Mechanic Shop Jokes

A penguin's car breaks down and he has it towed to a repair shop.

The mechanic tells him that he should have some information in about an hour.
The penguin sees an ice cream shop across the street so he wanders over while the mechanic works.
He finds the vanilla is the best ice cream he's ever eaten and he eats it with messy and gluttonous abandon getting it all over his face.
He goes back to the mechanic's to check on his car.
The mechanic informs him, "It looks as though you've blown a seal."
"Oh, no." replies the penguin "It's just some ice cream."

A couple who drove their car to K-Mart only to have their car breakdown in the parking lot.

The man told his wife to carry on with the shopping while he fixed the car.
The wife returned later to see a small group of people near the car.
On closer inspection she saw a pair of male legs protruding from under the chassis.
Although the man was in shorts, his lack of underpants turned private parts into glaringly public ones.
Unable to stand the embarrassment she dutifully stepped forward and tucked everything back into place.
On regaining her feet she looked across the hood and found herself staring at her husband who was standing idly by.
The mechanic, however, had to have three stitches in his head.

A blonde was trying to sell her old car.

She was having a lot of problems selling it, because the car had almost 230,000 miles on it.
One day, she told her problem to a brunette she worked with at a salon.
The brunette told her, “There is a possibility to make the car easier to sell, but it’s not legal.”
“That doesn’t matter,” replied the blonde, “if I can only sell the car.”
“Okay,” said the brunette. “Here is the address of a friend of mine. He owns a car repair shop. Tell him I sent you and he will ‘fix it’. Then you shouldn’t have a problem anymore trying to sell your car.”
The following weekend, the blonde made the trip to the mechanic.
About one month after that, the brunette asked the blonde, “Did you sell your car?”
“No,” replied the blonde, “Why should I? It only has 50,000 miles on it!”

One day a blonde woman entered an autobody shop claiming that she’d suffered extensive damage to her new car.
The mechanic thought he’d have some fun with her so he told her that she didn’t need him to fixed all the dents.
He said she could fix them herself by blowing into the tailpipe as hard as she could and they’d all pop out.
The woman went home and proceeded to get down on her hands and knees in the driveway.
She was blowing into the pipe as hard as she could and her face was turning purple when another blonde woman walked by and asked what she was doing.
After hearing the whole story the second blonde pauses for a moment then responds, “Hello! The windows are down. Your personal check for the full $30,000.”

My girlfriend told me this joke ten years ago. We've been married nine years today.

A penguin is driving to the mall when all of a sudden his engine starts running really rough, and smoke is coming from under the hood. Luckily, there's an auto repair shop right next to the mall, so he pulls in there. The mechanic says he'll be glad to take a look, but he won't be able to get to it for a couple hours. The penguin says fine, and walks across the street to the mall.
He kills time walking around the mall, does some window shopping, buys an ice cream cone, etc. Finally the two hours are up and he goes back to the mechanic.
The penguin says, "Have you had time to look at my engine?"
The mechanic says, "Yeah, it looks like you blew a seal."
The penguin says, "No, that's just ice cream."

Cardiologist and Motorcycle mechanic

A motorcycle mechanic was removing a cylinder-head from the motor of a
Harley-Davidson when he spotted a well-known cardiologist in his shop.

The cardiologist was there waiting for the service manager to come and take
a look at his bike when the mechanic shouted across the garage, 'Hey Doc,
want to take a look at this?' The cardiologist, a bit surprised, walked over
to where the mechanic was working on the motorcycle.

The mechanic straightened up, wiped his hands on a rag and asked, 'So Doc,
look at this engine. I opened its heart, take the valves out, repair any
damage, and then put them back in, and when I finish, it works just like
new.

So how come I make $39,700 a year and you make $1,700,000 when you and I are
doing basically the same work?'

The cardiologist paused, leaned over, and then whispered to the mechanic...

'Try doing it with the engine running'

Penguin Joke (kinda dirty)

One day there was a penguin driving in his car on a hot day. He is driving along when his car breaks down. He has his car towed to a mechanic who tells him that it might be a while to find out what's wrong with his car.
The penguin is getting impatient and it is really hot out. He sees an ice cream shop across the street so he goes over and gets and ice cream cone to cool off. He walks back to the mechanic eating his ice cream which melts and gets all over his face.
He asks the mechanic "did you find out what was wrong with my car." The mechanic looks up at him and says "looks like you blew a seal." The penguin wipes off his face and says "Nope, just ice cream."

