Means Jokes
142 means jokes and hilarious means puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about means that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest Means Short Jokes
Short means jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The means humour may include short meant jokes also.
- My girlfriend just emailed me "thespacebuttonisbrokenonmylaptop.canyougivemeanalternative"
Does anyone know what "ternative" mean? - A child asks his father what "gay" means The father says it means happy to his son, to which the son replies "Dad are you gay?" The father laughs and says "no son I have a wife".
- My girlfriend is fed up of my constant wordplay jokes, so I asked her, "How can I stop my addiction?" "Whatever means necessary," she replied.
"No it doesn't," I said. - My friend keeps saying "cheer up man it could be worse, you could be stuck underground in a hole full of water" I know he means well...
- The other day my friend was telling me i didnt know what irony meant Which was ironic since we were at a bus stop
- Andrew Tate arrested in Romania after a pizza box showed he was in the country. Police arrested him within 30 minutes As any longer would mean they had to give him a free garlic bread.
- I just saw my wife walk by with her sexiest underwear on, which can only mean one thing. It's laundry day.
- What's the difference between a casino and a church? You actually mean it when you pray at a casino.
- If I had a dollar for everytime someone called me a boring nerd.. I'd have a mean daily income of $5.64 with a standard deviation of $1.25
- Judas: Hey Jesus, you coming to the last supper? Jesus: the what?
Judas: the supper…I mean are you coming to the supper?
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Means One Liners
Which means one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with means? I can suggest the ones about purpose and methods.
- Why are people complaining,what EA did was great! I mean, you've got to give them credit.
- I always say muchos to spanish people It means a lot to them
- I told this girl, "you're very average." She said, "that's mean."
- Thanks for explaining the word "many" to me. It means a lot.
- Someone told me I'm condescending That means I talk down to people.
- My girlfriend says I'm way too condescending… (That means I speak down to people)
- My math teacher said I was average... How mean.
- What word means the same thing with several letters added? Mailbox
- Just because nobody complains Doesn't mean all parachutes are perfect.
- What kind of running means walking? Running out of gas!
- Did you hear about Prince? Well I mean the artist formerly known as Prince.
- So what if I don't know what "apocalypse" means. It's not like it's the end of the world
- If I buy 8 bitcoins... Does that mean I have one bytecoin?
- Doctors say 4 out of 5 people suffer from diarrhea. That means one person enjoys it
- My girlfriend says I'm average. I think she's mean.
Literally Means Jokes
Here is a list of funny literally means jokes and even better literally means puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Someone asked me, since you have autism does that mean you take everything literally? I replied, no, that's a kleptomaniac.
- World's most masculine name: Guy Chapman
(It literally means "Man Manman") - A co-worker asked me "How's it going?" Me: "I can't complain."
Coworker: "Hey it's great you're having a good day!"
Me: "No I mean I literally can't complain. HR said it's affecting morale." - The American view of the world is too self-centered... I mean on maps they literally label their country "US."
- Why are people obese? I mean obesity is literally a problem u can run way from
- Why should you never marry a tennis player? Because love means nothing to them.
I read that joke in 1998 in an SI for Kids magazine and it literally is the only joke I can tell from memory. - Why does Noel have an L in it I mean, it literally say No L
- Inappropriately early decorations really annoy me I mean christmas is literally a year away, and all the houses on my street are decked out already!
- It's pretty awful how we treat horses in society... ... I mean they're literally the glue that holds our world together!
- Did you hear? The Rolling Stones are in Nepal! ... Oh you mean literally..Right.
Gather Around for Fun Means Jokes and Laughter with Friends
What funny jokes about means you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean sense jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make means pranks.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Wife: "I s**... down there. You know what that means..."
Husband: "Yeah, the drain is clogged again."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Sherlock Holmes and Dr Watson....
...were going camping. They pitched their tent under the stars and went to sleep. Sometime in the middle of the night Holmes woke Watson up and said: "Watson, look up at the stars, and tell me what you see." Watson replied: "I see millions and millions of stars." Holmes said: "And what do you deduce from that?" Watson replied: "Well, if there are millions of stars, and if even a few of those have planets, it's quite likely there are some planets like Earth out there. And if there are a few planets like Earth out there, there might also be life." And Holmes said: "Watson, you idiot, it means that somebody stole our tent."
