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Mean Kid Jokes

100 mean kid jokes and hilarious mean kid puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about mean kid that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

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Funniest Mean Kid Short Jokes

Short mean kid jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The mean kid humour may include short quiet kid jokes also.

  1. Wife: "Honey, I think you're a little to harsh to one of our kids." Husband: "Who do you mean? John, Michael or the fat one?"
  2. I just saw that Harry Potter film. I think its a bit unrealistic if you ask me.. I mean, a ginger kid, with two friends? How?
  3. I'm thinking of starting a youth foundation... I mean I've already got like 30 kids buried in my basement.
  4. My wife always tells me that I treat my kid unfair. I don't even know which one she means. Thomas, Carl or the fat and ugly one?
  5. My kids will be friends with people of all colors of the rainbow. That means no black people.
  6. Tell you what, it's lucky that those Kids trapped in the cave in Thailand are footballers It means they're already good divers.
  7. Which kid? Wife: Honey, i think you don't love our kids equally. It seems you have one that gets less love from you.
    Husband: Really? Which kid do you mean? Karl, Tina or the fat one
  8. Today is my first cake day which means My Reddit account is older than most anti-vax kids will ever be.
  9. A wife tells his husband: "You don't treat our kids the same". The husband replies:
    "Which one do you mean? Johnny, Steve or the ugly one?"
  10. My wife said that I always treat my kid unfairly. I don't even know which one she means, Tommy, Tina or the fat ugly one.

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Mean Kid One Liners

Which mean kid one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with mean kid? I can suggest the ones about bad kid and fun kid.

  1. German adults are mean German kids are kinder.
  2. Honey, we should really think about becoming parents. I mean, we've already had the kids.
  3. You know, all kidding aside I really hate 9/11 jokes. I mean, they're just plane wrong.
  4. Kids, just because I don't care doesn't mean I'm not listening.
  5. I don't see why everyone hates the euthanasia I mean for god sakes, they're just kids!
  6. Michael Jackson was always a kid inside Whoops, I mean he was always inside a kid.
  7. How good of a dad is Stevie Wonder? I mean, he hasn't seen his kids.
  8. Kids with cancer are so immature. I mean, they never grow up. Amirite?
  9. I don't get why kids hate me... ... I mean the s**... isn't that bad.

Silly Mean Kid Jokes for a Good Time with Friends

What funny jokes about mean kid you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean young kid jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make mean kid pranks.

Four-year-old to her two-year-old sister: "

Let's play Christmas. I'll be Santa Claus and you can be a present and I'll give you away."

Little Johnny's brother, Little Jimmy, was in the toilet throwing Johnny's toys in the toilet.


Johnny saw his brother doing this and yelled "JIMMY! WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!"
His brother replied "Next time you'll think twice before you don't let me play with you."
Little Jimmy threw a toy car in the toilet and said "Bye bye, racecars!"
Little Johnny stuck little Jimmy head in the toilet saying "Bye bye brother!"

Little boy says to his father: "

Daddy, I heard on the news that cigarettes have become much more expensive. Does it mean that you're going to smoke less from now on?"
And father replies: "No, son. I will smoke as much as a have. But, you'll be eating less!"

Little Lucy met Little Johnny after school and ask him, "

Johnny do you you think I'm cute?"
Little Johnny looked at her from head to toe irritably and replied.
"Roses are red.
Your blood is too.
You look like a monkey.
And belong in a zoo.
Do not worry, I'll be there too.
Not in the cage, But laughing at you".

Bertie comes sadly to his mommy and says, "

Mom, the kids have been mean to me. They keep teasing me that my feet are too big. Please tell me honestly. Are my feet to big?"
"Of course not, Bertie. Now go put your shoes in the garage, the dinner is ready."

Kid to her mother: "If you hurt me I'll make you pregnant by a needle."
Mother: "How? My sweet it isn't possible."
Kid: "I'll insert the needle to daddy's c**...!"

At a Whitehouse party for past presidents.

Michelle Obama caught Barron Trump making faces at Sasha.
Michelle walked over to reprimand the child and said, "Barron, when I was a little girl, I was told if that I made ugly faces, it would freeze and I would stay like that."
Baron looked up and replied, "Well, Ms. Obama, you can't say you weren't warned."

