Medical Billing Jokes
26 medical billing jokes and hilarious medical billing puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about medical billing that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Medical Billing Short Jokes
Short medical billing jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The medical billing humour may include short medical bills jokes also.
- So my daughters friend came over the other day and they played house together Now I have $50k in medical bills and she thinks she has Lupus.
- After being in an accident that disabled both my legs... The doctor walked in with the medical bill,
I couldn't stand to look at it. - Elon Musk and bill gates have decided to partner in a joint venture to invent a medication to overcome erectile dysfunction. They have decided to name the new drug 'Elongates'.
- Why do Jews make the best doctors? Because if they give you six months to live and you can't afford to pay your medical bills before then they'll give you another six months.
- Why does Bill Gates make for a terrible medical expert? Because he can't get rid of viruses in Microsoft either.
- Medical bills are expensive but let's take comfort that it isn't like the civil war era. Doctors would charge an arm and a leg back than
- A doctor was fixing his grammar on medical bills when he noticed something random. a posture fee.
- my doctor gave me 2 months to live when i told him i wouldnt be able to pay off my medical bills by then, he gave me another 2 months
- My horse broke it's leg and my dad told me to shoot it... Now my horse has a broken leg and a gunshot wound.
Thanks Dad, those medical bills are gonna go through the roof. - They say an apple a day keeps the doctor away… I grew a whole d**... orchard and still can't get rid of these medical bills
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Medical Billing One Liners
Which medical billing one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with medical billing? I can suggest the ones about medical office and health insurance.
- My medical bills are so high That I got a thank you card from my Doctors kids' colleges
Amusing & Witty Medical Billing Jokes for Laughter-Filled Fun
What funny jokes about medical billing you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean paying bills jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make medical billing pranks.
A doctor and a lawyer
During a party, a doctor is telling a lawyer that he is sick of his friends asking him for free medical advice. The lawyer says, "just do what I do, and leave a bill in their mailbox." The doctor decides he'll give that a try and thanks his lawyer friend. When the doctor gets home, he has a bill in his mailbox from the lawyer.
A doctor's toilet gets clogged up
He calls a plumber. Plumber shows up, unclogs the toilet and gives the doctor bill for $200.
Doctor: $200? For 15 minutes worth of work? That's $800 an hour! I'm a top neurosurgeon in this city, 15 years of medical school, 3 years of residence, and even I don't make $800 an hour!
Plumber: Yeah. When I was a top surgeon in this city I also didn't make $800 an hour. Which is why I became a plumber.
A doctor & a lawyer are talking at a party.
A doctor and a lawyer are talking at a party. Their conversation is constantly interrupted by people describing their ailments and asking the doctor for free medical advice. After an hour of this, the exasperated doctor asks the lawyer, "What do you do to stop people from asking you for legal advice when you're out of the office?" "I give it to them," replies the lawyer, "and then I send them a bill." The doctor is shocked, but agrees to give it a try. The next day, still feeling slightly guilty, the doctor prepares the bills. When he goes to place them in his mailbox, he finds a bill from the lawyer.
Homeless man tells the tale
I talked with a homeless man this morning and asked him how he ended up this way.
He said, Up until last week, I still had it all. I had plenty to eat, my clothes were washed and pressed, I had a roof over my head, I had HDTV and Internet, and I went to the gym, the pool, and the library. I was working on my MBA on-line. I had no bills and no debt. I even had full medical benefits coverage.
I felt sorry for him, so I asked, What happened? Drugs? Alcohol? Divorce?
Oh no, nothing like that, he said, because of Coronavirus, I was unexpectedly paroled.
Two old friends are catching up for the first time in a few months.
Dave: How's those memory pills you're on Bill, are they working?
Bill: They're fantastic mate, couldn't be happier. I'm remembering old faces, recalling old times, I'm very happy.
Dave: Hmm, what are they called, I might have to get some for myself.
Bill: Oh, umm, gee, what's the name of that flower?
Dave: Daisy?
Bill: No no no, the really pretty flower.
Dave: A tulip?
Bill: No, that's not it either, the romantic flower that grows in the garden.
Dave: A rose?
Bill: Yes! That's it, a rose. (Yelling to his wife) Hey Rose, what's the name of that medication I'm on?!
Be kind, it's my first joke...
i had it all
I talked with a homeless man this morning and asked him how he ended up this way.
He said, "Up until last week, I still had it all. I had plenty to eat, my clothes were washed and pressed.
I had a roof over my head, I had HDTV and Internet, and I went to the gym and the library.
"I was working on my MBA on-line. I had no bills and no debt. I even had full medical coverage.
I felt sorry for him, so I asked, "What happened? Drugs? Alcohol? Divorce?
"Oh no, nothing like that," he said. "No, no.... I was granted parole."
Billing
A doctor and a lawyer were talking at a party.
Their conversation was constantly interrupted by people describing their ailments and asking the doctor for free medical advice.
After an hour of this, the exasperated doctor asked the lawyer, "What do you do to stop people from asking you for legal advice when you're out of the office?"
"I give it to them," replied the lawyer, "and then I send them a bill."