My daughter came up to me and said
My daughter came up to me and said "daddy when my cat died why were its legs in the air?" I replied "well that's so Jesus can grab it to take it to heaven." "That means mummy nearly died this morning!" She said, I asked "how?"
"well when I looked in her bedroom she was screaming "Jesus I'm coming!" And if it wasn't for the postman holding her down he would have got her."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Lots of Russian jokes recently, here is another one.
A boy sits on his couch and sees a newspaper there. Curious he picks it up and reads the front headline: "v**... Prices on the Rise." He shows this to his dad and says:
"Dad does this mean you are going to drink less?"
Dad: "No son, this means you are going to eat less."
A man and his wife were discussing what they thought their son might be when he grew up.
"I have an idea," said the father. He put a ten-dollar bill, a bottle of whiskey, and a Bible on the coffee table. "If he takes the money he'll be a banker. If he takes the whiskey he'll be a wino, and if he takes the Bible that means he'll be a preacher."
So the man and his wife hide just before their son comes in the door, and watch from where they're hiding.
The boy saunters over to the coffee table. He picks up the ten-dollar bill, looks at it, then sets it down. He picks up the bottle of whiskey, uncorks it, sniffs it, then sets it down. Then he picks up the Bible, leafs through it, then sets it down.
Then the boy takes the money and stuffs it into his pocket, grabs the whiskey, and walks off with the Bible under his arm.
"Well how do you like that!" exclaims the father. "He's going to be a politician!"
I've just won the 2013 'Most secretive person' award.
I can't tell you how much it means to me.
Khakis
In most places, losing your khakis means you have no pants. In Boston, if you lose your khakis, you can't drive.
My interviewer kept getting annoyed at me...
...when I kept responding to each question with the same question - only in a really sarcastic way.
Apparently, I don't know what a "mock interview" means.
What "being a man" is about
A little boy asks his father: "Dad, what does it mean to be a man". The father replies: "well son, being a man means that you're the person in control of the situation, you're the one who takes all the important decisions".
"Well" - the kid answers - "then I hope to be a great man when I grow up, just like mom is".
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
90% of dogs in Korea are i**......
I'm assuming that means like in a sandwich or something.
My water stopped working for a bit today.
My wife immediately said, "I'm going outside to dig a hole to catch the rain water!"
After the wife is gone I said to the rest of the family, "she means well"
This is a frightening statistic
25% of the women in this country are on medication for mental illness!
That's scary!
It means 75% are running around untreated!
Statistics say that 60% of women take medication for mental illness,
Which means 40% aren't taking their medication.
Now there are more overweight people in America than average-weight people.
So overweight people are now average, which means you have met your New Year's resolution.
Happy new year!
My mom said she's going to dig a hole in the garden and fill it full of water....
....she means well
My co-worker doesn't like me, because he thinks I'm condescending.
(That means I talk down to people.)
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What is the main difference between a drag show and a drag race?
The phrase "I blew a t**..." means something totally different.
My parents always tell me that their world doesn't revolve around me
I guess that means that I'm not actually their sun :(
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I read that 1 in 5 women suffer from mental illness
so I guess that means the other 4 must enjoy it.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A nurse notices that a doctor is walking around with a r**... thermometer behind his ear. Embarrassed, she pulls him aside to discreetly inform him...
"Doctor," says the nurse, "you've got a r**... thermometer behind your ear."
The doctor pulls the thermometer from behind his ear and looks at it incredulously. "Nurse, do you know what this means? Some a**...'s got my pencil!"
My doctor diagnosed me with schizophrenia and ADHD.
Which means I hear voices but not for long enough to drive me insane.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why is a UTI such a bad thing?
Because it means u**... trouble
I'm not a fan of Trump, but I'd never denigrate his supporters
If you're a Trump supporter, denigrate means to put down.
My daughter asked me what "fap fap fap" means...
I think I should stop commenting on her Facebook pictures.
My stats professor told me that the larger the sample size the more trustworthy the data.
I guess the N's justify the means.
