Mayonnaise Jokes

81 mayonnaise jokes and hilarious mayonnaise puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about mayonnaise that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

This article is a collection of humorous jokes all centered around mayonnaise. Learn some puns and one-liners to share with friends featuring the condiment that goes great on sandwiches, salads, and more! You'll never look at coleslaw, relish, or cabbage the same way again.

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jokes about mayonnaise

Best Short Mayonnaise Jokes

Short mayonnaise puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The mayonnaise humour may include short mustard jokes also.

  1. You know Murphy's Law. It's "If something can go wrong, it will", but do you know Cole's law? It's... shredded cabbage, mayonnaise, maybe some carrot.
  2. A man named Eric Cole... ... discovered that there was a direct correlation between the amount of mayonnaise on his cabbage salad and how good it tastes.
    He's calling this correlation Cole's Law.
  3. There was a man who claimed that, by putting mayonnaise on any food no matter how bland you could make it better. They decided to name it after him and call it Cole's Law.
  4. So my friend forgot to bring the mayonnaise for the party tonight… I was like, What the Hellmann
  5. The pressure of a gas is inversely proportional to its volume—Boyle's Law. Any leftover cabbage must be shredded and mixed with mayonnaise.
    —-Cole's Law.
  6. Everybody's heard of Murphy's Law: "if something can go wrong, it will go wrong." However, few people know of Cole's Law... It's thinly sliced cabbage and mayonnaise.
  7. You've all heard of "Murphy's Law," but have you heard of "Cole's Law"? It's pretty much just cabbage and mayonnaise.
  8. I heard U.S. Senator Herb Kohl once wrote a bill that would standardize the ratios of carrots, mayonnaise, and cabbage in his favorite side dish. He called it Kohl's Law.
  9. Car broke down in Alaska When the tow truck arrived the driver said It appears you blew a seal
    Guy said no, that's just mayonnaise, I ate a sandwich while waiting
  10. You've all heard of Murphy's Law, but have you heard of Cole's Law? It's shredded cabbage and carrot in mayonnaise.
Mayonnaise joke, You've all heard of Murphy's Law, but have you heard of Cole's Law?

Make fun with this list of one liners, jokes and riddles. Each joke is crafted with thought and creativity, delivering punchlines that are unexpected and witty. The humor about mayonnaise can easily lighten the mood and bring smiles to people's faces. This compilation of mayonnaise puns is not just entertaining but also a testament to the art of joke-telling. The jokes in this list are designed to display different humor styles, ensuring that every reader at any age finds something entertaining. Constantly updated, they offer a source of fun that ensures one is always smiling !

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Mayonnaise One Liners

Which mayonnaise one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with mayonnaise? I can suggest the ones about mustard and ketchup and mayo mexican.

  1. Someone threw a bottle of mayonnaise at me. I said, What the hellmann?
  2. How does Mayonnaise Laugh? LMAYO
    I'm sorry
  3. Somebody threw a jar of mayonnaise at me yesterday I was like, what the Hellman?!
  4. Someone threw a jar of mayonnaise at me What the Hellmann?
  5. Someone stole my jar of mayonnaise at lunch today I was like, What the Hellman?
  6. Any leftover cabbage can and will be shredded and mixed with mayonnaise. -Cole's Law
  7. What did the mayonnaise say to the refrigerator? Close the door! I'm dressing!
  8. I replaced my dad's shaving cream with mayonnaise... He shouted "what the Hellman!"
  9. [OC] Why did the mayonnaise win the running race? Because the tomato sauce couldn't Ketchup.
  10. Some one just threw a jar of mayonnaise at me! I yelled, **What the Hellman!**
  11. My friends keep questioning me on my mayonnaise addiction.... I said What the Hellman?
  12. What do you call a funny jar of mayonnaise? Lmayo!
  13. I saw someone tip a bucket of mayonnaise on my car. What the Hellman!
  14. What do you call laughing mayonnaise? lmayo
  15. i bought a horse over the weekend.. Her name is Mayo. Every once in a while Mayo-nnaise

Mayonnaise joke, i bought a horse over the weekend..

Comical & Quirky Mayonnaise Jokes for a Roaring Good Time

What funny jokes about mayonnaise you can tell and make people laugh? One example I can give are clean margarine jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help make mayonnaise prank.

