Meas Jokes
43 meas jokes and hilarious meas puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about meas that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Meas Short Jokes
Short meas jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The meas humour may include short mess jokes also.
- How Broke Are You? I'm so broke, McDonalds wants to hire me...as their new ice cream machine!
- The man asks "Are you working hard today?" Worker: Oh I'm working about as much they pay me...a little bit every 2 weeks
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What funny jokes about meas you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean meant jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make meas pranks.
They always tell me, "Measure twice. Cut once"...
...but they never say which of the two measurements I should use to cut by.
How do you measure how funny an electrical engineer is?
You use an o-silly-scope!
How do you measure the molar mass of guacamole?
With Avocado's Constant.
How do you measure a Lego figure's shoe size?
In square feet.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
How do you measure a m**...?
themommeter
How do you measure a great misunderstanding?
In kiloWats
Measure of Attributes
Endurance is being able withstand having tomatoes thrown at you
Strength is being able to throw a heavy tomato
Agility is being able to dodge thrown tomatoes
Intelligence is knowing that a tomato is a fruit
Wisdom is knowing not to put a tomato in a fruit salad
Charisma is being able to sell a tomato-based fruit salad.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
How do you measure a snake?
In inches. Snakes don't have any feet.
How do you measure pain?
In Hertz.
I measured your Mother's resistance to being accelerated by a force.
The answer was massive.
How do you measure how sad someone is?
With a blues scale
Measuring temperatures to three significant figures is overrated
1 significant figure is 0K
How to measure the perfect amount of pasta
Step 1: Measure out the perfect amount of pasta.
Step 2: Wrong.
How do you measure the mass of God?
Yahweh it of course.
Measuring device.
The device used to measure people's gullibility is called a Gullibilometer.
Measure in Miles?
I'd rather knot.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
How do you measure a pump that s**... well
By how good its head is
If you measure pressure in psi...
Then you haven't met the Bar
How do you measure farts
Magnitoot
A measle walks into a bar
bartender says "shots for everyone"
How do you measure Hurricane Harvey?
With a Moral Barometer
Measuring vs Questionaries
Me: To get the mass of each Can of chicken I used a digital scale
Teacher: Why did you use that method to obtain your data as
opposed to the other methods?
Me: Because the cans refused to answer the questionnaires honestly
How did they measure Lenin's success?
RPM
What do you use to measure grass?
A yard stick.
What do you use to meassure the weight of a photo?
Instagrams
How do you measure pride and accomplishment?
Cents
No one could measure their height in medieval kingdoms.
Only the Ruler could.
How do you measure the weight of social networks?
Insta-gram.
There's a new way to measure time faster than the speed of light
It's the time from a red stop light turns green and the BMW behind you honks his horn.
Why are other measurements afraid of 0° Kelvin?
Because it's an absolute unit.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What do measurment and s**... have in common?
Using feet are only acceptable in America.
How do you measure how much someone doesn't care?
In meh-gawatts
Why are measles and my ex the same?
they both took the kids
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why do we measure in feet instead of p**...?
Because when you measure in p**... you always come up at least 3/8 shorter than what you claim to have measured.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
The measurement
Got this text from my brother recently.
It read. Can I stay at your house for a while?
The ol' lady kicked me out after she caught me measuring my c**....
It just reaches the back of her sister's t**...!
How do you measure how good a dad joke is?
With a sighsmograph
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
How do you measure the weight of a d**...?
In PentaGrams....
I just measured myself
Turns out the height of comedy is 5'4
I'm 6'3"
Those are two measurements
If you measure tomatoness with tomatomometer, and you measure carrotness with a carrotometer, what do you measure peaness with?
A ruler.
What did the measuring cup say to the water?
I've had it up to here with you!!!
How do you measure a non-binary person's temperature?
With a themometer!