I'd like to thank my boyfriend for translating "mucho" for me
It means a lot
Billy and Tommy are in a classroom
Billy gets up to go ask the teacher a question, when he runs into Tommy along the way.
Billy: What are you going up to ask?
Tommy: I wanted to know what the word coincidence means.
Billy: Wow that's funny, I was just about to go ask the same question.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A woman marries a man and has 10 children...
The man dies, so the woman remarries and has 10 more children.
The next man dies so the woman remarries again and has ten more children.
That man dies so the woman remarries and has 10 more children.
The husband dies again and finally the woman dies as well.
At the f**..., the priest mutters, "Good god! They're finally together!"
A man at the f**... asks another man on his left, Which husband do you think he means? The first, second, or third?
The man on his left says, I think he means her legs...
It seems highly unlikely that the Romans would have built a new cross for every execution, which means...
Jesus was a repost.
Tried to explain my sexuality to my dad..
Me: Okay, so I would identify as bisexual.
Dad: And that means you would have a male partner.
Me: Yep
Dad: or a female partner.
Me: Yep
Dad: And that means you're bi.
Me: Yep
Dad: So that means if you don't find a partner you're on standbi?
Me:
Me:
Me:
Me: Did you just...
Two five year old boys are standing at the toilet to pee. One says, "Your thing doesn't have any skin on it!".
"I've been circumcised.", the other replied.
"What's that mean?"
"It means they cut the skin off the end."
"How old were you when it was cut off?"
"My mom said I was two days old."
"Did it hurt?", the kid asked inquiringly.
"You bet it hurt, I didn't walk for a year!"
What does it mean when a man looks deep into your eyes?
it means that you are flat chested.
My therapist just told me I might be a chronic procrastinator and that it will seriously affect my life. I'm not worried though
I'll figure out what procrastination means later
I really love the word "earth"
It means the world to me.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A straight flush beats a full house
A full house means u**... trouble
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My wife went to the doctor yesterday and was diagnosed with the broken-vacuum-cleaner syndrome
It means that they make a ton of noise and don't s**... anymore.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What's the difference between a traffic light and a banana?
With a traffic light, green means go, yellow means wait, and red means stop.
But with a banana, green means wait, yellow means go, and red means OH MY GOD, WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOUR BANANA!?!
(courtesy of my 12 yr old)
*
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
At a f**...
Me: "Do you mind if I say a word?"
Widow: "Please do."
Me: *clears t**...* "Plethora."
Widow: "Thank you. That means a lot."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
s**...! s**...! s**...! Free s**... tonight!
I asked a Chinese girl for her number. She said, "s**...! s**...! s**...! Free s**... tonight!" I said, "Wow!" Then her friend said, "She means 6**...-3629."
If the opposite of pro is con...
Then that means the opposite of congress is progress.
I asked my dad what it means to be gay.
But he didn't give me a straight answer.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I saw a study online that said 1 out of 10 people are gay, which freaked me out because I've had s**... with 10 people
Statistically, that means one of those other dudes was probably gay
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This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A guy wanks into a bar.
He sees two stunningly beautiful blondes and says,
"Hey, barman, two beers for the ladies."
One of the ladies turns to the guy and asks.
"I think you're wasting your time, sir. We're l**...."
"What's that?" asks the guy.
"It means we only like to have s**... with women" the girl responds.
To which the guy retorts: "Hey barman, three beers for us l**...."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
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No means no,
Unless she's dyslexic.
Then it's On.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
One day, these parents wanted to find out what their Son was going to be when he grew up,
So they put a $100 bill, a bible and a whiskey bottle on a table.
If he picked up the $100 bill, it means that he was going to be a businessman, if he picked up the whiskey bottle, it means that he was going to be in the entertainment industry, and if he picked up the bible, it means that he was going to be a pastor.
The child came in and picked up the bible, his Mother smiled.
Then he picked up the whiskey bottle and took a swig of it then proceeded to pocket the $100 bill and left.
Well I'll be d**... the father said
He's going to become a politician.
Tell you what, it's lucky that those Kids trapped in the cave in Thailand are footballers
It means they're already good divers.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
When a dog is on heat, it means it wants s**....
That's my defense.
