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Mattress Jokes

86 mattress jokes and hilarious mattress puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about mattress that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Best Short Mattress Jokes

Short mattress jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The mattress humour may include short pillow jokes also.

  1. Great pickup line... You:Hey, do you have a Memory foam mattress?
    Her: Yes.
    You: Wanna Traumatize it?
  2. Welcome to Lannister family mattress store! Where we push two twins together to make a king.
  3. I want to be a rock climber, but I'm taking mattress making classes just to be safe. It's…something to fall back on.
  4. What's the difference between a mattress and a highway? A baby will cry for hours if you throw it on a mattress but it stops crying pretty quickly if you throw it on a highway.
  5. Me: How long have we had that mattress? Wife: No idea
    Memory foam mattress: Two years, five months and two days
  6. I'm not saying me and my partner are freaky in bed...... ....But our memory foam mattress has PTSD.
  7. I'd like to buy a bed, please. Certainly, madam. Spring mattress? Oh, no! I want to be able to use it all year.
  8. I bought two mattresses the other day I really only needed one, but when I went to buy it, I saw that it was a twin, and I didn't want to separate them.
  9. I don't understand why mattresses aren't talked about more Seems like people are really sleeping on them
  10. My wife is coming back from holiday tomorrow... Does anyone know how to delete the memory, from my memory foam mattress?

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Mattress joke, My wife is coming back from holiday tomorrow...


Make fun with this list of one liners, jokes and riddles. Each joke is crafted with thought and creativity, delivering punchlines that are unexpected and witty. The humor about mattress can easily lighten the mood and bring smiles to people's faces. This compilation of mattress puns is not just entertaining but also a testament to the art of joke-telling. The jokes in this list are designed to display different humor styles, ensuring that every reader at any age finds something entertaining. Constantly updated, they offer a source of fun that ensures one is always smiling !

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Mattress One Liners

Which mattress one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with mattress? I can suggest the ones about beds and bed sheet.

  1. Your mom is so fat Her memory foam mattress drinks to forget.
  2. I just got a repressed memory foam mattress. It holds me just like my uncle used to.
  3. I can't decide if I should get a new mattress or not. I should probably sleep on it.
  4. Just got a repressed memory foam mattress, it holds me just like my gym teacher did
  5. What do you call a Japanese deep fried mattress? A Tempura-Pedic
  6. I'm not saying my ex is fat... But my memory foam mattress took a year to forget her.
  7. Your momma's so fat she gave her memory foam mattress brain damage....
  8. What is a mattress' favorite season? Spring.
  9. Why is King Joffrey like a mattress? Two twins make a King.
  10. Why are ISIS inflatable mattresses the best? They blow themselves up.
  11. What do you call a bed that gets passed down through generations? An heir mattress
  12. What mattresses do Lannisters use ? They push two twins together to make a king.
  13. My wife wanted a new mattress... I said I'd have to sleep on it.
  14. What do most people look forward to but most mattresses fear? Spring Break
  15. I hit a mattress on the highway The owner pulled over and said Sorry, it was my bed.

Mattress joke, I hit a mattress on the highway

Charming Humor Mattress Jokes with Loads of Fun

What funny jokes about mattress you can tell and make people laugh? One example I can give are clean bed sheets jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help make mattress prank.

Definition: Mistress

It's what goes between the mister and the mattress.

So, I ate a memory foam mattress again

I had forgotten how much better they taste than traditional mattresses.

Nun takes a vow of silence

A woman joins a convent that requires a vow of silence, allowing members only two word a decade.
Ten years go by and the woman tells the head nun, "Room cold." They give her a heater and she goes back to her prayers.
Ten more years go by and she says, "Bed hard." They give her a new mattress and she goes back to her prayers.
Ten more years go by and the woman says, "I quit." The head nun says, "Fine by me. All you've done since you got here is complain."

So I went to the mattress store and tried laying on one of the Temper-Pedic mattresses.

I was impressed.

My daughter bought a new mattress for when she goes off to school, but was undecided about whether to keep it.

I told her to sleep on it.

A pickup line for people named Matt.

"Hey girl, you should sleep with me, my name's short for mattress." (Just made it up today, please don't hate me.)

What do you call a fat man trying out a new tempurpedic mattress?

The great depression

There is so much dust on that drawer that if you sneeze on it

mattress will fall out.

"So sir, have you decided whether or not you'd like to buy this mattress?"

"I'll sleep on it"

I couldn't decide whether or not to buy this new king sized mattress

I'm going to sleep on it.

It's find it a tough decision to buy the right mattress...

I guess I'll have to sleep on it.

How can you tell an elephant is on its period?

There's a quarter on your night stand and your mattress pad is missing.

Did you guys hear about Freddie Mercury's bedroom furniture store?

Nothing Really Mattress. They only sell queen size.

What do Tempurpedic mattresses and raptors have in common?

