Mean Birthday Jokes
19 mean birthday jokes and hilarious mean birthday puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about mean birthday that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest Mean Birthday Short Jokes
Short mean birthday jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The mean birthday humour may include short birth day jokes also.
- The worst thief ever came to my birthday party today. I mean, I've seen other thieves, but this one took the cake.
- My wife is turning 62 tomorrow. I tell her not to get too excited as she will only have one minute to enjoy it. Confused, she asked, "what do you mean?" It's your sixty second birthday.
- Apparently I'm getting an "anchovy" for my birthday Not sure what that means, but I think it's a little fishy
- What do you get when you put birthday candles on a pizza? You can't figure it out? I mean, it's a pizz'a cake.
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Mean Birthday One Liners
Which mean birthday one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with mean birthday? I can suggest the ones about mother birthday and old birthday.
- Today is 4/20 and we all know what that means - Happy birthday, Adolf h**...!
Cheeky Mean Birthday Jokes that Will Make You and Your Friends Chuckle
What funny jokes about mean birthday you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean daughter birthday jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make mean birthday pranks.
So I asked my girlfriend what she would want for her birthday next week
She said: "Well, I dreamt of a golden ring with lots of small diamonds."
I asked her: "What do you think it means?"
She smiled and said: "I don't know..."
Flash forward to her birthday, with all our family members at the table, I gave her my present.
I still don't know why she didn't like this book called 'Dreams and their Meanings'.
A woman gets up in the morning
wakes up her husband and says:
- Honey, I had a wonderful dream. I dreamed you gave me a diamond necklace for my birthday. What does it mean?
The husband answers:
- You'll know it on your birthday.
The wife's birthday arrives and the husband enters the house with a package in his hand. The woman, excited, takes it from her hands, tears the paper nervously, quickly opens the box and finds a book titled: "The meaning of dreams."
During a quiet moment at a White House dinner, Melania Trump leaned over to chat with secretary of State, Tillerson.
"I bought Donald a parrot for his birthday. That bird is so smart, Donald has already taught him to say more than two hundred words!"
Wow, that's impressive," said Tillerson, "but, you do realize he just speaks the words. He doesn't really understand what they all mean.
"Oh, I know", replied Melania, but neither does the parrot."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
4/20 It's h**...'s birthday today...
... I guess that brings a whole another meaning to "Smoking a J"
It's my wife's birthday. This morning when she woke up, she told me that she dreamt that I got her a diamond necklace for her birthday, and asked if her dream could mean anything. I assured her that she'd find out later today.
She's gonna love the book I bought her about the meaning of dreams.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Careful what you wish for!
I don't think I ever got over
my grandmother's death when I was a kid.
My grandmother died from a heart attack
during my ninth birthday party.
Literally while she was eating cake.
And I guess that must have s**... me up a little bit.
I mean, I still have birthday parties.
But now I'm just careful what I wish for.
—Anthony Jeselnik
The morning of his birthday, Timmy told his mom, I had a dream I got a BB Gun for my birthday. What do you think that dream means?
You'll know what it means tonight, Timmy's mom said with an encouraging smile. That night, after the birthday cake, Timmy's mom came in with a long narrow package and gave it to her son. Timmy tore the box open. Finally I get a BB gun, he thought. But he thought wrong. The box was empty except for a book called The Meaning of Dreams.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
p**... Clown
Inside of an Interrogation room
Investigator: Where were you on the 5th of March?
Clown: I was at a kids birthday party
Investigator: what were you doing at the party?
Clown: I was the Clown
Investigator: what were you doing as the clown?
Clown: Showing them my shoe size
Investigator: ...What do you mean?
Clown: I took them into the Closet
Investigator: Did you at least let them out?
Clown: Oh they definitely came out of the Closet when I was done
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Divorced Barbie
One day a father, on his way home from work suddenly remembers that it's his daughter's
birthday.
He stops at a toy store and goes in and asks the sales person, "How much for one of those Barbie's in the display window?"
The salesperson answers, "Which one do you mean?"
"We have, work out Barbie for $19.95, shopping Barbie for $19.95, beach Barbie for $19.95, disco Barbie for $19.95, astronaut Barbie for $19.95, skater Barbie for $19.95, and divorced Barbie for $265.95".
