Meats Jokes

39 meats jokes and hilarious meats puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about meats that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Quick Jump To

Funniest Meats Short Jokes

Short meats jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The meats humour may include short meaty jokes also.

  1. A vegan said to me people who sell meat are disgusting. I said people who sell fruit and vegetables​ are grocer.
  2. The only joke I know. How does a cow introduce his wife...?
    He says, "meat patty".
    I am very sorry.
  3. People that don't eat meat are called vegetarians, but what are people that don't eat vegetables? constipated
  4. I bet my butcher $50 that he couldn't reach the meat on the top shelf. He said "No, the steaks are too high".
  5. People keep accidentally asking me to purchase meat for them "By mistake?"
    "Oh come on.. Not you as well"
  6. Confucious say, "Is good for girl to meet boy in park... but is better for boy to park meat in girl."
  7. I told my friend people keep accidentally asking me to buy meat for them. He asked: "By mistake?"
    I said: "Oh come on, not you too!"
  8. The doctor said I should stop eating meat immediately for health reasons... I asked if I had to quit cold turkey.
  9. My brother and I made a $50 bet on who could throw meat the furthest into the air I guess you could say the steaks have never been higher.
  10. ‪If I were to be stranded on an island with anyone I would prefer to be stranded with a vegan... Mostly because it's healthier to eat grass-fed meat. ‬

Share These Meats Jokes With Friends

Meats One Liners

Which meats one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with meats? I can suggest the ones about raw meat and sandwich meat.

  1. My child doesn't eat meat, what to substitute it with? A dog, dogs eat meat
  2. My account got hacked. If you get a DM about meat from me, don't click on it. It's spam
  3. What is Jimmy McGill's favorite cut of meat? Chuck roast.
  4. I knew a guy who fell into an industrial meat grinder He's fine now.
  5. what kind of meat does a priest eat on fridays? Nun.
  6. Why did the plant-based chicken cross the road? Idk, it's beyond meat.
  7. If God wanted us to be vegetarians… Why did he make the animals out of meat?
  8. The ladies call me subway. Because I have poor quality meat and lie about being 6 inches.
  9. I left some burgers sitting in my fridge since the horse-meat scandal. AND THEY'RE OFF!!
  10. Nice canned meat you got there Too bad it isn't allowed here, rule 3.
  11. What do you call a tree that grows meat? Dmitry!
  12. A world renowned chef undercooked the meat It was a rare misteak
  13. I finally stopped eating deli meats... yep, I quit cold turkey!
  14. Tried Wookiee meat the other day it was Chewie.
  15. Fat people are harder to kidnap But skinny people are worth less at the meat market

Meats joke, Fat people are harder to kidnap

Ridiculous Meats Jokes to Spark Fun and Laughter

What funny jokes about meats you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean meals jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make meats pranks.

3 dinosaurs walk up to a shiny lamp

One of them rubs it, and a mystical blue genie flies out of it!
"Hello! I am genie! Since there are 3 of you, you each get 1 wish!
"I wish for a large piece of meat!" The first dinosaur said.
And so a large slab of meat materialized before his eyes and plopped down in front of him!
"I wish for a meat shower!" The second dinosaur said.
And so the genie made all different sorts of meats from different animals rain from a small cloud above the dinosaur's head.
Not wanting to be outdone by his friends the third dinosaur quickly tries to think of something better.
"I wish for a meatier shower!"

My family is getting worried about my consumption of deli meats, and I'm not sure what to do...

They're trying to pressure me into quitting cold turkey!

A man walks into a bar..

A man walks into a bar and sees 3 pieces of meat hanging from the ceiling, about 12 feet high. He asks the bartender, Why are there these steaks hanging from the ceiling? . The bartender then replies, We have this challenge where of you can jump and hit one of the meats, you drink for free tonight, but if you miss, you have to buy drinks for everyone else in the bar. Wanna give it a try?
The man then replies, Nah, the steaks are too high

I've got a terrible addiction, I can't stop eating deli meats.

I'm trying to quit cold turkey.

She handed me a jar and said, "This herb goes well with pork, beef, duck and chicken recipes, and fatty meats in particular."

I looked at the label and thought, "That is some sage advice."


Dracula is walking down the street one fine evening when a speeding lorry carrying mini sausage rolls, sandwiches, a variety of salads, dressed salmon, quiches and cold meats loses control, overturns and spills all that food. All this wreckage hits Dracula and with his dying breath he curses buffet the vampire slayer

Deli meats

I knew a guy who was addicted to deli meats. He just couldn't quit cold turkey.

Guy walks into a butcher shop

A guy walks into a butcher shop and sees a butcher standing in front of a shelf with various meats.
The guy says "I betcha 20 bucks you can't reach the meat on the top shelf."
The butcher looks at the shelf and replies, "Nah, those steaks are too high."

I don't get this new hype around synthetic meats.

I mean, why are we re-inventing the veal?

You know, people tell me o**... meat is offal...

But personally I think German meats are the wurst.

Why do people nickname Cersei's kids after sandwich meats?

Because they're both in bread

Why does the royal family hate deli meats?

Because they're in bread

A man went to rehab for being addicted to deli meats

He stopped cold turkey

On my cake day, I went to the Doctor and was told that my love of deli meats was going to kill me.

I had to quit cold turkey.

I was addicted to lunch meats, but I quit cold turkey.

I'm still hooked on salami and roast beef though.

Good deli related jokes?

I posted last night but it was really late. I got a couple pretty good responses though, but I'm trying again now in hope of a bigger turnout. So if ya got a good joke about a deli or the meats and cheeses sold in them let me know. Cheesier the better, pun completely intended.

Why are raw meats expensive?

Because they're so rare.

I'm addicted to deli meats

The worst part is my therapist keeps recommending cold turkey

I am giving up eating red meats.

I'm going cold turkey.

Simple recipe for making your own naturally-smoked, organic meats...

Start a forest fire.

So, a three guys are working with imported meats

The team gets three crates. One of French steaks, but the best before was yesterday. One of English pork ribs: best before a week ago. And one of Germain snags: best before a month ago. They draw straws to work out who has to deal with which meats. The longest straw gets the steak crate, the middle gets the ribs, and geting the short straw is the wurst case scenario.

A rapper just came out with a line of premium sausages.

Meats by Dre.

Where can you buy freshly cut meats and cheeses while a British woman sings to you


Meats joke, Where can you buy freshly cut meats and cheeses while a British woman sings to you