I accept that my son is only average at school...
...he means well.
I just came back from the eye doctor, he says I have kindergarden disease.
I asked her what that meant, she said that means I have really small pupils.
I cooked a medium-rare steak for my friend, and he said, I like it Well Done.
I said, Thanks buddy. That means a lot.
My girlfriend told me love means nothing to her
That's what I get for dating a tennis player.
I wanted to thank everyone for sticking with me while I figured out the meaning of many
It means a lot
If being gay means being happy
Then i'm still straight
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
For some reason, all my friends think I'm too patronizing
That means they think I talk to people like they're s**....
If me having a Russian accent means my B's sound like V's...
Soviet
Huge shoutout to everyone who helped me learn the definition of 'many'.
It means a lot!
So I asked my girlfriend what she would want for her birthday next week
She said: "Well, I dreamt of a golden ring with lots of small diamonds."
I asked her: "What do you think it means?"
She smiled and said: "I don't know..."
Flash forward to her birthday, with all our family members at the table, I gave her my present.
I still don't know why she didn't like this book called 'Dreams and their Meanings'.
After 37 years I'm finally ready to retire with $5,000,000 I've accumulated through hard work, careful saving, living a life of simple means...
...and the death of an uncle who left me $4,999,996.50
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My friend just told me, 'I hope you die in a deep hole filled with water'.
I know he means well.
Remember men, no means no, but one thousand no's and one yes
is YouTube Premium's entire marketing scheme.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A man walks up to the Widow at a f**... and asks if he can say a word.
"Of course", she replies.
The man plucks up the courage and says, "Bargain".
The Widow looks at him, teary eyed and says,
"Thank you so much, that means a great deal".
It's finally October, and you know what that means!
Americans might actually start wearing masks.
Here's a joke my dad told me: What do you get when you cross mommy and daddy?
A mistake
- I don't know what it means but Mom laughed really hard so it must be funny. Dad uses that joke a lot.
My favourite word in the world is "bargain".
It means a great deal to me.
One of the British national daily newspapers was asking readers: "What it means to be British?".
Some of the emails were hilarious but this one from a Swiss was a winner.
"Being British is about driving in a German car to an Irish pub for
a Belgian beer, then travelling home, grabbing an Indian curry or a
Turkish kebab on the way, to sit on a Swedish furniture and watch
American shows on a Japanese TV. He buys a holiday home in Spain, Skis in France, fancies Swedish birds and has a Romanian au-pair.
And the most British thing of all?
"Suspicious of anything Foreign "
Trump: "We cannot let a woman be president!"
Staff: "That's not what transition team means, sir."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A guy falls in love with a very traditional and conservative girl...
…that means no s**... before marriage. But he does not care, he loves her. After a year of dating he decides its time to propose to her. So he heads to her father's house to ask for his blessing.
‟Hello, sir, I am here to ask for your daughter's hand
A bit skeptical and looking to see if he really does love her, the father asks ‟And why is that?
The guy lets out a long drawn out sigh… ‟Well, its just that mine have gotten tired.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I was queuing to go into the supermarket when the man in front of me f**....
Before I could say anything, he said, "If you heard anything it means you're not following social distancing. But if you can smell it, luckily for you it means that you're covid negative!"
You should never get into a relationship with a tennis player.
Love means nothing to them.
A lot of people are roasting Cleaver on saying "Awoman"...
I mean, I know that "Amen" comes from Hebrew and means "so be it", and therefore "Awoman" would make no sense in Hebrew.
In Shebrew, however, it makes complete sense!!!
Mother and son
Mother: Who do you like more, me or your dad.
Liam: I like you both.
Mother: Ok, if I go to america and your dad goes to paris, where will you go
Liam: I will go to paris.
Mother: That's means you like dad more
Liam: No, its because i like paris
Mother: Ok, fine, if I go to paris and your dad goes to america, where will you go.
Liam: I will go to America.
Mother: Why
Liam: Because I have already gone to paris.
Boss: This is the third time you've been late for work this week. Do you know what that means?
Me: That it's only Wednesday
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My girl said she had enough of my mansplaining. She said the next time I do it, she'll throw me into a deep hole filled with water
I know she means well.
