Measles Jokes
44 measles jokes and hilarious measles puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about measles that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Measles Short Jokes
Short measles jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The measles humour may include short chicken pox jokes also.
- You know you're a 90s kid when... your vaccinations were mandatory and no one in your class got measles.
- I told my son he couldn't get a fidget spinner because his dad and I have tried so hard to make sure he didn't become autistic... Unfortunately he died of measles a couple days ago
- What do the Patriots and Measles have in common? They both got to go to Disneyland, because some idiot decided to pass on something.
- Anti Vaxxers. We should be fascinated in the way anti-vaxxers cling to the phrase the research . It must be something they all pass around to each other.
You know, like measles. - A comic with the measles did a set at an anti-vaxxers conference. Needless to say he killed.
- Mogadishu, Somalia is holding a concert today to raise money to get kids vaccinated against measles in the US
- New names!!! Instead of "anti-vaxxers" we should call them "measles enthusiasts".
Or for that matter ,we can call them "silent homiciders". - patients always come to the office asking about measles And I tell them, "no no no, i don't want to make this about measles. Let's talk about yousles"
- There's so many things trendy now that haven't been popular for a century now... Beards, suspenders, home-births, natural produce, measles...
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Measles One Liners
Which measles one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with measles? I can suggest the ones about swine flu and fever.
- Only anti-vaxxers will get this Measles
- Only 2010's kids will get this... Measles
- A measle walks into a bar bartender says "shots for everyone"
- Why are measles and my ex the same? they both took the kids
- What vaccine does a pirate with measles need? M-M-Arrrrrr
- Why is 6 afraid of 7? Because 7's parent's were anti-vaxers and he's got measles.
- An anti-vax rally ended earlier today... ...Due to an outbreak of the measles
- What do you call an anti-vaxxer driving a car? Measles on wheels
- What did the anti-vaxxer say to the doctor? Nothing, she died of measles when she was 12.
- Anti-Vaxxer? I hardly knew her! Because she died of measles.
- Please please please god vaccinate your kids We don't want Jesus to get measles
- First Ebola and now Measles... Is there ANYTHING hipsters won't bring back!?
- Why could the Muslim girl not get measles? Because she got hijabs
Hilarious Fun Measles Jokes That Will Have You Rolling with Laughter
What funny jokes about measles you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean shingles jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make measles pranks.
Feeling strange, Mr. Bond? That's because I've laced your martini with a measles vaccine. The autism should be setting in any second now.
Joke's on you, I already disassembled your doomsday device and rearranged all the parts in order of size.
Feeling strange, Mr. Bond?
Feeling strange, Mr. Bond? That's because I've laced your martini with a measles vaccine. The autism should be setting in any second now.
Joke's on you, I already disassembled your doomsday device and rearranged all the parts in order of size.
A teacher asks her class
to use the word "contagious". Roland, the teacher's pet, gets up and says, "Last year I got the measles and my mum said it was contagious."
"Well done, Roland," says the teacher.
"Can anyone else try?"
Katie, a sweet little girl with pigtails, says, "My grandma says there's a bug going round, and it's contagious."
"Well done, Katie," says the teacher. "Anyone else?"
Little Irish Sean jumps up and says in a broad Dublin accent, "Our next door neighbour is painting his house with a two inch brush, and my dad says it will take the contagious."
A new nurse listened while Dr. Bryce was yelling...
..."Typhoid! Tetanus! Measles!"
The new nurse asked another nurse, "Why is he doing that?"
The other nurse replied, "Oh, he just likes to call the shots around here."
A man is being examined by his doctor.
He hears a voice down the hall, yelling.
"Polio! Diphtheria! Measles! Chicken pox!"
Alarmed, he asks his doctor what's going on.
"Don't worry," the doctor says. "That's just our head nurse. She likes to call the shots around here."
Riddle: A flat-earther and a round-earther enter a maze at the same time. They each have a compass, and both know that the exit is on the North end of the maze. Which one exits the maze first?
The round-earther exits first, because the flat-earther died of measles while inside.
Let's play name the title
Jokes are reposted so many times here, so name the titles of these punchlines
1. Ones a hippo and ones a little lighter
2. How far do you think I can kick this bucket?
3. Obviously not
4. But it wasn't stroganoff
5. Sam sung note 7
6. Measles
7. We went out and had a few drinks. Cool guy, wanted to become a web designer.
8. I wore the wrong sock this morning
9. Unless everyone gets them
10. Set a man on fire and he will be warm for life.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
You guys just buy into anything big pharma tells you don't you?
You guys just buy into anything big pharma tells you don't you? i'll have you know my son was diagnosed with the measles so I placed various crystals around his bed while he slept to promote the proper aura for healing.
He's dead now but at least he's not autistic
A doctor, a nurse, and a mom walk into a bar
The doctor sits first and orders a shot of Jack Daniels
The nurse sits second and orders a shot of Jose Cuervo
The mom sits last and says I'm sorry, I don't do shots. then falls to the floor dead from measles.
New doctors
An old couple goes to see a new doctor , the doctor greets them and asks: have you had any deseases or injuries ?
The man replies : I hurt my toe years ago and I think I had Toelio ?
Doctor says: Toelio ? You mean Polio ?
Doctor again asks : anything else ?
The man replies : I hurt my knee years ago and I think I had kneeeasals ?
Doctor relies : kneeeasals? You mean measles ?
Doctor is reluctant to ask but asks: is there anything else ?
The man says : yes and the man drops his pants
The doctor says : let me guess smallcocks ?
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A young couple decides to have s**... for the first time.
As they're u**... each other, the woman removes the man's shoes and socks. "What's the matter with your toes?"
"Oh that, when I was younger I suffered from toelio"
"Don't you mean polio?"
"No, no, toelio, it's like polio but it only affects the toes."
They go a little farther and she removes his pants. "What's wrong with your knees?"
"I had kneesles. It's like measles but it only affects the knees."
When she finally removes his underwear, she takes one look and says, "Let me guess. You had smallcox too!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A couple on honeymoon in hotel room u**.... The groom removes his socks and the bride asks: "What's wrong with your feet, your toes look all mangled?"
Groom: "I had Tolio as a child."
Bride: "You mean Polio?"
Groom: "No Tolio, the disease only affected my toes."
The groom then removes his pants and the bride asks: "What is wrong with your knees, they are lumpy and deformed?"
Groom: "As a child I had Kneasles."
Bride: "You mean Measles?"
Groom: "No Kneasles, a strange illness that only affected my knees."
The Bride then removes his boxers and the bride asks: "Why are you spotted?"
Groom: "As a child I had smallpox."
Bride: "I hope you don't mean SmallCox!"
