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Meals Jokes

119 meals jokes and hilarious meals puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about meals that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Get ready to laugh out loud! Read through these funny meals jokes that will make you chuckle. Find out why meals on wheels are so dangerous, why meat is so expensive, and why dishes are always a chore. These jokes will leave you hungering for more.

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Funniest Meals Short Jokes

Short meals jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The meals humour may include short dinner jokes also.

  1. Wife was breastfeeding Her: the baby sure is taking his time getting his meal in
    Me: yeah he is really milking it
  2. 6 was afraid of 7 because 7, 8, 9, but why did 7 eat 9? Because you're supposed to eat 3 squared meals a day.
  3. A man is on is death sentence and he gets to choose his last meal He asks his guard for a McDonald's Ice Cream, and lives a very long life, they never found a working machine.
  4. UPDATE: United Airlines now offering a new addition to their inflight meals chinese takeout
  5. We all know that six is afraid of seven because seven ate nine, but why did seven eat nine? Because you're supposed to eat three squared meals per day.
  6. A guard asks a woman on death row what she'd like for her final meal. idk, what do you want?
  7. Two kids talking. One asks 'do you also pray before each meal'?
    The other responds : no, my mom knows how to cook.
  8. McDonald's will give you a free combo meal... McDonald's will give you a free combo meal and £127.38 if you go to the Drive Thru dressed as a clown.
    With a gun.
  9. 6 was afraid of 7 because 7 ate 9, but why did 7 eat 9? Because it's important to eat three squared meals a day
  10. I just got fired from my job as a bingo caller... Apparently, "A meal for two with a hairy view" is *not* an appropriate way of calling out number 69...

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Meals One Liners

Which meals one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with meals? I can suggest the ones about happy meal and meats.

  1. 6 was afraid of 7 because 789. But why did 7 eat 9? Because he needed 3² meals a day.
  2. Why did 7 eat 9? Cause he needs 3 squared meals a day
    I'm sorry
  3. Yo momma is so vegan and fat... ..that she ate a meal and got arrested for deforestation.
  4. I ate a kids meal in McDonald's this morning. His mother was furious.
  5. Why did 7 eat 9 ? it's recommended to eat 3 squared meals a day
  6. I ate a kids meal at McDonald's today... His mom got really angry with me...
  7. Hey Joe, Do you pray before every meal? No Mark, my wife is a good cook.
  8. I call my wife "Happy Meal"... She's not enough to satisfy me but she comes with a toy...
  9. What is the only meal served in nuclear power stations? Fission chips.
  10. Why does everyone add salt to their meals? It's sodium goooood
  11. I am opening a restaurant called "Peace and quiet" A kid meal is £250
  12. What does a cannibal call a person in a good mood? a happy meal
  13. What did the narcissist say to the cannibal? I'm kind of a big meal
  14. What is my girlfriend's favorite meal? A dish called: "I don't know, you choose."
  15. If my wife was on Death Row her last meal would be I don't know. What do you feel like?

Meals On Wheels Jokes

Here is a list of funny meals on wheels jokes and even better meals on wheels puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • What do cannibals call disabled people Meals on wheels
  • What do you call a cripple in a zombie apocalypse? Meals On Wheels!
  • What does the cannibal think after seeing a wheelchair user? Meals on Wheels
  • what does a zombie call a person in a wheelchair? Meals on wheels
  • What do you call paraplegics in a post-apocalypse? meals on wheels
  • What do you call it when you go down on a paraplegic? Meals on wheels
  • How to cannibals refer to parapalegics? Meals on wheels.
  • What does a cannibal call a skateboarder? Meals on wheels.
  • What do cannibals call people with cerebral palsy? Meals-on-wheels.
  • What do you call a vegetable in a wheelchair? Meals on wheels
Meals joke, What do you call a vegetable in a wheelchair?

The Funniest Meals Jokes for a Bone-Shaking Laugh

What funny jokes about meals you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean lunch dinner jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make meals pranks.

What do you call o**... s**... with a paraplegic girl?

Meals on wheels.

God creates Adam

God creates Adam and it was good. After some time God realizes Adam needs a companion and says to him, "Adam, I have decided to give you a companion. I will give you a woman who will love you and live to please you. She will be intelligent, witty, and above all beautiful. She will cook your meals, wash your clothes, and laugh at all of your jokes."
Adam couldn't believe his luck!
God says, "All this will cost you only and arm and a leg." To which Adam replies, "What can I get for a rib?"

GOD ENJOYS A GOOD LAUGH!

There were 3 good arguments that Jesus was Black:
1. He called everyone brother.
2. He liked Gospel.
3. He didn't get a fair trial.

But then there were 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was Jewish:
1. He went into His Father's business.
2. He lived at home until he was 33.
3. He was sure his Mother was a v**... and his Mother was sure He was God.

But then there were 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was Italian:
1. He talked with His hands.
2. He had wine with His meals.
3. He used olive oil.

