The Best 90 Means Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Means jokes. There are some means way jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these means figuratively puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Means Jokes and Puns

What does gay mean?

asked a son to his father.

"It means 'happy,'" the father answered.

"Oh," replied the son, "so are you gay, then?"

"No, son, I have a wife."

My girlfriend is fed up of my constant wordplay jokes, so I asked her, "How can I stop my addiction?"

"Whatever means necessary," she replied.

"No it doesn't," I said.

My friend keeps saying "cheer up man it could be worse, you could be stuck underground in a hole full of water"

I know he means well...

Means joke, My friend keeps saying "cheer up man it could be worse, you could be stuck underground in a hole ful

The other day my friend was telling me i didnt know what irony meant

Which was ironic since we were at a bus stop

I just discovered that the word 'nothing' is a palindrome...

Backwards it spells 'gnihton', which also means nothing.


Wife: "I shaved down there. You know what that means..."

Husband: "Yeah, the drain is clogged again."

I've just won the 2013 'Most secretive person' award.

I can't tell you how much it means to me.

Means joke, I've just won the 2013 'Most secretive person' award.

Somebody told me I was condescending today.

Since you probably don't know what that means, its when you talk down to people.

What "being a man" is about

A little boy asks his father: "Dad, what does it mean to be a man". The father replies: "well son, being a man means that you're the person in control of the situation, you're the one who takes all the important decisions".

"Well" - the kid answers - "then I hope to be a great man when I grow up, just like mom is".

My wife says I'm way too condescending

(That means I speak down to people)

Someone told me I'm condescending

That means I talk down to people.

You can explore means signify reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean means yo mama so mean dad jokes. There are also means puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


The Nintendo 64 turns 18 this week...

Which means you can now legally blow the cartridges.

My girlfriend just text me, 'thespacebuttonisbrokenonmyphonecanyoupleasegivemeanalternative'

Anybody know what 'ternative' means?

Statistics say that 60% of women take medication for mental illness,

Which means 40% aren't taking their medication.

My gf texted me "myspacebuttonisbrokenonmyphonecanyoupleasegivemeanalternative"

Do any of you know what "ternative" means?

For a moment, i had a different opinion on 'Chinese girls'

This Valentines day, I asked a Chinese girl for her number.
She said, "Sex! Sex! Sex! Free Sex tonight!"
I said, "Wow!"
Then her friend said, "She means 666-3629."

Means joke, For a moment, i had a different opinion on 'Chinese girls'

My son just said, "Dad, can you tell me what gay means?"

"It means to be happy," I replied.

"Are you gay, dad?"

"No, son. I married your mother"

My co-worker doesn't like me, because he thinks I'm condescending.

(That means I talk down to people.)

My parents always tell me that their world doesn't revolve around me

I guess that means that I'm not actually their sun :(


If the next president is white....

That means the entire country went black and successfully went back.

I read that 1 in 5 women suffer from mental illness

so I guess that means the other 4 must enjoy it.

My girlfriend just texted me "myspacebarisbrokencanyougivemeanalternative?"

Does anyone know what "ternative" means?

Thanks for explaining the word "many" to me.

It means a lot.

I'm not a fan of Trump, but I'd never denigrate his supporters

If you're a Trump supporter, denigrate means to put down.

My daughter asked me what "fap fap fap" means...

I think I should stop commenting on her Facebook pictures.

My stats professor told me that the larger the sample size the more trustworthy the data.

I guess the N's justify the means.

My girlfriend texted me "helpmyspacebarbrokecanyoucomeoverandgivemeanalternative"

Anybody know what "ternative" means?

The word 'nothing' is a palindrome. 'Nothing' reversed is 'Gnihton'

which also means nothing

I'd like to thank my boyfriend for translating "mucho" for me

It means a lot

"What does gay mean?"

A son is on the computer and he comes across the word gay. He asks his dad, "What does gay mean?"

"It means happy."

"So dad, are you gay?" the son asks.

Dad replies, "No son, I have a wife."

A lot of people say I'm condescending...

(That means I talk down to people)

Y'know Mahatma Gandhi?

Well, he walked a lot, and that means he had really calloused feet.

He also had an odd diet, that didn't consist of much, which made him frail.

This diet also gave him very bad breath.

This made him...

A super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.

Tried to explain my sexuality to my dad..

Me: Okay, so I would identify as bisexual.

Dad: And that means you would have a male partner.

Me: Yep

Dad: or a female partner.

Me: Yep

Dad: And that means you're bi.

Me: Yep

Dad: So that means if you don't find a partner you're on standbi?

Me:

Me:

Me:

Me: Did you just...

So what if I don't know what "apocalypse" means.

