The Best 47 Meas Jokes

Following is our collection of funniest Meas jokes. There are some meas long jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud. Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these meas constant puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Funny Meas Jokes and Puns

They always tell me, "Measure twice. Cut once"...

...but they never say which of the two measurements I should use to cut by.

How do you measure how funny an electrical engineer is?

You use an o-silly-scope!

How do you measure the molar mass of guacamole?

With Avocado's Constant.

Meas joke, How do you measure the molar mass of guacamole?

How do you measure a Lego figure's shoe size?

In square feet.

How do you measure a milf?


How do you measure a great misunderstanding?

In kiloWats

Measure of Attributes

Endurance is being able withstand having tomatoes thrown at you

Strength is being able to throw a heavy tomato

Agility is being able to dodge thrown tomatoes

Intelligence is knowing that a tomato is a fruit

Wisdom is knowing not to put a tomato in a fruit salad

Charisma is being able to sell a tomato-based fruit salad.

Meas joke, Measure of Attributes

How do you measure a snake?

In inches. Snakes don't have any feet.

How do you measure pain?

In Hertz.

I measured your Mother's resistance to being accelerated by a force.

The answer was massive.

You're a measurement of energy Harry


You can explore meas cut reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean meas cont dad jokes. There are also meas puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.

How do you measure how sad someone is?

With a blues scale

Measuring temperatures to three significant figures is overrated

1 significant figure is 0K

How to measure the perfect amount of pasta

Step 1: Measure out the perfect amount of pasta.
Step 2: Wrong.

How do you measure the mass of God?

Yahweh it of course.

Measuring device.

The device used to measure people's gullibility is called a Gullibilometer.

Meas joke, Measuring device.

Measure in Miles?

I'd rather knot.

How do you measure a pump that sucks well

By how good its head is

If you measure pressure in psi...

Then you haven't met the Bar

How do you measure farts


A measle walks into a bar

bartender says "shots for everyone"

How do you measure Hurricane Harvey?

With a Moral Barometer

Measuring vs Questionaries

Me: To get the mass of each Can of chicken I used a digital scale

Teacher: Why did you use that method to obtain your data as
opposed to the other methods?

Me: Because the cans refused to answer the questionnaires honestly

How did they measure Lenin's success?


What do you use to measure grass?

A yard stick.

What do you use to meassure the weight of a photo?


How do you measure pride and accomplishment?


How do you measure a jack-o-lantern?

You use pumpkin pi.

No one could measure their height in medieval kingdoms.

Only the Ruler could.

How Broke Are You?

I'm so broke, McDonalds wants to hire their new ice cream machine!

How do you measure the weight of social networks?


There's a new way to measure time faster than the speed of light

It's the time from a red stop light turns green and the BMW behind you honks his horn.

How do you measure a bawdy song?

Per verse.

Why are other measurements afraid of 0Β° Kelvin?

Because it's an absolute unit.

What do measurment and sex have in common?

Using feet are only acceptable in America.

How do you measure a feminists intelligence?

Stick a pressure gauge in her ear

How do you measure how much someone doesn't care?

In meh-gawatts

How do you measure the speed in which one writes?

The Pen Etch Rate

How do you Measure how Heavy a Red Hot Chili Pepper Is?

Give it a weigh, give it a weigh, give it a weigh now!

How do you measure how heavy a red hot chilli pepper is?

Give it a weigh, give it a weigh, give it a weigh now

Credits to: Adam pacitti

Why are measles and my ex the same?

they both took the kids

I'm 6'1"

That's two measurements.

How do you measure the mass of a red hot chili pepper.

Give it a weigh. Give it a weigh. Give it a weigh now.

I'm 6'3

But those are 2 different measurements

Why do we measure in feet instead of penises?

Because when you measure in penises you always come up at least 3/8 shorter than what you claim to have measured.

How do you measure the obnoxiousness of middle-aged white women?

In degrees Karenheit.

The measurement

Got this text from my brother recently.Β 
It read. Can I stay at your house for a while?Β 

The ol' lady kicked me out after she caught me measuring my cock.Β 

It just reaches the back of her sister's throat!

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the meas mass jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working meas cou piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes