Meant Jokes
107 meant jokes and hilarious meant puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about meant that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Meant Short Jokes
Short meant jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The meant humour may include short intended jokes also.
- The other day my friend was telling me i didnt know what irony meant Which was ironic since we were at a bus stop
- After making love to my wife last night, she told me I had a body built for sin 12 hours later, I still can't figure out if she meant Gluttony or Sloth
- When I was a little kid, I thought "This little piggy went to market." meant it went shopping. It does not.
- My doctor recommended to eat at BurgerKing more often Well he said I should not have mcdonalds anymore, but I know what he meant.
- So my girlfriend just told me that she needed velocity... Well, her exact words were "time and distance" but I knew what she meant.
- My girlfriend told me I'm her 32nd lover Turns out what she really meant was I'm her thirty second lover
- My parents just said they want another child. "I'd love a sibling!" I said.
"That's not what we meant." they replied. - Person 1 says: I like Eminem Person 2 says: Well, I prefer Skittles.
Person 1 says: No- I meant the rapper.
Person 2 says, confused: Why would you eat the wrapper? - Schrodinger's cat was meant to prove how dumb quantum states are, yet it's widely used to advocate and explain it. I bet he's rolling in his grave... and not
- My girlfriend said to me... "If one day, you want to run away, just let me know..."
Turns out she meant together.
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Meant One Liners
Which meant one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with meant? I can suggest the ones about means and supposed.
- I had to break up with my tennis player girlfriend Love meant nothing to her
- I'm so grateful to the teacher who defined the word "plethora" for me... It meant a lot.
- I'm sorry, when I said "butter" I really meant "ghee". I should have clarified.
- I used to have a Spanish girlfriend called Nada She meant nothing to me
- I got a globe for my birthday. It meant the world to me.
- I made a bold donation today Sorry, I meant "blood donation". Type O.
- Rubble is a word for worthless garbage Sorry I meant ruble.
- I once met a guy named Bien. He was a bit annoying but... I think he meant well
- I asked my Dad what entropy meant. He said, It isn't what it used to be.
- What do you call an LGBTQ+ plane. A biplane.
(This is not meant to be offensive) - If we weren't meant to eat meat why are cows made out of food?
- With all Gillette drama said and done I guess it really wasn't meant for sensitive skin
- Ewoks aren't meant outside They are Endor pets
- My dad always told me "you eat what you shoot" I recently found out he meant hunting.
- I don't meant to brag, but I'm the world champion in false modesty.
Fun-Filled Meant Jokes to Make You and Your Friends Chuckle & Giggle
What funny jokes about meant you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean designed jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make meant pranks.
I broke up with my girlfriend, who is an Optometrist
She meant well, but she was just too annoying in bed. She was always saying, "So, do you like it better like this.... or like this?"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
How many Freudians does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Two.
One to screw in the bulb and the other to hold the p**.....*ER..ladder! I MEANT LADDER!*
I've got a horrible memory.
I couldn't remember what onomatopoeia or metaphor meant and then BAM it hit me like lighting. It was like the time I remembered similes and realized I am dumb as a box of rocks.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I asked an Asian girl for her number
She said, "s**...! s**...! s**...! Free s**... tonight!"
I said, "Wow.."
Her friend said, "She meant 6663629".
Found this joke on Facebook, so I thought I'd share with you guys :)
UN Food Survey Fails...
UN Phone Survey
Last month, a world-wide telephone survey was conducted by the UN.
The only question asked was:
"Would you please give your honest opinion about possible solutions to the food shortage in the rest of the world?"
The survey was a complete failure because:
In Eastern Europe they didn't know what "honest" meant.
In Western Europe they didn't know what "shortage" meant.
In Africa they didn't know what "food" meant.
In China they didn't know what "opinion" meant.
In the Middle East they didn't know what "solution" meant.
In South America they didn't know what "please" meant.
In the USA they didn't know what "the rest of the world" meant.
And in Australia , New Zealand and Britain everyone hung up as soon as they heard the Indian accent.
Auto-correct is so crazy now a days...
My mom meant to text me 'I love you' but it auto corrected to 'You're a disappointment.'
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I asked a group of women if they found r**... jokes funny. They all said "no!"
But deep down I knew they really meant "yes."
My doctor told me to eat more Taco Bell.