But then there were 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was a Californian:
1. He never cut His hair.
2. He walked around barefoot all the time.
3. He started a new religion.

But then there were 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was an American Indian:
1. He was at peace with nature.
2. He ate a lot of fish.
3. He talked about the Great Spirit.

But then there were 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was Irish:
1. He never got married.
2. He was always telling stories.
3. He loved green pastures.

But the most compelling evidence of all - 3 proofs that Jesus was a woman:
1. He fed a crowd at a moment's notice when there was virtually no food.
2. He kept trying to get a message across to a bunch of men who just didn't get it.
3. And even when He was dead; He had to get up because there was still work to do.

What did one shark say to the other?

These Malaysia Airline meals aren't bad.

Subway made a change in their policy today....

They banned employees from asking if customers want 6 or 12 inches with their kid's meals.

My wife's inappropriate Christmas dinner joke

Last night My wife and I were having Christmas dinner with her parents, grandparents, aunts/uncles, and a German neighbor who is a widow. We were talking about messing up while cooking meals and I mentioned the first time I cooked a turkey I cooked it upside down. The neighbor was incredulous that I could make such a mistake and asked how I could possibly do this when the breast would be round and make it difficult to get the turkey to not roll.
My lame joke:
>"Maybe I just like flat breasted turkeys."
Wife looks down at her chest:
>"Well now I feel self-conscious... Wait, is that why you always turn me face down?"
Everybody starts roaring with laughter and her dad turned bright red.

I don't go to Applebee's often

I know how to microwave my own meals

Doctor and Lady

Doctor: You are looking so weak and exhausted! Are you properly taking 3 meals a day as I had advised?
Lady: Oh my god! I heard 3 males a day.

I would add more flavour to my meals

I can just never find the thyme

Why are math students so skinny?

Because they buy no meals.
(Binomials)

Prayer before meals

Kid: Give us this day our daily bread.... With ham, egg, cheeze, french fries, salad on the side...
God: hey, kid. Are you praying or taking an order?

I don't understand why we're always sending pills to Africa...

I mean... aren't you supposed to take them after meals?

I'm a family man.

I should elaborate...
I often eat "family size" meals.

What do the 1% like to eat between meals?

Goldman Snacks

I used to own a restaurant that served only airplane meals.

It never really took off.

Passover pun

My brother hosts our family's passover meals. During the course of the dinner he incorporates puns taken from the Haggadah. His puns are so painful we call him the Marquis de Seder.

I called up my local takeaway shop to see if they deliver meals

He goes "we do chicken, we do beef, we do fish - we don't do liver"

Why was 6 afraid of 7?

Because 7 ate 9.
Why did 7 eat 9?
Because you need 3 squared meals a day.
The police arrested 3 as well as 7, why?
Because 3 was the root of the problem.

With Ryanair, the price of your Flight Ticket does not include baggage or meals.

Now it doesn't even include your flight!

What do you call a small dog that doesn't pay for its meals?

A dine-and-daschund

Two Jewish men sit down at a deli they always visit

They order their meals, receive them, and start eating. After a few minutes the chef looks over and they are disgruntled. He goes over and asks them, So gentlemen, what did we get right this time?
Paraphrased from a joke told to me by my old Jewish professor.

There's a reason why round bales of hay aren't recommended...

Horses are only supposed to get 3 square meals a day.

I only eat Whole Foods.

Whole pizzas, whole cakes, whole family meals.

They say six is afraid of seven because seven ate nine. But why? Seven did the healthy thing.

...eat three squared meals a day.

Why did 7 eat 9?

Because you should always eat three squared meals a day.

Why did 7 8 9?

Because you're supposed to have 3 square meals a day.

Lasagna is one of the easiest meals to make...

It's a pizza cake.

Why wouldn't the p**... eat at the fast food restaurant?

He preferred his meals h**...-made.

One little girl asks another

"Do you pray to the lord before meals?"
The other girl answered: "No, my mom knows to cook."

A cat and a mouse go to heaven

A cat and a mouse got to heaven, after a bit God goes to the mouse and asks "how do you like it up here?" The mouse replies "it's fine but I have a hard time getting around", God then snaps his fingers and gives the mouse a pair a wheels to roll around on. A little later God then goes to the cat and asks "how do you like it up here?" The cat replies "Oh I love it! I never had meals on wheels like this before!"

The kitchen staff really helps to make the wife cook meals quicker...

Why was it that seven ate nine?

Because it heard it should eat three square meals a day.

What did the toothless gourmand always wish he had before meals?

Aperitif.

We all know 6 is afraid of 7 because 7 ate 9, but why did 7 eat 9 in the first place?

Because you have to eat 3 square meals a day.

Why did the doctor recommend that 7 eat 9?

Because he recommends 3 squared meals per day

Why did seven eat nine?

Because he needed three squared meals a day

My wife just had the best mothers day EVER. She had all three meals served to her in bed, people waited on her hand and foot, and she didn't do any cooking, cleaning, or taking care of the kids.

Of course, she's in the hospital :(

I am proud to call myself a vegan!

