Mcdonald Jokes
109 mcdonald jokes and hilarious mcdonald puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about mcdonald that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Looking for a laugh? Check out these 29 McDonald's jokes that will have you rolling!
Quick Jump To
- Short Mcdonald Jokes
- Mcdonald One Liners
- Ronald Mcdonald Jokes
- Mcdonald Fries Jokes
- Mcdonald Quarter Jokes
- Mcdonald Filet Jokes
- More Mcdonald Jokes
Funniest Mcdonald Short Jokes
Short mcdonald jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The mcdonald humour may include short fast food jokes also.
- Did you hear about McDonald's trying to get into the high end steakhouse market? It was a Big Mcsteak
- A man is on is death sentence and he gets to choose his last meal He asks his guard for a McDonald's Ice Cream, and lives a very long life, they never found a working machine.
- Old McDonald had to hire a manager for the farm. The manager asked, "What's my title?" McDonald said, "You're the C I E I O."
- My doctor recommended to eat at BurgerKing more often Well he said I should not have mcdonalds anymore, but I know what he meant.
- McDonald's has paused operations in Russia. They've successfully established a No Fry Zone.
- TIL America has more museums than Starbucks and McDonald's combined. starbucks and McDonald's have a combined total of 0 museums.
- McDonald's tried to create a beef version of the McRib, but failed. Hopefully, they learned from their McSteaks.
- McDonalds has decided to close all operations in Russia They're calling it a "no fry" zone.
- McDonald's will give you a free combo meal... McDonald's will give you a free combo meal and £127.38 if you go to the Drive Thru dressed as a clown.
With a gun. - If McDonalds sold fancy steaks they'd call them Filet Mc'gnons ...also it's my 5 year cake day so shower me in internet points or however this works I dunno. Thanks!
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Mcdonald One Liners
Which mcdonald one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with mcdonald? I can suggest the ones about fries and soft drink.
- I am broken when my name is spoken. What am I? McDonald's ice cream machine
- What clown has killed more children than "It"? Ronald McDonald.
- What do you call the boss at Old McDonald's farm ? The CIEIO
- I ate a kids meal in McDonald's this morning. His mother was furious.
- Old McDonald had a farm... 2.71828 √(-1) 2.71828 √(-1) (5-5)
- I ate a kids meal at McDonald's today... His mom got really angry with me...
- Which clown has killed the most people? Ronald McDonald
- Due to rising costs, Old McDonald had to sell his farm. E-I-E-I-Owes a lot of money.
- I'm starting a job as a director.. .. of old McDonald's farm, I'm the CIEIO.
- What type of computer does Ronald McDonald use? A big mac
- What's worse than getting a job at McDonald's? Not getting the job at McDonald's.
- Old McDonald's son joined the Army G-I-G-I-Joe
- How does Ronald McDonald introduce his wife? Meet Patty.
- I bought a bunch of shares of Old McDonald's farm. I'm now the
#C-I-E-I-O - Just got a job as Senior Director of Old McDonald's farm. I'm their new CIEIO.
Ronald Mcdonald Jokes
Here is a list of funny ronald mcdonald jokes and even better ronald mcdonald puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- What's the difference between the Joker and Ronald McDonald? The Joker only killed people in Gotham City.
- What type of condoms does Ronald McDonald use? McRibbed
- TIL Gerry Rafferty of Stealers Wheel is buried in the same graveyard as Ronald McDonald and Heath Ledger. He has a clown to the left of him and a joker to the right.
- How do you find Ronald McDonald in the nudist camp? He's the one with sesame seeds on his buns.
- Today, Ronald McDonald put a quarter in my expired parking meter ... what a kind jester!
- How do you spot Ronald McDonald at a nudist colony? He's the one with the sesame seed buns.
- Ronald McDonald runs for president. His slogan? Make America's Weight A Gain.
- Pennywise the clown to Ronald "you disgust me Ronald, you're not even scary."
Ronald McDonald: "I've killed more people than you." - What is written on Ronald McDonald's gravestone? McRIP
- What did Ronald McDonald's wife say when she was about to give birth? Sorry, water machine broke.
Mcdonald Fries Jokes
Here is a list of funny mcdonald fries jokes and even better mcdonald fries puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- They banned all McDonald's in Russia That makes it a 'no fry' zone
- I went to McDonalds the other day. I asked for two large fries but the idiot behind the counter just gave me a bunch of little ones.
- With McDonalds closing all around Russia I guess that means it is a.. ..no fry zone.
(Credit to my dad for the joke) - A man goes to mcdonalds and orders a big mac with a large fry. The cashier says, "I'm sorry sir, we only accept cash or credit."
- How is working the fry station at McDonald's like studying Plato and Aristotle? You really learn to appreciate ancient grease.
- The amount of salt on social media... ... is more than enough to cover all of the fries produced by McDonalds next year.