So a penguin is driving down the road..

.. When his car starts to make funny noises. The penguin gets a little worried, and decides to go to the nearest mechanic. He sees the auto-shop just down the road, and pulls into the garage. He asks the mechanic to check his car out and the mechanic says "Sure, come back in half an hour or so." So the penguin is sitting in the waiting room patiently and notices an ice cream parlour. He goes and buys himself a cone. He's about half done when he realizes his time is up. The penguin rushes the rest of his cone, and makes a huge mess; getting it all over his face. When he gets back, he looks at the mechanic and says "So, is it serious?" The mechanic replies "Nope, it looks like you just blew a seal." To which the penguin replies "No, no. It's just ice cream!"

A massive hailstorm ravages a town...

...leaving plenty of damage in its wake. A blonde takes her hailstone-dented car to a body shop to have the dents removed.
The body shop owner is already swamped with work due to the storm, and decides to have some fun with her. He tells the blonde: "You know, you don't have to pay me to have these removed. All you have to do is go home and blow into the tailpipe - all of your dents will pop out."
The blonde drives home, parks in her driveway, and blows into the tailpipe. Over and over she tries and tries, huffing and puffing but to no avail. The girl's roommate, another blonde, arrives home to see the first blonde laying in the driveway completely winded and asks what's going on. The first blonde explains what the mechanic told her, before ending with "I've been at this for an hour, but it's not working."
Roommate looks at the car for a moment before turning to the first blonde and says, "no duh it's not working! Your windows are open!!"
EDIT - grammar

Russian Americans on chess (true story)

I was working with a Russian bike mechanic named Dmitri when my friend who came into the shop frequently started dating someone who was extremely good at chess. The chess player came into the shop one day so I said to Dmitri "Hey, Dmitri, you play chess don't you?"
"No. No, no not play chess."
"What do you mean 'not play chess'? I thought you all were supposed to be good at that kinda thing."
"No, no, prefer checkers"
"Checkers?! Why don't you like chess, Dmitri?"
"Because! If smart good at chess, not be bike mechanic! And when bored play chess fall asleep and (he slumps forwad) *pop* out your eye! Checkers only bruises."

Penguin Needs Car Repairs

A penguin is driving along the highway when, suddenly his engine starts running rough and he sees smoke in his rear view mirror. He pulls off the highway and finds the nearest service station, and pulls up to the garage with the car shaking and sputtering. He tells the mechanic what happened, and the mechanic says "OK, give me 10 minutes to check it out."
Meanwhile, the penguin sees an ice cream shop across the street. Thinking this is a perfect time for a tasty treat, he heads over and gets himself an ice cream cone.
After he finishes, he walks back over to the garage, and asks the mechanic "So, did you find out what's wrong?"
The mechanic looks at the penguin and says "It looks like you blew a seal."
The penguin quickly wipes his face and says "Oh, no, that's just the ice cream."
(Not sure if this has been posted)

So a penguin and a seal are in a car...

The penguin is driving. It's 105 degrees outside, and, being from the arctic, they want to get something to cool off. The seal suggests they get ice cream, so they find a nearby ice cream parlor. They're getting out of the car and the seal says, "Hey, something's wrong with the engine!" the penguin looks underneath the car, and sure enough there is a puddle of oil forming under the hot engine. Fortunately, they see a service station across the street. So, fighting the heat, they push the car to the shop and ask the mechanic to look at it while they go eat. By this time, the penguin and the seal are about ready to melt, so the penguin orders a huge bowl of ice cream. Unfortunately, he realizes that he cannot use a spoon. Abandoning all composure, the penguin buries his face in the ice cream, getting it all over himself. Meanwhile, the seal enjoys a shrimp basket. Finally, the two finish and go back to the mechanic. "Well," he says from under the hood, "it looks like you just blew a seal."
"Nope," replied the penguin, still wiping his face. "Just ice cream."

