Mean Irish Jokes
10 mean irish jokes and hilarious mean irish puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about mean irish that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Heartwarming Mean Irish Jokes that Make You Laugh
What is a good mean irish joke to make people laugh? Check out this list of funny stories that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth.
One of the British national daily newspapers was asking readers: "What it means to be British?".
Some of the emails were hilarious but this one from a Swiss was a winner.
"Being British is about driving in a German car to an Irish pub for
a Belgian beer, then travelling home, grabbing an Indian curry or a
Turkish kebab on the way, to sit on a Swedish furniture and watch
American shows on a Japanese TV. He buys a holiday home in Spain, Skis in France, fancies Swedish birds and has a Romanian au-pair.
And the most British thing of all?
"Suspicious of anything Foreign "
Drunks
Drunk guy: "Here's hoping you're in Heaven ten minutes before
the devil knows you're dead!"
Drunk girl: "What's that mean?"
Drunk guy: "It's an Irish toast."
Drunk girl: "Oh. Well, here's to bread, eggs and cinnamon."
Drunk guy: "Huh?"
Drunk girl: "That's
An Irish Lumberjack
A large Canadian lumber camp advertised that they were looking for a good Lumberjack. The very next day, a skinny Irishman showed up at the camp with his axe, and knocked on the Foreman's door.
The Foreman took one look at the small Irishman and told him to leave. "Just give me a chance to show you what I can do," said the Irishman.
"Okay, see that giant redwood over there?" said the Foreman. "Take your axe and go cut it down."
The Irishman headed for the tree, and in five minutes he was back knocking on the Foreman's door.
"I cut the tree down," said the Irishman.
"*Holy smokes!*" Said the Formean. "Where did you get the skill to chop down trees like that?"
"In the Sahara Forest," replied the Irishman.
Confused, the Forman asked "...don't you mean the Sahara Desert?"
"Is that what they call it now?"
Two Irish men were talking one morning..
"You were so drunk yesterday!", said Callum.
"Why, What did I do?", said David.
"You took a taxi home!"
"So what, it means i don't wan't to get caught for drunk drivin'!"
"The party was at your OWN HOUSE!"
I grew up in an interesting home...
My father was Irish and my mother is German. That means that every once in a while they would get drunk and try to take over the world.
An Irishman and Donald Trump are reading an article about brain transplants
It says you can get you can a brain transplant from a Irish man for €5000 cheaper than an american.
Trump says "This proves that America is the greatest country ever and Americans are the smartest people ever"
"No it doesnt" says the Irishman "It just means an Americans Brain hasnt been used as much"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
So, this ventriloquist's doing a gig at a pub and has people rolling over their seats laughing.
At one point, he delivers an Irish joke, and a man in the crowd gets up, points at him, and roars: 'What's ye's telling them offenshev jokes, for?! Some of us here are Paddys, boy-o!'
The ventroloquist stops, turns to the man and says: 'I'm sorry, sir, I was just telling a joke. I didn't mean to offend you so. I'll keep it clean of offensive jokes from now on.'
And the p**... goes: 'Who's talkin' to ye's?! I was shpeakin' to the man on your lap!'
Irish immigration
A married couple arrive in Ireland by way of car-ferry, and are just about to drive off into the Irish countryside, when an immigration officer stops them. "Now wait just a minute" says the officer. "You're driving an Audi Quattro. I know Quattro means four - so where are the other two people?"
The driver looks confused, and says "What do you mean? There's only us two."
The officer says "You can't pull the wool over my eyes. Quattro means four. You're supposed to have four people in this vehicle."
After some back-and-forth, the driver has had enough, and finally says "Look, this is silly. It's just the two of us. Can I speak to your superior?"
"I'd let you talk to him" says the Irish immigration officer. "But he's busy over there, dealing with two guys in a Fiat Uno."
So there's this Irish Pub..
in Ireland of all places. Anywho, its getting towards the end of the night and the bartender rings the bell calling, "Last drinks! Last drinks! And anyone who can come up with the best cheers gets their last drink for free!"
After hearing this everyone in the pub runs up to the bar and starts shouting at the bartender their best cheers. The bartenders hears a few of them over the noise and dismisses them with a wave of the hand, "No, none of those will do!"
When its gets quiet one man raises his beer, "I have one! I say cheers to spending the rest of my life between the legs of my wife!"
Everyone raises their beer in approval and this man gets his free beer.
Later that night this man walks home and gets into bed with his wife. His wife wakes and turns to her husband, "You're home late."
"Yeah, well I won the cheers!"
"Ah, what'd you say?"
"What'd I say.." The man thinks for a moment, he doesn't want to get in trouble with his wife, "I said cheers to spending the rest of my life.. at church next to my wife!"
"Aww, such a lovely thing to say" exclaims the wife and she goes back to sleep.
The very next day the wife is waiting in line at the local bakery. A man who heard the cheers at the pub walks up to the wife and says, "You know your husband devoted the cheers to you last night."
To which the wife replies, "Yeah I don't understand it, I mean he hasn't been down there in years and I have to pull his ear to come!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Ronald Reagan was a funny guy...
Two Irish ladies were at the wake for their dear friend. "Poor Mollie," said the first woman, looking down at the body, "she had such a hard life. First she married Mike, who gave her five crying children in six years. He beat her and never worked a day in his life. Then Mike up and died, and she married Johnny, who was even worse, giving her seven more children and not a penny of support. He was drunk all the time until he died, too. And now Mollie is gone, worked to death taking care of those 12 kids."
"Well, at least they are together at last," replied the second woman.
"You mean together in Heaven?" asked the first woman. "But is Mollie together with Mike or with Johnny?"
"I was referring to her legs."
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