Well actually he said "less McDonald's" but I'm pretty sure I know what he meant
The United Nations world-wide survey
The United Nations sent out a survey to all the nations in the different continents of the world.
The survey went like this:
"We want your honest opinion on how to find a solution to the food shortage in the rest of the world"
The survey of course, turned out to be a total and abject failure:
The People in western Europe didn't know what the word 'shortage' meant. The people in eastern Europe had no idea what the expression 'honest' was supposed to mean. In china no one knew what 'opinion' was. In Africa they didn't know what 'food' was. In the middle east no one could figure out what 'solution' was; and in america they had no idea what 'the rest of the world' meant.
Where's your bin?
A man sees that his neigjhbnour doesn't have his wheeled trash bin.
"Hey bub, where's ya bin`"
"I took a little vacation for a few weeks,"
"No. I meant where's your bin?"
"Told ya, vacation, at the beach!"
"No man. Where's ya wheely bin?"
"Ok, fine! I've wheely been to jail! Happy now?"
Me: "How is it we assume that dinosaurs just roared... They could have talked like us, right?"
Interviewer: "I meant questions about the job..."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A teacher asks her 2nd grade class...
"Who's a Trump fan?"
Not wanting to look s**... for not knowing what that meant, they all raised their hands except for Johnny.
"And why aren't you a Trump fan?" she asked, used to Johnny always trying to be different.
"Because I'm a Sanders fan" he replied.
"And why are you a Sanders fan?"
"Because mommy and daddy are"
"And if mommy and daddy were idiots, what would that make you?" she asked
"A Trump fan"
When i was a kid, my father said he wanted me to be an autodidact.
I asked him what that word meant.
He told me to look it up.
Happy Father's Day, everyone!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
The funny thing about teen pregnancy is that before it happens all you hear is "Don't do it! You'll regret it! You'll lose your freedom! Make the responsible choice!" Then after it happens, they say "We're a still disappointed, but we can still make the best of this. It's not the end of the world."
s**... auto-correct: I meant "Trump's presidency" not "teen pregnancy".
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I have seen my first n**... lady
Sorry, I meant...
I have seen my First Lady n**....
Thought all these voices in my head meant I was crazy, but one of them is a therapist.
And he says I'm fine.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Doctor doctor, I think I have a problem with my t**...
Is one of them meant to be bigger than the others.
I got fired form the zoo.
Apparently the sign "Don't feed the animals" was only meant for the visitors.
If your soulmate dies before you meet them, do you get a backup soulmate?
"I meant questions about the midterm," my professor replied.
Isn't It Ironic?
My wife was trying to explain to me that I didn't know what irony meant, which was ironic because I had just taken a shower.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I got kicked out of the hospital.
Apparently, the sign "s**... patients here" meant something totally different.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
An old political joke from Imperial Russia (reign of Nicholas II)
A man yells in the street: "Nicholas is a m**...!". He is taken away by the police on charges of lese majeste (insulting the monarch). He tells the policemen "Please let me go, I meant another Nicholas!". The police chief replies: "Do not lie. If you said m**...', you certainly meant the Czar!"
When I first met my wife she told me she was bi.
I didn't realize until much later she meant polar.
Sadly, my best friend passed away yesterday, so I went to see his wife today...
I said to her, "Look on the bright side, at least he's not suffering anymore."
She replied, "But he wasn't ill, he died suddenly."
I said, "I know, I meant, being married to you."
ME: Siri, what time is it?
ALEXA: Who is Siri?
ME: Haha Alexa, I meant Alexa
ALEXA: Ok but who is Siri?
ME:...
ALEXA: Playing "Before He Cheats" by Carrie Underwood
After watching Star Wars with my son for the first time today, he looked up at me and asked, "Daddy, why was R2D2 so dirty?"
Puzzled, I asked him what he meant.
He replied, "Well, they had to bleep out every word he said!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My mom texted me that she found the i**... photo of my sister and I.
I was freaking out until I realized she meant nicest.
The teacher tells little Jack, "I'm going to describe an animal and you have to guess what it is."
"It lives on a farm and gives milk"
"A cow?"
"That's correct too, but I meant a goat. What lives on a farm, has feathers and lays eggs?"
"A chicken"
"That's correct too but I meant a duck."
Little Jack, getting annoyed, asks the teacher: "What goes into your mouth hard, and comes out soft and wet?"
The teacher starts blushing.
