Mean Friend Jokes
138 mean friend jokes and hilarious mean friend puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about mean friend that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest Mean Friend Short Jokes
Short mean friend jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The mean friend humour may include short true friend jokes also.
- My friend keeps saying "cheer up man it could be worse, you could be stuck underground in a hole full of water" I know he means well...
- The other day my friend was telling me i didnt know what irony meant Which was ironic since we were at a bus stop
- I cooked a medium-rare steak for my friend, and he said, I like it Well Done. I said, Thanks buddy. That means a lot.
- I just read harry potter for the first time and i think its a little unrealistic I mean a ginger with 2 friends??
- My friend was in a comma The doctor said "Do you mean coma?" and I replied "No, it's just a short rest."
- A guy asks his friend "How much would it cost to buy a singing ensemble?" The friend replies with "You mean a choir?"
To which the man says "Sorry, how much to acquire a singing ensemble?" - Me: Dude, I can't believe that 2017 was 7 years ago. Friend: What do you mean, 7 years ago is like 2013..
Me: That's why I ain't believing it. - When I'm around my Spanish-speaking friends, I always use the word "mucho"... It means a lot to them.
- a Colon can completely change the meaning of a sentence. Jane's friend took a bite of her hamburger.
vs.
Jane's friend took a bite of her colon. - My French friend was sad, so I said 'Le monde' 'Thanks' she replied 'That means the world to me'
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Mean Friend One Liners
Which mean friend one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with mean friend? I can suggest the ones about close friends and bad friend.
- My wife left me for my best friend. Well, I mean now he's my best friend.
- I went up to my Hispanic friend and said Mucho. It means a lot to him.
- One time a friend called me average... to which I replied, you're mean.
- My friend says he's doing good he means well
- What does, Preguntando por un amigo, mean? Asking for a friend.
- I always say el mundo to my Spanish friend It means the world to him
- My friend told me I'm average I thought it was mean
- My friend told me to get in shape I mean isn't round a shape ?
- I gave my friend a giftcard that said "many". He replied, "That means a lot".
- I would tell my friend his math jokes are average at best. But that's just being Mean.
- Take a sip of a friend's Coke and say, Oh yeah, I have monkeypox. That means free Coke!
- I told my friend to stop saying her life was a joke. Because a joke has meanings.
- I asked a friend, "What do TBH and IDK mean?" He said, "To be honest, I don't know."
- My friends say I'm blind But I don't see what they mean
- My friend is blind, you know what that means... he can't see.
Rib-Tickling Mean Friend Jokes that Bring Friends Together
What funny jokes about mean friend you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean best friends jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make mean friend pranks.
Three men were in heaven discussing how they died.
The first man said, "I died in a car accident."
The second man said, "I died by drowning."
The third man said, "I died of seenus."
The first two men asked, "Do you mean sinus?"
The third man said, "No, I mean SEENUS. I was out with my best friend’s wife and he seen us!"
Sven and Ole joke (do your best Swedish accent when reading their lines)
Sven and Ole both lost their jobs when the clothing manufacturer they worked at closed. At the unemployment office, Sven was asked what position he held at the factory, he replied Ya, well I sew women's underpants. He was told to go to the next line to claim his unemployment check.
Ole was asked the same question, to which he replied Diesel fitter. He too was told to go to the next line to get his unemployment check.
After Sven and Ole collected their checks, they compared them outside. Ole's check was twice as much, which made Sven furious. He stormed back inside and asked to talk with a manager. He demanded to know why his check was half of what Ole's was. The manager told him, Well, you were a tailor, your friend Ole has a specialty in engine repair.
Sven's anger was boiling over. He loudly told them, WHAT DO YOU MEAN? I sew the underpants and put them in a pile, Ole holds them up and says Ya, diesel fitter. What has that got to do with engines?
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Today my friend met Chewbacca...
...she said he was "A big s**... fur ball." So he picked her up ripped of her arms and threw her out of a window. I mean everyone knows not to insult Chewbacca like that.
