Medical Examination Jokes

A man has an appointment with a urologist.

The man is sitting on the examination table when the Urologist walks in. The urologist glances at the man's medical history, makes a few notes and then says: "Look, I hate to break it to you, but you have to stop m**...."
The man frowns and says, "Why, Doc?"
The urologist responds: "So I can examine you."

A Chinese couple named Mr. and Mrs. Wong went to the hospital to have a baby...

Mrs. Wong had the baby soon after they arrived, and after they got to see their child, a nurse took it away for medical examinations. When she returned, she was carrying a white baby, not an Asian one. Mr. Wong was surprised and a little annoyed at the mistake and curtly told the nurse to go back and get their actual baby. The nurse insisted that it was the correct child, but Mr. Wong was positive that a mistake had been made, because, as he put it, "Two Wongs don't make a white."

Dr joke I just made up

A young medical intern was standing in a hospital hallway, looking flustered whilst try to examine a patients' CAT scan. Seeing his confusion, an older doctor came to see what the problem was. He saw that the intern was reading the scan upside down, and turned it around for him. Seeing that the young intern was embarrassed by his mistake, the doctor said, "don't feel embarrassed, lad, there's more than one way to skim a CAT."

During a lady's medical examination...

The doctor says: "Your heart, lungs, pulse and blood pressure are all fine. Now let me see the bit that gets you ladies into all kinds of trouble."
The lady starts taking off her underwear but is interrupted by the doctor.
"No! No! Don't t**... clothes. Just stick out your tongue!"

I told my doctor that I was unable to do all the things around the house that I used to do.

The doctor started a long and thorough examination, but found nothing wrong with me. When the examination was completed, I said, "Now, Doc, I can take it. Tell me in plain English what is wrong with me" "Well, in plain English," the doctor replied, "you're just very lazy." "Okay," I said , "Now give me the medical term so I can tell my wife."

Exams

A beautiful young woman, about to undergo a minor operation, is lying on a gurney in a hospital corridor awaiting the medical staff. A man in a white coat approaches her, lifts up the sheet, and visually examines her n**... body. He walks away and confers with another man in a white coat. The second man then approaches the girl and performs the same examination. When a third man approaches her, she asks impatiently, "These examinations are fine, but when are you going to start the operation?"
He shrugs and says, "Your guess is as good as mine, lady. We're just here to paint the halls."

Exam

The man told his doctor that he wasn't able to do all the things around the house that he used to do.
When the examination was complete, he said, Now, Doc, I can take it. Tell me in plain English what is wrong with me.
Well, in plain English, the doctor replied, you're just lazy.
Okay, said the man.
Now give me the medical term so I can tell my wife.

Medical Term

A man told his doctor he wasn't able to do all the things around the house like he used to. When the examination was complete, he said "Now Doc, tell me in plain English what is wrong with me."
"Well in plain English," the doctor replied, "you're just lazy."
"Okay," said the man. "Now give me the medical term so I can tell my wife."

A man brought his sick wife to see a doctor.

The doctor examined the woman and he was quite concerned about her medical condition. He took the husband aside and said to him, "I don't like the looks of your wife at all."
"Me too", the husband remarked, "but she cooks well and takes care of the children."

[Best joke I've heard recently] A man walks into a doctors office,...

...unzips his fly and places his considerable member on the doctors table.
Unfazed, the doctor puts on his gloves and gives the man's member a routine medical examination. After some time, the doctor, puzzled says
"I... I can't seem to find anything wrong with this...?"
To which the man replies with his hands on his hips "
No, magnificent isn't it?"

BLONDE'S APPENDICITIS

A blonde has sharp pains in her side, so she goes to the hospital. The doctor examines her and says, "You have acute appendicitis."
The blonde says, "That's sweet, doc, but I came here to get medical help."

Cloyd went to a Charleston dentist complaining his gums had shriveled up and his teeth were falling out.
After examining him, the dentist said, "Your mouth is really bad. Do you brush?"
"Ah sure do!" replied Cloyd. "Everee single day!"
"What do you brush with?" asked the dentist.
"Preparation H," said the r**....