Mean Girl Jokes

A boy says to a girl, "So, s**... at my place?" "Yeah!" "Okay, but I sleep in a bunk bed with my younger brother, and he thinks we're making sandwiches, so we have to have a code. Cheese means faster and tomato means harder, okay?" Later on the girl is yelling, "Cheese cheese, tomato tomato!" The younger brother says, "Stop making sandwiches! You're getting mayo all over my bed!"

I was drinking my coffee in a coffeehouse when a beautiful girl came near my table and asked me:
"Are you alone?"
So I responded: "It's a long time that I'm alone."
"So do you mind me to take this chair?" said the girl.
I fainted...

A little girl knocks on my door and said Brick or Breat. I said what are you dressed up as? She said a Birate.

A birate you mean a pirate She said ya a birate. I asked if you are a pirate were are your buccaneers you know your band of cut t**...'s and theaves, were are your buccaneers? she said under my bucking hat give me the bucking candy

What happens when a mean girl dies?

They write an o-b**...-uary

A little girl comes home from school...

...and approaches her mom. She asks, "Mommy, is it true where boys put their p**... is where babies come from?" The mother is visibly shocked and unprepared to have this discussion with her daughter already. She took a deep breath, and decided to just be honest. "Yes dear, that's true."
"So... does that mean when I have a baby all my teeth are going to fall out?!"

Meanie-Pie Girl

I was working on a large amount of math homework in a group today, and one of the female participants was being prissy and in general a nuisance. So I patted her on the head. She says, 'Did you just pat me on the head?' So I say, "Yes, you were being mean so I was de-meaning you."

I went to an all girls high school...

Teachers used to have these talks about how we should never let a guy pay the bill when we're on dates, or else we'll feel the need to reciprocate with s**... favours. Now I, for one, think that this is a terrible deal. I mean, come on; dinners are expensive!

A girl calls a psychic saying:

*"I dreamed that I had one leg in Spain & the other in Germany. What does that mean?"*
Psychic: *"That you gonna pee on France"*
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^Français, ^je ^vous ^aime
^

I never got why nice guys don't get all the girls...

I mean they do finish last, I thought girls liked that.

Facebook should make a bigger deal over privacy, certainly as far as photos are concerned.

I managed to find a really attractive girl I'd seen before, and without adding her, I could see all her photos, including some in a bikini.
I mean, she's lucky it's only me w**... and not some pervert.

Does hanging out with girls make you appear more attractive?

I mean like yeah you see someone hanging out with a girl you think like " oh good for him "
You see a guy around two girls you are like wow what a ladies man
But once you hit 3 girls you realize he's just gay

I was flirting with an Asian girl at a bar last night when I decided to ask for her number.

She replied, "s**...! s**...! s**...! Free s**... tonight!"

I said, "Wow!"
Then her friend said, "She means 6663629".

For a moment, i had a different opinion on 'Chinese girls'

This Valentines day, I asked a Chinese girl for her number.
She said, "s**...! s**...! s**...! Free s**... tonight!"
I said, "Wow!"
Then her friend said, "She means 6**...-3629."

Three pregnant women, a blonde, brunette, and red head are at their obstetrician to find out the s**... of their babies.

The brunette says, "I'm going to have a boy because I was on top."
The red head says, "Well that means I'm going to have a girl because I was on bottom."
Just then the blonde starts crying her eyes out. "What's wrong?" the other two say.
"I'm going to have puppies!"

FAIR EXCHANGE

Two couples go on vacation together. After a week, they are thoroughly bored.
The men decide that maybe life will take on new meaning if they change partners. They all agree that it's an experiment worth trying.
The morning after the switch, one of the husbands says, ''I'm glad we tried this. It was exhilarating. Come on, let's go in the other room and see how the girls got on.''

A Doctor and engineer

A doctor and an engineer loved the same girl.
Doctor used to give her a rose daily
and engineer used to give the girl an apple.
Girl got confused and asked engineer : There is a meaning of giving rose in Love,
Why are you giving apple ?
Engineer answered : Because
"An apple a day keeps the doctor away".

Advice for guys

When a girl says you that you're going to far, she actually means you are coming to close.

Classroom Nerd

(In a high school class room)
Girl: Do you see that F@#$ING nerd over there.
Teacher: Don't be so mean, he could be your boss one day.
Nerd: Sorry I don't plan on being a p**...