She made a Wookie Mistake.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
There was an elderly man who wanted to make his younger wife pregnant...
There was an elderly man who wanted to make his younger wife pregnant. So, he went to the doctor to have a s**... count done. The doctor told him to take a specimen cup home, fill it, and bring it back the next day. The elderly man came back the next day and the specimen cup was empty and the lid was on it. Doctor: What was the problem? Elderly man: Well, I tried with my right hand...nothing. So, I tried with my left hand...nothing. My wife tried with her right hand...nothing. Her left hand...nothing. Her mouth...nothing. Then my wife's friend tried. Right hand, left hand, mouth....still nothing. Doctor: Wait a minute. You mean your wife's friend too?! Elderly man: Yeah, and we still couldn't get the lid off of the specimen cup.
The Argument
A woman has had a huge argument with her husband and is on the phone having a long chat with her friend when she sees her husband returning home with a huge bouquet of flowers.
"Oh no," says the woman. "My husband's home and he's brought a huge bunch of flowers for me."
Her friend is a little surprised. "But that's so sweet of him!"
"Ugh," says the woman. "It means I have to spend all night on my back with my legs in the air."
The friend pauses for a moment. "Don't you have a vase?"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A frog goes into a bank and approaches the teller.
He can see from her nameplate that her name is Patricia Whack.
"Miss Whack", he says, "I'd like to get a $30,000 loan to take a holiday".
Patty looks at the frog in disbelief and asks his name. The frog says that his name is Kermit Jagger. He says that his dad is m**... Jagger, and it's okay for him to take out all of the money because he is friends with the bank manager. Patty explains that he will need to secure the loan with some collateral.
The frog says "Sure, have this", and produces a tiny porcelain elephant, about an inch tall, bright pink, and perfectly formed. Very confused, Patty tells him that she'll have to consult with the bank manager. She then disappears into the back office.
She finds the manager and says "There's a frog called Kermit Jagger out there who claims to know you and wants to borrow $30,000, and he wants to use this as collateral". She holds up the tiny elephant pink elephant. "I mean, what in the world is this?"
The bank manager looks back at her and says "It's a knickknack, Patty Whack. Give the frog a loan, his old man's a Rolling Stone".
Shall I wear pants to work?
A young woman was applying for a teaching position in Britain and, while talking to an HR guy asked him:
Am I supposed to wear a skirt all the time or shall I sometimes wear pants?
After a few seconds of silence the HR guy responded:
If you mean pants that are trousers then yes. Of course you can wear them to work. If you mean pants that are underwear… Well… It's up to you.
P. S. That really happened to a friend of mine.
A man visits the doctor
and then he meets a friend.
Friend: Whatsup, where you been?
Man: Ive visited the doctor
Friend: What did he say?
Man: 200 Dollars
Friend: Yeah, but what do you have
Man: I have 50 dollars
Friend: I Mean whats the problem?
Man: 150 dollars
I m not sure if it makes any sense in English, but i tried
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
An Englishman went on a business trip to Japan...
When he got there, he stayed in a nice hotel and decided to call a prostitution service. Not knowing a single word of Japanese, it was he struggled with the ordering process.
When the girl finally arrived, they stripped down and get down to business... They were having a blast and the girl kept screaming **"Machigatta ana, Machigatta ana..!!"** Deciding that it was a sign that the girl was pleasantly satisfied, he thought nothing of it and continued all night long.
The next morning, the Englishman went and have a round of golf with his Japanese business partner. His business partner swung first.... **BAM!** **Hole in one!**
"Nice shot my friend, machigatta ana..." said the Englishman
Looking puzzled, his business partner replied
"That shot was perfect... but what do you mean 'wrong hole'?"
I don't go on and on about how I can't roller skate
But apparently the whole world needs to know about how this w**... in the river can't swim.
What is famous?
Three friends were arguing what being famous really means.
