The Best 62 Meals Jokes
Following is our collection of funniest Meals jokes. There are some meals food jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud. Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these meals cook puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.
Funny Meals Jokes and Puns
Why did 7 eat 9?
Cause he needs 3 squared meals a day
I'm sorry
What do you call oral sex with a paraplegic girl?
Meals on wheels.
God creates Adam
God creates Adam and it was good. After some time God realizes Adam needs a companion and says to him, "Adam, I have decided to give you a companion. I will give you a woman who will love you and live to please you. She will be intelligent, witty, and above all beautiful. She will cook your meals, wash your clothes, and laugh at all of your jokes."
Adam couldn't believe his luck!
God says, "All this will cost you only and arm and a leg." To which Adam replies, "What can I get for a rib?"
Subway made a change in their policy today....
They banned employees from asking if customers want 6 or 12 inches with their kid's meals.
What do you call it when you go down on a paraplegic?
Meals on wheels
My wife's inappropriate Christmas dinner joke
Last night My wife and I were having Christmas dinner with her parents, grandparents, aunts/uncles, and a German neighbor who is a widow. We were talking about messing up while cooking meals and I mentioned the first time I cooked a turkey I cooked it upside down. The neighbor was incredulous that I could make such a mistake and asked how I could possibly do this when the breast would be round and make it difficult to get the turkey to not roll.
My lame joke:
>"Maybe I just like flat breasted turkeys."
Wife looks down at her chest:
>"Well now I feel self-conscious... Wait, is that why you always turn me face down?"
Everybody starts roaring with laughter and her dad turned bright red.
I don't go to Applebee's often
I know how to microwave my own meals
What do you call a cripple in a zombie apocalypse?
Meals On Wheels!
What does the cannibal think after seeing a wheelchair user?
Meals on Wheels
Doctor and Lady
Doctor: You are looking so weak and exhausted! Are you properly taking 3 meals a day as I had advised?
Lady: Oh my god! I heard 3 males a day.
Why are math students so skinny?
Because they buy no meals.
(Binomials)
You can explore meals dish reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean meals hollandaise dad jokes. There are also meals puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
Prayer before meals
Kid: Give us this day our daily bread.... With ham, egg, cheeze, french fries, salad on the side...
God: hey, kid. Are you praying or taking an order?
I don't understand why we're always sending pills to Africa...
I mean... aren't you supposed to take them after meals?
What do the 1% like to eat between meals?
Goldman Snacks
UPDATE: United Airlines now offering a new addition to their inflight meals
chinese takeout
6 was afraid of 7 because 7, 8, 9, but why did 7 eat 9?
Because you're supposed to eat 3 squared meals a day.
We all know that six is afraid of seven because seven ate nine, but why did seven eat nine?
Because you're supposed to eat three squared meals per day.
Why was 6 afraid of 7?
Because 7 ate 9.
Why did 7 eat 9?
Because you need 3 squared meals a day.
The police arrested 3 as well as 7, why?
Because 3 was the root of the problem.
With Ryanair, the price of your Flight Ticket does not include baggage or meals.
Now it doesn't even include your flight!
Why does everyone add salt to their meals?
It's sodium goooood
Two Jewish men sit down at a deli they always visit
They order their meals, receive them, and start eating. After a few minutes the chef looks over and they are disgruntled. He goes over and asks them, So gentlemen, what did we get right this time?
Paraphrased from a joke told to me by my old Jewish professor.
I only eat Whole Foods.
Whole pizzas, whole cakes, whole family meals.
They say six is afraid of seven because seven ate nine. But why? Seven did the healthy thing.
...eat three squared meals a day.
Why did 7 eat 9?
Because you should always eat three squared meals a day.
Why did 7 8 9?
Because you're supposed to have 3 square meals a day.
Why wouldn't the pimp eat at the fast food restaurant?
He preferred his meals Ho-made.
One little girl asks another
"Do you pray to the lord before meals?"
The other girl answered: "No, my mom knows to cook."
A cat and a mouse go to heaven
A cat and a mouse got to heaven, after a bit God goes to the mouse and asks "how do you like it up here?" The mouse replies "it's fine but I have a hard time getting around", God then snaps his fingers and gives the mouse a pair a wheels to roll around on. A little later God then goes to the cat and asks "how do you like it up here?" The cat replies "Oh I love it! I never had meals on wheels like this before!"
Why was it that seven ate nine?
Because it heard it should eat three square meals a day.
What did the toothless gourmand always wish he had before meals?
Aperitif.
Why did the doctor recommend that 7 eat 9?
