Medical Jokes

Make your day with some medical humor! Whether you're a medical student, medical assistant, medical coding specialist, medical office worker, or anything else in the medical field, these medical jokes will make your day brighter. From medical Halloween jokes to jokes about doctors and clinicals, medical labs, and even stethoscopes, we've got it all covered. Enjoy a good laugh and add some medical humor to your day!

Quick Jump To

Short Medical Jokes
Medical One Liners
Medical Doctor Jokes
Medical School Jokes
Medical Office Jokes
Medical Condition Jokes
More Medical Jokes

Best Short Medical Jokes

These are our top medical puns. Have fun with a good medical joke in English with simple medical humour.

My grandfather died because the medical report said he had Type A blood. Unfortunately it was a Type-O.
When I die I'm going to donate my body to science. That's the only way I'll ever get into medical school.
There's only one problem with North Korea's miracle cure for AIDS and Ebola: The directions say the medication must be taken with food.
Statistics say that 60% of women take medication for mental illness, Which means 40% aren't taking their medication.
Why are there always two medics in an ambulance They're not called pair a medics for no reason
So my daughters friend came over the other day and they played house together Now I have $50k in medical bills and she thinks she has Lupus.
I got accepted into Harvard's medical program I just have to die first and give them my body
Whenever I go out, I always wear a stethoscope. That way, in the event of a medical emergency, I can teach people a valuable lesson about assumptions.
After being in an accident that disabled both my legs... The doctor walked in with the medical bill,
I couldn't stand to look at it.
This is a frightening statistic 25% of the women in this country are on medication for mental illness!
That's scary!
It means 75% are running around untreated!

Medical joke, This is a frightening statistic

Make fun with this list of one liners, gags and riddles. Each joke is crafted with thought and creativity, delivering punchlines that are unexpected and witty. The humor found in these medical jokes can easily lighten the mood and bring smiles to people's faces. This compilation of medical puns is not just entertaining but also a testament to the art of joke-telling. The jokes in this list are designed to display different humor styles, ensuring that every reader at any age finds something entertaining. Constantly updated, these jokes offer a source of fun that ensures one is always smiling !

Medical One Liners

Which medical dad jokes are funny enough to crack down and make fun with medical?

My Mexican uncle takes anti-anxiety medication It's for Hispanic attacks
Don't vaccinate your children! Let a trained medical professional do it!
Of all medical humor, optometry jokes are number one Or number two.
My Mexican friend takes anti-anxiety medication Its for Hispanic attacks.
What doesn't kill you cripples you with medical debt.
There's an actual medical term for when your foot falls asleep. It's called 'coma toes'
what do you call medical students who graduated online? google docs
To the guy who stole my anti-depressant medication I hope you're happy now.
If I photoshopped a medical license Would that be a doctored image?
What's the medical term for a chill pill? A relaxative
What do you call a sarcastic canine medical professional? A dog, duh.
All pirates medics were required to be certified in C. P. ARRRRRR.
What type of EMTs will touch up your makeup on the way to the hospital? Cos-medics
Why did the Mexican take anti-anxiety medication? For Hispanic attacks.
What medication does a snake take before giving a presentation? An antihissstamine.

Medical Doctor Jokes

Here is a list of funny medical doctor jokes and even better medical doctor puns that will make you laugh with friends.

What do you call someone who graduates at the bottom of their class in medical school? A doctor
I hate it when I hate it when engineering students call themselves engineer.
I don't see medical students calling themselves doctor or history students calling themselves unemployed
I went to the doctor for a checkup. A friend asked "Which doctor?"
I replied "No, a medical one."
I have this unusual medical condition where I can't stop making silly airport puns. The doctor says it's terminal.
My doctor got sick so I grabbed his medical bag, but he refused to let me treat him He did not like the taste of his own medicine
What do you call a group of medical professionals who navigate around the Horn of Africa without being accosted by pirates? Doctors without boarders.
What do you call a medical student who graduated last in his class? Doctor.
Patient: I become terrified every time I think of large animals. Doctor: We can control that with medication, but bear in mind--
Patient: AAAAAAUUUGGGHHH!!!
What do you call 2 doctors walking together? Pair-o-Medics
Why do Jews make the best doctors? Because if they give you six months to live and you can't afford to pay your medical bills before then they'll give you another six months.

Medical School Jokes

Here is a list of funny medical school jokes and even better medical school puns that will make you laugh with friends.