The first one states, "True fame is when you get invited to the white house".
"That's nothing" says the second "True fame is when you are in the white house, the red phone rings, and no one is there to pick it up so you answer the phone".
"You're all wrong" protests the third, "True fame is when the red phone rings, the president answers it and claims its for you".
I think I may have met my new bestest friend!
While driving home, I eventually reached a red light. When I turned around, a cute foreign looking girl tried to communicate with me by writing me a note, and I think we really clicked. I think we are destined to meet again one day. By the way, does anybody know what "Help" means in foreign?
Two guys are driving down a country road. The first one looks out the window and says:
"hey look, a bunch of cows!"
The second guy looks at him and says: "no, you mean a herd of cows!"
His friend looks back at him and says: "of course I've heard of cows!"
The second guy then says: "no no no! I mean a cow herd!"
The first guy, looking confused, says: "what do I care what a cow heard!!?? I have no secrets from a cow!"
My friend just got his fourth DUI
I don't think the term "liquor license" means what he thinks it does
The worst thing you can be is gullible
My friend told me that means you're prone to random attacks by seagulls
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Many times when I am troubled or confused...
Many times when I am troubled or confused, I find comfort in sitting in my back yard and having a v**... Martini along with a quiet conversation with Jesus.
This happened to me again after a particularly difficult day. I said "Jesus, why do I work so hard?"
And I heard the reply: "Men find many ways to demonstrate the love they have for their family. You work hard to have a peaceful, beautiful place for your friends and family to gather."
I said: "I thought that money was the root of all evil."
And the reply was: "No, the LOVE of money is the root of all evil. Money is a tool; it can be used for good or bad".
I was starting to feel better, but I still had that one burning question, so I asked it. "Jesus," I said, "what is the meaning of life? Why am I here?"
He replied: "That is a question many men ask. The answer is in your heart and is different for everyone. I would love to chat with you some more, Señor, but for now, I have to finish your lawn."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
"You fancy my best friend, don't you?" asked my wife.
"If given the choice..." I replied, "I'd rather have s**... with you then her."
"You mean 'than'."
"No."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My dog was l**... his nuts. My friend said, I wish I could do that.
I said, You better pet him first, he's kind of mean.
My friend showed me a black computer he wanted to buy...
I said "Dont you mean an African American computer?" and he replied "Stop being so PC"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My Christian friend got caught m**... to a hymn
It gave a whole new meaning to 'O Come All Ye Faithful'
Found this one on Wikipedia of all places
Two young women are drinking tea together. Suddenly, the doorbell rings. One of the women opens the door and finds a courier with a big great bouquet of roses. She walks inside and reads to her friend: *"Much love from your boyfriend!"* She immediately groans out: *"You know what this'll mean? This'll mean I'll be lying on my back with my legs spread wide open for the next two weeks!"* To which her friend says, *"Don't you have a vase?"*
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
"Daddy every time you go on a business trip mommy likes to bird watch"
"Oh yeah? Where's her favorite spot to bird watch?"
"The bedroom"
"What do you mean?"
"Well every time you leave mommy comes home with her bird watching friends and when they go into the room after awhile I hear her friend say " s**..."
The true meaning of "bro code"
If a suspicious husband calls ten of his wife's friends about her last night's whereabouts, nine of them will tell him she wasn't there, and one will say she was.
If a suspicious wife calls ten of her husband's friends about his last night's whereabouts, nine of them will tell her he was with them, and one will insist that she only just missed him.
My friend told me his favourite word was 'many'
It doesnt mean much to me...
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I just saw that Harry Potter film. I think its a bit unrealistic if you ask me..
I mean, a ginger kid, with two friends? How?
A boy tells his father that humans are cruel
"Hmm okay, but why?" asked the father.
"Well some people out there are hanging horses" said the son.
The father let out a confused chuckle, "What do you mean people are hanging horses?!"
The son tells him "well I overheard mum telling her friend that the plumber who came over to fix the drain pipes was hung like a horse."
