Meaning Listener Jokes
28 meaning listener jokes and hilarious meaning listener puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about meaning listener that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest Meaning Listener Short Jokes
Short meaning listener jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The meaning listener humour may include short good listener jokes also.
- Listen…did you know falcons only live 12-15 yrs? That means every falcon alive right now was born in the 21st century which makes them… Millennium Falcons
- My new neighbours listen to Metallica really loud all hours of the night! I mean, they may not want to, but they do.
- I don't get why Clubbing Seals is so controversial? I mean, I'm kinda curious what sort of music they listen to?
- I kept trying to tell him no means no, but he wouldn't listen... ...that's the last time I pick up a guy who doesn't know sign language.
- How to tell if someone is a millennial? It's like ..really easy like…you just like…listen and ….like…you just kinda..know like…that you are like , a millennial. Know what I mean?
- My life has no meaning, the only thing that brings me joy is listening to my favorite member of One Direction. I guess you could call me a nihilist
- Mom, how come I still didn't get my period? I mean I'm already 19, Jane got hers when she was just 13! "Listen to me Guillermo, you're NOT getting a period ever!"
- I was listening to Hank Williams earlier and thought about what a sad song "Tear in my Beer" was. A grown man doesn't cry very often, especially in his beer. I mean, I did once.. in a Blue Moon.
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Meaning Listener One Liners
Which meaning listener one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with meaning listener? I can suggest the ones about listeners and believer.
- Funny how they say we need to talk when they really mean you need to listen.
- Kids, just because I don't care doesn't mean I'm not listening.
- Teacher: No listening to music in class. Student: Does that mean I can listen to dubstep?
Laughable Meaning Listener Jokes for Instant Grins & Giggles
What funny jokes about meaning listener you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean reader jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make meaning listener pranks.
A woman is sitting at her husband's f**... listening to the eulogies being read...
A man in the pew behind her leans forward to ask, "Do you mind if I say a word?".
No, not at all, she replies.
The man stands and clears his t**....
Bargain", he says, and sits back down.
"Thank you", the woman responds, "it means a great deal."
A Chinese doctor has a Jewish patient.
"Listen," says the patient, "I didn't think we were going to get along so good together."
"What do you mean?"
"What do I mean! Pearl Harbor, that's what I mean!"
"What are you talking about, Pearl Harbor? I'm Chinese!"
"Yeah, well...Chinese, Japanese, it's all the same thing."
"What do you mean, all the same thing? The Jews sunk the Titanic!"
"The Jews sunk the Titanic?"
"Sure. Greenberg, Goldberg, Iceburg, all the same to me!"
A woman is sitting at her husbands f**... listening to the eulogies
She turned to the man next to her and asked if he would say a few words.
Certainly , he says and walks up to the mic
A few words the man says before sitting back down
That's exactly what I needed to hear says the woman.
A man sitting behind her leans forward and asks, Do you mind if I say a word?
Not at all she replies
He stands, walks forward and clears his t**....
Bargain he says before returning to his seat
Thanks , says the woman, that means a great deal
Another man then takes the mic and simply says many .
Thank you, that means a lot says the woman
Paraprosdokians
*A paraprosdokian is a figure of speech in which the latter part of a sentence or phrase is surprising or unexpected in a way that causes the reader or listener to reframe or reinterpret the first part. Some paraprosdokians not only change the meaning of an early phrase, but they also play on the double meaning of a particular word, creating a form of syllepsis.*
Where there's a will ... I want to be in it.
I like going to the park and watching the children run around ... because they don't know I'm using blanks. (Emo Philips)
The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on my list.
You can always count on the Americans to do the right thing ... after they have tried everything else. (Winston Churchill)
I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.
In filling out an application, where it says, 'In case of emergency, Notify:' ... I put 'DOCTOR'.
If I am reading this graph correctly ... I'd be very surprised. (Stephen Colbert)
You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.
I don't belong to an organized political party. I'm a Democrat. (Will Rogers)
Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.
I've had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it. (Groucho Marx)
You're never too old to learn ...something s**....
My wife is a bit jealous and said I can't do anything with another woman that my wife and I do together.
I guess that means I can sleep with another woman but I am not allowed to listen to them complain about their mother.
Mom, how come I still didn't get my period? I mean I'm already 19 and....
"Mom, how come I still didn't get my period? I mean I'm already 19 and Janet got hers when she was just 13!"
"Listen to me, Brian, you're NOT getting a period ever!"
Who's going the wrong way?
A man is listening to the radio in his car when the broadcast is interrupted: Attention! Attention! A driver is heading down the highway in the wrong direction
The man scans the road, clogged with oncoming traffic, and nutters to himself, What do you mean *a* driver? I see hundreds of them!
A man asks his buddy: "Listen to me! Why has your wife left you, if I may ask?"
And he says, "you know, she has told me that I am weak in the bed."
"Oh, that is really sad. And what do you do to improve it?"
And he says again: "you know, I have bought one book, the name of this book is Kamasutra, you know I am helping myself with the hand, I have learned all positions, but the last position I am not gonna make."
"And what is the name of this position?"
"You know, imagine the m**...."
Koala: What do you mean, I'm not a bear? I have all the koalafications.
Elephant: Your koalafications are completely irrelephant.
Lion: Don't listen to him! He's lion!
Bear: This arguing is becoming unbearable!
Most of our music store customers have a story about their old vinyl collection.
Once, a man asked how much a record cost.
My coworker quoted him the price, then added, "But there's a surcharge if we have to listen to how your mother made you throw out all your old vinyl records."
Bob had been listening to his wife practicing her singing.
"Honey," he said, "I wish you'd sing the songs about Women's Day."
"That's nice of you, Bob," she said. "Why?"
"Then I'd only have to hear you once a year!"
A man is on his deathbed with his wife at his side.
"Listen closely" - says the man - "I want you to promise me one thing before I die. Do not ever have a relationship with another man. For every man that you sleep with, I'll do a 360º spin in Heaven."
"Don't worry, darling, I promise", says his wife.
After a few days, the man passes away and his wife is left alone. Years pass, and the woman dies as well. Upon reaching the gates of Heaven, she asks St. Peter: "Where is my husband? Do you know where he is?"
St. Peter replies: "Oh, you mean the 'Beyblade'? He's right there."
What women say and what they really mean.
I JUST NEED SOME SPACE.
... without you in it.
DO I LOOK FAT IN THIS DRESS?
We haven't fought for a while.
NO, PIZZA'S FINE.
... you cheap slob!
I JUST DON'T WANT A BOYFRIEND NOW.
I just don't want you as a boyfriend now.
I DON'T KNOW, WHAT DO YOU WANT TO DO?
I can't believe you have nothing planned.
COME HERE.
My puppy does this, too.
I LIKE YOU, BUT...
I don't like you.
OF COURSE, I LOVE YOU.
... just not in that way.
YOU NEVER LISTEN.
You never listen.
A renowned philosopher was held in high regard by his driver, who listened in awe as his boss lectured and answered difficult questions about the nature of things and the meaning of life.
Then, one day, the driver approached the philosopher and asked if he was willing to switch roles for just one evening. The philosopher agreed, and, for a while, the driver handled himself remarkably well.
However, when the time came for questions, someone at the back of the room asked him, "Is the epistemological meta-narrative that you seem to espouse compatible with a teleological account of the universe?"
"That's an extremely simple question," he replied. "So simple, in fact, that even my driver could answer it."