A Chinese girl asked to get a ride from me.

so I said no problem give me your number I will call you when I leave home
She said, "s**...! s**...! s**...! Free s**... tonight!" I said, "HOLD ON!"
Then her friend said, "She means ....6**...-3629."

Hey girl, are you a Marxist revolutionary?

Cos I'd like you to seize control of my means of production.

Guy: Hey baby, do you wanna 68?

Girl: You mean 69?
Guy: No, 68.
Girl: What's 68?!
Guy: You go down on me and I'll owe you one.

I asked a Chinese girl for her number. She said, "s**...! s**...! s**...! Free s**... tonight!" I said, "Wow!" Then her friend said,

I asked a Chinese girl for her number. She said, "s**...! s**...! s**...! Free s**... tonight!" I said, "Wow!" Then her friend said, "She means 6**...-3629.

My r**... cousin is looking for a girl into multiple partners. I told him that was ridiculously cliché...

I mean really. c**... wants a poly?

Boys have truly evolved

* Boy: sapnu puas
* Girl: What does that mean?
* Boy: Turn your phone 180 degrees ;).

I took the girl from my maths class on a date

We met for a few drinks at the bar on campus. After a while I took a look around the room.
"Wow, you're the most average girl in here."
"What?! You're mean!" She screamed.
"No, you are."

Asked a Chinese girl for her number last night

She shouts "s**...! s**...! s**...! free s**... tonight!"
Yes please, I said.
Her friend pipes up and says "She means 6**...-3629"

A girl just texted me "myspacebuttonbrokecananyonegivemeanalternative"

Does anybody know what "ternative" means?

As the father of a now high school graduate, I think it's time I stopped fantasizing about "college girls."

I mean, no need to dream when you've got the real thing at home, right?

s**...! s**...! s**...! Free s**... tonight!

I asked a Chinese girl for her number. She said, "s**...! s**...! s**...! Free s**... tonight!" I said, "Wow!" Then her friend said, "She means 6**...-3629."

Can we make mean jokes in this sub?

Guy: You're average.
Girl: You're mean!
Guy: No, you are!

Roy Moore says he'll bring Alabama values to Washington, but I'm not so sure. I mean, he s**... assaulted teenage girls...

But he wasn't related to any of 'em!

A statistician walks into a bar

and ranks all the girls based on their looks. He approaches one of them and says,
"I just surveyed all the women in here and you're the most average one here.
"Wow, you're mean!"
"No, you are!"

I was on a date and my girl asked me to tell her something sweet.

I said "Candy."
She said "No, I mean, something I'd like."
"Shoes."
"Noooo, something s**...."
"Your sister."

A girl asks a boy: "Am I pretty or ugly?"

The boy answers: "Both."
"What do you mean?"
"You're pretty ugly."

If a girl says 'Can I tell you something but don't tell anyone?' it means you're the only one who doesn't know about it

and it's probably about you.

What does it mean when you have wheels and a country girl wants you?

It means you *a tractor*

I'm looking for a girl who loves Leap Day

Cuz that means she appreciates things which only come once every four years

A pickup line( sorry if those aren't supposed to go here)

After you ask out the girl..
Girl: I have a boyfriend
You: and I have a math test
Girl: what do you mean?
You: I thought we were talking about things we would cheat on

So I asked this Chinese girl for her number...

She said s**..., s**..., s**...! Free s**... tonight! I thought things were getting interesting, but her friend was quick to correct her, She means 6**... 3629 .
I was never more disappointed to get a phone number.

An American is talking to a girl in Paris

She says her name is Belle.
"That's a pretty name"
"Thanks. It means 'beautiful'. What does 'Nick' mean?"
"Oh, I don't know. It's just something my dad came up with while shaving."

Why shouldn't you ever call a fat girl an elephant?

Because it is a really mean thing to say and elephants never forget.

Dave and his girlfriend check into the hotel room.

As soon as they walk in, the girl immediately jumps up on the bed and lays in a spread eagle.
She asks - Dave, do you know what it means?
Dave - yeah, that you wanna sleep on this bed all by yourself.

A doctor and an Engineer loved the same girl

The doctor gave her a rose everyday while the engineer gave her an apple. One day, the girl got confused and asked the engineer,
"The rose has a meaning but why do you give an apple everyday?"
The engineer replied,
"Why? An apple a day keeps the doctor away!"

