Meaning Listener Jokes
28 meaning listener jokes and hilarious meaning listener puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about meaning listener that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest Meaning Listener Short Jokes
Short meaning listener jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The meaning listener humour may include short good listener jokes also.
- Listen…did you know falcons only live 12-15 yrs? That means every falcon alive right now was born in the 21st century which makes them… Millennium Falcons
- My new neighbours listen to Metallica really loud all hours of the night! I mean, they may not want to, but they do.
- I don't get why Clubbing Seals is so controversial? I mean, I'm kinda curious what sort of music they listen to?
- I kept trying to tell him no means no, but he wouldn't listen... ...that's the last time I pick up a guy who doesn't know sign language.
- How to tell if someone is a millennial? It's like ..really easy like…you just like…listen and ….like…you just kinda..know like…that you are like , a millennial. Know what I mean?
- My life has no meaning, the only thing that brings me joy is listening to my favorite member of One Direction. I guess you could call me a nihilist
- I was listening to Hank Williams earlier and thought about what a sad song "Tear in my Beer" was. A grown man doesn't cry very often, especially in his beer. I mean, I did once.. in a Blue Moon.
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Meaning Listener One Liners
Which meaning listener one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with meaning listener? I can suggest the ones about believer and reader.
- Funny how they say we need to talk when they really mean you need to listen.
- Kids, just because I don't care doesn't mean I'm not listening.
- Teacher: No listening to music in class. Student: Does that mean I can listen to dubstep?
Laughable Meaning Listener Jokes for Instant Grins & Giggles
What funny jokes about meaning listener you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean watchers jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make meaning listener pranks.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A Chinese doctor has a Jewish patient.
"Listen," says the patient, "I didn't think we were going to get along so good together."
"What do you mean?"
"What do I mean! Pearl Harbor, that's what I mean!"
"What are you talking about, Pearl Harbor? I'm Chinese!"
"Yeah, well...Chinese, Japanese, it's all the same thing."
"What do you mean, all the same thing? The Jews sunk the Titanic!"
"The Jews sunk the Titanic?"
"Sure. Greenberg, Goldberg, Iceburg, all the same to me!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A woman is sitting at her husbands f**... listening to the eulogies
She turned to the man next to her and asked if he would say a few words.
Certainly , he says and walks up to the mic
A few words the man says before sitting back down
That's exactly what I needed to hear says the woman.
A man sitting behind her leans forward and asks, Do you mind if I say a word?
Not at all she replies
He stands, walks forward and clears his t**....
Bargain he says before returning to his seat
Thanks , says the woman, that means a great deal
Another man then takes the mic and simply says many .
Thank you, that means a lot says the woman
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Paraprosdokians
*A paraprosdokian is a figure of speech in which the latter part of a sentence or phrase is surprising or unexpected in a way that causes the reader or listener to reframe or reinterpret the first part. Some paraprosdokians not only change the meaning of an early phrase, but they also play on the double meaning of a particular word, creating a form of syllepsis.*
Where there's a will ... I want to be in it.
I like going to the park and watching the children run around ... because they don't know I'm using blanks. (Emo Philips)
The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on my list.
You can always count on the Americans to do the right thing ... after they have tried everything else. (Winston Churchill)
I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.
In filling out an application, where it says, 'In case of emergency, Notify:' ... I put 'DOCTOR'.
If I am reading this graph correctly ... I'd be very surprised. (Stephen Colbert)
You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.
I don't belong to an organized political party. I'm a Democrat. (Will Rogers)
Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.
I've had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it. (Groucho Marx)
You're never too old to learn ...something s**....
My wife is a bit jealous and said I can't do anything with another woman that my wife and I do together.
I guess that means I can sleep with another woman but I am not allowed to listen to them complain about their mother.
Mom, how come I still didn't get my period? I mean I'm already 19 and....
"Mom, how come I still didn't get my period? I mean I'm already 19 and Janet got hers when she was just 13!"
"Listen to me, Brian, you're NOT getting a period ever!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A man asks his buddy: "Listen to me! Why has your wife left you, if I may ask?"
And he says, "you know, she has told me that I am weak in the bed."
"Oh, that is really sad. And what do you do to improve it?"
And he says again: "you know, I have bought one book, the name of this book is Kamasutra, you know I am helping myself with the hand, I have learned all positions, but the last position I am not gonna make."
"And what is the name of this position?"
"You know, imagine the m**...."
Koala: What do you mean, I'm not a bear? I have all the koalafications.
Elephant: Your koalafications are completely irrelephant.
Lion: Don't listen to him! He's lion!
