The Best 59 Medal Jokes

Following is our collection of funniest Medal jokes. There are some medal gold jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud. Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these medal winners puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Funny Medal Jokes and Puns

I love the feeling of getting a silver medal, especially after I've been beaten by a religious woman.

It's second to nun.

Hear about the first Polish athlete to win an Olympic gold medal?

He was so proud, he had it bronzed.

Michael Phelps is officially the winningest Olympian of all
time.

he deserves a medal or something.

Medal joke, Michael Phelps is officially the winningest Olympian of all 
time.

Why has the pope never won a gold medal?

Because he always came in a little behind.

Latvian Jokes

Latvian Olympian win silver medal in skeleton. Wishes silver medal was potato. Still is hungry.


I expected a medal for my bravery when I had a full-leg cast on.

Instead, I got atrophy.

My girlfriend bought me Olympian brand Condoms...

Before she left, I asked if she could buy the Gold Medal variant, she came back with the Silver Medal, saying; "I don't want you coming first this time"

Medal joke, My girlfriend bought me Olympian brand Condoms...

My team got silver medal in the sex Olympics.

We would have got gold but I came first in the orgy.

China won bronze in gymnastics at the Sydney 2000 Olympics but were stripped of the medal after it was revealed that Dong Fangxiao was under the minimum age of 16

And they would have gotten away with it if it weren't for those medalling kids.

What's better than winning a gold medal in the quadriplegic (crippled) Olympics?

Walking.

Whats better than winning a medal at the paralympics?

A pair of legs.

You can explore medal rio reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean medal win dad jokes. There are also medal puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


Winning a medal is like conceiving a child.

You don't get one if you pull out.

What's better than getting a gold medal at the paralympics?

Having legs.

What's the difference difference between Hitler and a little kid?

Hitler didn't get a medal for trying to finish a race.

Three men go into a bar...

but the fourth guy cleared it. Looks like he's taking home the gold medal!

I love a good track & field competition.

They say they 'give' medals for valour

But mine cost an arm and a leg.

Medal joke, They say they 'give' medals for valour

Oldie.....Mexico will never win an Olympic medal in swimming or track and field.....

... because every Mexican who can run, jump or swim lives in the United States.

Women call me The Gold Medal

I always finish first.

I heard your mom won a gold medal!

I didn't even know they had sumo wrestling at the Olympics!


What's better than winning a silver medal at the Paralympics?

Being able to walk.

Olympic Results for Sailing are out:

The British have taken the Gold medal.

The French have taken the Silver medal.

The Somalians have taken the boats.

A Brazilian got the first gold medal

The police are already after him.

NBC: And the winner of the Gold medal is...

NBC: Find out right after 4 hour delay and several commercial breaks.

Its hilariously ironic that the first gold medal won was by the U.S...

For Shooting

Michael Phelps won his 21st olympic gold medal.

You could say he's swimming in them!

Australia is doing phenomenally on the Olympic medal tally considering our population

#1. USA: 318.9 million
#2. China: 1.357 billion
#3. Japan: 173.3 million
#4. Australia: 48 as of last census

If you were stranded on an island and could bring three items what would you bring?

Michael Phelps, a saddle, and stick with a gold medal on the end.

A Mexican athlete finally got a medal at the Olympics.

The police are still searching for him.

A gymnast walks into a bar.

He gets a two point deduction and ruins his chances of getting a medal.

After sex, my wife told me I deserve a Gold Medal for my performance,

for breaking Usain Bolt's record and finishing under 10 seconds.

I could win an Olympic gold medal

If the women's gymnastic balance beam was a male competition too, I could win the gold medal. I've been mastering a 4 inch wood beam since I was a little kid

A Japanese Pole Vaulter Walks into a bar

wearing his silver medal. A young woman walks up and says "how close were you to the gold"?

..."about 4 inches"

Did you hear about the blonde that won the gold medal in the Olympics?

She was so proud she had it bronzed.

What did Ryan Lochte name his Gold medal?

GoldiLochtes

If being a disappointment were an Olympic sport....

I could win the gold, have my father present the medal to me, and it still wouldn't be enough for him to be proud of me.

How does a paralympian call home, after winning a medal?

handsfree

Whats better then a gold medal in the special Olympics?

Not being retarded.

Nesta Carter was asked how he felt after winning a gold medal alongside Usain Bolt.

"That was dope!"

If I were stranded on a deserted island with 3 things of my choice...

I would have to choose Michael Phelps, a saddle, and a stick with a gold medal tied to it.

In what Olympic sport did Israel win a gold medal?

Jujitsu

Unfortunately my girlfriend gave my sex life a silver medal...

But she didn't seem to mind me coming 2nd

So a group of Nazis walk into a bar....

They each take a few shots from the bar. After the last round, they stumbled into the ground.

And that's how I got this medal.

(Heard this from a WWII vet)

A gold, silver, and bronze medal were racing on a weight.

The gold got a-weigh.

A man was awarded a medal for his humility...

Unfortunately, he got it taken away for wearing it.

What's better than winning a gold medal in the Paralympics?

Walking.

The armed grenade was under a pile of chick peas, tahini and olive oil.

Captain Smith threw himself on top of it to save his men from the inevitable explosion.

His medal for bravery was awarded post-hummusly

My wife is like an Olympic silver medal skier.

She only goes down once every four years, and never finishes first.

If laziness was an Olympic sport, I would have gotten fourth place

so that I wouldn't get up on the pedestal to get that medal.

The guy who finished third in the shrimp eating contest

was awarded the prawns medal.

First things first...

Here's my gold medal.

My wife says I'm like an Olympic champion in bed.

For some reason, though, she wishes I won silver medal every now and then.

How many medals do you win for wetting the bed?

You Win 8

I didn't expect to get a medal from the city for finding all of the lost kids.

All I did was leave the basement door open.

I once saw a Shrimp finish third in the Olympics...

They gave him the Prawns Medal

Congratulations to Donald J. Trump for winning

the silver medal in the 2020 U.S. Presidential race!

I'd like to congratulate Donald J Trump for winning

The silver medal in the 2020 presidential election.

My friend Ty came first in the Beijing marathon, but wasn't awarded the gold medal.

The Chinese refuse to acknowledge Ty won.

Bragging Doctors

Doc 1 bragged, "I had a patient once who blew out his ACL & MCL. I reconstructed his knee, and 2 years later he completed the Boston marathon."

Doc 2 replied, "That's nothing! I had a patient who was in a head-on collision with a truck. I reconstructed virtually all of his joints and more, and later he won an Olympic gold medal in the decathlon."

Doc 3 chucked condescendingly. "Child's play. I had a patient who was in a horrible explosion. He was blown to bits. All they found was a huge, gaping anus. I put a suit and tie on it, and now he's the owner and general manager of the Dallas Cowboys!"

The Russian Covid Vaccine Sputnik is 91.6% effective

It's also the only Covid vaccine that will help you win an Olympic medal.

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the medal paralympic jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working medal powerball piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes