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Mean I Hope Jokes

35 mean i hope jokes and hilarious mean i hope puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about mean i hope that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

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Popular Mean I Hope Short Jokes

Short mean i hope jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The mean i hope humour may include short good i hope jokes also.

  1. My friend just told me, 'I hope you die in a deep hole filled with water'. I know he means well.
  2. All this talk about hoping 2020 ends! Even though its cursed, we can't let it defeat us. That would mean 2021.
  3. If 1 / 9 men are homosexual, does that mean that statistically, there is at least 1 gay man in my class? If so then I hope it's Michael, he's cute.
  4. I hope that if I ever get rich I won't be mean to poor people Like I am now
    (Dark, I know, but one of my favorite deep thoughts)
  5. My friend said to me "I hope you find a deep hole in the ground to collect water from." I know he means well.
  6. I hope I get $100 of bitcoin as a Christmas present I mean $120.23
    EDIT $97.56
    EDIT 2 $103.55
    EDIT 3 $111.47
  7. Christmas Dinner with the inlaws Me: Don't forget you're eating for two.
    Mother\-in\-law (hopeful): You mean...
    Wife: Yep, I've got a tapeworm!
  8. My Filipino flight attended was very mean to me She said she hoped I have a peasant plight.

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Mean I Hope One Liners

Which mean i hope one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with mean i hope? I can suggest the ones about hoping and hope.

  1. If I ever get rich, I hope I am not real mean to poor people Like I am now
  2. I'm off to a communist speed dating night. I'm hoping I can seize the means of seduction.
  3. Yoga, a Hindi word meaning I hope I don't f**...

Make fun with this list of one liners, jokes and riddles. Each joke is crafted with thought and creativity, delivering punchlines that are unexpected and witty. The humor about mean i hope can easily lighten the mood and bring smiles to people's faces. This compilation of mean i hope puns is not just entertaining but also a testament to the art of joke-telling. The jokes in this list are designed to display different humor styles, ensuring that every reader at any age finds something entertaining. Constantly updated, they offer a source of fun that ensures one is always smiling !

Mean I Hope Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.

What funny jokes about mean i hope you can tell and make people laugh? One example I can give are clean mean your mom jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help make mean i hope prank.

Clark Kent was lying in his death bed with his wife Lois Lane beside him.

After some time, Lois said Darling, I have to confess something. Years ago, I had an affair with Superman. It was only one night, but I've regretted it ever since. I hope you can forgive me.
You don't need to worry about that because, Clark said as he took off his glasses, I am Superman! Even if you didn't know it was me, in my eyes you were always faithful.
Oh thank God! said Lois. I can't tell you what a weight that is off my chest.
Glad we cleared that up, said Clark.
So I guess this means you were Batman too.

What "being a man" is about

A little boy asks his father: "Dad, what does it mean to be a man". The father replies: "well son, being a man means that you're the person in control of the situation, you're the one who takes all the important decisions".
"Well" - the kid answers - "then I hope to be a great man when I grow up, just like mom is".

Drunks

Drunk guy: "Here's hoping you're in Heaven ten minutes before
the devil knows you're dead!"
Drunk girl: "What's that mean?"
Drunk guy: "It's an Irish toast."
Drunk girl: "Oh. Well, here's to bread, eggs and cinnamon."
Drunk guy: "Huh?"
Drunk girl: "That's

A woman goes to the doctors complaining of stomach cramps...

She gets sent off for some test and comes back a week later.
"Well, I hope you're ready for endless sleepless nights of crying and changing dirty diapers!" the doc says.
"Wow, you mean I'm pregnant?" the woman replies thrilled.
"No, you've got bowel cancer."

Some men are discussing the meaning of life...

Some men are sitting around discussing the meaning of life.
One turns and asks the others, "If tomorrow all your loved ones found themselves at a f**..., gathered around your casket, what would you want to hear them say?"
One starts off saying, "I hope they would say I was a good father and husband".
The next says "I want them to say I was not only successful, but a kind and generous man too".
"I'd want them to say", says the last man, "Hey look, he's moving!"

A man is sued and goes to court...

A man is sued for calling a lady a cow during a heated exchange at work. The man is asked by the judge to pay a small fine to the madam which he does immediately. Just before leaving the courtroom, the man and the judge have the following conversation:
"Your honor, may I ask you a question?"
"By all means sir"
"If i were to call a cow a madam, would I still have to pay a fine?"
"Of course not, that's crazy"
"Thank you your honor"
The man then turns to the woman and says:
"Have a good day madam"
And proceeds to walk out of tthe courtroom
(My dad just told me this in Serbian and it sounded better but this sort of works. Hope you get some gags!)

If Trump actually does build the wall, I hope he makes it an effective one...

If Trump actually does build the wall, I hope he makes it an effective one, like the Wall of China. I mean, there are practically no Mexicans in China.

So I came home from work, and my roommate had cooked dinner for us. She made whale blubber. She was like "I hope you like whale blubber!" I told her "Well I mean that just sounds terrible!"

She said "You never know, you might be Inuit."
Credit to my roommate for this one

Two skunks observed a deer hunter sneaking through the woods with a rifle.
"I hope he's not going to shoot at us," said one skunk.
The second skunk bowed his head and said, "Let us spray."

Clark Kent was lying in his death bed with his wife Lois Lane beside him.

After some time, Lois said Darling, I have to confess something. Years ago, I had an affair with Superman. It was only one night, but I've regretted it ever since. I hope you can forgive me.
You don't need to worry about that because, Clark said as he took off his glasses, I am Superman! Even if you didn't know it was me, in my eyes you were always faithful.
Oh thank God! said Lois. I can't tell you what a weight that is off my chest.
Glad we cleared that up, said Clark.
So I guess this means you were Batman too.
—Credit goes to cartoonist Zach Weinersmith

A catholic priest is praying

...I pray you Saint Anne...
Suddenly the devil appears: Oh, it's you again. For Pete's sake stop calling me if you don't mean it and at least pronounce my name right.
The priest shouts: Go away satan.
St. Anne appears: You want me to leave you? Gees, at least you could pronounce my name right.
The priest takes a piece of paper and writes using the sacramental wine:
I command you Satan, leave my church.
Dyslexic Santa appears:
Stop wasting the good wine! And what the heck you have against me?
(I modified the joke I wrote here earlier, I hope you like it)

A couple on honeymoon in hotel room u**.... The groom removes his socks and the bride asks: "What's wrong with your feet, your toes look all mangled?"

Groom: "I had Tolio as a child."
Bride: "You mean Polio?"
Groom: "No Tolio, the disease only affected my toes."
The groom then removes his pants and the bride asks: "What is wrong with your knees, they are lumpy and deformed?"
Groom: "As a child I had Kneasles."
Bride: "You mean Measles?"
Groom: "No Kneasles, a strange illness that only affected my knees."
The Bride then removes his boxers and the bride asks: "Why are you spotted?"
Groom: "As a child I had smallpox."
Bride: "I hope you don't mean SmallCox!"

Just made it so don't judge.

So a man is on a double date with his wife, best friend and the friend's new girlfriend. As the date progresses the girlfriend asked the man "how they met". "Well", said the man. "We met at grade 6 and we started talking, the more we talked the more we liked each others company." As he's telling her all these details and stories the wife just looks at him confused. Finally, after talking for several minutes he finishes with "I can't imagine how bad my life would be if we hadn't met" Awwww, the girl says. "I hope my marriage can be that happy one day." The man looks puzzled, grabs his wife's hand and says, "ohhhh you mean my wife?!"

A woman has been having stomach pain for the past week...

A woman goes to the doctor complaining of stomach cramps. Once she reaches the doctor, he tells her they'll need to run a few tests. At the end of the visit, he says she must come back in a week, when the results come in. Once she enters his office, he says, "Well, I hope you're ready for many sleepless nights of crying and changing dirty diapers!"
"Wow, you mean I'm pregnant?" the woman asks excitedly, clasping her hands.
"No, you have inoperable bowel cancer."

The religious bear.

In the middle of a forest, there was a hunter who was suddenly confronted by a huge, mean bear. In his fear, all attempts to shoot the bear were unsuccessful. Finally, he turned and ran as fast as he could.
The hunter ran and ran and ran, until he ended up at the edge of a very steep cliff. His hopes were dim.Seeing no way out of his predicament, and with the bear closing in rather quickly, the hunter got down on his knees, opened his arms, and exclaimed, "Dear God! Please give this bear some religion!"
The skies darkened and there was lightning in the air. Just a few feet short of the hunter, the bear came to an abrupt stop, and glanced around, somewhat confused.
Suddenly, the bear looked up into the sky and said, "Thank you, God, for the food I'm about to receive...."

So the other day I was hanging out with the old pharoahs of Egypt...