I will never have the audacity to choose a career path for my children, it's their responsibility to choose whatever medical school they'll graduate from.
I wanted to be a gynecologist, but I failed medical school in the last semester. I was so close I could taste it.
My grandmother, 86 years old, just entered medical school. She's a cadaver, and she is living death to the fullest.
I failed medical school for the same reason I failed English class Improper: Colon placement
When is a fetus viable? To a Christian, it's the moment of conception. To a Jew, it's when he graduates from medical school.
-my mom heard this on the radio
A labrador picks up Mjölnir and goes to medical school Guess he's a DogThor now.
I went to medical school with an incredibly ambitious guy who was obsessed with collecting skulls. He'd do anything to get a head.
I don't think my doctor went to medical school He keeps insisting I have cancer, no matter how many times I tell him I'm a scorpio
Kek day joke: What do you call the person who graduates medical school with the lowest GPA? Doctor.
Chicken A chicken was recently admitted to Medical School, thanks to its handwriting

Medical Office Jokes

Here is a list of funny medical office jokes and even better medical office puns that will make you laugh with friends.

An Army commanding officer is talking to one of his troops. "Why exactly did you send the Grenadine people explosives instead of the medical supplies we promised?"
"You said to send Gren aid."
What do you call two twin emt officers? A pair of medics
Medical assisted s**... is legal in Mexico now... All you have to do is run for elected office.

Medical Condition Jokes

Here is a list of funny medical condition jokes and even better medical condition puns that will make you laugh with friends.

I tried to apply for a medical exemption for the COVID vaccine. Apparently being a republican isn't an acceptable medical condition.
What medical condition are elderly bats most afraid of? Incontinence.
So this new little person turned up at my company today with his medical form explaining his condition. He'd joined with a short notice
I have a medical condition where I'm allergic to only one type of pasta It's called macaroni and sneeze
Please Help! I've got a medical condition where I can't discern between the letter "b" and the letters "th". Oops, wrong bread.
I'm not drunk! It's a medical condition I'm gravity intolerant.
As a child, I had a medical condition that meant I had to eat soil three times a day in order to survive. I was lucky my older brother told me about it, really.
At my university the only way to have a mini-fridge in my room is to have a medical condition... Apparently being an alcoholic doesn't qualify...
What is the most ridiculous medical condition? Radiculopathy
Some monsters have a medical condition in which it is actually imposible to take a cohesive picture of them Such monsters include: Sasquatch, The Loch Ness Monster, and Mike Wazowski.

Medical joke, Some monsters have a medical condition in which it is actually imposible to take a cohesive picture

Howlingly Hilarious Medical Jokes for an Unforgettable Evening

What funny jokes about medical to tell and make people laugh ? Check out these list of good jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help make medical prank.

Isn't it annoying when engineering students call themselves engineers?

It's s**.... You don't hear medical students calling themselves doctors or arts students calling themselves baristas.

"Having too much s**... can result in memory loss."

I read that on page 37, paragraph five of the New England Medical Journal on September 15th, 2014 at 10:37 am.

What's the difference between a feminist and a dentist's drill?

One causes a lot of pain and makes a constant high pitched whine. The other is a useful piece of medical equipment.

Anticipation (may be offensive)

A man notices he is having some very strange medical symptoms, so he goes to the hospital. Tests are run, and he goes home. A few days later, he gets a call from his doctor.
"Doc, finally! Give me the news, this anticipation has been killing me."
"Actually, that's the cancer..."

OCD

A Stanford Medical research group advertised for participants
in a study of obsessive-compulsive disorder. They were
looking for therapy clients who had been diagnosed with this
disorder. The response was gratifying; they got 300 responses
the day after the ad came out.
All from the same person.

Dr joke I just made up

A young medical intern was standing in a hospital hallway, looking flustered whilst try to examine a patients' CAT scan. Seeing his confusion, an older doctor came to see what the problem was. He saw that the intern was reading the scan upside down, and turned it around for him. Seeing that the young intern was embarrassed by his mistake, the doctor said, "don't feel embarrassed, lad, there's more than one way to skim a CAT."

Why do chemists call helium, curium, and barium 'the medical elements'?

Because, if you can't 'helium' or 'curium', you 'BARIUM'!

Medical School Entrance Exam...

When I was young (100 yrs. Ago) and my intent was to go to medical school, the entrance exam included several questions that would determine eligibility.

One of the questions was "Rearrange the letters P N E S I to spell out an important part of the human body that is more useful when e**...."

Those who spelled "SPINE" became Doctors. The rest ended up in Congress.

Good news, bad news

A man gets a telephone call from a doctor. The doctor says: "About this medical test I did on you, I have some good news and some bad news."
The man asks for the good news first:
"The good news is that you have 24 hours to live," says the doctor.
The man, incredulously: "If that is the good news, then what is the bad news??"
"I couldn't reach you on the phone yesterday."