A girl walks in to the dry cleaners

A girl walks in to the dry cleaners and places a garment on the counter. "I'll be back tomorrow afternoon to pick up my dress".
The clerk was somewhat preoccupied and didn't quite catch what she said, so he asked "Come again?".
"No. This time it's mayonnaise"

The Titanic and mayonnaise

What a lot of people don't know about the Titanic was that it was carrying a large shipment of mayonnaise to Mexico. In fact, the Mexican people were overjoyed to be receiving this fine delicacy.
Sadly, as we all know, the Titanic tragically sank, sending its many tons of mayonnaise to the bottom of the ocean. The Mexican people were saddened by this event, and dedicated an annual event to the remembrance of the mayonnaise
We call it Cinco de Mayo

Lose 7 pounds in 3 days with this one weird trick!

Step 1. Purchase mayonnaise.
Step 2. Leave mayonnaise in the sun for 5 hours. Let it really bake.
Step 3. Eat a couple spoon fulls of the mayo.
Step 4. Lose AT LEAST 7 pounds over the next 3 days!

A blonde walks into a drycleaners

and says 'good morning' to the elderly attendant and hands him a blouse. The man didn't hear too well and asked, "Come again"?
The blonde turned red and giggled. "No, just mayonnaise this time."

Three old women are discussing how their memory isn't what it used to be.

The first woman says, "Sometimes, I'm in the elevator, and I don't remember if I'm going up or down."
"The second woman says, "sometimes, I have a bottle of mayonnaise in my hand, and I don't remember if I'm taking it out of the fridge or putting it back."
"The third woman says, "Well, I don't have any of those problems, knock wood," knocking on the table. "Oh, hold on a second, someone's at the door."

What did the mayonnaise say to the man opening the fridge door?

"Don't look. I'm dressing."

What does the mayonnaise say to the refrigerator?

Shut the door im dressing

Making a sandwhich

So one day a family are checking into a hotel. There is a lack of rooms so they have to make do with one with a bunkbed. The mum and dad are on the top bunk and their son, the bottom
So late at night, the son wakes up to his parents saying things. They had code words for s**... and the mum said tomato for faster and lettuce for slower. Eventually the boy shouts up to his parents
"mum dad, stop making sandwichs, you're getting mayonnaise all over me"^(I'm Sorry)

What does a p**... and mayonnaise have in common?

They both spread for bread.

Jesus at the last supper

Jesus sits at the Last Supper, beginning to serve his guests.
First, he hands a basket of bread to go around, "These represent my body, and the pain I shall endure for my people."
Next, he begins pouring everyone wine, "This represents my blood, and how I am part of everyone."
He goes to open a jar of mayonnaise, Judas quickly takes it away from him, "Now I'm gonna have to stop you right there."

A blonde goes to the dry cleaners

She hands him her dress which has a huge stain in the front. She pays him and says "I need this dress for a party. So can you please get it cleaned by Thursday?" Now the dry cleaner was very old and couldn't hear properly so he asks her "Come again?"
The blonde blushes furiously and says "No, it is mayonnaise this time"

Jesus holds up the bread...

Jesus holds up the bread and says, "This is my body."
Next, Jesus hold up the wine and says, "This is my blood."
After that, Jesus holds up the mayonnaise and Peter says, "That's enough!"

I'm so tired from eating mayonnaise all day

I'm eggsauceded

Jesus and the disciples are at the last supper...

Jesus holds up a piece of bread and says, "This is my body."
Then he holds up a cup of wine, saying," This is my blood."
Then he holds up a jar of mayonnaise and Peter says, "Let me stop you right there, Jesus."

I decided not to make my own mayonnaise.

I didn't want to whisk it.

The Titanic

So, not many people know, back in the 1900's mayonnaise was only made in Europe. The titanic carried 1200 cases scheduled for delivery in the port of Vera Cruz as her next dock after her stop in New York. What would have been the first largest shipment sadly went down with the ship. The Mexicans were so upset over the loss they still celebrate a day of mourning which we know now as sinko de mayo.


-Have you heard of Murphy's law?
-Yes, anything that can go wrong will go wrong.
-What about Cole's Law?
-No, what is it?
-Thinly sliced cabbage drizzled with mayonnaise and sour cream

Mayo in the sink joke

What do you call a sink full of mayonnaise?
Sink o de mayo.
*Put mayonnaise in my sink, call that cinco de mayo.

My mayonnaise is trying kill me...

...or so my sauces tell me...

I went to Coles to buy a cabbage but apparently it's a legal requirement to buy mayonnaise and carrots too.

It's Coles Law.

TIL: The Titanic was not just a passenger liner, but also a cargo ship

Among other things, it was carrying a large shipment of mayonnaise bound for Mexico. When Mexico heard that they would not receive it, they understandably upset, and decided to name a day in memorial of it. They called this day Cinco de Mayo.

The principle difference's between Murphy's law and Cole's law

Murphy's law postulates that whatever can go wrong, will go wrong.
Cole's law primarily consists of thinly shredded cabbage, carrot and mayonnaise.