A penguin is on a road trip and his car breaks down

He pulls off to the nearest mechanic to get it looked at, and the mechanic tells him it's gonna be about an hour before he knows anything. So the penguin decides to walk a couple blocks to a shopping center.
It's really hot in this place and the penguin's not used to that at all, so he starts looking for ways to cool off. He sees a Baskin Robbins and decides to go in and get himself an ice cream cone. He goes outside and sits down to enjoy it, and it's delicious. The heat starts to melt it and he gets ice cream all over himself, but he doesn't care because it's cold and reminds him of home. He's happy as can be, just l**... away and making a total mess of himself, until the cone is gone and he realizes it's almost time to get his car back.
So he goes back to the mechanic, the guy has just finished up and the penguin asks, "Well, what was the problem?" The mechanic replies "It looks like you just blew a seal."
The penguin is shocked and cries, "No it's just ice cream, I swear!"

poor penguin

A vacationing penguin is driving his through Arizona when he notices that the oil pressure light is on. He gets out to look and sees oil dripping out of the motor. He drives to the nearest town and stops at the first gas station.
After dropping the car off, the penguin goes for a walk around town. He sees an ice-cream shop and, being a penguin in Arizona, decides that something cold would really hit the spot. He gets a big dish of ice cream and sits down to eat. Having no hands he makes a real mess trying to eat with his flippers. After finishing his ice cream, he goes back to the gas station and asks the mechanic if he's found the problem. The mechanic looks up and says "It looks like you blew a seal."
"No no," the penguin replies, "it's just ice cream."

An oldie, but a goodie!

A vacationing penguin is driving his through Arizona when he notices that the oil pressure light is on. He gets out to look and sees oil dripping out of the motor. He drives to the nearest town and stops at the first gas station.
After dropping the car off, the penguin goes for a walk around town. He sees an ice-cream shop and, being a penguin in Arizona, decides that something cold would really hit the spot. He gets a big dish of ice cream and sits down to eat. Having no hands he makes a real mess trying to eat with his flippers. After finishing his ice cream, he goes back to the gas station and asks the mechanic if he's found the problem. The mechanic looks up and says "It looks like you blew a seal."
"No no," the penguin replies, "it's just ice cream."

A penguin has some car trouble...

A vacationing penguin is driving his car through Arizona when he notices that the oil pressure light is on. He gets out to look and sees oil dripping out of the motor. He drives to the nearest town and stops at the first gas station.
After dropping the car off, the penguin goes for a walk around town. He sees an ice-cream shop and, being a penguin in Arizona, decides that something cold would really hit the spot. He gets a big dish of ice cream and sits down to eat. Having no hands he makes a real mess trying to eat with his flippers. After finishing his ice cream, he goes back to the gas station and asks the mechanic if he's found the problem. The mechanic looks up and says "It looks like you blew a seal."
"No no," the penguin replies, "it's just ice cream."

A penguin is having some car trouble

So he takes his car to a local mechanic for repairs. The mechanic tells the penguin that it will take about an hour to check and find out what is wrong with his vehicle.
The penguin goes to the waiting room and becomes very bored and antsy. He looks out the front window of the mechanic's shop and sees and ice cream parlor across the street and decides that will be a good way to kill some time.
The penguin goes into the ice cream parlor and orders a three scoop cone of vanilla ice cream. Seeing that the penguin doesn't have opposable thumbs it is very hard to keep a hold of the cone and the penguin makes a huge mess. He gets ice cream all over himself.
The penguin looks at the time and realizes he needs to get back to the mechanic's and doesn't have enough time to clean up.
He goes to the mechanic and asks if he found out what was wrong.
The mechanic says "It looks like you blew a seal."
The penguin responds "No, that's ice cream."

The price they charge to repair.

A mechanic was removing a cylinder head from the motor of a Harley motorcycle when he spotted a well-known heart surgeon in his shop.
The surgeon was there, waiting for the service manager to come and take a look at his bike.
The mechanic shouted across the garage, "Hey, Doc, can I ask you a question?"
The surgeon a bit surprised, walked over to the mechanic working on the motorcycle. The mechanic straightened up, wiped his hands on a rag and asked, "So Doc, look at this engine. I open its heart, take the valves out, fix 'em, put 'em back in, and when I finish, it works just like new. So how come I get such a small salary and you get the really big bucks, when you and I are doing basically the same work?"
The surgeon paused, smiled and leaned over, and whispered to the mechanic...
"Try doing it with it running."

A blonde tried to sell her old car

A blonde tried to sell her old car. She was having a lot of problems selling it because the car had 250,000 miles on it.
One day she mentioned her problem to a brunette she worked with at a salon. The brunette told her, "There is a way to make your car easier to sell, but it's not legal."
"That doesn't matter," replied the blonde, "as long as I can sell the car."
"Okay," said the brunette. "Here's the address of a friend of mine. He owns a car repair shop. Tell him I sent you and he will turn the odometer in your car back to 50,000 miles. Then it shouldn't be a problem to sell."
The following weekend, the blonde made the trip to the mechanic.
About one month after that, the brunette asked the blonde, "Did you sell your car?"
"No," replied the blonde, "why should I? It only has 50,000 miles on it."