The young accounting graduate, fresh out of uni and knowing everything, applied for his first job.


The prospective employer asked him what starting salary he was looking for.
"Oh, around $100,000 a year, depending on the benefits package."
"Well, how does this sound? Five weeks annual leave, 22.5% superannuation, paid expenses to overseas conferences every year, home telephone reimbursed and a company car replaced every 20,000 kilometers, say a Mercedes convertible."
The graduate sat up straight and tried not to look excited.
"Wow. Are you kidding?"
"Yeah. But you started it."

One day Adam and his parents were at the mall.


Adams mum gave him a $5 note and sent him on his way.
He got a bag of chips and a drink.
He went outside and his mum and dad weren't there.

Susan's mother: "What are you doing on the top of that tree?"
Susan: "Some boys are playing football their ball is fallen on the tree.
They asked me to bring it."
Susan's mother: "My dear , they only want to chech your pants."
Susan: "Don't worry mam, I hav'nt put on my pants!"

Son: "Mommy why doesn't Gandhi have hair?"
Mom: "Because he never lies."
Son: "Ohh now I see why ladies have long hair."

What's Resurrection?

There was a man teaching the children's Sunday school class, and his lesson was on resurrection. The man asks the kids if they know what the word resurrection means.
After a long silence a little boy in the back of the room raises his hand and says "Well I don't know what it is but I know that if it lasts more than 4 hours, you have to go see a doctor."

Careful what you wish for!

I don't think I ever got over
my grandmother's death when I was a kid.
My grandmother died from a heart attack
during my ninth birthday party.
Literally while she was eating cake.
And I guess that must have s**... me up a little bit.
I mean, I still have birthday parties.
But now I'm just careful what I wish for.
—Anthony Jeselnik

p**... Clown

Inside of an Interrogation room
Investigator: Where were you on the 5th of March?
Clown: I was at a kids birthday party
Investigator: what were you doing at the party?
Clown: I was the Clown
Investigator: what were you doing as the clown?
Clown: Showing them my shoe size
Investigator: ...What do you mean?
Clown: I took them into the Closet
Investigator: Did you at least let them out?
Clown: Oh they definitely came out of the Closet when I was done

What "being a man" is about

A little boy asks his father: "Dad, what does it mean to be a man". The father replies: "well son, being a man means that you're the person in control of the situation, you're the one who takes all the important decisions".
"Well" - the kid answers - "then I hope to be a great man when I grow up, just like mom is".

When you become a dad

A proud new dad sits down to have a drink with his father "Well son, now that you've got kids of your own, I think it's time I give you this"
"Dad you don't mean..."
"Yes son, I do" Dad pulls out a copy of 1001 dad jokes, 5th edition "Dad I'm honoured...", he says, tears sparkling in his eyes. "Hi honoured", replies his father, "I'm dad".

I just found a fruit roll-up in my pocket

That means one of my kids has a grape flavored blunt rap in their lunch box.

I hate moving house...

It means I have to go around telling all the neighbours I'm on the s**... offenders register again.
I'm not, but it sure keeps their kids out of the yard.

I think Adam Johnson should remain on FIFA 16

Because it means that kids will get to play with him for once

I hate when people talk about their kids age in weeks and months.

"Jessica said her first word at 36 weeks!"
You mean 9 months.
"Ken is 24 months!"
Deborah, he's 2.
"My baby is -26 weeks old!"
No, Karen, you miscarried.

Procrastination

Kid in class: "Hey, what does procrastination mean?"
Me: "Ill tell you later"

Just gonna beat em up.

I think today I will go and beat some kids up at the local orphanage.
I mean... What would they do about it? Tell their parents?

Two kids looked at a mummy exhibit...

Two kids looked at a mummy exhibit. On the bottom of the mummy case it said, "5000 B.C."
"What does that number mean?" the first one asked.
The second one wondered for a while, then said, "It must be the license plate number of the car that hit him."

Kids Marry The Darnedest Things

A young son declared, When 
I grow up, I'm going to marry you, Mommy.
You can't marry your own mother, said his older sister.
Then I'll marry you.
You can't marry me either.
He looked confused, so I explained, You can't marry someone in your own family.
You mean I have to marry a total stranger?! he cried.

