Medical Professional Jokes
23 medical professional jokes and hilarious medical professional puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about medical professional that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Medical Professional Short Jokes
Short medical professional jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The medical professional humour may include short medical doctor jokes also.
- I always assumed you took off your pants during a prostate exam But apparently that's "not appropriate for a medical professional".
- What do you call a group of medical professionals who navigate around the Horn of Africa without being accosted by pirates? Doctors without boarders.
- My new family doctor wrote me a prescription ... and I was able to read all of it perfectly, disappointed by how underqualified medical professionals are these days.
- I would never vaccinate my own child because of all the complications Thats why I leave it to the certified medical professionals to do it.
- If I were to ever become a parent, I would never vaccinate my kids... I'd get my doctor do it because I am not a medical professional.
- I decided to treat my girlfriend, but she ended up dying... Apparently "cancer" is best left to "medical professionals"
- My Grandmother always wanted to be a medical professional She finally made it into medical school after 60 years. Rest in peace Grandma
- I want to form a law practice specializing in s**... harassment suits against medical professionals... I'll call it "Doctors Without Boundaries"
- Doctor: Come on, lots of medical professionals sleep with their patients Wife: d**..., John, you're a veterinarian!
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Medical Professional One Liners
Which medical professional one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with medical professional? I can suggest the ones about physician and professional.
- Don't vaccinate your children! Let a trained medical professional do it!
- What do you call a sarcastic canine medical professional? A dog, duh.
- You should not vaccinate your children. You should have a medical professional do it.
Medical Professional Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.
What funny jokes about medical professional you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean practitioner jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make medical professional pranks.
Had my medical license revoked today.
Being a medical professional is like being in a minefield. All it takes is one mistep and you can lose it all. I made a one-time mistake and slept with a patient. A co-worker heard her passionate crys and came to find us in the act. Embarrassing be as it was, I never expected to be the end of my career.
12 years wasted as a veterinarian.
A man walks into his doctor's office and says: My nose just keeps on running,
But that's not even the worst part about me either, doc. My feet smell an awful lot! Surely you must have a remedy for both.
The doctor replies: Well I'm sorry to tell you there's nothing I can do. It doesn't seem like you need a medical professional, but rather a bio-mechanical engineer!
After a confused look from the man the doctor explains: You've been built upside down.
A doctor found a cure for muteness
Dr. Smith, a medical professional studying human vocals, found a cure to muteness.
He found out after dealing with a patient and an unlikely scenario happened.
He receives an award for medicine, and is invited to give a speech. He speaks about his life, inspiration, and discovery. He brings the man that has been cured to the microphone.
The cured man clears his t**... for the first time in ages, and states:
"Thank you all. I don't know what to say."
Sad dad joke
2 dads are laying side by side on their death beds in the hospital, ome dad turns to the other and says
"how are you holding up buddy?"
"Not good, the doctor said im dying"
"huh the docter told me same thing, I cant belive a medical professional would mess both our names up like that!"
Pre-
The Doctor
A doctor was feeling ashamed after having s**... with one of his female patients.
He could not get the images of his head. He was a professional, and wasn't used to this overwhelming sense of guilt and betrayal of his patient.
In desperate need of reassurance, he thought to himself as he heard a voice in his head say:
*"Don't worry about it. You aren't the first medical practitioner to have s**... with one of his patients and you won't be the last."*
It continued:
*"Now go out there and show them that you're the best veterinarian in this whole town!"*
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Useless in the Parking Lot
A woman was at work when she received a phone call that her daughter was very sick with a fever. She left her work and stopped by the pharmacy to get some medication for her daughter.
When returning to her car she found that she had locked herkeys in the car. She was in a hurry to get home to her sick daughter.
She didn't know what to do, so she called her home and told the baby sitter what had happened and that she did not know what to do. The baby sitter told her that her daughter was getting worse.
She said, "You might find a coat hanger and use that to open the door."
The woman looked around and found an old rusty coat hanger that had been thrown down on the ground, possibly by someone else who at some time or other had locked their keys in their car.
Then she looked at the hanger and said, "I don't know how to use this."
So she bowed her head and asked God to send her some help. Within five minutes an old rusty car pulled up, with a dirty, greasy, bearded man who was wearing an old biker skull rag on his head.
The woman thought, "This is what you sent to help me?" But, she was desperate, so she was also very thankful.
The man got out of his car and asked her if he could help. She said, "Yes, my daughter is very sick. I stopped to get her some medication and I locked my keys in my car. I must get home to her. Please, can you use this hanger to unlock my car?"
He said, "Sure". He walked over to the car, and in less than one minute the car was opened.
She hugged the man and through her tears she said, "Thank you so much! You are a very nice man."
The man replied, "Lady, I am not a nice man. I just got out of prison today. I was in prison for car theft and have only been out for about an hour."
The woman hugged the man again and with sobbing tears cried out loud, "Oh, Thank you God!
"You even sent me a Professional!"
One Way trip to Mars
NASA was interviewing professionals they were thinking of sending to Mars. The touchy part was that only o**... could go and it would be a one-way trip, the guy not ever returning to Earth.
The interviewer asked the first applicant, an engineer, how much he wanted to be paid for going. "One million dollars," the engineer answered. "And I want to donate it all to my alma mater--Rice University."
The next applicant was a doctor, and the interviewer asked him the same question. Two millions dollars, the doctor said. "I want to give a million to my family and leave the other million for the advancement of medical research."
The last applicant was a lawyer. When asked how much money he wanted, he whispered in the interviewer's ear, "Three million dollars."
"Why so much more than the others?" the interviewer asked.
The lawyer replied, " I'll give you one million, I'll keep a million, and we'll send the engineer."
**
NASA was interviewing professionals to be sent to Mars.
Only one could go and couldn’t return to Earth.
The first applicant, an engineer, was asked how much he wanted to be paid for going.
“A million dollars,” he answered, “because I want to donate it to M.I.T.”
The next applicant, a doctor, was asked the same question.
He asked for $2 million. “I want to give a million to my family,” he explained, “and leave the other million for the advancement of medical research.”
The last applicant was a lawyer. When asked how much money he wanted, he whispered in the interviewer’s ear, “Three million dollars.”
“Why so much more than the others?” asked the interviewer.
The lawyer replied, “If you give me $3 million, I’ll give you $1 million, I’ll keep $1 million, and we’ll send the engineer to Mars.”