So the other day I was hanging out with the old pharoahs of Egypt. I must say, I was pretty pumped! I mean come on, they're old pharoahs!! I meet up with them, and MAN, they are hard to talk to! They don't agree with my view of the world, they're narcissistic and all act like they're some sort of god, and they don't even have ANY similar hobbies or interests to my own! We pretty much had nothing in common, and it was not going as well as I had hoped.
But as the day went on, I was still trying to find some way to connect with these chaps. There had to be something! So anyway, we were sitting down eating dinner, everyone chowing down, and... well... I f**.... But to my surprise, one of the pharoahs f**... at the SAME time! And I swear, it was the same length, same tone, same sound, everything.
So I looked at him and say "Well hey! At least we got a "toot in common"!!!" *Knee Slap!!*

Hopefully this translates well into English..

A man is sitting on a park bench reading a book called "Logic" and another man walking past sits down beside him and asks what logic means..
The man reading the book asks, "Well, do you have an aquarium at home?"
"Yes! I do!"
"So I'm guessing you have fish in your aquarium?"
"I do!"
"And if you have fish in your aquarium, I'm guessing you like animals..?"
"Yes, I like animals!"
"And if you like animals, I would say you like people as well?"
"Yes, I like I people.."
"And if you like people, I guess you like women too?"
"Oh yes, I LOVE women!"
"Well there you go, that's what logic is!"
The man contemplates the answer he received and is satisfied with it and is about to get up to leave, when he asks: "What would've happened if I said that I didn't have an aquarium at home?"
The man on the bench thinks to himself for a minute and answers, "Well, you would've obviously been gay then".

True meaning of Service.

At one time in my life, I thought I had a handle on the meaning of the word "service."
"It's the act of doing things for other people." Then I heard these terms which reference the word service:
* Internal Revenue Service
* Postal Service
* Telephone Service
* Civil Service
* City & County Public Service
* Customer Service
* Service Stations
Then I became confused about the word "service." This is not what I thought "service" meant.
So today, I overheard two farmers talking, and one of them said he had hired a bull to "service" a few of his cows. Suddenly, it all came into perspective. Now I understand what all those "service" agencies are all about.
I hope you now are as enlightened as I am.

A crusty old Marine Sergeant Major found himself at a
gala event hosted by a local liberal arts college.

There was no shortage of extremely young, idealistic ladies in attendance, one of whom approached the Sergeant Major for conversation.
"Excuse me, Sergeant Major, but you seem to be a very serious man. Is something bothering you?"
"Negative, ma´am. Just serious by nature."
The young lady looked at his awards and decorations and said:
"It looks like you have seen a lot of action."
"Yes, ma´am, a lot of action."
The young lady, tired of trying to start up a conversation, said:
"You know, you should lighten up a little. Relax and enjoy yourself."
The Sergeant Major just stared at her in his serious manner.
Finally the young lady said:
"You know, I hope you don´t take this the wrong way, but when is the last time you had s**...?"
"1955, ma´am."
"Well, there you are. You really need to chill out and quit taking everything so seriously! I mean, no s**... since 1955!"
She took his hand and led him to a private room where she proceeded to "relax" him a few times.
Afterwards, panting for breath, she leaned against his bare chest and said:
"Wow, you sure didn´t forget much since 1955!"
The Sergeant Major, glancing at his watch, said in his matter-of-fact voice:
"I hope not, it´s only 2130 now."

A 17 year old male walks into a drug store.

He says "I've been invited to Christmas dinner at my new girlfriend's house. Afterwards I hope there is a chance I get lucky, you know what I mean"
Clerk: "How about condoms then? They could come in handy. Here's a pack." The young man after paying walks to the door, stops, smiles, comes back: "you know what, the mom is also smoking hot, I think I'll take another pack, just in case I get extra lucky."
Christmas eve comes around, the boy sits at the dinner table and doesn't say a word. After a while his girlfriend says: "if I had known you were so quiet, I wouldn't have invited you." the young man replies "if you had told me your dad works at a drug store, I wouldn't have come."

A man married an illiterate wife.
After two years of marriage, they gave birth to a son called EFe.
One day his mother asked him to read is multiplication table and he started immediately but when he reached 4multiply by 4 he mistakingly said 8 they mother angrily slapped him and told him the answer wasn't 8 but 44.
The boy cried and reported what happened to the father, the father took him back and angrily told the wife to tell him the correct answer and the woman hurriedly say 4mutiply by 4 is it not 44.
The man now calmed down and sai d u are Lucky that you got the answer if not I would have disgraced you here.
I hope they are all brilliant.

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The impact of these mean i hope jokes can be both social and psychological. They can help to ease tensions, create bonds between people, and even improve overall mental health. The success of a joke often relies on the delivery, timing, and audience. Jokes can be used in various settings, from social gatherings to professional presentations, and are often employed to lighten the mood or enhance a story.