Bear: This arguing is becoming unbearable!
Most of our music store customers have a story about their old vinyl collection.
Once, a man asked how much a record cost.
My coworker quoted him the price, then added, "But there's a surcharge if we have to listen to how your mother made you throw out all your old vinyl records."
Bob had been listening to his wife practicing her singing.
"Honey," he said, "I wish you'd sing the songs about Women's Day."
"That's nice of you, Bob," she said. "Why?"
"Then I'd only have to hear you once a year!"
A man is on his deathbed with his wife at his side.
"Listen closely" - says the man - "I want you to promise me one thing before I die. Do not ever have a relationship with another man. For every man that you sleep with, I'll do a 360º spin in Heaven."
"Don't worry, darling, I promise", says his wife.
After a few days, the man passes away and his wife is left alone. Years pass, and the woman dies as well. Upon reaching the gates of Heaven, she asks St. Peter: "Where is my husband? Do you know where he is?"
St. Peter replies: "Oh, you mean the 'Beyblade'? He's right there."
What women say and what they really mean.
I JUST NEED SOME SPACE.
... without you in it.
DO I LOOK FAT IN THIS DRESS?
We haven't fought for a while.
NO, PIZZA'S FINE.
... you cheap slob!
I JUST DON'T WANT A BOYFRIEND NOW.
I just don't want you as a boyfriend now.
I DON'T KNOW, WHAT DO YOU WANT TO DO?
I can't believe you have nothing planned.
COME HERE.
My puppy does this, too.
I LIKE YOU, BUT...
I don't like you.
OF COURSE, I LOVE YOU.
... just not in that way.
YOU NEVER LISTEN.
You never listen.
A renowned philosopher was held in high regard by his driver, who listened in awe as his boss lectured and answered difficult questions about the nature of things and the meaning of life.
Then, one day, the driver approached the philosopher and asked if he was willing to switch roles for just one evening. The philosopher agreed, and, for a while, the driver handled himself remarkably well.
However, when the time came for questions, someone at the back of the room asked him, "Is the epistemological meta-narrative that you seem to espouse compatible with a teleological account of the universe?"
"That's an extremely simple question," he replied. "So simple, in fact, that even my driver could answer it."
How to play "Future You"
FUTURE YOU
How to play "Future You"
(You'll have to be over 25 to play this game)
Go to a play park, or a fair ground or a school or anywhere you might find children.
Find a child who looks enough like you.
Go up to that child when they're alone and say
"I am you from the future, those people are not your parents, I'm sorry but your real parents were dead long ago...
Now listen carefully, you need to become me.
Become the super spy the world needs!
You have to get to Mexico, forget about everyone you know, they've all been placed here by the shadow man to stop you by any means.
Just get to Mexico, you will meet who you need to meet when you get there, trust me.
Don't look back just go, GO NOW!"
This game can also be played with more players, where whoever had the kid causing the longest news story, wins...
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A joke I've known since primary school.
A huge flood occured one day, and an entire town is swallowed up by the water.
A man driving a boat comes by a man that's trying to stay afloat.
**"Quick, get on my boat!",** he said.
The semi-drowning man replies that God will send him help and save him. And so the man left.
Another man comes by a boat and yell's at the man, "**Hey!** ^~~Listen!~~ **Get on my boat!"**
Once again, the man replies that God will send him help and save him.
And so the man left, and with that, the man drowns.
Upon death, the man wakes up in Heaven to see God.
He asks, **"God, why didn't you send me help?"**
God replies, **"What do you mean? I sent you two boats!"**
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
One night the Pope is saying his bedtime prayers...
...when God Himself comes down from heaven to listen to them. Then, sitting on the Pope's bed, He says, "Listen, you've been such a good Pope and devoted follower that I'm going to grant any wish you'd like."
The Pope is overcome with emotion, and for a little while he can't think of anything to say, but then he confesses to one thing that really gets to him. "As you know, God," he says, "I'm very attached to my country of origin. And one thing that really irritates me sometimes is all those s**... Polish jokes."
"No problem," says God magnanimously. "From this moment on, there shall be no more Polish jokes." Smiling, He says, "Listen, I have to be getting back to heaven, but before I take off, is there anything else I can do?"
The Pope thinks and thinks, finally coming out with it. "M&M's, " he pronounces.
"M&M's?" says God. "Gee, I've always thought they were harmless enough, melting in your mouth and all that...but I'll be glad to abolish them if it really means a lot to you."
Well you see," says the Pope, "I'm not getting any younger, and it's getting harder and harder to peel them."