Medal Jokes

Humoristic puns and funny pick up lines

What's better than winning a gold medal in the Paralympics?

Walking.

China won bronze in gymnastics at the Sydney 2000 Olympics but were stripped of the medal after it was revealed that Dong Fangxiao was under the minimum age of 16

And they would have gotten away with it if it weren't for those medalling kids.

If you were stranded on an island and could bring three items what would you bring?

Michael Phelps, a saddle, and stick with a gold medal on the end.

Olympic Results for Sailing are out:

The British have taken the Gold medal.

The French have taken the Silver medal.

The Somalians have taken the boats.

After sex, my wife told me I deserve a Gold Medal for my performance,

for breaking Usain Bolt's record and finishing under 10 seconds.

Australia is doing phenomenally on the Olympic medal tally considering our population

#1. USA: 318.9 million
#2. China: 1.357 billion
#3. Japan: 173.3 million
#4. Australia: 48 as of last census

A Brazilian got the first gold medal

The police are already after him.

They say they 'give' medals for valour

But mine cost an arm and a leg.

If I were stranded on a deserted island with 3 things of my choice...

I would have to choose Michael Phelps, a saddle, and a stick with a gold medal tied to it.

What's better than getting a gold medal at the paralympics?

Having legs.

Hear about the first Polish athlete to win an Olympic gold medal?

He was so proud, he had it bronzed.

Did you hear about the blonde that won the gold medal in the Olympics?

She was so proud she had it bronzed.

Michael Phelps is officially the winningest Olympian of all
time.

he deserves a medal or something.

A Mexican athlete finally got a medal at the Olympics.

The police are still searching for him.

Why has the pope never won a gold medal?

Because he always came in a little behind.

Latvian Jokes

Latvian Olympian win silver medal in skeleton. Wishes silver medal was potato. Still is hungry.

A gymnast walks into a bar.

He gets a two point deduction and ruins his chances of getting a medal.

So a group of Nazis walk into a bar....

They each take a few shots from the bar. After the last round, they stumbled into the ground.

And that's how I got this medal.

(Heard this from a WWII vet)

My wife is like an Olympic silver medal skier.

She only goes down once every four years, and never finishes first.

3 surgeons discuss who is the best surgeon of them.

Says the one: "I am the best surgeon of Texas! A concert pianist lost 7 fingers in an accident. I sewed them on and tomorrow he gives a private concert for the queen."

Says the second: "This is nothing! A young man lost both his arms and his legs in an accident. I stitched them back on and two years later he won the gold medal in the olympic games!"

Says the 3rd: "Amateurs! A few years ago a cowboy rode stoned and drunk in front of a train. All that remained were his buttcheeks and the blonde mane of his horse. I did the surgery on him and today he is the president of the United States."

What's the only thing better than a gold medal at the Paralympics?

Legs

What's better than winning a silver medal at the Paralympics?

Being able to walk.

Man and wife visit the super bull farm.

They are shown round the prize bulls. The manager shows them a great strapping beast.. this one is our gold medal bull he mates without fail every three days. The wife is impressed and nudges hubby.. nodding approvingly.
They move on and next the manager shows them the double gold medal bull. He is a beast! This one, the manager explains proudly can do the business every other day without fail.
Wow.. Says the wife, with sideways look at her husband .. I'm very impressed.
Then the manager shows them Rocky, the triple gold medal bull. Rocky here, he says patting the muscular rump of a steaming hot stomping beast, is a every single day boy.. 365 copulations a year.
The wife looks at her sulking husband. Now that's what I call a super stud!
Yes.. he says, scratching his chin,
but I bet Rocky here doesn't have to sleep with the same old cow every night.

A man was awarded a medal for his humility...

Unfortunately, he got it taken away for wearing it.

How is a Silver Medal and a Priest the same?

They both came in a little behind.

The armed grenade was under a pile of chick peas, tahini and olive oil.

Captain Smith threw himself on top of it to save his men from the inevitable explosion.

His medal for bravery was awarded post-hummusly

My girlfriend bought me Olympian brand Condoms...

Before she left, I asked if she could buy the Gold Medal variant, she came back with the Silver Medal, saying; "I don't want you coming first this time"

My wife says I'm like an Olympic champion in bed.

For some reason, though, she wishes I won silver medal every now and then.

I could win an Olympic gold medal

If the women's gymnastic balance beam was a male competition too, I could win the gold medal. I've been mastering a 4 inch wood beam since I was a little kid

Its hilariously ironic that the first gold medal won was by the U.S...

For Shooting

Women call me The Gold Medal

I always finish first.

Nesta Carter was asked how he felt after winning a gold medal alongside Usain Bolt.

"That was dope!"

What's the difference difference between Hitler and a little kid?

Hitler didn't get a medal for trying to finish a race.

I love the feeling of getting a silver medal, especially after I've been beaten by a religious woman.

It's second to nun.

What's better than a gold medal at the Paralympics?

Working legs.

Whats better then a gold medal in the special Olympics?

Not being retarded.

How does a paralympian call home, after winning a medal?

handsfree

Michael Phelps won his 21st olympic gold medal.

You could say he's swimming in them!

Hear about the first Polish Olympic gold medalist?

He was so proud, he had his medal bronzed.

Whats better than winning a medal at the paralympics?

A pair of legs.

Three men go into a bar...

but the fourth guy cleared it. Looks like he's taking home the gold medal!

I love a good track & field competition.

If laziness was an Olympic sport, I would have gotten fourth place

so that I wouldn't get up on the pedestal to get that medal.

If being a disappointment were an Olympic sport....

I could win the gold, have my father present the medal to me, and it still wouldn't be enough for him to be proud of me.

What's better than winning a Silver Medal at the Paralympics?

Not being disabled.

My team got silver medal in the sex Olympics.

We would have got gold but I came first in the orgy.

Unfortunately my girlfriend gave my sex life a silver medal...

But she didn't seem to mind me coming 2nd

Whats better than a gold medal at the special olympics

Having legs

The guy who finished third in the shrimp eating contest

was awarded the prawns medal.

NBC: And the winner of the Gold medal is...

NBC: Find out right after 4 hour delay and several commercial breaks.

What's better than winning a gold medal in the quadriplegic (crippled) Olympics?

Walking.

A Japanese Pole Vaulter Walks into a bar

wearing his silver medal. A young woman walks up and says "how close were you to the gold"?

..."about 4 inches"

A gold, silver, and bronze medal were racing on a weight.

The gold got a-weigh.

Winning a medal is like conceiving a child.

You don't get one if you pull out.

Oldie.....Mexico will never win an Olympic medal in swimming or track and field.....

... because every Mexican who can run, jump or swim lives in the United States.

I heard your mom won a gold medal!

I didn't even know they had sumo wrestling at the Olympics!

First things first...

Here's my gold medal.

In what Olympic sport did Israel win a gold medal?

Jujitsu

Why was the Olympian sad when he won a medal?

because he's a luger.

What are the funniest medal jokes of all time?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking about Medal? Well, here are the best Medal puns to laugh out loud. Crazy and funny Medal pick up lines to share with friends.

Joko Jokes