Suzy

Why did Suzy fall of the swings?
Cause she had no arms.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Not Suzy.
What did Suzy get for Christmas?
Gloves
Ha Ha just kidding that's mean
We actually don't know she hasn't opened it yet.

Two five year old boys are standing at the toilet to pee. One says, "Your thing doesn't have any skin on it!".

"I've been circumcised.", the other replied.
"What's that mean?"
"It means they cut the skin off the end."
"How old were you when it was cut off?"
"My mom said I was two days old."
"Did it hurt?", the kid asked inquiringly.
"You bet it hurt, I didn't walk for a year!"

NFL running back Adrian Peterson is officially a free agent.

Which is a step in the right direction for him because it means he'll be switching teams instead of his kids.

My wife says I give preference to one of our two children.

I don't know if she means Vincent or that other kid.

A sad day indeed

About a week ago I was walking my dog Fido through the park and a mentally disabled kid ran up to us. Immediately upon reaching my dog he started petting him. My dog is not a violent dog by any means but he was spooked and bit the kid. After this incident he ended up getting put down. It saddens me deeply but at least Fido is ok.

They say I have an inflated Ego.

I don't know what they mean. Got an inflatable castle for my kids,
and I guess they're just envious that I'm such a great father.

Why should you never marry a tennis player?

Because love means nothing to them.
I read that joke in 1998 in an SI for Kids magazine and it literally is the only joke I can tell from memory.

Kid asks Dad: "what does gay mean?"

Dad surprised by the question, pauses and then Replies,
"Gay means happy son."
Kid: "Are you gay dad?"
Dad surprised again... pauses and then replies:
"No Son, I have a wife."

My uncle works at a camp for kids who are about to be molested

I mean everyone complains about their job but he loved everyday of his

An old cowboy is sitting at a bar next to a young Japanese man

An old cowboy is sitting at a bar next to a young Japanese man.
The cowboy turns to the Japanese man, scowling and grunts "Hey kid, do you know King Fu or Jiu Jitsu or somewhat?
Severely offended the Japanese man says, "Just because I'm 'Oriental' doesn't mean I know Martial Arts."
The cowboy stands up and says, "No it's 'cause you're drink'in my beer."
-Credit goes to my grandpa

Father Sullivan and Rabbi Cohen were sitting on a park bench discussing the differences and similarities of their respective religions.

After some time, a young boy rode by on a bicycle. Father Sullivan leaned over and whispered to Rabbi Cohen, wow look that kid, I'd really like to screw him.
To which Rabbi Cohen replied, what do you mean 'screw him'? Screw him out of WHAT?

Wife: "How would you describe me?" Husband Says..

Wife: "How would you describe me?"
Husband: "ABCDEFGHIJK."
Wife: "What does that mean?"
Husband: "Adorable, beautiful, cute, delightful, elegant, fashionable, gorgeous, and hot."
Wife: "Aw, thank you, but what about IJK?"
Husband: "I'm just kidding!"

It's weird. When you are a kid you want to be an adult, but then when you are an adult all you want to do is be with kids

I mean be a kid...

Kids these days are eating tide pods? I mean I used to snort lines of tide...

but I'm all clean now

I don't understand why everyone judges me for being a stay at home parent...

I mean yeah my kid doesn't actually exist, but I still feel like I do a good job.

A kid was begging his dad to move to California.

Dad: Give me one reason why I should agree
Kid: California starts with Cal
Dad: And?
Kid: Calculator also starts with Cal
Dad: What does that mean?
Kid: It all adds up

America really needs to work on its education system

I mean I hear China has kids working for Apple

What does this joke mean from jimmy kimmel show?

Bed Bath & Beyond is currently offering store credit in exchange for Toys RUs gift cards. Said kids, Umm… I guess the whiskey decanter?

The kindergarten teacher asked her kids what the wanted to be when they grew up

One kid said, "I want to be a fireman!"
One kid said, "I want to be a policeman!"
One kid said, "I want to be possible!"
The teacher asked, "What do you mean you want to be possible?"
The boy said, "Well my mom always says that I'm impossible."

