Following is our collection of funniest Medic jokes. There are some medic polio jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud. Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these medic medical examination puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.
So I keep it in a jazz club in Harlem.
over where I'm going to get my next bag of weed
"I have a sexual problem. I can't get it up for my wife anymore."Mr. Thomas, bring her back with you tomorrow and let me see what I can do."The next day, the worried fellow returned with his wife. "Take off your clothes, Mrs. Thomas," the medic said. "Now turn all the way around. Lie down please. Uh-huh, I see. Okay, you may put your clothes back on."The doctor took the husband aside. "You're in perfect health," he said. "Your wife didn't give me an erection either."
When I was young (100 yrs. Ago) and my intent was to go to medical school, the entrance exam included several questions that would determine eligibility.
One of the questions was "Rearrange the letters P N E S I to spell out an important part of the human body that is more useful when erect."
Those who spelled "SPINE" became Doctors. The rest ended up in Congress.
The doctor says: "Your heart, lungs, pulse and blood pressure are all fine. Now let me see the bit that gets you ladies into all kinds of trouble."
The lady starts taking off her underwear but is interrupted by the doctor.
"No! No! Don't take off your clothes. Just stick out your tongue!"
An elderly man goes to the doctor for his yearly medical checkup.
The doctor, a kindly man with a slight stutter, asks his patient:
"So, how's the prost-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-tate doing?"
The man thinks for a moment, then replies:
"Well... you could say I pee the way you speak."
Aspirin
sorry guys
One asks the other, "What do you think it'll be like?"
The other student shrugs and says, "Remains to be seen".
He was selling ill-eagle drugs.
Two African doctors were in an intense debate. The first said "It's wooooooooooooooommmbbbbb". The second said "no, it's woooooooooooooooommmbbaaaa." A British doctor overhears them and decides to help: "I think the word you are looking for is 'womb.'"
They both turn to him and say "Clearly, you've never heard a hippopotamus fart underwater!"
A rebel without a gauze.
You can explore medic emt reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean medic doctor dad jokes. There are also medic puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
Oops, wrong bread.
That I got a thank you card from my Doctors kids' colleges
"Mad Cow Disease" was already taken.
Penis-illin'
Morbidly o-beef
Why, something as simple as an amputation costs an arm and a leg.
A distraught senior citizen phoned her doctor's office. "Is it true," she wanted to know, "that the medication you prescribed To me has to be taken for the rest of my life?"
"Yes, I'm afraid so," the doctor told her.
There was a moment of silence before the senior lady replied, "I'm wondering, then, just how serious is my condition because this prescription is marked 'NO REFILLS'."
A dogtor.
It must be her high heals.
When one medic just isn't enough
Q. What do you call a white blood cell with one leg?
A. A limp-phocyte.
(You're welcome)
Incontinence.
MyCocksFloppin
Do you do dangerous sports?
Well, sometimes I talk back at my wife.
Eh, who am I kidding, I'd probably put off taking it.
My dad said he is going in for a hip replacement........is he having surgery or am I getting a cool new dad?
"If I could wait, I would not be medic.
I would be patient!"
A man told his doctor he wasn't able to do all the things around the house like he used to. When the examination was complete, he said "Now Doc, tell me in plain English what is wrong with me."
"Well in plain English," the doctor replied, "you're just lazy."
"Okay," said the man. "Now give me the medical term so I can tell my wife."
Jim walked up to Joe who was frantically jumping up and down. So he asked Joe, "what are you doing?" Joe said while jumping, "This bottle says to shake well before use!"
... for joints.
I'll see myself out.
I lost my job for not selling drugs.
But the tooth hurts.
A paramedic.
Being a medical professional is like being in a minefield. All it takes is one mistep and you can lose it all. I made a one-time mistake and slept with a patient. A co-worker heard her passionate crys and came to find us in the act. Embarrassing be as it was, I never expected to be the end of my career.
12 years wasted as a veterinarian.
but let's take comfort that it isn't like the civil war era. Doctors would charge an arm and a leg back than
Because in Renaissance times, stocks were bonds.
Medic: That's because your arms have been blown off.
Doctor's have revealed the name of a new anti psychotic medication for lesbians - its called "Tricoxagan"
Funny, it didn't make me want to sleep with my best mate..
A man is recovering from surgery after a car crash, and he notices that both his hands are covered in casts. When a nurse comes to check on him, he asks "Will I be able to play piano after this?"
"Yes, the casts should come off in a few weeks, then you should be able to play."
"That's funny, I couldn't play piano before the accident."
I'll let you know how well it
Assmosis.
He'd do anything to get a head.
Anty depressants.
An adadichtomy
Patient approached a doctor for incessant cough and doctor prescribed laxative.
Assistant to doctor. Sir, you gave him laxative for cough.
Doctor: Yes, and now he'd think twice before coughing.
Health Angel
I'm always in pain when I'm out of joints.
They're always burning!
We've been using smoke to cure things for centuries.
An antihissstamine.
A relaxative
Just enough to start a conversation that ends with me getting a rare disease.
...but he has performed hundreds of hip hop orations.
Ferrous Bueller will never be able to get an MRI.
It's called macaroni and sneeze
Nobody knows.
A Warsaw
It's call Tridicksagain.
A blood transfusion
Who's there?
HIPPA
HIPPA who?
I wish I could tell you
But I'm not buying it.
Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the medic craw jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.
We suggest to use only working medic paramedic piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.