The Best 69 Mayonnaise Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Mayonnaise jokes. There are some mayonnaise hollandaise jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these mayonnaise hellman puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Mayonnaise Jokes and Puns

A girl walks in to the dry cleaners

A girl walks in to the dry cleaners and places a garment on the counter. "I'll be back tomorrow afternoon to pick up my dress".

The clerk was somewhat preoccupied and didn't quite catch what she said, so he asked "Come again?".

"No. This time it's mayonnaise"

The Titanic and mayonnaise

What a lot of people don't know about the Titanic was that it was carrying a large shipment of mayonnaise to Mexico. In fact, the Mexican people were overjoyed to be receiving this fine delicacy.

Sadly, as we all know, the Titanic tragically sank, sending its many tons of mayonnaise to the bottom of the ocean. The Mexican people were saddened by this event, and dedicated an annual event to the remembrance of the mayonnaise

We call it Cinco de Mayo

Lose 7 pounds in 3 days with this one weird trick!

Step 1. Purchase mayonnaise.
Step 2. Leave mayonnaise in the sun for 5 hours. Let it really bake.
Step 3. Eat a couple spoon fulls of the mayo.
Step 4. Lose AT LEAST 7 pounds over the next 3 days!

Mayonnaise joke, Lose 7 pounds in 3 days with this one weird trick!

A blonde walks into a drycleaners

and says 'good morning' to the elderly attendant and hands him a blouse. The man didn't hear too well and asked, "Come again"?

The blonde turned red and giggled. "No, just mayonnaise this time."

Three old women are discussing how their memory isn't what it used to be.

The first woman says, "Sometimes, I'm in the elevator, and I don't remember if I'm going up or down."
"The second woman says, "sometimes, I have a bottle of mayonnaise in my hand, and I don't remember if I'm taking it out of the fridge or putting it back."
"The third woman says, "Well, I don't have any of those problems, knock wood," knocking on the table. "Oh, hold on a second, someone's at the door."


What did the mayonnaise say to the man opening the fridge door?

"Don't look. I'm dressing."

Why do rednecks always smell like pickles, mayonnaise, and ham?

Because they're inbred.

Mayonnaise joke, Why do rednecks always smell like pickles, mayonnaise, and ham?

[OC] Why did the mayonnaise win the running race?

Because the tomato sauce couldn't Ketchup.

What does the mayonnaise say to the refrigerator?

Shut the door im dressing

What does a prostitute and mayonnaise have in common?

They both spread for bread.

Jesus at the last supper

Jesus sits at the Last Supper, beginning to serve his guests.

First, he hands a basket of bread to go around, "These represent my body, and the pain I shall endure for my people."

Next, he begins pouring everyone wine, "This represents my blood, and how I am part of everyone."

He goes to open a jar of mayonnaise, Judas quickly takes it away from him, "Now I'm gonna have to stop you right there."

You can explore mayonnaise cabbage reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean mayonnaise mustard dad jokes. There are also mayonnaise puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


Yesterday I told someone that I don't like babies?

"Have you tried them with ketchup instead of mayonnaise?", they asked.

What do you say if you spill mayonnaise in the kitchen sink?

Happy Cinco de Mayo!

119 years ago today a Canadian cargo vessel sank off the coast of New York, her cargo 50,000 cases of mayonnaise.

And that's why we celebrate Sinko de Mayo

What do you call laughing mayonnaise?

lmayo

What do you call a funny jar of mayonnaise?

Lmayo!

Mayonnaise joke, What do you call a funny jar of mayonnaise?

A blonde goes to the dry cleaners

She hands him her dress which has a huge stain in the front. She pays him and says "I need this dress for a party. So can you please get it cleaned by Thursday?" Now the dry cleaner was very old and couldn't hear properly so he asks her "Come again?"
The blonde blushes furiously and says "No, it is mayonnaise this time"

What's the difference between a jar of mayonnaise and France?

If you leave the jar alone for 200 years it'll develop a culture.

Jesus holds up the bread...

Jesus holds up the bread and says, "This is my body."

Next, Jesus hold up the wine and says, "This is my blood."

After that, Jesus holds up the mayonnaise and Peter says, "That's enough!"


Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and...

then putting mayonnaise on a perfectly good sandwich.

I'm so tired from eating mayonnaise all day

I'm eggsauceded

A man named Eric Cole...

... discovered that there was a direct correlation between the amount of mayonnaise on his cabbage salad and how good it tastes.
He's calling this correlation Cole's Law.

What is Uncle Ben's favorite condiment?

Aunt Mayonnaise

Americans are so hung up on authenticity because of fake news

We have to be told that mayonnaise is REAL

What do you call a mayonnaise bottle that rules a state?

Mayo-r

How does Mayonnaise Laugh?

LMAYO

I'm sorry

Jesus and the disciples are at the last supper...

Jesus holds up a piece of bread and says, "This is my body."

Then he holds up a cup of wine, saying," This is my blood."

Then he holds up a jar of mayonnaise and Peter says, "Let me stop you right there, Jesus."

You catch flys with sugar, you catch bees with honey, but what do you catch WASP'S with?

Mayonnaise.

I made some cocaine infused mayonnaise. I was going to call it...

Yayoli (Yaioli)

I decided not to make my own mayonnaise.

I didn't want to whisk it.

There was a man who claimed that, by putting mayonnaise on any food no matter how bland you could make it better.

They decided to name it after him and call it Cole's Law.

My friends keep questioning me on my mayonnaise addiction....

