The Best 31 Maximum Jokes
Following is our collection of funniest Maximum jokes. There are some maximum accuracy jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud. Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these maximum max puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.
Funny Maximum Jokes and Puns
I just got kicked out of karaoke night for singing "Danger Zone" six times in a row…
They said I exceeded my maximum number of Loggins attempts…
A shooting club was holding a competition. The winner was to get a somewhat ugly trophy, the second-placed shooter - a crate of champagne.
By the end of the final round, two shooters were tied for first place, so they were told to do a tiebreaker round - 5 shots at maximum distance. To keep things more dramatic, they had to shoot at the same time.
After both had stopped firing and were awaiting the results, one shooter turned to his rival and said with a little smile: "I'm sorry, pal. I put all five shots in the wall."
"I'm sorry, too," replied the other, "because I put all of mine into your target."
The manual in my car says that I shouldn't turn the stereo volume to the maximum.
That's....sound advice.
Two blondes in a helicopter
Two blondes won a joy ride in a helicopter. As they reached maximum altitude one turned to the other and said "I hope nothing goes wrong, have they got enough fuel?" The other responded "I hope so too, imagine if they ran out, we'd be stuck up here forever!"
If a tall lesbian and a short lesbian have a baby...
...you could call them maxi-mum and mini-mum.
Strong people don't put others down.
They lift them up and body-slam them for maximum impact.
If life was like middle school
Judge: In all my years on the bench, I have never seen a more despicable criminal. You robbed, assaulted, and tortured the victim simply for the thrill of it. Do you have anything to say before I sentence you?
Criminal: Nope
Judge: I hereby sentence you to forty years in a maximum security prison. I also sentence the victim to forty years in prison.
Victim: Wait- what? That doesn't make any sense! *He* attacked *me*!
Judge: I don't care who started it.
What's the difference between an Ethiopian elevator sign and an British elevator sign?
British sign says " Maximum 6 People/500kg"
Ethiopian sign says "Maximum 500 People/6kg"
An engineer, a physicist, and a mathematician are trying to set up a fenced-in area for some sheep...
but they have a limited amount of building material. The engineer gets up first and makes a square fence with the material, reasoning that it's a pretty good working solution. "No no," says the physicist, "there's a better way." He takes the fence and makes a circular pen, showing how it encompasses the maximum possible space with the given material.
Then the mathematician speaks up: "No, no, there's an even better way." To the others' amusement he proceeds to construct a little tiny fence around himself, then declares:
"I define myself to be on the outside."
While in Prague I drove by the maximum security prison. It made me feel uneasy...
I never like passing bad Czechs.
What's the difference between your mom and an elevator?
An elevator has a maximum occupancy.
You can explore maximum units reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean maximum capacity dad jokes. There are also maximum puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
A young man, walking down the street, passes a woman sitting next to a TV with a For Sale sign on it.
Him: Hi, how much for the TV?
Her: One dollar
Him: Only one? Wow that's a bargain!
Her: Yeah, it's cheap because the volume is stuck on maximum
Him: Ah, Ok. So the TV is one dollar because the volume is always right up?
Her: Yep. Do you want it?
Him: Well I guess I can't turn that down!
The pope blessed the people of Ireland today.
So don't pick a fight with an Irishman. For a short time, all their attacks do maximum damage.
What do you call the largest number of grizzlies you can fit in a car?
The bear maximum
What's the maximum velocity while having sex?
68, cause at 69 you flip over
An Asian person robbed my house.
1. My homework is done.
2. My computer is upgraded to its maximum potential.
3. There's a person trying to back out of the driveway.
An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar...
The number of occupants exceeds the maximum allowable number for fire safety, and thus the bartender throws them out.
Did you know that the capital of Ireland had the maximum growth of Europe?
It's Dublin every year
What do women and video games have in common?
You have to beat them to get maximum enjoyment.
What do you call a sperm bank above maximum capacity?
Overloaded
TIL Humans are only capable of a maximum of 150 friends at one time.
Except for Dave: obviously.
Did you know that restaurants can only store a maximum of 256 sliders at a time?
It's because they're 1 byte.
Was given a VIP tour of a prison today
Maximum security? What an honour!
What is the maximum of loneliness?
When even Jehova's Witnesses won't come and talk to you
Why are rockets shaped like penises?
Because they provide maximum thrust.
A movie about the maximum function in coding and signal transformation applications in road planning:
"Math.Max Fourier Road"
NSFW Q: Why is 68 the maximum speed for blondes?
A: Because at 69 they blow a rod.
Picking people up
Strong people don't put others down. They pick them up and slam them on the ground for maximum damage.
Which football club has the maximum chicken players?
KFC
Just walked past an add on a window that said "TV for sale: 1$. Sound stuck at maximum"
I thought "I can't turn that down"
My mom always spends all her money at Maxi...
I guess you could say she's a maximum...
Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the maximum windshields jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.
We suggest to use only working maximum rapidly piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.