My Chinese friend got really sick one day
I went to the hospital to see how he's doin, but he just kept whispering Yang qi guan! Yang qi guan! Yang qi guan!" over and over – and then died.
I was very sad and a few days later I googled his last message after the burial. Apparently, it means You're standing on my oxygen tube.
Today my friend accused me of being condescending.
It's ridiculous, I don't even think he knows what that word means.
"Hey, you know where there's a theater around here?"
The man responds "Yeah, just around the corner and a block down. You plan on seeing a performance?"
The blonde answers "Yep, a friend told me about a comedic play called 'Puns', apparently is based around words, whatever that means."
"Wait, what exactly did your friend tell you?"
"That he really likes 'Puns': a funny play on words"
My friend recently visited London.
He said everyone was very polite, except in Greenwich. Whenever he asked someone for the time they got all mean about it.
Two tugboat captains have been friends for years.
They would always cry, "Aye!" and blow their whistles whenever they passed each other.
A new crewman asked his boat's mate, "What do they do that for?"
The mate looked surprised and replied, "You mean that you've never heard of ... an aye for an aye?"
I have this friend, he's a real legend.
he's always telling me what the different symbols mean on maps.
Hole in the Ground
My friend said to me, "I can't believe a dumb hole in the ground filled with water is working this good."
I know he means well.
You would think that atoms bonding would mean they're being friendly to eachother
But instead they steal each others electrons.
How ionic.
My friend keeps making statements, only to actually mean the exact opposite of what he says. And he just keeps doing it, over and over again, always!
You could say that he is contraddictive.
My Friends all say i'm narcissistic
I don't know what that means, but i think it's a compliment.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
s**...! s**...! s**...! Free s**... tonight!
I asked a Chinese girl for her number. She said, "s**...! s**...! s**...! Free s**... tonight!" I said, "Wow!" Then her friend said, "She means 6**...-3629."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I don't know the meaning of the word "quit." I was going to look it up, but...
I still have some suicidal thoughts, but most of them have already killed themselves.
I'm a perfectionist. I've been writing and rewriting a s**... note for twelve years. It's killing me.
My friend asked, Must you write so many s**... jokes?
Don't worry. I'll stop soon.
I always thought LGBT means Lettuce Ginger Bacon and Tomato...
Until my smart friend told me that G stands for Guacamole
A slightly overweight transgendered person walks into a health food store
the manager instantly runs up and tells her to leave the store, "why?" she asks confusedly, the manager points angrily at a sign on the door
"No trans fats"
(I dont mean to offend anyone, I just heard this from a trans friend.)
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Quaker home defense
one night john had come home for the day, exhausted from being plain and keeping thoughts to himself and went straight to bed. During the night someone broke in and this roused him from his sleep. leaping into action john grabbed his musket and charged downstairs. upon meeting the robber he leveled his musket and yelled
"friend I don't mean to alarm you but you're standing between me and where I want to shoot"
Can you work a pole?
So the other night my friends and I are having a few drinks and our one female friend is an ex-stripper, so we got into the topic of dancing and she looked at me and said yeah, can you work a pole xschlots? And for some reason the first comment that comes out is I mean yeah my family's mostly German. Working poles was our thing I have never heard a more deafening silence followed by laughter
I have a friend who is very passive-aggressive
All the time he is telling me: "You are an idiot who doesn't know what passive-aggressive means."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A mathematician wasn't too confident about his appearance...
So he asked his friend to compare his good looks in terms he could understand.
After little thought his friend says: "You're about as good looking as you are bad looking."
"Well that's just mean."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I've been meaning to make more friends recently...
So I've joined a s**... cult and I'm going to hang with them for a while.
Friend who lives in Russia told me this joke
(English isn't my first language, sorry if the translation isn't the best)
The phone rings at 10 Downing Street.
- Hello, mister Putin would like to speak with Theresa May.
- I'm afraid she's currently sleeping.