- Did you know that McDonald's closed all its stores in Russia? (True fact.) Yep. They decided to turn Russia into a no-fry zone.
- You know the economy is bad... When you pull into the McDonald's drive thru and the person at the speaker asks...
Can you afford fries with that? - [OC, be gentle] Ronald McDonald snuck up on a Happy Meal and said, "Serve fries!!!" The Happy Meal replied, "Nugget out of my face."
- What's black and grey and rolls around in the parking lot of a McDonald's? Mr. T and a pigeon fighting over a french fry.
I know it's old but it always made me laugh.
Mcdonald Quarter Jokes
Here is a list of funny mcdonald quarter jokes and even better mcdonald quarter puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I found a hammer behind McDonalds that I use to smash coins with I nicknamed it Big Mac but it's really more of a Quarter Pounder.
- Q: How Do You Tell 2 Scottsmen Apart? A: You lift their kilts, and whichever one has a Quarter Pounder is a McDonald!!
- How can you tell the clan of a Scotsman? Look under his kilt, if it's a quarter-pounder, he's a McDonald.
- What is McDonald's demolition service called? Quarter pounder.
- What did Roxanne order at McDonald's? A quarter pounder.
- Does your mom work at McDonald's? Cuz i quarter-pounded her last night
- A vegan walks into a McDonald's. He orders a quarter pounder.
- What do you call a street full of cheap h**... and a McDonald's? Quarter p**....
- There's a cheap p**... in town who works the corner by McDonald's Quarter? Pound her.
Mcdonald Filet Jokes
Here is a list of funny mcdonald filet jokes and even better mcdonald filet puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Why doesnt McDonalds sell filet mignon? It would be a huge McSteak
- A sexist, a racist and the president walk into a McDonalds. The cashier says: "2 Big Macs, 2 Filet-O-Fishes and a large chocolate shake Mr. Trump?"
- A pirate went to McDonald's, he said... "arghhh, I'll have a filet-o-fish"
Happy Mcdonald Jokes for a Lighthearted Night with Friends
What funny jokes about mcdonald you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean coca cola jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make mcdonald pranks.
A blonde walks into a library..
she goes up to the librarians desk and says, "I'll have a quarter pounder with cheese, fries, and a diet coke please." The librarian looks at her in disbelief. "Uh, honey, this is a library, and not McDonalds." The blonde is totally taken aback as she looks around and see everyone quietly reading books. She says, "Oh my gosh, I am so sorry!"
*whispers* "I'll have a quarter pounder with cheese, fries, and a diet coke please."
What did the philosophy Ph.D say to the fat black woman?
Welcome to McDonalds. May I take your order?
The McDonalds
When I was 8 I brought in my tomogatchi (**ignore spelling**) to a McDonald's. my family sat down to eat and I saw this girl with a tomogatchi too. She stares at me then goes into the bathroom. I wait a minute then follow her in. She was waiting for me. We linked our games and had tomogatchi babies together.
Still to this day, the most s**... thing I have ever done.
A fat woman just served me at McDonalds...
... and said "Sorry about the wait". I replied and said "Don't worry, you'll lose it eventually".
Lenin, Stalin, Khrushchev, Brezhnev and Gorbachev are sitting together on a train...
The train breaks down. Lenin tries to rally the workers to work together and get the train running again. When that fails, Stalin lines up all the workers and shoots them. When that doesn't help, Khrushchev tries to reform the workers back to life. When that also fails, Brezhnev pulls down all the curtains in the rail car and says "let's just pretend the train is moving."
After sitting in the dark for a while, Gorbachev breaks the silence and says "Hey, any of you guys wanna pick up some McDonalds?"
How do you find Ronald McDonald in a room full of n**... clowns?
The Sesame Seeds on his buns.
(According to my father this is the first joke I ever told, around 5yo.)
Being a stripper is like working at McDonald's....
Covered in oil and questioning your choices after high school.
My doctor told me to eat more Taco Bell.
Well actually he said "less McDonald's" but I'm pretty sure I know what he meant
Did you hear Burger King is promoting a black Whopper?
McDonalds responded by introducing a 3/5ths pounder.
A man walked into McDonald's and saw a black woman with 8 children running all around her.
"Mike, stop that!" she shouted at one.
"Mike, stop bothering your brother," she yelled at another.
"Mike, how many times do I have to tell you not to pick your nose," she chided yet another.
"I'm sorry ma'am," the man said, "but... are all your boys named Mike?"
"Yes sir," she replied.
"Isn't that confusing?" he asked.
"No, they all have different last names."
After years of poor yields, Old McDonald will have to sell his farm...
... to cover what he e-i-e-i owes.
I just saw a hot mom at McDonalds s**... her kid after he threw his fries on the ground
...so I threw my fries on the ground too.
Ordered 4 drinks at McDonald's.....
....so they wouldn't think all 50 chicken nuggets were for me.
