The Best 60 Mcdonalds Jokes

Me: Welcome to McDonalds, can I take your McOrder?

**McDonalds Boss:** Again *(rubs temples)* you don't need to put Mc in front of words.

**Me:** Oh ok *(...to customer)* welcome to Donalds.

I went to McDonalds the other day.

I asked for two large fries but the idiot behind the counter just gave me a bunch of little ones.

McDonald's fired CEO Steve Easterbrook has already got a new job at Old McDonalds farm

He's their CIEIO

Whats the difference between a dairy farm and a McDonalds.

You'll get arrested if you try to milk the cows at McDonalds.

A blonde walks into a library..

she goes up to the librarians desk and says, "I'll have a quarter pounder with cheese, fries, and a diet coke please." The librarian looks at her in disbelief. "Uh, honey, this is a library, and not McDonalds." The blonde is totally taken aback as she looks around and see everyone quietly reading books. She says, "Oh my gosh, I am so sorry!"

*whispers* "I'll have a quarter pounder with cheese, fries, and a diet coke please."

What do Islamic McDonalds employees wear?

A cheeseburka

What did the Philosophy Ph.D say to the fat black woman?

Welcome to McDonalds. May I take your order?

The McDonalds

When I was 8 I brought in my tomogatchi (**ignore spelling**) to a McDonald's. my family sat down to eat and I saw this girl with a tomogatchi too. She stares at me then goes into the bathroom. I wait a minute then follow her in. She was waiting for me. We linked our games and had tomogatchi babies together.

Still to this day, the most sexual thing I have ever done.

A Bear walks into McDonalds

A bear walks into Mcdonalds and goes up to the register.

"How can I help you?" (lady at register)

"yeah can I get a milk..............shake?" (bear)

"uh of course you can but I have to ask you....What's up with the pause?" (lady at register)

"Paws?.......Well I am a bear"

So this bear is walking along and all of a sudden he gets hungry

so he decides to go into Mcdonalds and get something to eat. He walks up to the counter and the lady asks him "What can i get for you?". He responds "Yeah, can i get a big

Almost every McDonalds

A fat girl served me in McDonald's at lunchtime. She said 'sorry about the wait'. I said, 'Don't worry, you'll find a way to lose it eventually'.

Do you only eat Mcdonalds during Ramadan?

-No why?

Because its fast food.

What does a baby goat order at McDonalds?

A Kid's Meal.

A fat woman just served me at McDonalds...

... and said "Sorry about the wait". I replied and said "Don't worry, you'll lose it eventually".

What's the difference between Kim Kardashian and a homeless man who works at McDonalds?

One of those greasy bums is making a lot more money.

['90s] Did you hear McDonalds just bought the naming rights to that new hockey stadium?

They're calling it the Mac-Arena.

A lifetime supply of McDonalds is actually pretty short

What's the similarities between a priest and McDonalds?

They both stick their meat in 10 year old buns.

Did you hear Burger King is promoting a black Whopper?

McDonalds responded by introducing a 3/5ths pounder.

What do Michael Jackson and Mcdonalds have in common?

They both stick their meat between 13yo buns.

Have you heard? McDonalds is partnering with Nintendo and Niantic!

Prepare for trouble

And make it a McDouble

As a Jew, am I allowed to eat McDonalds today?

Yes, I know it's Yom Kippur. But McDonalds is fast food.

The amount of salt on social media...

... is more than enough to cover all of the fries produced by McDonalds next year.

Confusion at McDonalds

When I got ready to pay for my breakfast, the cashier said "Strip down, facing me". I did just that. When the shrieking had died down, I found out she was referring to my debit card.

I heard women love a man in uniform..

Can't wait to start working at McDonalds.

I just saw a hot mom at McDonalds spank her kid after he threw his fries on the ground

...so I threw my fries on the ground too.

What do Intel, Google, Uber, eBay, McDonalds, Budweiser, AT&T, Oracle, Disney, Boeing, IBM and Apple have in common?

Immigrants

How do you say McDonalds in Italian?

Olive Garden

I was at McDonalds earlier today, just chilling when a really hot, girl walked up to me.

She grabbed me and took me to her car. She ripped my clothes off and starts sucking me as if she's dying of thirst. She sucked long and slobbery and I let out a huge load. She looked up with the face of satisfaction.

Then I realised I'm a straw.

Shoutout to my teachers from high school who said I would work at McDonalds

I have my first shift on Monday.

