Medical Jokes

Funniest Medical Short Jokes

Short medical jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The medical humour may include short medicine jokes also.

1. My grandfather died because the medical report said he had Type A blood. Unfortunately it was a Type-O.
2. When I die I'm going to donate my body to science. That's the only way I'll ever get into medical school.
3. There's only one problem with North Korea's miracle cure for AIDS and Ebola: The directions say the medication must be taken with food.
4. Statistics say that 60% of women take medication for mental illness, Which means 40% aren't taking their medication.
5. Why are there always two medics in an ambulance They're not called pair a medics for no reason
6. So my daughters friend came over the other day and they played house together Now I have $50k in medical bills and she thinks she has Lupus.
7. Whenever I go out, I always wear a stethoscope. That way, in the event of a medical emergency, I can teach people a valuable lesson about assumptions.
8. After being in an accident that disabled both my legs... The doctor walked in with the medical bill,
   I couldn't stand to look at it.
9. This is a frightening statistic 25% of the women in this country are on medication for mental illness!
   That's scary!
   It means 75% are running around untreated!
10. My medication says to store it in a cool, dark place. So I keep it in a jazz club in Harlem.

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Medical One Liners

Which medical one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with medical? I can suggest the ones about health and hospital.

1. Don't vaccinate your children! Let a trained medical professional do it!
2. Of all medical humor, optometry jokes are number one Or number two.
3. What doesn't kill you cripples you with medical debt.
4. There's an actual medical term for when your foot falls asleep. It's called 'coma toes'
5. If I photoshopped a medical license Would that be a doctored image?
6. What's the medical term for a chill pill? A relaxative
7. What do you call a sarcastic canine medical professional? A dog, duh.
8. All pirates medics were required to be certified in C. P. ARRRRRR.
9. What type of EMTs will touch up your makeup on the way to the hospital? Cos-medics
10. What medication does a snake take before giving a presentation? An antihissstamine.
11. I didn't want to believe that my dentist's medical degree was fake But the tooth hurts.
12. What do seals do when they need medical attention? Sea kelp
13. Whoever took my anxiety medication I'm worried about you
14. Medically, what happens to a man if he never masturbates? Nobody knows.
15. What do you call 2 doctors walking together? Pair-o-Medics

Medical Doctor Jokes

Here is a list of funny medical doctor jokes and even better medical doctor puns that will make you laugh with friends.

• What do you call someone who graduates at the bottom of their class in medical school? A doctor
• I went to the doctor for a checkup. A friend asked "Which doctor?"
  I replied "No, a medical one."
• My doctor got sick so I grabbed his medical bag, but he refused to let me treat him He did not like the taste of his own medicine
• What do you call a group of medical professionals who navigate around the Horn of Africa without being accosted by pirates? Doctors without boarders.
• Patient: I become terrified every time I think of large animals. Doctor: We can control that with medication, but bear in mind--
  Patient: AAAAAAUUUGGGHHH!!!
• My doctor must be a very visual person, Whenever I have a cold he holds out my medication and says "vitamins, see".
• Doctor: ""If you gain 5 more pounds, medically, you'll be morbidly obese." "Do you understand what this means?"
  Woman: "Yes, I'm not morbidly obese now."
• I don't think my doctor went to medical school He keeps insisting I have cancer, no matter how many times I tell him I'm a scorpio
• An apple a day keeps the doctor away Because no-one can afford an iPhone AND medical insurance.
• My Granny thought the Doctor was hitting on her after her medical.... Apparently Her hearing is going and she's got Acute Angina.

Medical School Jokes

Here is a list of funny medical school jokes and even better medical school puns that will make you laugh with friends.

• I will never have the audacity to choose a career path for my children, it's their responsibility to choose whatever medical school they'll graduate from.
• I wanted to be a gynecologist, but I failed medical school in the last semester. I was so close I could taste it.
• My grandmother, 86 years old, just entered medical school. She's a cadaver, and she is living death to the fullest.
• I failed medical school for the same reason I failed English class Improper: Colon placement
• When is a fetus viable? To a Christian, it's the moment of conception. To a Jew, it's when he graduates from medical school.
  -my mom heard this on the radio
• A labrador picks up Mjölnir and goes to medical school Guess he's a DogThor now.
• I went to medical school with an incredibly ambitious guy who was obsessed with collecting skulls. He'd do anything to get a head.
• Kek day joke: What do you call the person who graduates medical school with the lowest GPA? Doctor.
• Chicken A chicken was recently admitted to Medical School, thanks to its handwriting
• I always wanted to be a drug dealer But I had trouble getting into medical school

Medical Office Jokes

Here is a list of funny medical office jokes and even better medical office puns that will make you laugh with friends.

• An Army commanding officer is talking to one of his troops. "Why exactly did you send the Grenadine people explosives instead of the medical supplies we promised?"
  "You said to send Gren aid."
• What do you call two twin emt officers? A pair of medics

Medical Students Jokes

Here is a list of funny medical students jokes and even better medical students puns that will make you laugh with friends.

• Two medical students are about to witness an autopsy for the first time... One asks the other, "What do you think it'll be like?"
  The other student shrugs and says, "Remains to be seen".
• Where do college students go for medical attention? An I.V. League.
• What did the blonde medical student die from? An aneurysm.
• What a doctor must have. I asked a medical student once, what he thought would be the one thing that makes a doctor who they are.
  He responded with: "A doctor must have patients".
• What do you call it when a medical student is exploring the different types of practices they are interested in? A field trip
• The more medical students I met, the less I trust doctors.
• Why couldn't the Asian student graduate medical school? "Knee-How?"
• Why did the medical students feel symptoms of vertigo? They did lots of rotations.

Howlingly Hilarious Medical Jokes for an Unforgettable Evening

What funny jokes about medical you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean clinical jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make medical pranks.