Mean German Jokes
19 mean german jokes and hilarious mean german puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about mean german that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest Mean German Short Jokes
Short mean german jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The mean german humour may include short german word jokes also.
- A German Shepherd and a Sheep are out on a date... German Shepherd: "What do you mean I'm too controlling?!"
Sheep: "You herd me." - I thought I might try my hand at telling a German sausage joke I mean, what's the wurst that could happen?
- I grew up in an interesting home... My father was Irish and my mother is German. That means that every once in a while they would get drunk and try to take over the world.
- Why don't Germans have sausage for breakfast? Because that would mean things went from bed to wurst.
Share These Mean German Jokes With Friends
Mean German One Liners
Which mean german one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with mean german? I can suggest the ones about german language and german car.
- Why don't the Germans care about the word, 'nichts'? It means nothing to them.
- I hate East German Cars I mean, the Trabant was a load of old pants.
Rib-Tickling Mean German Jokes that Bring Friends Together
What funny jokes about mean german you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean german efficiency jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make mean german pranks.
One of the British national daily newspapers was asking readers: "What it means to be British?".
Some of the emails were hilarious but this one from a Swiss was a winner.
"Being British is about driving in a German car to an Irish pub for
a Belgian beer, then travelling home, grabbing an Indian curry or a
Turkish kebab on the way, to sit on a Swedish furniture and watch
American shows on a Japanese TV. He buys a holiday home in Spain, Skis in France, fancies Swedish birds and has a Romanian au-pair.
And the most British thing of all?
"Suspicious of anything Foreign "
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My friend came over to visit the other day.
He saw my German Shepherd in the corner l**... his b**... and said "boy...I sure wish I could do that."
I said "well you should probably pet him first, he can be pretty mean."
Can you work a pole?
So the other night my friends and I are having a few drinks and our one female friend is an ex-stripper, so we got into the topic of dancing and she looked at me and said yeah, can you work a pole xschlots? And for some reason the first comment that comes out is I mean yeah my family's mostly German. Working poles was our thing I have never heard a more deafening silence followed by laughter
As a Englishman, I feel shame for my countries lack of a unique dish
I mean, look at Italy with their pasta and pizza. Portugal has Peri-Peri sauce, the French have omlettes and fancy bread. And I think we all know how the good the Germans are with ovens.
Watching Olympic rowing with my wife.
Me: Oh, the announcer just said the Germans got in via the repechage.
Wife: What's that?
Me: I have no clue.
Wife: I think it means they went through Belgium.
Political Joke
In Texas there is a town called New Braunfels, where there is a large German-speaking population.
One day, a local rancher driving down a country road noticed a man using his hand to drink water from the rancher's stock pond.
The rancher rolled down the window and shouted: "Sehr angenehm! Trink das Wasser nicht. Die kuehe haben darein geschissen."
This means: Glad to meet you! Don't drink the water. The cows have sh*t in it."
The man shouted back: "I'm from New York and just down here campaigning for Joe Biden. I can't understand you. Please speak in English."
The rancher replied: "Use both hands."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
In German you use "Herrlich" for Good or well. Notice that the word contains "Herr" which means "Man". Now let's look at s**... "Dämlich".
"Dame" means "Woman"
One fish says to another fish
One fish says to the other fish "Hi!" The other fish says "Where?"
The joke here is of course that the word "Hi" sounds like the German word "Thai" which means shark. The other fish was German.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A guy walks into a w**... in Amsterdam . . .
A guy walks into a w**... in Amsterdam. He sits down and a young girl sits on his lap. He whispers something in her ear. She jumps off his lap and yells, "Oh God no!" and scurries off.
The madam notices this and thinks, "Okay, this guy is a little weird." So she sends one of her more experienced girls over. He whispers in her ear and she jumps up and yells, "ARE YOU CRAZY?" and hightails it.
The madam thinks, "Okay, this guy is a freak." So she sends over her most experienced gal, I mean she's done things that 99.9999999999999% of the world has never even heard of. That gal sits on his lap, he whispers in her ear, and she jumps up and yells something n**... in German, Thai, and Brazilian Portuguese and runs away.
So the madam goes over and demands, "What have you been whispering in my girls' ears?!"
"I was just asking aboot paying in Canadian dollars."
french vs german , who won ?
a drunk old man was found crying inconsolably by his friend .
"what's wrong ? "
"i did something terribly bad that to this day I terribly regret"
"but what have you done ?!"
"do you remember when the germans came to tunisia for the french ? , i offered a french girl a place to hide from the germans "
" you are a gentleman ! , why do you regret it "
" it wasn't for free you know what i mean "
" that's so bad but it's better than being killed if she was ok with that"
" you don't understand , should i tell her that the war is over " haha
In the year 2500 Russia and the U.S. are the last countries on the earth....
In the year 2500 Russia and the U.S. are the last countries on the earth. They both want control of the earth, so they come up with this plan. They will have a dog fight in five years; what ever country wins this dog fight gets control of the earth. So the Russians ,having control of Europe, take the biggest, meanest Siberian wolfs and German shepards and breed them over and over until they get the perfect batch of pups. Then they train them make them mean and then breed them using new enhancement technologies. This goes on and on until the event comes then they pick they're biggest, meanest, and strongest pup at prime age. They go to the event and U.S. shows up with this 30ft long Doxen Terrier. The match begins and this Doxen just rips the Russians dog into pieces. The Russians are dumbfounded they can't figure out how this happened. So they go ask the head U.S. dog official "How did you beat us? We spent 5 years training the biggest meanest dogs we could find and our most advanced using enhancement technologies. Then we come here and your dog rips ours apart in no more than 30 seconds. The U.S. official laughs and says "Thats funny we spent 2 and a half years using our best plastic surgeons trying to get a crocodile to look like a dog!"