Mean Your Mom Jokes
84 mean your mom jokes and hilarious mean your mom puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about mean your mom that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest Mean Your Mom Short Jokes
Short mean your mom jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The mean your mom humour may include short mean mom jokes also.
- Here's a joke my dad told me: What do you get when you cross mommy and daddy? A mistake
- I don't know what it means but Mom laughed really hard so it must be funny. Dad uses that joke a lot. - My mom said she's going to dig a hole in the garden and fill it full of water.... ....she means well
- Son, you were adopted! - what do you mean I was adopted? I saw a picture of mom pregnant..
- No. I mean you were adopted! Pack your things. Your new family is coming to pick you up! - My mom told me this joke the first time she met my gf. What are three 2 letter words meaning small?
Is it in? - What did the Indian boy say to his mom when he left for school? Bombay!
Oops, i mean, Mumbai… - Mom: I don't think you know what it means to thread a needle through cloth. Child: Yeah. Sew?
- Mom ! Mom ! The mean kids keep saying I have big ears ! "Oh really ? I'll talk to them. Where are they ?"
"In the next town over !" - A child asks his mother what gay means The mother says it means happy to her son, to which the son replies Mom are you gay? The mother laughs and says no son I have a husband.
- "What does 'straight' mean?" ...asked the son.
Dad: Straight means something continuing in one direction without bending.
Son: Dad, is mom straight?
Dad: Yes son, she doesn't have any curves. - Mean Mom My mom was very mean. She would always complain to me "why can't you be like your cousin Jeffrey, WHY CAN'T YOU BE LIKE YOUR COUSIN JEFFREY!"
...My cousin Jeffrey died at birth.
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Mean Your Mom One Liners
Which mean your mom one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with mean your mom? I can suggest the ones about your mom is like and origin of your mom.
- I bet I could insult your mom using math... Actually never mind its way too mean.
- Chris Christies mom told him to run. She didn't mean for president though...
- My mom is so mean.. ..she has no standard deviation
- Mom, what does hypocrisy mean? - Best Dank Memes Vine Compilation
- Mom: Huh, you can buy holy water at that church. Dad: You mean seltzer?
- Just because it's simple, doesn't mean it's easy Unless we're talking about your mom
- Q: What did I do in the bed last night.
A: Your mom. - Yo mama so ugly that her mom only fed her with a sling shot.
- Y'all this is sad, I might be adopted I mean, I don't even remember exiting my mom
*sigh* - Today my mom asked what "AF" means. I said: "mom, you sound dumb AF right now."
- Toy Story 4 Will Be About Sids Moms Toys Giving a whole new meaning to Buzz and w**...
Ridiculous Mean Your Mom Jokes to Spark Fun and Laughter
What funny jokes about mean your mom you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean bad your mom jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make mean your mom pranks.
A mom texts, "Hi! Son, what does IDK, LY, & TTYL mean?" He texts back, "I Don't Know, Love You, & Talk To You Later." The mom texts him, "It's ok, don't worry about it. I'll ask your sister, love you too."
A mom texts, "Hi! Son, what does IDK, LY, & TTYL mean?" He texts back, "I Don't Know, Love You, & Talk To You Later." The mom texts him, "It's ok, don't worry about it. I'll ask your sister, love you too."
Little Billy came home from school to see the family's pet rooster dead in the front yard.
Rigor mortis had set in and it was flat on its back with its legs in the air. When his Dad came home, Billy mentioned, "Dad, our rooster is dead and his legs are sticking in the air. Why are his legs like that?" His father, thinking quickly, said, "Son, that's so God can reach down from the clouds and lift the rooster straight up to heaven." "Gee Dad, that's great," said little Billy. A few days later, when Dad came home from work, Billy rushed out to meet him yelling, "Dad! Dad, we almost lost Mom today!" "What do you mean?" asked his father. "Well Dad, I got home from school early today and went up to your bedroom and there was Mom, flat on her back with her legs in the air, screaming, 'Jesus, I'm coming! I'm coming!' If it hadn't of been for Uncle George holding her down, we'd have lost her for sure!"
Here is an explanation of the school homework policy for the average student.
Students should not spend more than ninety minutes per night.
This time should be budgeted in the following manner if the student desires to achieve moderate to good grades in his/her classes.