A kid goes to the kitchen in the morning

- What do we have for breakfast, mom?
- Look kid, just because I sleep with your father, doesn't mean you get to call me "mom".
- What do you want me to call you then?
- Just call me William

People always congratulate me when i tell them i beat cancer...

I mean just because I named my kid cancer doesn't mean I need to be congratulated...

"Bevky I feel like you're treating one of your kids worse than the others"

"What ? Which one do you mean ? Tommy, Lisa or the fat one ?"

Most rides to the voting stations are free today so that means

Rides to most parent teacher conferences are free today too. Show up for your kid if your are going to show up to vote, Todd.

My friend went to this really prestigious, super expensive prep academy.

I mean these kids are so rich they hire hitmen to do their school shootings.

My friend is going through some hard times at the moment and to cope, he keeps telling everyone places we used to visit a lot when we were kids.

I mean, we've all been there.

Wife: i've sent the kids to the sitter

Me: cool
Wife: *taking clothes off* you know what that means?
Me: yeah, someone who looks after our children for money

As much as I like jokes about anti-vax kids, I don't think they'll be around for much longer...

The kids I mean, not the jokes

When I was a kid, I'd ask my dad if I could have a couple pieces of candy.

If he said yes, I'd ask if a couple could mean three or four. Usually he'd say yes to get me out of his hair.
Guess that explains why my parents' marriage didn't last.

In Scotland, they are so mean with money that every home has double glazing installed.

So their kids can't hear the ice cream van

I always thought it was interesting how double jointed kids were always really cool in elementary school...

I mean weird flex, but ok.

Govt. Statistics show that 35% of all school kids fall victim to online bullying and this can only mean 1 thing

65% of my emails aren't going out

Wife : how am i looking

Dad : ABCDEFGHIJK
WIFE : What do you mean?
Dad : Adorable, bomb, cute, delightful, e**..., Fab, glamorous and hot
Wife : oh my!!! Thanks ,and IJK?
DAD : I am Just Kidding.

A wife and husband start talking about having kids.

Husband: Do you think your ready to have kids?
Wife: I'm not sure. They can be the greatest thing in a parent's life.
Husband: But they can be a handful.
Wife: So do you want kids?
Husband: No, not really.
Wife: I mean I think we would be awful parents anyway.
Husband: So is it decided we aren't having kids?
Wife: Yes.
Husband: Ok, kids you heard your mom it's time to leave, up!

My grandpa was telling me about when he used to hunt tigers.

He said, "this one time I was alone in the jungle when out of the bushes, right in front of me, a huge tiger leaped out suddenly and went RRROOOOAAAAAARRRRR!!!!!!! Kid, you won't believe it, I s**... myself."
I raised my eyebrows. "You bet I believe it, I'd have s**... myself too if that happened to me."
"That's not what I mean g**..., go fetch me some toilet paper."

(not mine) I hate the Harry Potter franchise, it's too unrealistic.

I mean I'm not saying magic is impossible, everyone on my estate fights with sticks, there may even be the odd unicorn about, but who, has ever seen a ginger kid with two mates ?

All these kids breaking in to buildings and taking out the valuables make me sick.

I mean, I can't understand why Fortnite is so popular.

Husband & Wife

Wife: "How would you describe me?"
Husband: "ABCDEFGHIJK."
Wife: "What does that mean?"
Husband: "Adorable, beautiful, cute, delightful, elegant, fashionable, gorgeous, and hot."
Wife: "Aw, thank you, but what about IJK?"
Husband: "I'm just kidding!"

When I grow up and have kids in a couple of decades. I won't be worried when the day comes they ask for for the newest released M rated game. I'm confident I won't even need to play its unsuitable.

I mean I've played GTA 5 before.

Sending kids back to school at this time will make them over educated but dead inside.

I mean we already have millenials.

People don't want kids being taught about gay relationships as they think that'll turn their child gay. I learnt about WW2, it doesn't mean I want to invade Poland.

Yet.

My kids want a puppy for Christmas

I mean, I normally do a ham, but they seem pretty adamant so we will see how it goes!

jokes about mean kid