The Best 33 Measles Jokes
Following is our collection of funny Measles jokes. There are some measles hereditary jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.
Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these measles vaccine puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.
Top 10 of the Funniest Measles Jokes and Puns
Only anti-vaxxers will get this
Measles
Feeling strange, Mr. Bond? That's because I've laced your martini with a measles vaccine. The autism should be setting in any second now.
Joke's on you, I already disassembled your doomsday device and rearranged all the parts in order of size.
You know you're a 90s kid when...
your vaccinations were mandatory and no one in your class got measles.
Only 2010's kids will get this...
Measles
I told my son he couldn't get a fidget spinner because his dad and I have tried so hard to make sure he didn't become autistic...
Unfortunately he died of measles a couple days ago
What do the Patriots and Measles have in common?
They both got to go to Disneyland, because some idiot decided to pass on something.
A teacher asks her class
to use the word "contagious". Roland, the teacher's pet, gets up and says, "Last year I got the measles and my mum said it was contagious."
"Well done, Roland," says the teacher.
"Can anyone else try?"
Katie, a sweet little girl with pigtails, says, "My grandma says there's a bug going round, and it's contagious."
"Well done, Katie," says the teacher. "Anyone else?"
Little Irish Sean jumps up and says in a broad Dublin accent, "Our next door neighbour is painting his house with a two inch brush, and my dad says it will take the contagious."
A new nurse listened while Dr. Bryce was yelling...
..."Typhoid! Tetanus! Measles!"
The new nurse asked another nurse, "Why is he doing that?"
The other nurse replied, "Oh, he just likes to call the shots around here."
Anti Vaxxers.
We should be fascinated in the way anti-vaxxers cling to the phrase the research . It must be something they all pass around to each other.
You know, like measles.
A man is being examined by his doctor.
He hears a voice down the hall, yelling.
"Polio! Diphtheria! Measles! Chicken pox!"
Alarmed, he asks his doctor what's going on.
"Don't worry," the doctor says. "That's just our head nurse. She likes to call the shots around here."
Riddle: A flat-earther and a round-earther enter a maze at the same time. They each have a compass, and both know that the exit is on the North end of the maze. Which one exits the maze first?
The round-earther exits first, because the flat-earther died of measles while inside.
You can explore measles flu reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean measles vaccination dad jokes. There are also measles puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
A patient overhears the doctor yelling, "Measles, mumps, rubella, polio, Covid..."
He asks the nurse what's going on. The nurse replies, "Oh, he just likes to call the shots around here."
A comic with the measles did a set at an anti-vaxxers conference.
Needless to say he killed.
First Ebola and now Measles...
Is there ANYTHING hipsters won't bring back!?
Why are measles and my ex the same?
they both took the kids
I Have A Joke That Only Anti-vaxxers Will Get
Measles
What vaccine does a pirate with measles need?
M-M-Arrrrrr
Let's play name the title
Jokes are reposted so many times here, so name the titles of these punchlines
1. Ones a hippo and ones a little lighter
2. How far do you think I can kick this bucket?
3. Obviously not
4. But it wasn't stroganoff
5. Sam sung note 7
6. Measles
7. We went out and had a few drinks. Cool guy, wanted to become a web designer.
8. I wore the wrong sock this morning
9. Unless everyone gets them
10. Set a man on fire and he will be warm for life.
Why is 6 afraid of 7?
Because 7's parent's were anti-vaxers and he's got measles.
Only antivaxxers' kids will get this
Measles
An anti-vax rally ended earlier today...
...Due to an outbreak of the measles
What do you call an anti-vaxxer driving a car?
Measles on wheels
You guys just buy into anything big pharma tells you don't you?
You guys just buy into anything big pharma tells you don't you? i'll have you know my son was diagnosed with the measles so I placed various crystals around his bed while he slept to promote the proper aura for healing.
He's dead now but at least he's not autistic
A doctor, a nurse, and a mom walk into a bar
The doctor sits first and orders a shot of Jack Daniels
The nurse sits second and orders a shot of Jose Cuervo
The mom sits last and says I'm sorry, I don't do shots. then falls to the floor dead from measles.
These vaccinated kids miss out on so much in life and it's disgusting
Polio, measles, rubella, typhoid, the list just goes on and on really
Mogadishu, Somalia is holding a concert today
to raise money to get kids vaccinated against measles in the US
New names!!!
Instead of "anti-vaxxers" we should call them "measles enthusiasts".
Or for that matter ,we can call them "silent homiciders".
patients always come to the office asking about measles
And I tell them, "no no no, i don't want to make this about measles. Let's talk about yousles"
Here's something only anti-vaxers will get.
Measles.
Feeling strange, Mr. Bond?
That's because my assistant just injected you with the measles vaccine. You're autistic now.
What did the anti-vaxxer say to the doctor?
Nothing, she died of measles when she was 12.
There's so many things trendy now that haven't been popular for a century now...
Beards, suspenders, home-births, natural produce, measles...
Anti-Vaxxer? I hardly knew her!
Because she died of measles.
Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the measles influenza jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.
We suggest to use only working measles vaxxers piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.