Entrance Exam

A recent entrance exam for Medical School included several questions that would determine eligibility.
One of the questions was "Rearrange the letters P N E S I to spell out an important part of the human body that is more useful when e**...."
Those who spelled 'spine' became Doctors.
The rest ended up in Congress.

During a lady's medical examination...

The doctor says: "Your heart, lungs, pulse and blood pressure are all fine. Now let me see the bit that gets you ladies into all kinds of trouble."
The lady starts taking off her underwear but is interrupted by the doctor.
"No! No! Don't t**... clothes. Just stick out your tongue!"

A doctor had s**......

A doctor had s**... with one of his female patients and felt guilty all day long. No matter how much he tried to forget about it, he just couldn't.
The guilt and sense of betrayal of his patient were overwhelming. But every once in a while he'd hear an internal, reassuring voice in his head that said: "Don't worry about it. You aren't the first medical practitioner to have s**... with one of his patients and you won't be the last. And you're single. Just let it go."
But, invariably, another voice in his head would bring him back to reality, whispering...
"You're a veterinarian, you sick s**... fiend."

So I've got some buddies...

They just so happen to be a high-ranking officials in Denver,Colorado. They're currently trying to get Republicans and Democrats to both agree to legalize medical m**... to ease arthritis symptoms. I guess you could say I have friends in high places in high places in high places for joint support for joint support for joint support.

A Chinese couple named Mr. and Mrs. Wong went to the hospital to have a baby...

Mrs. Wong had the baby soon after they arrived, and after they got to see their child, a nurse took it away for medical examinations. When she returned, she was carrying a white baby, not an Asian one. Mr. Wong was surprised and a little annoyed at the mistake and curtly told the nurse to go back and get their actual baby. The nurse insisted that it was the correct child, but Mr. Wong was positive that a mistake had been made, because, as he put it, "Two Wongs don't make a white."

A guy sees a sign that says, "Volunteers needed for medical experiment. $500 fee!"

So he goes in and they tell him they need humans to mate with gorillas. The guy thinks about it for a second, then says, "I'll do it under three conditions:
1) No one can find out that I did this.
2) If there are any offspring, they should be treated humanely.
3) I'm gonna need some time to come up with the $500."

At a medical conference

Two African doctors were in an intense debate. The first said "It's wooooooooooooooommmbbbbb". The second said "no, it's woooooooooooooooommmbbaaaa." A British doctor overhears them and decides to help: "I think the word you are looking for is 'womb.'"
They both turn to him and say "Clearly, you've never heard a hippopotamus f**... underwater!"

Why can't female medical examiners have kids?

Because nobody puts baby in a coroner.
Hey, at least it was original, again I will see myself out.

Why are Helium, Curium and Barium called the medical elements?

Because if you can't Helium or Curium, you Barium.
(Heard it from Heimerdinger, League of Legends)

There is now a bipartisan push to legalize medical m**... to relieve arthiritis.

In other words, there is joint support for joint support for joint support.

I always assumed you took off your pants during a prostate exam

But apparently that's "not appropriate for a medical professional".

A woman was taking golf lessons and had just started playing her first round when she suffered a bee sting. Her pain was so bad that she ran to the clubhouse for medical assistance. The golf pro saw her heading back and said, What's wrong?

I was stung by a bee! she said. Where? he asked. Between the first and second hole. she replied. He nodded and said, Your stance is far too wide.

A man has an appointment with a urologist.

The man is sitting on the examination table when the Urologist walks in. The urologist glances at the man's medical history, makes a few notes and then says: "Look, I hate to break it to you, but you have to stop m**...."
The man frowns and says, "Why, Doc?"
The urologist responds: "So I can examine you."

How did the medical community come up with the term "p**..."?

"Mad Cow Disease" was already taken.

A doctor and a lawyer

During a party, a doctor is telling a lawyer that he is sick of his friends asking him for free medical advice. The lawyer says, "just do what I do, and leave a bill in their mailbox." The doctor decides he'll give that a try and thanks his lawyer friend. When the doctor gets home, he has a bill in his mailbox from the lawyer.

Do you know why doctors are prescribing medical m**... for arthritis?

Because the definition of arthritis is inflammation of the joints

A man got lost on a camping trip

A man got lost on a camping trip. Rescuers scoured the wilderness until a medical emergency team finally spotted a solitary figure across a wide chasm.
Charlie Smith, someone shouted, is that you?
Yes, it is, came the reply. Who are you?
We're from the Red Cross.
I gave at the office! Charlie shouted back.