- Very well, if she wakes up please tell her that mister Putin would like to talk to her.
- Will do.
- Thank you. *hangs up*
- Wait. What do you mean "if"?
A friend just got a brand new grand piano
I complimented him on it by saying it plays like a baby. He asked what did I mean by that? I said it's smooth, beautiful, and it makes an unbelievable racket if you kick it down a flight of stairs.
My friend keeps talking about eating vegetables and I'm beginning to find it kind of disturbing.
I mean, I know they haven't really got a functioning brain, but they're still human.
My friend told me doesn't know what "gaslighting" means.
I told him: "Stop being ridiculous, you've always known what it means."
My friend called me.
Him "What are you doing?"
Me "Burning fat."
Him "You mean sport?"
Me "I mean barbecue."
"How much do you know in Spanish?" I asked my friend.
He said, "¿Cuánto sabes?"
I said, "What does that mean?"
"'How much do you know?' Just like you asked for," he replied.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My friend went to this really prestigious, super expensive prep academy.
I mean these kids are so rich they hire hitmen to do their school shootings.
When I'm feeling down my friend keeps saying 'Cheer up, you could be stuck in a big fish, like Jonah!'
I know he means whale.
Two more
I mean... Ι appreciate that my friends are doing their best to cheer me up after my diagnosis, but I've heard so many cancer jokes today, that if I get to hear just tumor I'll really get mad.
A friend of mine...
A Friend of mine told me my math skills are average.
That's just mean
A friend asked me
Friend: what does 'u' mean in chemistry again?
Me: The only thing I know that starts with a "u" in chemistry is us
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
For some reason, all my friends think I'm too patronizing
That means they think I talk to people like they're s**....
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Steve comes home early to find his best friend n**... in bed with his wife having s**....
Bob! I mean, come on man! I expected it from her, but you and I have been friends since grade school. We played football together. You were the best man at my wedd.. could you two at least stop while I'm talking?
My ex-best friend used to be really nice to me, but ever since they found out I have flat feet, they've been mean to me and bullying me over it.
They're my arch-enemy now.
A man in the 80's was talking to his best friend when the conversation turned to their wifes.
"You know Jim, you ever tried spicying things up?"
"Whatd'ya mean Tom"
Leaning over to his ear, Tom whispered, "You know, like trying the other hole"
"Why of course not!" Jim exclaimed. "She might get pregnant!"
Funny thing about weekends when you're unemployed, they don't mean quite so much
Except that you get to hang out with your working friends.
Smoking the good stuff
me: "Dude, NASA faked the moon landing!"
friend: "Wait, u mean-----"
me: "Yep, the moon never landed at all, it's still out there somewhere!"
A friend messaged me some encouraging words today...
What a thoughtful friend I thought as I read the words he wrote to me. It wasn't until I finished that I realized what he wanted in return...
"See The Bright Side.
Everyone Has Some Good In Them.
Never Go To Bed Mad.
Distrust Will Kill Any Relationship.
New Things Won't Make You Happy.
Understanding Is Half The Battle.
Do What You Can.
Even You Can Find A Hidden Meaning.
Surely You Didn't Miss It..."
I asked a math major freshman friend this morning, "So what's your four-year plan in college?"
ohhh you mean my Four-Year Transform or Four-Year Series?
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I was at the f**... of my friend Steve and started talking to his widow.
Me: "I'm sorry for your loss, at least he's not suffering anymore."
Her: "He was shot. The doctor said he died instantly."
Me: "I mean he doesn't have to deal with you now"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What do you think of my wife?
A man was having a conversation with his friend about his wife.
He asks his friend, "What do you think of my wife?"
His friend, knowing the wife very well responds, "I think she's a pedestrian."
The man, confused, asks his friend, "What do you mean?"
He answers, "She belongs to the streets."
I asked my friend if the last joke I posted was mean.
He said no, it was way below average.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
When Trump says he has friends in low places, he means the worst of the worst.
And that's a low Barr.
