Me Jokes

Twenty years from now, kids are gonna think "Baby it's cold outside" is really weird, and we're gonna have to explain that it has to be understood as a product of its time.

You see, it used to get cold outside

What's the difference between a police officer and a bullet?

When a bullet kills someone else, you know it's been fired

If America is storming Area 51 then the Europeans can storm the Vatican

We'll take the aliens, you get the predators

What is a Karen called in Europe?

An American.

Liberals are acting like Trump is going to kill all the gays, make slavery legal again, and take away women's rights....

Like he's a Muslim or something.

North Koreans believe they live in the best country in the world because they're brainwashed by the government and the media.

When every American knows that America is the best country in the world.

When I was growing up # was pound, not hashtag

Good thing it changed, since "pound metoo" would've been sending the wrong message

What has 4 letters, sometimes 9 letters, but never has 5 letters.

Just a hint: I didn't ask a question.

The president of the US is threatening to send the military to suppress US citizens.

Looks like Americans are finally gonna get a taste of democracy and freedom.

Imagine if Americans switched from pounds to kilograms overnight...

There would be mass confusion.

My girlfriend dressed up as a policewoman and told me I was under arrest on suspicion of being good in bed.

After 2 minutes all charges were dropped due to a lack of evidence.

TIFU by accidentally cheating on my wife at a BDSM convention with a woman who was wearing the same leather mask

Whoops, wrong sub

If I had a dollar for every time someone over 40 told me my generation sucks...

Then I could afford a house in the economy they ruined.

"You're telling me that I'm losing my job because Donald Trump won the election? WHY, BECAUSE I'M BLACK?!"

"Mister President, we've been over this..."

My girlfriend borrowed $100 from me. After 3years, when we separated, she returned exactly $100.

I lost Interest in that relationship.

R Kelly is really changing the rap game





He takes the art out of rap artist

The female janitor at my building asked if I would chill and smoke some weed with her

I said no. I can't deal with high maintenance women

Set your wifi password to 2444666668888888

So when someone ask tell them it's 12345678

By legalizing Cannabis and same-sex marriage we finally interpreted the bible correctly:

**"A man who lays with another man should be stoned."** [Leviticus 20:13 esv]






Edit1: a typo


Edit2: thanks for the gold humorous stranger!

Scientist: "My findings are meaningless if taken out of context."

Media: Scientist claims "Findings are meaningless."

What's the difference between Donald Trump and a worm?

One of them is a slimy, loathsome creature incapable of complex thought, the other one actually shows up when it rains.

As an Aussie, Americans are always asking me where in Australia there *isn't* something trying to kill you...

School is my answer

Why is EA the worst gaming company in America?

Because Ubisoft is in Franceο»Ώ.

Three conspiracy theorists walk into a bar

You can't tell me that's just a coincidence .

Looks like Trump is keeping up Michelle's ideals of getting America fit again.

One day in office and he has thousands of people getting up and going out for walks on this beautiful Saturday morning.

A man takes his seat at the World Cup final. He looks over and notices there's an extra seat in between himself and the next guy.

The man says, "Who would ever miss the World Cup final?

The guy replies, "Well that was my wife's seat. We have been to the last five World Cup finals together, but sadly she passed away.

The man says back, "That's terrible, but couldn't you get another close family member to come with you?

The guy says, "No. They're all at the funeral."

If i had a dime for every time i didn't understand what's going on.

I'd be like: "Why y'all keep giving me all these dimes?"

My bullies broke my MP3-Player at school. Luckily, my parents bought me an MP4 for my birthday, but these idiots destroyed it again.

Tomorrow, I'll bring an MP5.

I've developed a fetish for figuring things out.

I just came to that realization.

If you rearrange the letters of POSTMEN...

They become VERY ANGRY.

Why do Americans rarely tell jokes about mass shootings?

Because it's always too soon.



^(i feel bad)

Don't Read If You're A Trump Supporter

A Mexican kid meets Donald Trump and says to him, I want to be President one day.
Trump says, Are you stupid? Are you an idiot? Out of your mind? Are you retarded?

The kid replies, You know what, I've changed my mind. Those are too many requirements.

A Mormon was seated next to an Irishman on a flight from London to the US.

After the plane was airborne, drink orders were taken. The Irishman asked for a whiskey, which was promptly brought and placed before him.


The flight attendant then asked the Mormon if he would like a drink. He replied in disgust, "I'd rather be savagely raped by a dozen whores than let liquor touch my lips."
Β 

The Irishman then handed his drink back to the attendant and said, "Me, too, I didn't know we had a choice."

Dads are like boomerangs.

I hope.

I invited my girlfriend to go to the gym with me and then I didn't show.

I hope she gets the message that we're not working out.

We have collected gags that can be used as Me pranks to have fun with. If you want to stand out in a crowd with a good sense of humour joking about Me, here are one liners and funny Me pick up lines.

Joko Jokes