"That's correct too but I meant chewing gum."
I'm dating the neighbor.
A young female tells her mother.
- "Mom I'm dating the neighbor"
- "But he could be your father"
- "Mom! Age is nothing but a number"
- "That's not what I meant"
-My daughter, are you really dating our neighbor?
-My daughter, are you really dating our neighbor?
-Yes, I am, mum!
-But he could be your father!
-Age does not matter, mum!
-That's not what I meant.
TIL Type O blood was actually meant to be Type Zero blood, due to lack of glycoproteins in the red blood cells. It was misread as type "O".
I guess you can call it a typo.
The doctor gave me a Rorschach test and asked, "what do you see?"
I answered, "I see an old, sad, overworked man, tired of doing the same thing over and over, only visited when others need something from him, and never being appreciated enough".
"I appreciate your honesty", said the doctor, "but I meant, what do you see *on the picture*?
The UN decided to do a worldwide survey...
The only question asked was: "Would you please give your honest opinion about solutions to the food shortage in the rest of the world?" The survey was a huge flop. In Africa they didn't know what "food" meant. In Eastern Europe, they didn't know what "honest" meant. In Western Europe, they didn't know what "shortage" meant. In China, they didn't know what "opinion" meant. In the Middle East, they didn't know what "solution" meant. In South America, they didn't know what "please" meant. And in the USA, they didn't know what "the rest of the world" meant.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I looked her square in the eyes and said, "s**... isn't real, right? It's just u**..., right?"
"I meant any questions about the job." the interviewer sighed.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Two men on a train both have black eyes.
Man 1: "how did you get that black eye?"
Man 2: "I was buying my ticket from this beautiful b**... girl and instead of saying 'a ticket to Pittsburgh' I accidentally said I wanted 'a picket to Tittsburgh' so she hit me. How about you?"
Man 1: "Yeah, something similar happened to me. I was sitting around having breakfast with my wife and I meant to say 'pass the wheaties' and I accidentally said 'you ruined my life you s**... b**...'."
At the interview for my new job I was asked
"What would your friends say are your weaknesses?"
"I don't have any!" Was my reply.
The interviewer seemed a little surprised and answered: "That can't be true. Everybody has some weak points."
Whereupon I said: "Oh no. You got that wrong. I meant I don't have any friends."
I just came back from the eye doctor, he says I have kindergarden disease.
I asked her what that meant, she said that means I have really small pupils.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A priest has a w**... dog which he loves.
One day when he woke up to feed him, the priest didn't find him. So he asked the local residents to come so he can ask about his dog.
He asked them:
"Does anybody have a w**...?"
So all the men stood up,
"No no that's not what I meant, has anyone seen a w**...?"
So all the women stood up
"Oh my god that's not what I meant.... Has anyone seen someone else's w**..."
Half of the women stood up
"For god's sake has someone seen my w**...?"
All the children stood up.
My lesbian friend and her girlfriend gave me a watch for my birthday
Which is great and all, but that's not what I meant when I said "I wanna watch"...
A worldwide survey was conducted by the UN.
The only question asked was: "Would you please give your honest opinion about solutions to the food shortage in the rest of the world?" The survey was a huge failure. In Africa they didn't know what "food" meant. In Eastern Europe they didn't know what "honest" meant. In Western Europe they didn't know what "shortage" meant. In China they didn't know what "opinion" meant. In the Middle East they didn't know what "solution" meant. In South America they didn't know what "please" meant. And in the USA they didn't know what "the rest of the world" meant.
I knew a guy with a lisp I didn't take seriously. But when he said binith
I knew he meant business
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A close friend recently died, and at the f**... I asked if I could say a word
The family agreed and as I stood as the podium, I exhaled, "Bargain".
Teary eyed the family thanked me, they knew it meant a great deal.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A r**..., a plagiarist, and a cult member walk into a bar...
Oh wait, I meant the Supreme Court.
A doctor flirted with me today, she said I was really sweet!
I think she meant I was really sweet, she worded it differently and said you're severely diabetic but I know what she meant. She said I'm type 2 and I told her she's my type too
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A blonde heard that milk baths would make her more beautiful
A blonde heard that milk baths would make her more beautiful, so she left a note for her milkman to leave 15 gallons of milk. When the milkman read the note, he felt there must be a mistake. He thought she probably meant 1.5 gallons, so he knocked on the door to clarify the point. The blonde came to the door and the milkman said, "I found your Note to leave 15 gallons of milk. Did you mean 1.5 gallons?" The blonde said, "I want 15 gallons of milk. I'm going to fill my bathtub up with milk and take a milk bath". The milkman asked, "Do you want it pasteurized?" The blonde said, "No, just up to my b**...."