A penguin is driving his car...

A penguin is driving his car when he notices that the check engine light is on. He gets out to look and sees oil dripping out of the motor. He drives to the nearest town and stops at the first auto shop.
After dropping the car off, the penguin goes for a walk. He sees an ice-cream shop and decides that something cold would really hit the spot. He gets a big dish of ice cream and sits down to eat. Having no hands, he makes a real mess trying to eat. After finishing his ice cream, he goes back to the gas station and asks the mechanic if he's found the problem. The mechanic looks up and says "It looks like you blew a seal."
"No no," the penguin replies, "it's just ice cream."

A gynecologist decides to make a career change...

He always loved cars, and because he made so much money, salary really didnt matter to him. He decides to become a mechanic. He approaches his local shop and inquires about a job. "You need to get certified first" says the head mechanic, "ill give you the test myself, in the shop."
The doctor studies day and night and finally feels ready for his practical exam.
He comes in and is asked to fix the transmission and engine of a beaten down, old car.
After the test, he is seated in the office and the head mechanic comes in.
"Congratulations doctor, you scored 150 out of 100 points"
"im confused" the doctor says, "how did i get 150 out of 100"
"well..." the mechanic says "you fixed the engine perfectly, so thats 50. You also fixed the transmission perfectly, for another 50"
"Great! But where did the last 50 come from?"
"I gave you a bonus. You did it all through the exhaust pipe"

A penguin is driving his car..

..when he hears a strange noise, and takes it to the mechanic.
The mechanic says it will take awhile and suggests the penguin go across the street to grab some ice cream while he waits.
So the penguin eats his ice cream with his flat little fins and tiny bea, then he goes back to the shop to talk to the mechanic.
The mechanic says, It looks like you blew a seal.
The penguin says, NO, that's just ice cream!
-Heard it from a guy at work.

A penguin is driving along in his convertible on a very hot day...

when it suddenly breaks down. He has it towed to a shop where the mechanic says it will be at least a couple hours while he finds the problem. The mechanic tells the penguin that he can go to a nearby diner to get out of the brutal heat.
The penguin goes into the diner and decides to order a bowl of ice cream to cool off. He dives right in and makes a real mess of himself. He orders another bowl and eats it so fast he's wearing most of it. There's melted ice cream all over his face.
Finally, the penguin pays his bill and heads back to the shop. The mechanic looks up from the penguin's car and says, "It looks like you blew a seal!" The pengiun says, "Nah, it's just ice cream."

My favourite penguin joke

A vacationing penguin is driving his car through Arizona when he notices that the oil pressure light is on. He gets out to look and sees oil dripping out of the motor. He drives to the nearest town and stops at the first gas station.
After dropping the car off, the penguin goes for a walk around town. He sees an ice-cream shop and, being a penguin in Arizona, decides that something cold would really hit the spot. He gets a big dish of ice cream and sits down to eat. Having no hands he makes a real mess trying to eat with his flippers. After finishing his ice cream, he goes back to the gas station and asks the mechanic if he's found the problem. The mechanic looks up and says "It looks like you blew a seal."
"No no," the penguin replies, "it's just ice cream."

A penguin went to the garage to get his car fixed...

...He said to the mechanic, "Can you figure out what is wrong?"
The mechanic said, "Well what kind of car is it?"
To which the penguin replied, "A penguin car of course!" and the mechanic said it would be about an hour. So to pass the time the penguin went across the road to the 7-11 to get some Ice Cream. Penguins don't really have hands so he had to hold it between his webbed feet and it got kind of messy. It was all over his beak, flippers, and his feet.
He went back to the shop and the Mechanic said, "Looks like you blew a seal!"
And the penguin replied, "No, It's just a little ice cream."

A penguin is driving his car through Arizona...

His engine begins to shudder and overheat, so he pulls off at the nearest exit. As luck would have it, there is a small auto repair shop close to the exit. He drops his car off for the mechanic to inspect and notices an ice cream shop just across the street.
Mr. Penguin chooses a vanilla cone and due to his lack of suitable appendages, gets ice cream all over his face. Upon finishing his cone, he returns to the mechanic to pick up his car. As he approaches the shop the mechanic approaches him and exclaims, "Looks like you blew a seal!" to which Mr. Penguin replies, "Oh no! It's just ice cream, I swear!"