15 minutes looking for assignment.
11 minutes calling a friend for the assignment.
23 minutes explaining why the teacher is mean and just does not like children.
8 minutes in the bathroom.
10 minutes getting a snack.
7 minutes checking the TV Guide.
6 minutes telling parents that the teacher never explained the assignment.
10 minutes sitting at the kitchen table waiting for Mom or Dad to do the assignment.
Bertie comes sadly to his mommy and says, "
Mom, the kids have been mean to me. They keep teasing me that my feet are too big. Please tell me honestly. Are my feet to big?"
"Of course not, Bertie. Now go put your shoes in the garage, the dinner is ready."
Son: "What are you going to be for Halloween dad?"
Me: "Drunk"
Son: "What's mom gonna be?"
Me: "Mad"
Son: "Mommy why doesn't Gandhi have hair?"
Mom: "Because he never lies."
Son: "Ohh now I see why ladies have long hair."
My mother unexpectedly came by to visit.
Me: Hi mom, how long are you here for.
Mom: As long as you want son.
Me: You mean you can't even stay for a cup of coffee?
Two boys sitting to pee
Two five year old boys are sitting at the p**... to pee.
When one says, " Your thing doesn't have any skin on it!"
" I've been circumcised." Says the second boy.
" What does that mean?"
"It means they cut the protective skin skin off the end."
" How old were you when it was cut off?"
" My mom said that I was two days old."
" Did it hurt?"
" You bet it hurt, I couldn't walk for a whole year!"
A little girl comes home from school...
...and approaches her mom. She asks, "Mommy, is it true where boys put their p**... is where babies come from?" The mother is visibly shocked and unprepared to have this discussion with her daughter already. She took a deep breath, and decided to just be honest. "Yes dear, that's true."
"So... does that mean when I have a baby all my teeth are going to fall out?!"
What "being a man" is about
A little boy asks his father: "Dad, what does it mean to be a man". The father replies: "well son, being a man means that you're the person in control of the situation, you're the one who takes all the important decisions".
"Well" - the kid answers - "then I hope to be a great man when I grow up, just like mom is".
Legs in the Air
Little Johnny came home from school to see the family's pet rooster dead in the front yard. Rigor Mortis had set in and it was flat on its back with its legs in the air. When his Dad came home Johnny said, "Dad our rooster is dead and his legs are sticking in the air. Why are his legs sticking in the air?"
His father thinking quickly said, "Son, that's so God can reach down from the clouds and lift the rooster straight up to heaven."
"Gee Dad that's great," said Little Johnny. A few days later, when Dad came home from work, Johnny rushed out to meet him yelling, "Dad, Dad we almost lost Mom today!"
"What do you mean?" said Dad.
"Well Dad, I got home from school early today and went up to your bedroom and there was Mom flat on her back with her legs in the air screaming,"Jesus I'm coming, I'm coming" If it hadn't of been for Uncle George holding her down we'd have lost her for sure!"
Little Johnny saw two dogs having s**... in the park...
... so he asks his mother what's going on.
The mom isn't ready to have "that talk" yet, so she makes up a story. "Well, Johnny," she says, "the d**... in the back hurt its front paws, so the one in the front is helping him get home."
Johnny thinks about that for a moment and then says, "Wow, so dogs are just like people, aren't they?"
The mom is puzzled by that. "What do you mean, Johnny?"
"Well," says Johnnie, "you try to help someone and you just end up getting s**...."
Guy confessing to mother about being Gay
A gay man, finally deciding he could no longer
hide his sexuality from his parents, went over to their house and found his mother in the kitchen cooking dinner.
He sat down at the kitchen table, let out a big sigh, and said, "Mom, I have something to tell
you. I'm gay."
His mother made no reply or gave any response,
and the guy was about to repeat it to make sure she'd heard him, when she turned away from the
p**... she was stirring and said calmly, "You're gay,
doesn't that mean that you put other men's
p**... in your mouth?"
He says nervously, "Uh, yeah, Mom, I do."
His mother went back to stirring the p**..., then suddenly whirled around, and whacked him over the head with a frying pan and said, "Don't you
dare complain about the taste of my cooking ever again!"
A student goes away to college for the first time
He's worried about how his cat will take his absence, so he calls home the first chance he gets. His little brother answers the phone.