A woman says to her lawyer "I want to divorce my husband."
‟On what grounds?
‟Grounds? We have two acres at the edge of town with a big lawn and some fruit trees.
‟No, that's not what I meant. Do you have a grudge?
‟Yes, we've a two car garage but only one car so we use the rest for storage.
^(getting exasperated) ‟Does he beat you up?
‟No, I'm up by 6:30 and sometimes he does not get up until after I've left for work.
‟WHY DO YOU WANT A DIVORCE?
‟We just can't seem to communicate.
A company made toy Titanics, but they weren't meant to be used in bathtubs.
They were made for the sink.
Gifted child!
My parents always said I was a gifted child. Turns out they meant someone left me on their doorstep in a box.
I showed my Mexican friends I know a little Spanish by saying "mucho" and they seemed really flattered
...they said it meant a lot to them.
2020 was a good year, I did virtually everything!
Sorry, I meant, I did everything virtually.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
t**... and LEGO Sets have a thing in common
It's meant for the kid but the dad ends up having the most fun with it.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Me: Do you remember t**...?
Interviewer: I meant do you have any questions about the job...
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My girlfriend just punched me in the b**...
Not what I meant when I said time to hit the sack.
One morning, a priest gives a sermon on the Seven Deadly Sins
After the sermon, a guy goes up to the priest and says, "Father, thank you so much for giving that sermon. It meant so much to me, and I'll tell you why. I lost my hat last week and I couldn't find it anywhere. I finally decided to steal a new one from the store, but now that I heard your sermon, I'm not going to."
The priest smiles and says, "That's good, my son. The part about 'thou shalt not steal' moved you, did it?"
The guy says, "Nope. After that part about adultery, I remember where I left my hat."
I saw a homeless man sleeping outside the train station this morning.
Not wanting to disturb him, I crept over and put a Starbucks coffee cup on top of his box.
He immediately woke up and said, Thank you.
No problem. I smiled.
He looked at me again and said, It's empty.
I said, I know, it's meant to be a chimney.
Mike Tyson said he was going to convert me to atheism
At least I'm pretty sure that's what he meant by "I'm gonna break your faith!"
Today I realized that I didn't understand what sunk cost fallacy meant all my life.
Oh well, too late to do anything about it now.
I took me forever to learn what Tl;dr meant.
All the explanations were too long; so I didn't read them.
Word joke
A man had 4 sons, and named them Bronson, Kenneth, Conrad and Dominic.
One day, they decided to ask their father if his choice of names meant anything.
He replied, "Only the first three letters of each."
An assassin is running towards Trump
His personal bodyguard sees him and shouts Mickey Mouse . This startles the assassin and he runs off in the other direction.
Trump turns to his bodyguard and says Thank you, but why did you yell Mickey Mouse The bodyguard replies Sorry Sir, I meant to say Donald, Duck.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
The Cashier said "s**... down, facing me"
By the time I knew he meant the credit card it was too late.
I was reading an Indian cookbook the other day. The recipe asked for butter, they actually meant Ghee...
They should have clarified
I have a male to female trans friend who just finished her gender reassignment surgery.
I asked how she felt afterwards and she said...
"I feel hole inside!"
(This joke is not meant to be transphobic, it exists purely for the pun. Trans rights!)
My humor is a lot like Covid…
It's tasteless, not meant for large crowds, and if you get it, you're pretty sick.
My 5 year old son found videos meant for adults only...
...but he obviously couldn't understand the advanced calculus lectures from my university, so he stopped watching.
A worldwide survey was conducted by the UN.
The only question asked was:
'Would you please give your honest opinion about solutions to the food shortage in the rest of the world? The survey was a failure.
In Africa they didn't know what 'food' meant;
in India they didn't know what 'honest' meant;
in Europe they didn't know what 'shortage' meant;
in China they didn't know what 'opinion' meant;
in the Middle East they didn't know what 'solution' meant;
in South America they didn't know what 'please' meant;
in the USA they didn't know what 'the rest of the world' meant.