It's not like it's the end of the world

Two five year old boys are standing at the toilet to pee. One says, "Your thing doesn't have any skin on it!".

"I've been circumcised.", the other replied.

"What's that mean?"

"It means they cut the skin off the end."

"How old were you when it was cut off?"

"My mom said I was two days old."

"Did it hurt?", the kid asked inquiringly.

"You bet it hurt, I didn't walk for a year!"

My friend always tells me "cheer up, at least you aren't stuck in a deep hole full of water"

I know he means well...

What does it mean when a man looks deep into your eyes?

it means that you are flat chested.

My therapist just told me I might be a chronic procrastinator and that it will seriously affect my life. I'm not worried though

I'll figure out what procrastination means later

A dad and his son are watching the news when a story about gay marriage pops up.

the son asks, "dad, what does gay mean?"

the dad replies quickly, "gay means happy."

The son looks at him and asks him, "are you gay?"

"no son, i have a wife..."

I really love the word "earth"

It means the world to me.

My girlfriend just sent me a Facebook message saying:

My girlfriend just sent me a Facebook message saying:

helpmyspacebarbrokecanyoucomeoverandgivemeanalternative

Does anybody know what 'ternative' means?

What's the difference between a traffic light and a banana?

With a traffic light, green means go, yellow means wait, and red means stop.

But with a banana, green means wait, yellow means go, and red means OH MY GOD, WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOUR BANANA!?!

(courtesy of my 12 yr old)

*

At a funeral

Me: "Do you mind if I say a word?"
Widow: "Please do."
Me: *clears throat* "Plethora."
Widow: "Thank you. That means a lot."

Sex! Sex! Sex! Free sex tonight!

I asked a Chinese girl for her number. She said, "Sex! Sex! Sex! Free sex tonight!" I said, "Wow!" Then her friend said, "She means 666-3629."

A boy asks his father Dad, what does 'gay' mean?

Father: It means 'to be happy'.

Son: Are you gay?

Father: No, son. I have a wife.

Saying "I'm sorry" and "I apologize" means the same thing ...

Unless you're at a funeral.

My friend keeps telling me to cheer up these days...

My friend keeps telling me to cheer up these days. He says it could be a lot worse , I could be trapped inside an underground hole filled with water.

I know he means well.

I asked my dad what it means to be gay.

But he didn't give me a straight answer.

My friend is really optimistic and is always telling me : "Cheer up, you could be in a deep hole filled with water..."

I know he means well...

I saw a study online that said 1 out of 10 people are gay, which freaked me out because I've had sex with 10 people

Statistically, that means one of those other dudes was probably gay

No means no,

Unless she's dyslexic.

Then it's On.

A woman is sitting at her husband's funeral listening to the eulogies being read...

A man in the pew behind her leans forward to ask, "Do you mind if I say a word?".
No, not at all, she replies.
The man stands and clears his throat.
Bargain", he says, and sits back down.
"Thank you", the woman responds, "it means a great deal."

When a dog is on heat, it means it wants sex.

That's my defense.

A boy asked his father, "Dad, what does gay mean?"

"It means happy son." Replied the father.

Then the boy asked, "Then Dad, are you gay?"

"No son, I am married." the father replied.

I just came back from the eye doctor, he says I have kindergarden disease.

I asked her what that meant, she said that means I have really small pupils.

I cooked a medium-rare steak for my friend, and he said, I like it Well Done.

I said, Thanks buddy. That means a lot.

So what if i don't know what "Armageddon" means?

It's not the end of the world.

My girlfriend told me love means nothing to her

That's what I get for dating a tennis player.

A child asks his father what "gay" means

The father says it means happy to his son, to which the son replies "Dad are you gay?" The father laughs and says "no son I have a wife".

What kind of running means walking?

Running out of gas!

So I asked my girlfriend what she would want for her birthday next week

She said: "Well, I dreamt of a golden ring with lots of small diamonds."

I asked her: "What do you think it means?"

She smiled and said: "I don't know..."

Flash forward to her birthday, with all our family members at the table, I gave her my present.

I still don't know why she didn't like this book called 'Dreams and their Meanings'.

My parents are always telling me that their world doesn't revolve around me

So....I guess that means that I'm not actually their sun :(

After 37 years I'm finally ready to retire with $5,000,000 I've accumulated through hard work, careful saving, living a life of simple means...

...and the death of an uncle who left me $4,999,996.50

Did you know Vegetarian is a Native American word?

It means Lousy Hunter

I am Native American and this joke has been told to me a couple of times. Thought I'd share.

A man was sued by a woman for defamation of character. She charged that he had called her a pig. The man was found guilty and fined.