John McCain and Donald Trump should run together as President/Vice President

Then we would finally get a political McDonalds.

Chuck Norris went to Mcdonalds

and the ice cream machine was working.

The best part about getting a political science degree is you will always be able to find a job!

At McDonalds

My doctor recommended to eat at BurgerKing more often

Well he said I should not have McDonalds anymore, but I know what he meant.

I woke up to find my wife lying unconscious on the kitchen floor..

At first I panicked, then remembered that McDonalds does all day breakfast.

Yo momma's so fat

When she went to McDonalds they had to call Burger King for backup

6 men from Lithuania go to a Mcdonalds in America

The cashier asks "For here? to go?"

The guy in front turns to his friends and says :

"They say 2 of us have to leave."

A man goes to mcdonalds and orders a big mac with a large fry.

The cashier says, "I'm sorry sir, we only accept cash or credit."

So I went into Mcdonalds and ordered some fries.

There was a chubby girl working, she seemed busy and kinda stressed out. She informed me the fries are cooking, and will be ready in about 3 minutes. I told her "no problem" and waited for my fries. After a few minutes she brought me my order and said "sorry about the wait" I said "no problem chubby, you're bound to lose it sometime".

A pirate walks into McDonalds.

This pirate has a steering wheel between his legs, but doesn't seem to notice. As he places his order, the employee at the register keeps glancing at it awkwardly. Finally, as the pirate finishes ordering, the employee says "Sir, are you aware there's a steering wheel between your legs?" The pirate looks at it and goes "Yar. It be driving me nuts."

I went to McDonalds today...

The ice cream machine was working.

Two families make a bet on who can be more american

Two families move from Pakistan to America. When they arrive the two fathers make a bet to see, in a years time, which family has become more Americanized.

A Year later they meet again. The first man says,"My son is playing baseball. I had breakfast at McDonalds and im on my way to pick up a case of Bud Light.

How about you?"

The second man replies, "Go back to your sand country, towel head"

A old man walks into a McDonalds

He is bent over and shuffling slowly. He approaches the counter with great difficulty and orders an ice cream sundae.

The cashier asks "Crushed nuts?"

The old man replies, "No arthritis."

I grew up on McDonalds, and it still holds a special place in my heart.

I've even got a plaque dedicated to it.

They say the best way to lose weight is to eat naked in front of a mirror.

It's working well so far, I've been banned from McDonalds for life.

The date is January 31, 1990, and the Soviet Union has opened its first McDonalds...

A KGB agent walks up to the front and asks, One vodka, please.

The woman at the register looks and says, Comrade, this is a McDonalds. We don't serve vodka.

The KGB agent looks surprised and says, Excuse me, comrade. One *McVodka*, please.

A Muslim lady was denied entrance into Mcdonalds today until she removes her hijab....

Should have gone to Burka king.

To anyone who works at McDonalds who is feeling bad about their life choices just remember...

You can technically put White House Catering staff on your CV now

We were at McDonalds racing down the slides and I beat my son

I explained to the police it was because he was trying to cheat.

My teacher used to tell me that I'd never amount to anything.

But ten years later, guess who I saw at mcdonalds? My teacher.

I served him a bic mac with no pickles even tho he wanted extra. Who's laughing now?

i got a wrong fast food order delivered today with NOTHING in it

i wanted mcdonalds but got jack in the box

Trump hears Obama got a smaller crowd than him

"Really? What was he doing?" Trump asks gleefully

"Ordering breakfast at McDonalds drive thru." His aide said.

This sub is falling apart

I knew i should have just bought some mcdonalds, Subway is trash.

My math teacher told me I would be stuck working at McDonalds for the rest of my life

Jokes on her, I'm lovin' it

I was with my wife at mcdonalds drive thru and after 3 mins when they gave her our order she began complaining how agonizingly long the wait was.

Turns out reminding her that last night she told me 3 mins was way to quick was not a good response

Why did the McDonalds cashier beat up the customer and then strut around bragging about it until police arrived?

Someone ordered a McGregor

I found a hammer behind McDonalds that I use to smash coins with

I nicknamed it Big Mac but it's really more of a Quarter Pounder.

A man walks up to the counter and says One vodka please!

The person at the counter says Sir, this is a McDonalds

The man says Sorry... One McVodka please!

If McDonalds sold fancy steaks they'd call them Filet Mc'gnons

...also it's my 5 year cake day so shower me in internet points or however this works I dunno. Thanks!