The doctor was shocked, but agreed to give it a try.
The next day, still feeling slightly guilty, the doctor prepared the bills.
When he went to place them in his mailbox, he found a bill from the lawyer.
A heart of gold.
A local charity had never received a donation from the town's banker, so the director made a phone call. Our records show you make $500,000 a year, yet you haven't given a penny to charity, the director began. Wouldn't you like to help the community?
The banker replied, Did your research show that my mother is ill, with extremely expensive medical bills?
Um, no, mumbled the director.
Or that my brother is unemployed? Or that my sister's husband left, leaving her broke with four kids?
I … I … I had no idea.
So, said the banker, if I don't give them any money, why would I give any to you?
A doctor and a lawyer were talking at a party.
Their conversation was constantly interrupted by people describing their ailments and asking the doctor for free medical advice.
After an hour of this, the exasperated doctor asked the lawyer, "What do you do to stop people from asking you for legal advice when you're out of the office?"
"I give it to them," replied the lawyer, "and then I send them a bill."
The doctor was shocked, but agreed to give it a try.
The next day, still feeling slightly guilty, the doctor prepared the bills.
When he went to place them in his mailbox, he found a bill from the lawyer.
Bill can't get the song "What's New, p**...?" out of his head.
Bill goes to the doctor, and says "Doctor, doctor, you've gotta help me! I can't get the song "What's New, p**...?" out of my head."
Doctor says "Well, that's not really a medical condition, is it?"
Bill says "You don't understand, it's been in my head for three or four months, constantly, morning to night, I can't work, I can't concentrate, it's affecting my relationships, my career, it's ruining my life"
"Ah," the doctor says, "sounds like you have Tom Jones Syndrome."
"Tom Jones Syndrome?" Bill asks. "I've never heard of that, is it rare?"
"Oh," the doc replies, "it's not unusual."
What doctors really thinking?
- This should be taken care of right away.
I'd planned a trip to Hawaii next month but this is so easy and profitable that I want to fix it before it cures itself.
- Welllllll, what have we here…?
He has no idea and is hoping you'll give him a clue.
- Let me check your medical history.
I want to see if you've paid your last bill before spending anymore time with you.
- We have some good news and some bad news.
The good news is, I'm going to buy that new BMW. The bad news is, you're going to pay for it.
- Let me schedule you for some tests.
I have a forty percent interest in the lab.
- I'd like to have my associate look at you.
He's going through a messy divorce and owes me a bundle.
- I'd like to prescribe a new drug.
I'm writing a paper and would like to use you for a guinea pig.
- This may hurt a little.
Last week two patients bit off their tongues.
- This should fix you up.
The drug company slipped me some big bucks to prescribe this stuff.
- I'd like to run some more tests.
I can't figure out what's wrong. Maybe the kid in the lab can solve this one.
- There is a lot of that going around.
My God, that's the third one this week. I'd better learn something about this.
Rich Banker
A local charity had never received a donation from the town's banker, so the director made a phone-call. Our records show you make $500,000 a year, yet you haven't given a penny to charity, the director began. Wouldn't you like to help the community?
The banker replied, Did your research show that my mother is ill, with extremely expensive medical bills?
Um, no, mumbled the director.
Or that my brother is blind and unemployed? Or that my sister's husband died, leaving her broke with four kids?
I … I … I had no idea.
So, said the banker, if I don't give them any money, why would I give any to you?
Lawyer joke
A local United Way office realized that the organization had never received a donation from the town's most successful lawyer. The person in charge of contributions called him to persuade him to contribute.
"Our research shows that out of a yearly income of at least $500,000, you give not a penny to charity. Wouldn't you like to give back to the community in some way?"
The lawyer mulled this over for a moment and replied, "First, did your research also show that my mother is dying after a long illness, and has medical bills that are several times her annual income?"
Embarrassed, the United Way rep mumbled, "Um ... no."
The lawyer interrupts, "or that my brother, a disabled veteran, is blind and confined to a wheelchair?"
The stricken United Way rep began to stammer out an apology, but was interrupted again.
"or that my sister's husband died in a traffic accident," the lawyer's voice rising in indignation, "leaving her penniless with three children?!"
The humiliated United Way rep, completely beaten, said simply, "I had no idea..."
On a roll, the lawyer cut him off once again, "So if I don't give any money to them, why should I give any to you?"
An elderly man 82, just returned from the doctors only to find he didn’t have long to live.
So he summons the three most important people in his life to tell.
1. His Doctor
2. His Priest
3. His Lawyer
"Well today I found out I don’t have long to live. So I asked you three here, because your the most important people in my life. And I need to ask a favour. Today I am going to give each of you and envelope with $50,000 dollars in it. When I die, I would ask that all three of you throw the money in my grave."
Well a few days later the man passed on, The doctor said, "I have to admit I kept $10,000 dollars of his money, he owed me lots of medical bills. But I threw the other $35,000 in."
The Priest said, "I have to admit also I kept $25,000 dollars for the church. Its all going to a good cause. And I threw the rest in."
Well the Lawyer just couldn’t believe what he was hearing, "I am surprised at you two. I wrote a check for the whole amount and threw it in."