Shoutout to my teachers from high school who said I would work at McDonalds
I have my first shift on Monday.
I woke up to find my wife lying unconscious on the kitchen floor..
At first I panicked, then remembered that McDonalds does all day breakfast.
I handle important transactions for a large multinational company ...
... is what a tell my Mum instead of saying I work at McDonald's.
Two families make a bet on who can be more american
Two families move from Pakistan to America. When they arrive the two fathers make a bet to see, in a years time, which family has become more Americanized.
A Year later they meet again. The first man says,"My son is playing baseball. I had breakfast at McDonalds and im on my way to pick up a case of Bud Light.
How about you?"
The second man replies, "Go back to your sand country, t**..."
That awkward moment when the woman you're dancing with bends over so you can grind it...
But it turns out she just dropped an earing, and no one else in McDonald's can hear the music on your iPod.
My teacher used to tell me that I'd never amount to anything.
But ten years later, guess who I saw at mcdonalds? My teacher.
I served him a bic mac with no pickles even tho he wanted extra. Who's laughing now?
I was in a long McDonald's drive-through this morning and the young lady behind me leaned on her horn because I was taking too long to place my order.
Take the high road, I thought to myself. So when I got to the first window I paid for her order along with my own.
The cashier must have told her what I'd done because as we moved up she leaned out her window and waved to me and mouthed "Thank you.", obviously embarrassed that I had repaid her rudeness with kindness.
When I got to the second window I showed them both receipts and took her food too.
Now she has to go back to the end of the line to start all over.
Don't honk your horn at old people.
My math teacher told me I would be stuck working at McDonalds for the rest of my life
Jokes on her, I'm lovin' it
I remember when McDonald's switched from styrofoam to cardboard and paper.
I'm still wondering when they're going to start using actual meat.
Some students notice an elderly couple in the McDonald's with only one meal on the table...
"Excuse me," says one of the students, "I noticed that you only have one meal between you. If you'd like we could get another for you, it's no trouble."
"That's very kind of you," replies the elderly woman, "but you see, in our marriage my husband and I share everything. This is enough food for both of us."
A few minutes later, the students again notice that the only elderly man is eating while his wife sits in still silence.
"Perhaps we could get that meal for you after all?" another student asks sheepishly. To which the woman replies:
"Oh no, it's fine. I'm waiting for my turn with the dentures."
While my wife was in the kitchen cooking breakfast, I suddenly heard a loud thud.
Running in I found her dead on the floor.
In a panic, I had no idea what to do.Then I remembered.
McDonald's do an all-day breakfast.
I ate a kids meal at McDonald's for lunch today
His mom was p**...
I saw a sign at McDonald's, it said,"We do not accept bills over $20."
Trust me, if I had more than $20, I wouldn't be eating at McDonald's.
An elderly couple are at McDonald's
They order one meal between the 2 and go and sit down.
The guy in the booth next to them notices they've only got one meal and offers to buy them another one.
The elderly man says "no thank you we share everything"
So the elderly man then cuts the burger in half and gives half to his wife. She starts to eat and the elderly man just sits there.
The man in the booth looks over again and this time notices the elderly man isn't eating yet. So he asks "why aren't you eating as well?
The elderly man replies "I'm waiting for the dentures"
Went to McDonald's today and ate a kid's meal.
He cried and his mom was p**....
I saw a woman drop her purse in the high street this morning, so…
I quickly followed her. As I was just about to tap her on the shoulder she started running for a bus. So I ran after her shouting, "You dropped your purse! You dropped your purse!"
She didn't hear me and proceeded to get onto the bus, so I got on the bus too. As I walked to the back of the bus I breathlessly said, "You dropped your purse on the floor outside McDonald's."
"Thank you so much" she said, "Where is it?"
I said, "I've just told you, on the floor outside McDonald's."
I ate a kid's meal at McDonald's today
His parents were p**....
Russia has been cut off from CNN, CBS, ABC Pornhub, Facebook...
US is working depriving Russians of McDonalds, Coca-Cola and US fastfood. They continue with these sanctions and Russian people will probably be the most healthiest, well adjusted, spiritual and well informed people on the planet.
Did you know that people who celebrate Ramadan can still have McDonalds?
Really - that's because it's fastfood
Bob and his wife started dieting a week ago
Bob and his wife started dieting a week ago.
His wife proposed that they should have cheat day today.
She bought home McDonald's burger, KFC wings and Bob brought home his secretary
I like my women like I like the mcdonald's ice cream machine…
Sweet, cold and a little broken inside.
What's the difference between Tide Pods and McDonald's?
One is full of dangerous chemicals that people keep eating for some reason, and the other gets your clothes clean.
Did you hear that McDonald's is implanting all of its employees with technology that gives them all a common hive mind?
They're calling themselves the Burg.
I ate a kid's meal at McDonald's today
He wasn't happy.