A vacationing penguin is driving through Arizona...

...and sees that the car's oil-pressure light is on.He gets out to look and sees oil dripping out of the motor. He drives to the nearest town and stops at the first gas station.
After dropping the car off, the penguin goes for a walk around town. He sees an ice cream shop, and being a penguin in Arizona, decides that something cold would really hit the spot. He gets a big dish of vanilla ice cream and sits down to eat. Having no hands, he makes a real mess trying to eat with his little flippers. After finishing his ice cream, he goes back to the gas station and asks the mechanic if he's found the problem.
The mechanic looks up from the engine and says, "It looks like you've blown a seal."
"No, no," the penguin replies, wiping his mouth, "it's just ice cream."

Doctor has a point.

A Lexus mechanic was removing a cylinder head from the motor of a LS460 when he spotted
a well-known cardiologist in his shop.

The cardiologist was there waiting for the service manager to come and take a look at his car
when the mechanic shouted across the garage,
"Hey Doc, want to take a look at this?"

The cardiologist, a bit surprised walked over to where the mechanic was working.

The mechanic straightened up, wiped his hands on a rag and asked,
"So Doc, look at this engine. I opened its heart, took the valves out, repaired or replaced anything damaged,
and then put everything back in, and when I finished, it worked just like new.
So how is it that I make $48,000 a year and you make $1.7M when you and I are doing
basically the same work?

The cardiologist paused, leaned over, and then whispered to the mechanic.

"Try doing it with the engine running."

The Mechanic who worked in Antarctica.

A penguin is driving along one day and his car starts making this really strange sound. So, he pulls into the first gas station he sees, jumps out of his car, runs up to the mechanic and says: "I need for someone to look at my car! There's something wrong with it!"
1 The mechanic looks at him and says "Well I can do that but you'll have to wait about 20 minutes or so." The penguin looks across the street and notices an ice cream shop! So he says "OK I'll be back."
He tosses him his keys runs across the street and has a big ol' bowl of ice cream. He comes back, looks at the mechanic and says "Did you figure out what's wrong with my car?" "Well" replies the mechanic "looks like you blew a seal." The penguin quickly wipes off his face and says "OH NO, that's just ice cream!"

Blue seal

This penguin is driving his car through Arizona when he notices the oil pressure light is on so he drives to the nearest town and stops at the first gas station.
After dropping the car off, the penguin goes for a walk around town. He sees an ice-cream shop and, being a penguin in Arizona, decides that something cold would really hit the spot. He gets a big dish of ice cream and sits down to eat. Having no hands he makes a real mess trying to eat with his flippers.
After finishing his ice cream, he goes back to the gas station and asks the mechanic if he's found the problem.
The mechanic looks up and says, "It looks like you blew a seal."
The penguin says, "no no, it's just ice cream."

Brake Fluid

A mechanic was working under a car when some brake fluid dripped into his mouth. At first he spit it out, but he found that the aftertaste was not tha bad. He continued working under the car when some more brake fluid found its way into his mouth. This time he swallowed. He really liked the taste of brake fluid! Soon enough, his coworkers found him drinking brake fluid from a cup in the shop. "I don't think that's safe" a concerned coworker pleaded. "You should not be drinking anymore brake fluid, dude" another said. "Don't worry" the mechanic assured them, "I can stop anytime!".

Another penguin joke.

So a penguin is driving around town when he car starts having some issues. Worried he pulls into a mechanic shop to get it looked at. The walrus working there needs 20 minutes to check it over so the penguin decides to waddle around to waste time and ends up grabbing some vanilla ice cream.
In his delight of his snack and enjoying the sights he ends up getting vanilla ice cream all over his mouth but doesn't have anything to clean it off so he heads back to the shop since it's almost time for the mechanic to be done.
Walking up to the shop the mechanic looks over to him and says "Well it looks like you blew a seal"
"oh?" Says the penguin "oh, no this is just vanilla ice cream"

Two men and a h**...

A h**...'s car breaks down and she goes to the nearby shop to fix it.
She meets two mechanic guys who tell her the price she can't afford.
I'll pay you in s**... she says. But you have to use condoms and don't take it off or I'll get pregnant
The mechanics agree and they proceed to fix her car after. The woman drives happily away with her car fix
6months later...
The mechanic guys are at the shop and one of them says to another hey remember that h**... we had s**... with?
The other guy says yeah
Well I don't know about you but I'm going to take this c**... off already, who cares if she gets pregnant