How's Mittens doing?
Oh, Mittens died.
What?
Yeah, Mittens is dead.
I can't believe that you just blurted it out like that.
What do you mean?
Well, you could have broken it to me gently. You could have said, 'She's up on the roof and we can't get her down.' Then next time I called you could say that Mittens fell and got hurt, and then next time you could say that she died. It wouldn't have been such a shock.
Yeah, I see what you mean. Sorry.
That's OK, just let me talk to Mom.
Uh, she's up on the roof and we can't get her down.
To single moms...
To single moms, I feel like the saying "easy come easy go" has an entirely different meaning.
Walking the Dog... Who says dads can't think on their feet? And the innocence of little kids ...
A little girl asked her Mom,
"Mom, may I take the dog for a walk around the block?"
Mom replies,
"No, because she is in heat."
"What's that mean?" asked the child.
"Go ask your father. I think he's in the garage."
The little girl goes to the garage and says,
"Dad, may I take Belle for a walk around the block?
I asked Mom, but she said the dog was in heat, and to come to you."
Dad said, "Bring Belle over here."
Being old school he took a rag, soaked it with a little
gasoline, and dabbed the dog's backside with it to disguise the scent, and said,
"OK, you can go now, but keep Belle on the leash and only go
one time round the block."
The little girl left and returned a few minutes later with no
dog on the leash.
Surprised, Dad asked, "Where's Belle?"
The little girl said, "She ran out of gas about halfway down
the block, so another dog is pushing her home."
Little Billy.
Little Billy came home from school to see the families pet rooster dead in the front yard.
Rigor mortis had set in and it was flat on its back with its legs in the air.
When his Dad came home Billy said, "Dad our roosters dead and his legs are sticking in the air.
Why are his legs sticking in the air?"
His father thinking quickly said, "Son, that's so God can reach down from the clouds and lift the rooster straight up to heaven."
"Gee Dad that's great," said little Billy.
A few days later, when Dad came home from work, Billy rushed out to meet him yelling, "Dad, Dad we almost lost Mom today!" "What do you mean?" said Dad.
"Well Dad, I got home from school early today and went up to your bedroom and there was Mom flat on her back with her legs in the air screaming, "Jesus I'm coming, I'm coming" If it hadn't of been for Uncle George holding her down we'd have lost her for sure!"
Seenus trouble
Dad: Son, I have seenus trouble.
Me: Seenus? Dont you mean sinus trouble, pops?
Dad: No, son. Seenus, I was out with my girlfriend and your mom seenus.
A teacher asks her class to use 'contagious' in a sentence
A teacher asks her class to use the word 'contagious' in a sentence. Sally, the class genius, raises her hand and says, "Last year I got the mumps, and my mom said it was contagious."
"Very good," says the teacher. "Would anyone else like to try?"
Little Johnny raises his hand and stands to give his answer.
"Our mean next door neighbor was painting her house by hand, and my dad said it would take the contagious.
I accidentally j**... off to a picture of my mom this morning...
I mean its really not my fault though, most babies look alike.
A son comes home one day to see his mother...
When he sits down at the kitchen table while his mother is cooking, he calmly tells her, "Mom, I have something to tell you. I'm gay"
The mother has no reaction. She just continues cooking.
Again, the son says, "Mom, I am not sure if you heard me, but I wanted to tell you that I'm gay."
Again, the mother has no reaction, and just continues cooking.
The son says again, "Mom, I am gay. Did you hear what I told you?"
The mother stops cooking, walks to her son, and asks, "Does gay mean that you put other men's d**... in your mouth?"
The son tells her, "Yes, that is what it means."
The mother then slaps him and says, "Don't you ever complain about my cooking again"
My mom was complaining that I shouldn't have picked up Spanish in college...
And my Mexican dad goes: no! Spanish is quite easy. I mean look, if the *mexicans* managed to learn it...
**
My mom asked me if teenagers take everything people say personally
I said, "What's that supposed to mean?!"
Two five year old boys are standing at the toilet to pee. One says, "Your thing doesn't have any skin on it!".
"I've been circumcised.", the other replied.
"What's that mean?"
"It means they cut the skin off the end."
"How old were you when it was cut off?"
"My mom said I was two days old."
"Did it hurt?", the kid asked inquiringly.
"You bet it hurt, I didn't walk for a year!"
Ms. Smith asked Johnny what his parents do for a living...
Ms. Smith asked Johnny what his parents do for a living.
Johnny said "My mom is a substitute."
Ms. Smith, knowing Johnny's mother said, "I think you mean p**...."
Johnny said, "No, my sister is a p**..., but when she doesn't feel well, my mom substitutes for her."
Little Totos and his father.
One day little Totos returning home after school, found his dog dead on the lawn with its feet up in the air. "Dad why did the dog die with his feet up in the air" said Totos, "That's because its easier for god to come and take him" his father replied. The other day when his father returned home from work Totos run to him and said with teary eyes "dad, mom almost died today", "what do you mean" his father said, "she was in your room with her legs up in the air and she was screaming Jesus am coming am coming, thank god our gardener was there and saved her"
I assume my mom and dad met at church...
I mean, they always call each other brother and sister.
I am the best!
So when someone says "mother knows best," they really mean your mom knows me..... intimately.
Mom, how come I still didn't get my period? I mean I'm already 19 and....
"Mom, how come I still didn't get my period? I mean I'm already 19 and Janet got hers when she was just 13!"
"Listen to me, Brian, you're NOT getting a period ever!"
Mom, how come I still didn't get my period? I mean I'm already 19, Jane got hers when she was just 13!
"Listen to me Guillermo, you're NOT getting a period ever!"
The difference between technically and reality
One day, a little boy asks his father what the difference is between 'technically' and 'reality'.
"Son, to help you out, I'll give you something to do. Go ask both your mother and sister if they would sleep with the neighbour for $500,000".
The little boy goes up to ask them then comes back to his father after a little while.
"Dad, Dad! Mom and sis both said they would. What does that mean?"
"Well, son," the father says. "Technically, we're millionares but in reality we live with a couple of dirty w**...!"
The morning of his birthday, Timmy told his mom, I had a dream I got a BB Gun for my birthday. What do you think that dream means?
You'll know what it means tonight, Timmy's mom said with an encouraging smile. That night, after the birthday cake, Timmy's mom came in with a long narrow package and gave it to her son. Timmy tore the box open. Finally I get a BB gun, he thought. But he thought wrong. The box was empty except for a book called The Meaning of Dreams.
The kindergarten teacher asked her kids what the wanted to be when they grew up
One kid said, "I want to be a fireman!"
One kid said, "I want to be a policeman!"
One kid said, "I want to be possible!"
The teacher asked, "What do you mean you want to be possible?"
The boy said, "Well my mom always says that I'm impossible."
A kid goes to the kitchen in the morning
- What do we have for breakfast, mom?
- Look kid, just because I sleep with your father, doesn't mean you get to call me "mom".
- What do you want me to call you then?
- Just call me William
Dad comes home from a long day at work
He goes to his child who is singing and dancing around the house
Dad: hey baby, why you so happy?
Child: nothing I was thinking about today
Dad: what happened today?
Child: i think mom was about to go to heaven
Dad: wait.... she was what? What you u mean?
Child: well I was sitting in my room and I could hear mum screaming oh my god, I'm coming, I'm coming so I ran to her room to help her but luckily the postman was already on top of her holding her down.
TIL that comparative brain scans of elephants reveal that they find humans to be "adorable".
I mean, your mom told me I was s**..., but I didn't realize that it was a biological reaction.
My coworker said that I act like a mean robot.
My question is, how should I feel about this? Also his mom has cancer.
A man decided to get a DNA test
When the results came, he confronted his parents because he found they weren't his real parents.
His mom, shocked and confused, tried to understand what had happened while his father tried to calm her down.
"I thought you knew" said the father.
"What do you mean?? How was I supposed to know he's not our son??" answered the mother.
The father calmly explained "Well, when we were leaving the hospital, he s**... himself and you told me to go back and change it"
A little girl came up to me today and said she was having a midlife crisis.
I chuckled and said "Don't be silly! How old are you?"
She said "6"
I laughed and said, "Then how are you going through a midlife crisis if you are only 6?"
She said "Well my mom is antivaxx, so I'm unvaccinated."
"Don't be ridiculous!" I said. "A midlife crisis means you're in the middle of your lifespan right now, while right now you'll probably be dead in a week."
A fathers child just came home from school, his dad said what did you learn today? The son replied We learned two words hypothetically and realistically but I'm not sure what they mean. He said go ask your mom and sister if they would sleep with a man for a million dollars. They both said yes.
His Father said, Hypothetically we have two million dollars, realistically we live with 2 w**....
My mom was telling my little brother about the food she ordered....
she said it had a middle eastern flavor to it. I then said said He doesn't even know what that means! To which he replied, Yes I do, it just means there's a bomb in it.
A wife and husband start talking about having kids.
Husband: Do you think your ready to have kids?
Wife: I'm not sure. They can be the greatest thing in a parent's life.
Husband: But they can be a handful.
Wife: So do you want kids?
Husband: No, not really.
Wife: I mean I think we would be awful parents anyway.
Husband: So is it decided we aren't having kids?
Wife: Yes.
Husband: Ok, kids you heard your mom it's time to leave, up!
Had a convo with my mom who doesn't know much about pop culture.
Mom: HEYY!!
Me: hey
Mom: I need a favor.
Me: w**...
Mom: what do you mean by w**...?
Me: What's The Favor
A child walks up to their parents and asks
A child walks up to their parents and asks hey, mom and dad. Why did you name me Petal?
The parents smile and reply, When we got you home, a petal from a flower in the garden fell on your forehead . The child satisfied with the answer walked away.
The younger sibling came up and asked the same question.
Darling, we named you Droplet because when you got you out of a hospital, a rain drop fell on you head. Hence, Droplet , the parents replied.
Gharwaalalalaajahaha!!!! said the youngest child.
Oh shut up Refrigerator, don't be mean! the father yelled
I'd like to thank.....
Whoever told my Mom that w**... means Wow that's fantastic. Her texts are so much more fun now.
Mom sends her son out to play fetch with the dog. 5 minutes later both the son and the dog are back inside, looking grumpy.
"What happened?" Asks the mom.
"We lost the ball." says the boy.
"Oh no, where?" The dog replies: "Roof, roof"
Stunned, the mother says, "Did the dog just say it's on the roof?"
"No," the boy scoffs. "I mean the ball is up there, but the dumb dog's not talking."
The dog rolls its eyes at the mother and says, "Well, if your kid had a better arm I wouldn't have to."
True story told by a friend: My nephew was gay and everyone knew it but he was slow coming out of the closet. One day, home from college, he was having breakfast and blurted out, "Mom - I'm gay."
She replied, "Does this mean that you sometimes put other men's p**... in your mouth?" Her son thought that this was an odd response but answered, "Yes." "Then I never want you to complain about my cooking again." (It was her hilarious way of saying that his orientation is not an issue for her.)
Dad! I accidentally stepped on this butterfly…
Well you know what that means son, no butter for you for a month. The boy was upset and went back into the house. The next day the boy was playing in the garden again.
Dad! I accidentally killed a honeybee. The father looks at his son.
Well no honey for you for a month. The boy was upset and went inside the house. A few hours later the boy went up to his dad.
Dad! Mom just killed a cockroach.
(Old but gold lol)
A Text From Mom
A mom sent a text to her son...
Hi! Son, what does IDK, LY, & TTYL mean?
The son replied: I Don't Know, Love You, & Talk To You Later.
The mom replied back to him: It's ok, don't worry about it. I'll ask your sister, love you too.
An Asian kid asks his mom
Mom, what does an Apple a day keeps the doctors away mean?
Mom says, ah, my dear son, it means that if you play games on your Apple phone everyday, you will never get your PhD
My wife left a note on the fridge...
"This is not working, I'm going to my mom's house."
I opened the fridge door, the light was on, the juice was cold. What the h**... did she mean?
The new broom
Mom: "honey, I didn't see you use the super broom I bought you last year once....have you used it at all?"
Dad: "no I haven't needed to, it's doing its job perfectly where it is."
Mom: "what do you mean it's doing its job, you haven't even touched it for a whole year......?!?"
Dad: {smug face}...it's gathering dust just fine...{smuggier face}"
Mom: "{very angry face} \*storms out of the room mumbling to herself\*"
Dad: "\*winks at me\*"