The amazed father asks: "Why is the Divorced Barbie $265.95 and the others only $19.95?"
The slightly miffed salesgirl rolls her eyes, sighs, and answers:
"Sir, Divorced Barbie comes with: Ken's truck, Ken's house, Ken's fishing boat, Ken's furniture, Ken's dog, Ken's computer, one of Ken's friends, and a key chain made from Ken's t**...."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Mom's birthday gifts
3 guys, who were brothers, were all discussing what gifts they were getting for their elderly mother for her birthday.
The first brother, named Michael, said, "I bought mom her very own Lexus and chauffeur. She was always complaining about not being able to drive well."
Jeremy, the second brother, said,"Well I bought mom a p**... apartment. She always complains about the house she lives in."
Lucas, the third brother, said, "Since mom always complains about not being able to read her bible well due to her poor vision, I bought a parrot that can recite bible verses perfectly!"
3 weeks later, the boys receive a letter from their mother. It read:
"To my 3 dear boys:
Thank you for all your nice gifts. However, I couldn't use the car that Michael gave me because I'm too old to go out anymore and the chauffeur is mean. The new p**... is nice, but it is too big for me to clean each day and I'm only ever in the bedroom. But Lucas, you did a fine job in choosing a gift. The chicken was delicious."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
it seems Oscar Pistorious jokes still have legs..
Roses are red, Violets are glorious, Don't ever sneak up on Oscar Pistorius.
She didn't notice Oscar sneaking up behind her. It was the silence of the limbs.
Oscar Pistorius. Not the first South African with a race problem.
When Oscar Pistorius said he wanted to be just like able bodied athletes, who knew he meant OJ Simpson?
Absolutely shocking news from South Africa. White man arrested for m**....
Oscar Pistorius. Just because he has no legs doesn't mean he's unarmed.
Surely Oscar Pistorius cant be the first man to wake up legless on Valentines day and shoot all over the missus while imagining she's someone else!
I take it Oscar Pistorius's girlfriend bought him shoes for Valentines.
What do you call a room full of dead people? An Oscar Pistorius surprise birthday party... or... An Oscar Pistorius St Valentine's Day Massacre
Oscar Pistorius has an incredible record of wins to his name - Six gold medals, four silver medals and one argument.
A young woman is dead, the life of up‑and‑coming athlete, Oscar Pistorius, is ruined, and people are already making jokes about it. That's prosthetic... i mean pathetic.
I think it's safe to say that Oscar Pistorius won't be getting his leg over tonight.
Oscar Pistorious' lawyer is trying to claim mistaken identity
Personally I don`t think he has a leg to stand on
And the Oscar goes to ... Prison.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Oscar
• Roses are red,
Violets are glorious,
Don't try to surprise
Oscar Pistorius
• She didn't notice Oscar sneaking up behind her. It was the silence of the limbs.
• Oscar Pistorius. Not the first South African with a race problem.
• When Oscar Pistorius said he wanted to be just like able bodied athletes, who knew he meant OJ Simpson?
• Absolutely shocking news from South Africa. White man arrested for m**....
• Oscar Pistorius. Just because he has no legs doesn't mean he's unarmed.
• I take it Oscar Pistorius's girlfriend bought him shoes for Valentines.
• What do you call a room full of dead people? An Oscar Pistorius surprise birthday party.
• Oscar Pistorius has an incredible record of wins to his name. Six gold medals, four silver medals and one argument.
• A young woman is dead, the life of up and coming athlete, Oscar Pistorious, is ruined, and people are already making jokes about it. That's prosthetic... i mean pathetic.
• I think it's safe to say that Oscar Pistorius won't be getting his leg over tonight.
• Police have found a list of 20 other women that Pistorius planned to kill, they are calling it shinless list.
• And the Oscar goes to....... Prison.
The housewife answered a knock on the door and found a total stranger standing on the doorstep.
"Excuse me for disturbing you, ma'am," he said politely, "but I pass your house every morning on my way to work, and I've noticed that every day you appear to be hitting your son on the head with a loaf of bread."
"That's right."
"Every day you hit him on the head with a loaf of bread, and yet this morning you were beating him with a chocolate cake."
"Well, today is his birthday."