"They remember"

I had a horrible night last night

My blow up doll ran off with my air mattress

My friend was ashamed of impulse buying a $1000 mattress

I asked him to sleep on it

One more for the road. Abu Al Abid went to USA for the first time,

He opened a furniture shop & a l**... shop.
In 6 months....
he made a good business.
.
He sends an email to his wife saying:
Please rush, pack up & come to USA,
I sold 100 mattresses and 5000 p**....
I made $100,000.
She replies:
It is better that you close your shop and come back fast.
With 1 mattress & with no p**...
I made $300,000.. ...

Why did the Sultan leave his job at Mattress City?

He was already a manager at Ottoman Empire

Who counts more sheep than mattress companies?

Apple Inc.

I bought a new mattress and reached for the s**... label to tear it off. But I saw the federal warning, and couldn't decide if I should leave it or get rid of it.

I decided to sleep on it.

You're mother is so heavy

When she sleeps on a memory foam mattress,
It forgets.

Business is going well

A man left his home country of India to go to America in hopes of making money to support his family. He opened a furniture and l**... business and in just 3 months he had made 80,000 dollars.
So he he wrote to his wife saying 'Honey I want you and the kids to come to America, I sold 1500 mattresses and 900 p**... and business is going well!'
The wife wrote back saying 'You should come back to India, with just 1 mattress and no p**... Ive made 500,000 dollars!'

Everything about buying a new mattress has gotten me so stressed out.

I figured I'd sleep on it.

I asked my wife...

If she wanted to do something i**... and it involves beds tonight. I can't wait to see her face light up when she finds out we're ripping all the mattress tags off this evening.

Do you know why a queen sized mattress is called a "queen"?

You do if you're married.

What has a bottom on its top?

A gay guy's mattress.

A liquor salesman, a food salesman and a mattress salesman were sitting in hotel lobby chatting

The liquor salesman spoke first,"Y'know, I hate to see a woman drink alone."
The food salesman countered with,"I hate to see a woman eat alone."
The mattress salesman said,"Say, what do you fellows think of the cold weather we've been having?"

Bought one of those fancy memory-gel mattresses

Doesn't work because it turns out nothing has happened in my bed that's worth remembering

My memory foam mattress broke yesterday...

It has amnesia

Do you know why German Wehrmacht girls are in Holland?

As a mattress for the soldiers!

Why did the hitman buy an inflatable mattress?

His boss told him to lilo for a while.

I'm going to put wheels on a mattress

it shall be called the tempur-speedic

I was unsure which mattress I should buy and the salesman told me to sleep on it.

Apparently there was a misunderstanding.

I got fired from my job at DFS because I am dyslexic.....

Not that it mattress.

There is an openly gay homeless man in my neighborhood.

I didn't have much but I wanted to offer him a place to stay so I let him stay on a mattress in my walk-in closet. Now he is no longer homeless and no longer out of the closet.

Yo mama so fat...

Yo mama so fat her memory-foam mattress forgot!

The Orientation for my new job at the Mattress Store was today.

The Manager handed me a King-sized Blanket and said, "Well, I think that covers just about everything here."

Your a**... is so fat...

That your memory foam mattress wishes it can forget your a**....

Yo Momma is so fat

...her memory foam mattress got alzheimer's.

What did h**... name his mattress?

Mein Kampfy

My career as a professional rock climber is going great, but I'm also taking a course in mattress-making.

Just so I've got something to fall back on.

Yo mama so big...

...her memory foam mattress drinks to forget.

Three guys were sleeping on a single mattress

When they wake up the guy on the left whispers to the other two, "Dudes, I just had a dream I was getting a h**......It was friggin awesome."
Then the guy on the right says, "Get outta here! I had a h**... dream too!"
While they high fived and discussed the odds, the guy in the center said, "Lucky stiffs. In my dream, I was skiing."

Yo momma's so fat...

She slept on a memory foam mattress and it never forgot.

I'm taking rock climbing lessons and my dad suggested I sign up for a mattress making class.

It's ….. something to fall back on.

If I had a dollar for every time I had trouble going to sleep

I'd be able to afford a better mattress

Mattress joke, If I had a dollar for every time I had trouble going to sleep

jokes about mattress

Jokes are a form of humor that often involves clever wordplay, puns or unexpected twists in a story. These are usually short narratives or anecdotes crafted with the intent of amusing its audience by ending in an unexpected or humorous punchline. Jokes are a universal form of entertainment that people of all ages like adults, teens, kids and toddlers can enjoy. JokoJokes' FAQ section has answers to questions you may have!

The impact of these mattress jokes can be both social and psychological. They can help to ease tensions, create bonds between people, and even improve overall mental health. The success of a joke often relies on the delivery, timing, and audience. Jokes can be used in various settings, from social gatherings to professional presentations, and are often employed to lighten the mood or enhance a story.