Maximum Jokes
40 maximum jokes and hilarious maximum puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about maximum that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Quick Jump To
Funniest Maximum Short Jokes
Short maximum jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The maximum humour may include short highest jokes also.
- I just got kicked out of karaoke night for singing "Danger Zone" six times in a row… They said I exceeded my maximum number of Loggins attempts…
- The manual in my car says that I shouldn't turn the stereo volume to the maximum. That's....sound advice.
- Strong people don't put others down. They lift them up and body-slam them for maximum impact.
- What's the difference between an Ethiopian elevator sign and an British elevator sign? British sign says " Maximum 6 People/500kg"
Ethiopian sign says "Maximum 500 People/6kg" - Recently I've started teaching a poetry class in a maximum security prison. It's a tough job but I enjoy it. It really has it's prose and cons.
- While in Prague I drove by the maximum security prison. It made me feel uneasy... I never like passing bad Czechs.
- What's the difference between your mom and an elevator? An elevator has a maximum occupancy.
- Did you hear about the cheesemaker who got sent to maximum security prison? He's being kept in solid-dairy confinement.
- The pope blessed the people of Ireland today. So don't pick a fight with an Irishman. For a short time, all their attacks do maximum damage.
- An Asian person robbed my house. 1. My homework is done.
2. My computer is upgraded to its maximum potential.
3. There's a person trying to back out of the driveway.
Share These Maximum Jokes With Friends
Maximum One Liners
Which maximum one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with maximum? I can suggest the ones about minimum and limit.
- What do you call the largest number of grizzlies you can fit in a car? The bear maximum
- Was given a VIP tour of a prison today Maximum security? What an honour!
- For maximum attention, nothing beats a good mistake.
- Which football club has the maximum chicken players? KFC
- Yo momma's so fat... she's a maximum.
- What's the maximum velocity while having s**...? 68, cause at 69 you flip over
- What do you call a s**... bank above maximum capacity? Overloaded
- Why are rockets shaped like p**...? Because they provide maximum t**....
- My mom always spends all her money at m**...... I guess you could say she's a maximum...
Cheeky Maximum Jokes to Experience Good Cheer & Frivolity
What funny jokes about maximum you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean peak jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make maximum pranks.
A shooting club was holding a competition. The winner was to get a somewhat ugly trophy, the second-placed shooter - a crate of champagne.
By the end of the final round, two shooters were tied for first place, so they were told to do a tiebreaker round - 5 shots at maximum distance. To keep things more dramatic, they had to shoot at the same time.
After both had stopped firing and were awaiting the results, one shooter turned to his rival and said with a little smile: "I'm sorry, pal. I put all five shots in the wall."
"I'm sorry, too," replied the other, "because I put all of mine into your target."
Two blondes in a helicopter
Two blondes won a joy ride in a helicopter. As they reached maximum altitude one turned to the other and said "I hope nothing goes wrong, have they got enough fuel?" The other responded "I hope so too, imagine if they ran out, we'd be stuck up here forever!"
If a tall lesbian and a short lesbian have a baby...
...you could call them m**...-mum and mini-mum.
If life was like middle school
Judge: In all my years on the bench, I have never seen a more despicable criminal. You robbed, assaulted, and tortured the victim simply for the thrill of it. Do you have anything to say before I sentence you?
Criminal: Nope
Judge: I hereby sentence you to forty years in a maximum security prison. I also sentence the victim to forty years in prison.
Victim: Wait- what? That doesn't make any sense! *He* attacked *me*!
Judge: I don't care who started it.
An engineer, a physicist, and a mathematician are trying to set up a fenced-in area for some sheep...
but they have a limited amount of building material. The engineer gets up first and makes a square fence with the material, reasoning that it's a pretty good working solution. "No no," says the physicist, "there's a better way." He takes the fence and makes a circular pen, showing how it encompasses the maximum possible space with the given material.
Then the mathematician speaks up: "No, no, there's an even better way." To the others' amusement he proceeds to construct a little tiny fence around himself, then declares:
"I define myself to be on the outside."
A young man, walking down the street, passes a woman sitting next to a TV with a For Sale sign on it.
Him: Hi, how much for the TV?
Her: One dollar
Him: Only one? Wow that's a bargain!
Her: Yeah, it's cheap because the volume is stuck on maximum
Him: Ah, Ok. So the TV is one dollar because the volume is always right up?
Her: Yep. Do you want it?
Him: Well I guess I can't turn that down!
An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar...
The number of occupants exceeds the maximum allowable number for fire safety, and thus the bartender throws them out.
What is the maximum number of people a person can have s**... with in one day called?
Bangwidth.
Did you know that the capital of Ireland had the maximum growth of Europe?
It's Dublin every year
What do women and video games have in common?
You have to beat them to get maximum enjoyment.
A 2020's Nightclub
Nightclubs in 2050 will have a 2020's theme night, with masks as dress-code, a maximum occupancy of 6, and a bartender behind a wall of pyrex.
A friend of mine told me how to get maximum returns on my investments
That really peaked my interest!
TIL Humans are only capable of a maximum of 150 friends at one time.
Except for Dave: obviously.
Did you know that restaurants can only store a maximum of 256 sliders at a time?
It's because they're 1 byte.
What is the maximum of loneliness?
When even Jehova's Witnesses won't come and talk to you
A movie about the maximum function in coding and signal transformation applications in road planning:
"Math.Max Fourier Road"