How I Nearly Became A Doctor

How I Nearly Became A Doctor
When I was young I decided I wanted to be a doctor, so I took the entrance exam to go to Medical School.
One of the questions asked was to rearrange the letters *PNEIS* into the name of an important human body part which is most useful when e**....
Those who answered spine are doctors today.

The s**... is made up of Glucose........

MBBS Professor:
The s**... is made up of Glucose, the same material Sugar is made of.
A Girl raised her hand:
"Then why doesn't it
taste like Sugar?"
Suddenly silence in hall.
Girl:Oops.
Then Professor's reply was also a Medical master piece:
My dear, Thats because, the taste buds are located on the tip of your Tongue and not at the end of your t**...
Killer .

A young woman had been taking golf lessons all week long.

She'd just begun her first game of golf when she suffered a bee sting. Her pain was so intense, she couldn't continue her game. She decided to go back to the clubhouse and get some medical attention.
Her golf Pro saw her enter the clubhouse and asked,
"Why are you back so soon?" What's wrong?"
"I was stung by a bee," she answered.
"Where?," he asked.
"Between the first and second holes," she replied.
He nodded his head knowingly and said, "Then your stance is too wide."

I've started wearing a stethoscope around my neck...

So, if there's a medical emergency I get to teach people a valuable lesson about making assumptions based on someone's appearance.

There's a bipartisan group petitioning for medical m**... as an option for arthritis patients.

In other words, there's joint support for joint support for joint support.

After seven years of medical training and hard work

my very good friend has been struck off after one minor indiscretion.
He slept with one of his patients and now can no longer work in the profession.
What a waste of time, training and money. A genuinely nice guy and a brilliant vet.

After seven years of medical training and hard work, my very good friend has been struck off after one minor indiscretion and I think it's outrageous . He slept with one of his patients and now can no longer work in the profession that he loves

What a waste of time, training and money. A genuinely nice guy and a brilliant vet.

Devastated. A very sad day today. After seven years of training in the medical fields and hard work, a very good friend of mine was fired after one minor indiscretion. He slept with one of his clients and can now no longer work in the profession. What a waste of time, effort, training and money...

A genuinely nice guy and an absolutely brilliant mortician.

My uncle always believed that "Between duct tape and WD-40 you can fix just about anything."

I still can't believe it took seven years before he lost his medical license.

Why do cats make better medical technicians than dogs?

Because dogs can't operate MRI machines, but catscan.

An engineer said: When I was young I decided to go to medical school.

At the entrance exam, we were asked to rearrange the alphabets
P N E I S
and form the name of an important human body part which is most useful when straight.
Those who answered SPINE are doctors today, while the rest are Engineers.

I'm Devastated. After 7 years of medical training a good freind of mine has been struck off after one minor indiscretion.

He Slept with one of his patients. He was a really nice guy, and a Brillant Vet

When I was a little girl, I had a unique medical condition that required me to eat play-doh three times a day to survive.

I was very lucky that my older brother informed me about it and made sure I did it, or I might not be here today.

This made me smile for days

Absolutely devastated.
A very sad day today. After 7 years of medical training and hard work, a very good friend of mine has been struck off after one minor indiscretion. He slept with one of his patients (they were good friends) and can now no longer work in the profession he loves. What a waste of time, effort, training and money. A genuinely nice guy and a brilliant vet.

When I was young I decided I wanted to attend medical school...

At the entrance exam, we were asked to rearrange the following alphabets:

P N E I S

The question asked us to rearrange the letters in a way that it would spell the most important part of the body that is most useful when straight.

Those who answered *SPINE* are doctors today, and the rest of them are my friends.

Why are Helium, Curium, and Barium called the medical isotopes?

Because if you can't helium or curium, you barium.

Doctor: I have some medical news.

You'll have to stop m**... for a while.
Patient: Why?
Doctor: Because I'm talking to you.

I think medical m**... is really good...

... for joints.
I'll see myself out.

In one Intensive care unit

people always died on the same bed at 11 am on a Sunday morning, regardless of their condition. This puzzled medical staff, so a group of doctors decided to observe the bed in secret and waited for the fateful hour. Some held crosses and prayer books to ward off evil influences, while the less superstitious had video cameras to catch the whole thing on tape. At the 11th hour, the door to the ward slowly opened, then a cleaner came in, disconnected the life support machine and plugged in a vacuum cleaner.

If there was a bipartisan push in Congress to legalize medical m**... for arthritis treatment...

there would be joint support for joint support for joint support.

I didn't want to believe that my dentist's medical degree was fake

But the tooth hurts.

Had my medical license revoked today.

