The Best 30 Measurements Jokes

Following is our collection of funniest Measurements jokes. There are some measurements density jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud. Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these measurements radius puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Funny Measurements Jokes and Puns

Ladies, if he says he's six foot four inches, make sure that's not two separate measurements.

A Chemist, a Biologist, and a Mathematician are all sitting at an outdoor cafe...

A chemist, a biologist, and a mathematician are all sitting at an outdoor cafe. Across the street is an old, abandoned house. As they sit, they watch two people go into the house. A short while later, three come out.
The chemist says: "the measurements were wrong."
The biologist says: "they reproduced."
The mathematician says "if one more person goes in, the house will be empty again!"

An engineer, a lawyer and an accountant are at a job interview

The interviewer asked, what's 1 + 1.

The engineer draws up a plan and does some measurements and says. It appears that 1 + 1 is 2 .

The lawyer takes out his law book, checks all the rules then says according to the law, 1 + 1 is 2 .

The accountant takes out his book and calculator. Does a few calculations then whispers to the interviewer, What do you want the number to be?

Measurements joke, An engineer, a lawyer and an accountant are at a job interview

A Chemist, a Biologist, and a Mathematician...

Were sitting on a bench in front of a hotel, and see two people enter, then three people exit. The Chemist claims that they must have been an error in the initial measurements, the biologist says they must have procreated, thus creating another person, the mathematician states that if one more person enters the building, the building would then be empty.

A physicist, a biologist, and a mathematician are relaxing on a hill

A physicist, a biologist, and a mathematician are relaxing on a hill overlooking an abandoned house. They watch two people enter the house through a broken window. Time passes. Later they observe three people leave the house.

The physicist says, "Our measurements weren't accurate."

The biologist says, "They must have reproduced."

The mathematician says, "If one more person goes inside, the house will be empty."

Buzzfeed did a top 10 list of power measurements

You'll never believe Watt's number 6

A physicist, a biologist, a programmer, and a mathematician ....

are sitting at a café across from an empty building.

They observe two people enter and then, later, three leave.

The physicist says, "Apparently there was some error with our measurements."

The biologist says, "Obviously, they reproduced while in the building."

The mathematician opines, "If now one more were to enter the building, it would again be empty."

And then the programmer replies "they must've used a backdoor".

Measurements joke, A physicist, a biologist, a programmer, and a mathematician ....

Why are other measurements afraid of 0° Kelvin?

Because it's an absolute unit.

Back in ancient Egypt, the standardized units of measurements were based off the length of the current pharoah's body parts. The pointer finger would be one unit of measurement, the forearm another, and so on.

It could be noted, the pharoah was the ruler.

A dwarf walks up to a lady and says...

I'm three foot and 10 inches...

And those are two different measurements!

I dated a greek girl during my latest archeology expedition

Radioactivity measurements of her remains confirmed she lived around 700BC

You can explore measurements measure reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean measurements precise dad jokes. There are also measurements puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.

Ad in the local paper:

25 year old woman, very attractive, beautiful blonde hair, perfect measurements, intelligent, with good sense of humor and stable income - Selling dump truck.

I'm 6'1"

That's two measurements.

They always tell me, "Measure twice. Cut once"...

...but they never say which of the two measurements I should use to cut by.

Dwarf walks into a tavern and says "Ladies, I am 4'11''

..and those are two different measurements!"


A science teacher is quizzing the class on various units and measurements.

What is the unit of volume?


What is the unit of mass?


What is the unit of distance?


What is the unit of power?


(I know, it works a bit better spoken)

Measurements joke, Units.

Who's in charge of all the liquid measurements?

The liter.

we should stop making fun of the Americans for using inches, foot, miles, etc as units of measurements.

it's not like they crashed a rocket into Mars because of this or something... oh wait...

I'm an adult, and am 5 feet 1 inches

Sounds bad, but made worse by the fact that they are two measurements.

I'm 6 foot 2 inches

But those are two separate measurements.

Girls are always surprised by how short I am.

I tell them I am 5 foot 11 inches, but they get that I am talking about two measurements.

I'm 6 foot 3 inches

Those are two different measurements

I'm 6'3

But those are 2 different measurements

What is the most crucial element of Oology?

Eggsact measurements.

Why are Sith measurements not as accurate as Jedis'?

Because a Sith deals only in absolutes.

I have a friend who's really into measurements.

You guys really should meter.

Why does the US use the imeprial measurements?

Because you cant measure freedom with anything else either.

7' 3"

Is not that impressive when you find out its two seperate measurements...

What's worse than being a 4 foot 1 inch man?

Those were two separate measurements.

Do you want to know how bad I am at measurements?

About a mile.

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the measurements calculations jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working measurements tall piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes