Mean Old People Jokes

There's a crippled old beggar on a sidewalk in El Paso with a sign and a paper cup..

A businessman stops, reads the sign that says 'Disabled Vet' and decides to give him a few dollars.
"Look on the bright side," he says. "Things could be worse- you could be blind!"
"I know what you mean.." says the beggar, "When I was blind, people only gave me pesos!"

A waiter walks up to a table of old ladies eating their lunch and asks, "Is anything OK?"

Why did the old pirate decide to give up a-plunderin?

He just wanted to move on, start a new chapter in his life. Sometimes things happen like this, and it's a nice reminder that we are all capable of change. Sure it's tough, some people in your life might move on from how they used to be - but this doesn't mean they don't love you anymore. The pirate may stop a-plunderin, but he's still the same person. He's still your friend. He'll always be there for you.

A married couple has invoked the ghosts, after 15 minutes of invoking has appeared only the face of the grandmother of the man.
The married couple has asked the grandmother together: "What would you like to tell us dear granny? "
The granny has said: "I am looking forward to seeing you soon. Have a nice day!"

Teacher: "Who can tell what is a mammal?
Little Johnny: "My grand mother!"

While vacationing in a remote area of Alaska, I met an old mountain man, wise in the ways one need be to live in an extreme wilderness area like he did.
I asked him about the weater, did it rain a lot? He said;
"See those mountains over there" and he pointed to them."
I replied, "Yes."
"Well," he replied, ".. if you can't see those mountains, that means it's raining. If you can see them, that means it's going to rain."