If boys go to Jupiter to get more stupider...

and girls go to college to get more knowledge... does that mean that ladies go to hades when they have babies?... this would explain a lot about pregnancy

A little girl came up to me today and said she was having a midlife crisis.

I chuckled and said "Don't be silly! How old are you?"
She said "6"
I laughed and said, "Then how are you going through a midlife crisis if you are only 6?"
She said "Well my mom is antivaxx, so I'm unvaccinated."
"Don't be ridiculous!" I said. "A midlife crisis means you're in the middle of your lifespan right now, while right now you'll probably be dead in a week."

Drunks

Drunk guy: "Here's hoping you're in Heaven ten minutes before
the devil knows you're dead!"
Drunk girl: "What's that mean?"
Drunk guy: "It's an Irish toast."
Drunk girl: "Oh. Well, here's to bread, eggs and cinnamon."
Drunk guy: "Huh?"
Drunk girl: "That's

I'm well known for making the girls scream in the bedroom...

I mean it's probably because they didn't know I was in there waiting for them

The t**... says "Give me money or I shoot the girl"

The family looks at each other and the boy says, "Does this mean I get her car?"
The mother says "I thought we weren't bringing work home, dear."
And the father shrugs and says, "He's doing this for free. I don't know the guy."
Then the t**... gives up and says, "this family is more messed up than me."

mayo problem

A boy says to a girl, "So, s**... at my place?" "Yeah!" "Okay, but I sleep in a bunk bed with my younger brother, and he thinks we're making sandwiches, so we have to have a code. Cheese means faster and tomato means harder, okay?" Later on the girl is yelling, "Cheese cheese, tomato tomato!" The younger brother says, "Stop making sandwiches! You're getting mayo all over my bed!"

A girl just finished telling her problem to a dictionary, thesaurus and an atlas...

The dictionary replied, "I know what you mean"
The thesaurus said, "I feel the same way"
And the atlas said, "I can see where you're coming from"

Three blonde women are talking about their pregnancies

The first one says: "Whenever we have s**..., my husband is always on top. So that means I'm having a baby boy."
The second one says: "That means I'm having a baby girl because I'm always the one on top."
Suddenly the third blonde starts crying hysterically and exclaims: "I'm having puppies!"

A statistician walks up to a girl in the bar

**Guy**: You're the most average girl out here.
**Girl**: Hey, you're mean!
**Guy**: No, you are.

My uncle swore to me that if i wanted to attract girls, I mean REALLY draw in the chicks, I should roll up a sock and put it in my pants.

I did this at a high school dance, and I when I got home, he asked me if I tried it and did it work. I told him it did not help at all, and only made things worse. He looked down and said, Well you were supposed to put it in the FRONT!

A young man goes to a formal ball in Boston.

He parks his car, goes up to the venue, and he has a great time. He meets a young woman there, and the two of them hit it off.
I came here on the bus, she says, Would you mind giving me a ride home?
So obviously he says yes, and the two of them leave the venue together. When they get to his car, the man goes up and presses his leg against the car door, and the car immediately opens up!
The girl asks, Wow, how did you do that?
What do you mean? the man says, These are my khakis.

A guy falls in love with a very traditional and conservative girl...

…that means no s**... before marriage. But he does not care, he loves her. After a year of dating he decides its time to propose to her. So he heads to her father's house to ask for his blessing.
‟Hello, sir, I am here to ask for your daughter's hand
A bit skeptical and looking to see if he really does love her, the father asks ‟And why is that?
The guy lets out a long drawn out sigh… ‟Well, its just that mine have gotten tired.

I was talking to a girl at a party

Me: You're the most average girl here
Her: You're mean
Me: Actually you are

Am I PRETTY or UGLY

Girl: (asking her boyfriend) Am I pretty or ugly.
Boy: you are both
Girl: What do you mean?
Boy: You are pretty ugly

If big hairy, grizzly gay guys are bears...

Does that mean we can call big grizzly gay girls Klondikes?

3 pregnant ladies in a coffee shop

So a blonde, a brunette and a redhead are sitting in a coffee shop talking about their pregnancies.
The brunette says to the other 2 that I heard if you have s**... on top, your more likely to have a boy
The redhead say oh that must mean I'm likely to have a girl
There was a pause and then the blonde say Uh Oh imma be having puppies!