But only in-between meals.

I got a new cylindrical bailer for the hay, but the cows all rebelled...

...they wanted three square meals a day.

Why did 7 eat 9?

Because it's important to eat three squared meals a day!

We all know 7 8 9, but why did 7 eat 9?

Because he wants 3 square meals.

Life hack

If you sleep till noon you only have to pay for two meals instead of three.

Three guys enter a steakhouse

o**... orderes a sirloin. Another guy the Porterhouse. The third the New York s**....
Once the plates arrive, the three men lift their meals above their heads.
The waiter asks "What are you all doing?"
The men replied "Raising the steaks."

Today I gave a homeless person a warm new home..

I gave him counterfeit money to buy food which got him arrested.
Now he's got a warm jail and free meals twice a day.

What do you call a pause between meals?

A food comma.

Women are finally being allowed to join the SAS!

About time as well, there's no way those brave lads should be cooking their own meals.

If we're all gonna die, then life is meaningless...

...similarly, if we're all gonna stop eating, then meals are meaningless.

If 7 ate 9, what does 9 eat?

3 square meals a day

What's the difference between a restaurant and a children's playground?

At a playground the meals run away from you.

Why did seven eat nine?

Because you're supposed to eat three square meals a day.

I've been on a bent for making up cannibal jokes recently. Here's the new one: What do the Cannibal Gods eat between meals?

Human snackrifice.

We all know that 6 was afraid of 7. But have you ever considered WHY 7 8 9?

It's because you're supposed to eat 3² meals a day.

I went to this really cool restaurant where they gave out free bandanas with the meals

My girlfriend didn't like it though. She kept saying stuff like, "You're embarrassing me" and "Please take that napkin off your head."

What do cannibals eat between meals?

A snackrifice.

I walked up to a female member of staff in Tesco today and said, "Do you know where the Weight Watchers meals are?"

"I'm afraid not," she replied, "It's my first day."
"Fair enough," I said, "Let me show you."

Everyone knows 789 but do you know why?

Because you're supposed to eat 3 square meals a day.

Today marks 5 weeks of isolation...

I'm walking 2 miles a day, no meat, dairy or flour. Eating fresh vegetables and home cooked meals every day. The change has been fantastic! I feel great!
Zero alcohol, a healthy diet, gluten free, caffeine free, sugar free and a 1 hour home workout each day! Lost 20 lbs and gained muscle mass. I've even cut my screen time in half and am reading a book a week.
I have no idea who wrote this, but I am really proud of them so I decided to copy and paste.

What does a Mongoose eat in between meals?

Just a little Snek.

If you make 10 drawings, you're not an artist.

If you cook 10 meals, you're not a chef.
But if you kill ONE person...

We know 6 was afraid of 7 because 7 ate 9. But why did 7 eat 9?

Because you need 3 squared meals a day

A man throws up a cow pat and goes to the doctor

Doctor: "I can't seem to figure out the issue so I'll give you some shots just be on the safe side"
Man: "No! Those things make you sick and allow the government to insert tracking chips!"
Doctor: "Who told you this?"
Man: "My wife"
Doctor: "Tell me, does your wife make all your meals?"
Man: "Yeah, she does"
Doctor: "I've worked out your problem. Someones been feeding you b**..."

Day 268 at home And the dog continues looking at me like See?? This is why I chew furniture.

I've eaten 9 meals and taken 4 naps, and it's STILL today. Are you kidding me?
In case you've lost track, today is December 268...
This virus has turned us all into dogs. We roam the house all day grazing for
food. We're told "NO!" if we get too close to strangers. We get really excited about car rides.
My wife said if I don't get off the computer and help with the dishes, she'll slam my head on the keyboard. I think she's jokinoifghcxiegcrwlwefggxm
lkergx eyt3ruhcmergceg ewgucc ce;oeijf !!!

We all know 6 was afraid of 7 because 7 8 9...but why did 7 eat 9?

Because the doctor said to eat 3 squared meals a day

I've been sacked from my job as a chef after spending every shift chopping herbs instead of cooking meals.

They couldn't be dealing with thyme wasters.

Why was 6 afraid of 7?

Why was 6 afraid of 7?
Because 7 ate 9
Why did 7 eat 9?
He needs to eat 3 squared meals per day
4 saw 7 eat 9. Why didn't he report 7 to the police?
He was 2 squared

An old man was sitting on a bench in the park and crying his heart out

A passing cop stopped and asked, what happened?
Old man: I have a beautiful young wife. Every evening she cooks the most delicious meals and serves it in candle light and then we have a romantic night.
Cop: So, why are you crying?
Old man: Because, I have forgotten where I live.

A man is eating at his local dumpling shop.

The waiter comes over and asks if everything is OK with his meal today. "Meals wonderful! But these lights are so bright" he says.
Waiter asks "would you like us to turn them off?".
Man says "No, but maybe Dim Sum."

Meals joke, A man is eating at his local dumpling shop.

jokes about meals