idiots out of medical school."

A professor was discussing a particularly complicated concept.

A pre-med student rudely interrupted to ask "Why do we have to learn this stuff?"
"To save lives." The professor responded quickly and continued the lecture.
A few minutes later, the same student spoke up again. "So how does physics save lives?" he persisted.
"It keeps the ignoramuses out of medical school," replied the professor.

A Jewish mother walks by a planned parenthood and sees a protestor who's sign says life begins at conception

She goes up to the man and says that may be true of Christian babies, but a Jewish fetus isn't viable until it graduates medical school!

Godzilla finally decided it was time to go to medical school…

because he really knew how to handle himself in an emerge-in-sea situation.

Life saving

A college physics professor was explaining a particularly complicated concept to his class when a pre-med student interrupted him. "Why do we have to learn this stuff? " the frustrated student blurted out. "To save lives," the professor responded before continuing the lecture. A few minutes later the student spoke up again. "So how does physics save lives? "The professor stared at the student without saying a word. "Physics saves lives," he finally continued, "because it keeps the idiots out of medical school. "

What do you call a medical school student who graduates with the lowest grade point average in his class?

A doctor

It's irritating when students get ahead of themselves...

These days many college students assume that they're doing the job already. That's not how it works, you need to get the certification, or get the job.
Engineering students shouldn't call themselves engineers
Medical students shouldn't call themselves doctors
Law students shouldn't call themselves lawyers
Business school students shouldn't call themselves minions
And Art students certainly shouldn't call themselves baristas or waiters...

My friend graduated from medical school after 7 years.

He then got a job at his local clinic, but shortly got fired after that for sleeping with his patients!
He was one of the most promising veterinarians in our class

jokes about medical school