Because he recommends 3 squared meals per day
Why did seven eat nine?
Because he needed three squared meals a day
what does a zombie call a person in a wheelchair?
Meals on wheels
My wife just had the best Mothers Day EVER. She had all three meals served to her in bed, people waited on her hand and foot, and she didn't do any cooking, cleaning, or taking care of the kids.
Of course, she's in the hospital :(
I am proud to call myself a vegan!
But only in-between meals.
I got a new cylindrical bailer for the hay, but the cows all rebelled...
...they wanted three square meals a day.
How to cannibals refer to parapalegics?
Meals on wheels.
Why did 7 eat 9?
Because it's important to eat three squared meals a day!
We all know 7 8 9, but why did 7 eat 9?
Because he wants 3 square meals.
Life hack
If you sleep till noon you only have to pay for two meals instead of three.
Three guys enter a steakhouse
One guy orderes a sirloin. Another guy the Porterhouse. The third the New York Strip.
Once the plates arrive, the three men lift their meals above their heads.
The waiter asks "What are you all doing?"
The men replied "Raising the steaks."
Today I gave a homeless person a warm new home..
I gave him counterfeit money to buy food which got him arrested.
Now he's got a warm jail and free meals twice a day.
What do cannibals call disabled people
Meals on wheels
6 was afraid of 7 because 7 ate 9, but why did 7 eat 9?
Because it's important to eat three squared meals a day
Why did 7 eat 9 ?
it's recommended to eat 3 squared meals a day
What do you call a pause between meals?
A food comma.
Why did seven eat nine?
Because you're supposed to eat three square meals a day.
We all know that 6 was afraid of 7. But have you ever considered WHY 7 8 9?
It's because you're supposed to eat 3² meals a day.
I went to this really cool restaurant where they gave out free bandanas with the meals
My girlfriend didn't like it though. She kept saying stuff like, "You're embarrassing me" and "Please take that napkin off your head."
What do cannibals eat between meals?
A snackrifice.
I walked up to a female member of staff in Tesco today and said, "Do you know where the Weight Watchers meals are?"
"I'm afraid not," she replied, "It's my first day."
"Fair enough," I said, "Let me show you."
What do you call paraplegics in a post-apocalypse?
meals on wheels
Everyone knows 789 but do you know why?
Because you're supposed to eat 3 square meals a day.
6 was afraid of 7 because 789. But why did 7 eat 9?
Because he needed 3² meals a day.
Today marks 5 weeks of isolation...
I'm walking 2 miles a day, no meat, dairy or flour. Eating fresh vegetables and home cooked meals every day. The change has been fantastic! I feel great!
Zero alcohol, a healthy diet, gluten free, caffeine free, sugar free and a 1 hour home workout each day! Lost 20 lbs and gained muscle mass. I've even cut my screen time in half and am reading a book a week.
I have no idea who wrote this, but I am really proud of them so I decided to copy and paste.
What does a Mongoose eat in between meals?
Just a little Snek.
If you make 10 drawings, you're not an artist.
If you cook 10 meals, you're not a chef.
But if you kill ONE person...
We know 6 was afraid of 7 because 7 ate 9. But why did 7 eat 9?
Because you need 3 squared meals a day
A man throws up a cow pat and goes to the doctor
Doctor: "I can't seem to figure out the issue so I'll give you some shots just be on the safe side"
Man: "No! Those things make you sick and allow the government to insert tracking chips!"
Doctor: "Who told you this?"
Man: "My wife"
Doctor: "Tell me, does your wife make all your meals?"
Man: "Yeah, she does"
Doctor: "I've worked out your problem. Someones been feeding you bullshit"
Day 268 at home And the dog continues looking at me like See?? This is why I chew furniture.
I've eaten 9 meals and taken 4 naps, and it's STILL today. Are you kidding me?
In case you've lost track, today is December 268...
This virus has turned us all into dogs. We roam the house all day grazing for
food. We're told "NO!" if we get too close to strangers. We get really excited about car rides.
My wife said if I don't get off the computer and help with the dishes, she'll slam my head on the keyboard. I think she's jokinoifghcxiegcrwlwefggxm
lkergx eyt3ruhcmergceg ewgucc ce;oeijf !!!
We all know 6 was afraid of 7 because 7 8 9...but why did 7 eat 9?
Because the doctor said to eat 3 squared meals a day
I've been sacked from my job as a chef after spending every shift chopping herbs instead of cooking meals.
They couldn't be dealing with thyme wasters.
Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the meals nutritious jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.
We suggest to use only working meals gourmet piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.