I said What the Hellman?

The Titanic

So, not many people know, back in the 1900's mayonnaise was only made in Europe. The titanic carried 1200 cases scheduled for delivery in the port of Vera Cruz as her next dock after her stop in New York. What would have been the first largest shipment sadly went down with the ship. The Mexicans were so upset over the loss they still celebrate a day of mourning which we know now as sinko de mayo.

Laws

-Have you heard of Murphy's law?

-Yes, anything that can go wrong will go wrong.

-What about Cole's Law?

-No, what is it?

-Thinly sliced cabbage drizzled with mayonnaise and sour cream

Mayo in the sink joke

What do you call a sink full of mayonnaise?
Sink o de mayo.

*Put mayonnaise in my sink, call that cinco de mayo.

What do you call a Mexican person drowning in mayonnaise?

Sinko de Mayo

My mayonnaise is trying kill me...

...or so my sauces tell me...

Everybody's heard of Murphy's Law: "if something can go wrong, it will go wrong." However, few people know of Cole's Law...

It's thinly sliced cabbage and mayonnaise.

I went to Coles to buy a cabbage but apparently it's a legal requirement to buy mayonnaise and carrots too.

It's Coles Law.

TIL: The Titanic was not just a passenger liner, but also a cargo ship

Among other things, it was carrying a large shipment of mayonnaise bound for Mexico. When Mexico heard that they would not receive it, they understandably upset, and decided to name a day in memorial of it. They called this day Cinco de Mayo.

The principle difference's between Murphy's law and Cole's law

Murphy's law postulates that whatever can go wrong, will go wrong.

Cole's law primarily consists of thinly shredded cabbage, carrot and mayonnaise.

Any leftover cabbage can and will be shredded and mixed with mayonnaise.

-Cole's Law

I replaced my dad's shaving cream with mayonnaise...

He shouted "what the Hellman!"

How does mayonnaise laugh?

L-MAYO

Why did the Mexicans cheer when they filled a cenote with mayonnaise?

They celebrate sinkhole de mayo.

Murphy's Law states that anything that can happen, will happen. But are you familiar with Cole's Law?

It's finely-shredded raw cabbage with a salad dressing, commonly either vinaigrette or mayonnaise.

Car broke down in Alaska

When the tow truck arrived the driver said It appears you blew a seal

Guy said no, that's just mayonnaise, I ate a sandwich while waiting

I had a dream I was attacked in my kitchen by a giant head of cabbage. I grabbed a knife and stabbed, hacked, and slashed at it, but it still kept coming! I threw a jar of mayonnaise at it, to no avail -- then I hurled a bag of carrots, but nothing would stop it! In the end...

I fought the slaw and the slaw won.

Your Mom is so fat....

She puts mayonnaise on aspirin.

You know Murphy's law right? Have you heard of Cole's Law?

It's like, chopped cabbage in mayonnaise.

I prayed to God to help me get a new car, and I woke up to a giant dollop of mayonnaise in my driveway.

I guess he gave me a Miracle Whip.

big mayo is out of control

do you think they called it Hellboy because they were afraid the mayonnaise company might be particularly litigious?

The Last Supper

*Jesus raises cup of wine*

Jesus: This is my blood

*Jesus raises plate of bread*

Jesus: This is my body

*Jesus raises tub of mayonnaise*

Jesus: This is m-

Judas: WOAH WOAH STOP RIGHT THERE

What's the difference between mayonnaise and aioli?

Aioli did a semester abroad

What kind of mayonnaise do Nazis use?

Heilman's.

I just bought five jars of Mayonnaise so I'm all set for...

Cinqo De Mayo!

You may know Murphy's law, but have you heard of Coles law?

It is a side dish consisting primarily of finely shredded raw cabbage with a salad dressing, commonly either vinaigrette or mayonnaise.

A man threw a jar of mayonnaise at me earlier

I was like what the hell man

What did the mayonnaise say when the refrigerator door was opened?

Close the door, I'm dressing.

Somebody threw a jar of mayonnaise at me.

I was like what the Hellmann

A woman walks into a dry cleaners....

She says to the guy at the counter "Hopefully you have the expertise to apply a suitable chemical procedure to eliminate this unsightly blemish from my favourite frock."

He says, "Come again?"

She says, "No, it's mayonnaise this time."

Someone stole my jar of mayonnaise at lunch today

I was like, What the Hellman?

At the Last Supper, Jesus got out a loaf of bread and said "this is my body, eat it to remember me." Then Jesus got out a glass of wine and said "this is my blood, drink it to remember me."

Then Jesus got out a jar of mayonnaise and THAT'S when Judas knew this was going too far.

Someone threw a jar of mayonnaise at me

What the Hellmann?

You know Murphy's Law. It's "If something can go wrong, it will", but do you know Cole's law? It's...

shredded cabbage, mayonnaise, maybe some carrot.

Surely you have heard of Murphy's Law?

Murphy's Law is simply "whatever can go wrong, will go wrong". But have you ever heard of Cole's Law?...

No? Well, cole's law is simply thinly sliced cabbage and carrots served cold with mayonnaise.

What did the mayonnaise say to the refrigerator?

Close the door! I'm dressing!

Somebody threw a jar of mayonnaise at me yesterday

I was like, what the Hellman?!

You've all heard of Murphy's Law, but have you heard of Cole's Law?

It's shredded cabbage and carrot in mayonnaise.

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the mayonnaise vinaigrette jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working mayonnaise ketchup piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

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