How does mayonnaise laugh?


Murphy's Law states that anything that can happen, will happen. But are you familiar with Cole's Law?

It's finely-shredded raw cabbage with a salad dressing, commonly either vinaigrette or mayonnaise.

Sod's law: Anything that can go wrong, will go wrong.

Moore's law: The complexity of integrated circuits doubles every 24 months.
Campbell's law: The more any quantitative social indicator is used for social decision making, the more subject it will be to corruption pressures and the more apt it will be to distort and corrupt the social processes it is intended to monitor.
Cole's law: A salad dish of shredded raw cabbage, carrots, and other vegetables mixed with mayonnaise.

I had a dream I was attacked in my kitchen by a giant head of cabbage. I grabbed a knife and stabbed, hacked, and slashed at it, but it still kept coming! I threw a jar of mayonnaise at it, to no avail -- then I hurled a bag of carrots, but nothing would stop it! In the end...

I fought the slaw and the slaw won.

The Last Supper

*Jesus raises cup of wine*
Jesus: This is my blood
*Jesus raises plate of bread*
Jesus: This is my body
*Jesus raises tub of mayonnaise*
Jesus: This is m-

What kind of mayonnaise do n**... use?


I just bought five jars of Mayonnaise so I'm all set for...

Cinqo De Mayo!

You may know Murphy's law, but have you heard of Coles law?

It is a side dish consisting primarily of finely shredded raw cabbage with a salad dressing, commonly either vinaigrette or mayonnaise.

A man threw a jar of mayonnaise at me earlier

I was like what the h**... man

Somebody threw a jar of mayonnaise at me.

I was like what the Hellmann

A woman walks into a dry cleaners....

She says to the guy at the counter "Hopefully you have the expertise to apply a suitable chemical procedure to eliminate this unsightly blemish from my favourite frock."
He says, "Come again?"
She says, "No, it's mayonnaise this time."

At the Last Supper, Jesus got out a loaf of bread and said "this is my body, eat it to remember me." Then Jesus got out a glass of wine and said "this is my blood, drink it to remember me."

Then Jesus got out a jar of mayonnaise and THAT'S when Judas knew this was going too far.

Surely you have heard of Murphy's Law?

Murphy's Law is simply "whatever can go wrong, will go wrong". But have you ever heard of Cole's Law?...
No? Well, cole's law is simply thinly sliced cabbage and carrots served cold with mayonnaise.

-Have you heard of Murphy's Law

\-Yes, anything can go wrong will go wrong
\-What's about Cole's law?
\-It's a thin-slice cabbage dripped in mayonnaise and sour cream

Scientists are worried about a new variant of COVID that makes you sweat mayonnaise...

...but don't worry, they're confident they can contain the spread.

I was walking home and somebody threw a mayonnaise jar at my head

I turned round and shouted What the h**... man


In 1912, the Titanic sank and everyone still talks about it to this day.
But only weeks after the incident, another ship fell victim to the harsh ocean. This was a large cargo ship that contains various products that were supposed to be delivered to Mexico, among them were sugar, coffee beans, but the bulk of the shipment comprised of mayonnaise. You see, Mexicans love mayonnaise. That's why when it happened on a sad day in May 5th, the whole mexican wept for the fallen sailors and the delicious products they were supposed to enjoy.
Since then, the day of mourning came to be: >!Sinko De Mayo!<

My roommate threw a jar of mayonnaise at me last night.

So i said to him, what the h**... man ?

Three older ladies are discussing the trials of getting older.

One says, Sometimes I catch myself with a jar of mayonnaise in my hand in front of the refrigerator and can't remember whether I need to put it away or start making a sandwich. The second lady chimes in, Yes, sometimes I find myself on the landing of the stairs and can't remember whether I was on my way up or on my way down. The third one responds, Well, I'm sure glad I don't have that problem, knock on wood. She raps her knuckles on the table, then says, That must be the door, I'll get it.

Mayonnaise joke, Some one just threw a jar of mayonnaise at me!

Jokes are a form of humor that often involves clever wordplay, puns or unexpected twists in a story. These are usually short narratives or anecdotes crafted with the intent of amusing its audience by ending in an unexpected or humorous punchline. Jokes are a universal form of entertainment that people of all ages like adults, teens, kids and toddlers can enjoy. JokoJokes' FAQ section has answers to questions you may have!

The impact of these mayonnaise jokes can be both social and psychological. They can help to ease tensions, create bonds between people, and even improve overall mental health. The success of a joke often relies on the delivery, timing, and audience. Jokes can be used in various settings, from social gatherings to professional presentations, and are often employed to lighten the mood or enhance a story.