Being a medical professional is like being in a minefield. All it takes is one mistep and you can lose it all. I made a one-time mistake and slept with a patient. A co-worker heard her passionate crys and came to find us in the act. Embarrassing be as it was, I never expected to be the end of my career.
12 years wasted as a veterinarian.

A doctor & a lawyer are talking at a party.

A doctor and a lawyer are talking at a party. Their conversation is constantly interrupted by people describing their ailments and asking the doctor for free medical advice. After an hour of this, the exasperated doctor asks the lawyer, "What do you do to stop people from asking you for legal advice when you're out of the office?" "I give it to them," replies the lawyer, "and then I send them a bill." The doctor is shocked, but agrees to give it a try. The next day, still feeling slightly guilty, the doctor prepares the bills. When he goes to place them in his mailbox, he finds a bill from the lawyer.

Today I learned about Harvey E. Brown, a civil war surgeon who had so many amputations he ran out of fake legs and had to use a shovel.

It was a ground-breaking medical procedure.

Stop me if you've heard this one...

A young woman was taking golf lessons and had just started playing her first round of golf when she suffered a bee sting. Her pain was so intense that she decided to return to the clubhouse for medical assistance. The golf pro saw her heading back and said, You are back early, what's wrong? I was stung by a bee! she said. Where? he asked. Between the first and second hole. she replied. He nodded and said, Your stance is far too wide.

It's a medical miracle

A man is recovering from surgery after a car c**..., and he notices that both his hands are covered in casts. When a nurse comes to check on him, he asks "Will I be able to play piano after this?"
"Yes, the casts should come off in a few weeks, then you should be able to play."
"That's funny, I couldn't play piano before the accident."

What do seals do when they need medical attention?

Sea kelp

Years ago, I decided I wanted to be a doctor

Years ago, I decided I wanted to be a doctor,
so I took the entrance exam to go to medical
school.
One of the many questions on human anatomy
asked was to rearrange the letters PNEIS" into
the name of "an important human body part which
is most useful when e**...."
Those who answered "spine" are now doctors
The rest of us are posting jokes on social media.

There was this haunted ICU in a hospital... People always died at 3pm on a Sunday afternoon, regardless of their medical condition.

This puzzled medical staff, so a group of doctors decided to keep a watch on the bed in secret and waited for the fateful hour.
At 3pm, the door to the ward slowly opened, then a cleaner came in, disconnected the life support machine and plugged in a vacuum cleaner.

What's the medical term for a female-to-male s**... change operation?

An adadichtomy

I told my doctor that I was unable to do all the things around the house that I used to do.

The doctor started a long and thorough examination, but found nothing wrong with me. When the examination was completed, I said, "Now, Doc, I can take it. Tell me in plain English what is wrong with me" "Well, in plain English," the doctor replied, "you're just very lazy." "Okay," I said , "Now give me the medical term so I can tell my wife."

Medical m**... isn't a new concept.

We've been using smoke to cure things for centuries.

A man walks into his doctor's office and says: My nose just keeps on running,

But that's not even the worst part about me either, doc. My feet smell an awful lot! Surely you must have a remedy for both.
The doctor replies: Well I'm sorry to tell you there's nothing I can do. It doesn't seem like you need a medical professional, but rather a bio-mechanical engineer!
After a confused look from the man the doctor explains: You've been built upside down.

What did the Urologist shout when she made a medical breakthrough?

u**...!!!

A scientist runs into an AA meeting...

...and exclaims "we did it! We found a medical cure for alcoholism! All you have to do is take this one pill daily and you are cured."
Slowly a hand raises in the back and a man says "what happens if you take two?"

Fred is a hippo who goes to a University where everyone is a hippo

One day, someone asked Fred where to find the medical building. Fred replied, "Its over there and to the left. I do brain research in there."
Fred is an expert on the hippocampus.

Jokes are a form of humor that often involves clever wordplay, puns or unexpected twists in a story. These are usually short narratives or anecdotes crafted with the intent of amusing its audience by ending in an unexpected or humorous punchline. Jokes are a universal form of entertainment that people of all ages like kids and toddlers can enjoy. They can be verbal, as in a play on words, or narrative, often involving a set-up and a punchline. JokoJokes has it all! Jokes in Spanish are also found. Teens are often joking with 4 year olds and 6 year olds. Found out more in our Jokes FAQ section

Discover more jokes

The impact of these medical jokes can be both social and psychological. They can help to ease tensions, create bonds between people, and even improve overall mental health. The success of a joke often relies on the delivery, timing, and audience. Jokes can be used in various settings, from social gatherings to professional presentations, and are often employed to lighten the mood or enhance a story.