After the trial he asked the judge "This means that I cannot call Mrs. Johnson a pig?" The judge said that was true.

Does this also mean I cannot call a pig Mrs. Johnson?" the man asked. The judge replied that he could indeed call a pig Mrs. Johnson with no fear of legal action.

With that the man turned to his accuser and said "Good afternoon, Mrs. Johnson".

A woman is sitting at her recently deceased husband's funeral. A man leans in to her and asks, Do you mind if I say a word? . No, go right ahead , the woman replies.

The man stands, clears his throat, says Plethora , and sits back down.

Thanks , the woman says, that means a lot .

My friend just told me, 'I hope you die in a deep hole filled with water'.

I know he means well.

I usually ask people what LGBTQ means.

I never get a straight answer.

A man walks up to the Widow at a funeral and asks if he can say a word.

"Of course", she replies.

The man plucks up the courage and says, "Bargain".

The Widow looks at him, teary eyed and says,

"Thank you so much, that means a great deal".

Son: "Dad, I have an imaginary girlfriend!"

Dad: " You know you can do better."

Son: "Oh! Thanks Dad, that means a lot."

Dad: " I was talking to your girlfriend. "

A man walks into a funeral and asks the widow if he can say a word.

The widow, sobbing in grief, agrees.

The man says "Plethora"

The Widow says "Thanks, that means a lot"

I always say muchos to spanish people

It means a lot to them

My favourite word in the world is "bargain".

It means a great deal to me.

One of the British national daily newspapers was asking readers: "What it means to be British?".

Some of the emails were hilarious but this one from a Swiss was a winner.
Β 
"Being British is about driving in a German car to an Irish pub for
a Belgian beer, then travelling home, grabbing an Indian curry or a
Turkish kebab on the way, to sit on a Swedish furniture and watch
American shows on a Japanese TV. He buys a holiday home in Spain, Skis in France, fancies Swedish birds and has a Romanian au-pair.
Β 
And the most British thing of all?
"Suspicious of anything Foreign "

A guy falls in love with a very traditional and conservative girl...

…that means no sex before marriage. But he does not care, he loves her. After a year of dating he decides its time to propose to her. So he heads to her father's house to ask for his blessing.

β€ŸHello, sir, I am here to ask for your daughter's hand

A bit skeptical and looking to see if he really does love her, the father asks β€ŸAnd why is that?

The guy lets out a long drawn out sigh… β€ŸWell, its just that mine have gotten tired.

You should never get into a relationship with a tennis player.

Love means nothing to them.

A lot of people are roasting Cleaver on saying "Awoman"...

I mean, I know that "Amen" comes from Hebrew and means "so be it", and therefore "Awoman" would make no sense in Hebrew.

In Shebrew, however, it makes complete sense!!!

Dad -- Go to bed, the cows are sleeping in the field.

Daughter -- What's that got to do with anything?

Dad -- That means it's pasture bed time.

Boss: This is the third time you've been late for work this week. Do you know what that means?

Me: That it's only Wednesday

My friend keeps saying, "cheer up, man. You could be in an underground hole full of water."

I know he means well.

Did you know? In Marseille, they actually give you a certificate with every souvenir you buy, as a means of demonstrating that it's a genuine product of southern France.

It's proven Provence province provenance.

My wife is fed up with my constant stream jokes, so I asked her, "How can I stop my addiction?!" She shot back, "Whatever means necessary!!"

I chuckled, "No it doesn't!"

A man goes to a funeral

A man goes to a funeral.
He asks the widow if he may say a word.
The widow nods and says "Of course, please do".
The man clears his throat and says "Bargain".
The widow sheds a tear, puts her hand on his shoulder and replies "Thanks. That means a great deal."

Blind Man: "Please help me, everyone keeps making nasty jokes about how my disability means I'm somehow inferior to them. I'm constantly hearing thoughtless, heartless reminders about how I'm different from other people, and lacking a sense they have."

World's Worst Therapist: "I see."

I recently taught my daughter the definition of bargain

She said thanks dad that means a great deal

A man ran up to me shouting "Big hole with water in the ground! Big hole with water in the ground!

He seemed strange but I think he means well

At a funeral, a man asks the widow if he may say a word

The widow replies of course.

The man stands up and says "Plethora".

The widow responds "Thanks, that means a lot".

Why do the Spanish newspaper El Mundo's employees work so hard?

Because El Mundo means The World to them.

The doctor said I can touch myself whenever I want.

That's what "You can have a stroke at anytime" means, right?

Me to HR: Your careers page says the company offers "competitive salary". What does that mean exactly?

HR: That means your salary will be competing with your bills.

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the means meant jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working means quinta piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes