Her memory foam mattress drinks to forget.
It holds me just like my uncle used to.
I should probably sleep on it.
it holds me just like my gym teacher did
You:Hey, do you have a Memory foam mattress?
Her: Yes.
You: Wanna Traumatize it?
She wasn't sure whether or not to take a foam mattress with her to her summer camp job.
"Sleep on it," I said.
Update: It's the mattress -not the joke- that's dirty. We use it for camping a lot and it is actually quite disgusting. The joke? Clean as a whistle. Sorry for the confusion.
A Tempura-Pedic
she gave her memory foam mattress brain damage....
Due to a shortage of beds to lay in at a homeless shelter, three men were set to be laying together in a California King sized mattress. That night, the three go to bed.
They wake up the next morning to the alarm clock going off, waking the three up.
The man on the left says "Hmm, I had the oddest dream. I had a dream that I was being given a handjob."
The man on the right says "Yeah. Me, too."
The man in the center says "Hmm, that's weird. I dreamed I was skiing."
She gave her memory foam mattress brain damage
Two twins make a King.
A baby will cry for hours if you throw it on a mattress but it stops crying pretty quickly if you throw it on a highway.
A woman joins a convent that requires a vow of silence, allowing members only two word a decade.
Ten years go by and the woman tells the head nun, "Room cold." They give her a heater and she goes back to her prayers.
Ten more years go by and she says, "Bed hard." They give her a new mattress and she goes back to her prayers.
Ten more years go by and the woman says, "I quit." The head nun says, "Fine by me. All you've done since you got here is complain."
Wife: No idea
Memory foam mattress: Two years, five months and two days
I decided to sleep on it.
Oh, no! I want to be able to use it all year.
....But our memory foam mattress has PTSD.
I said I'd have to sleep on it.
Ahmed was a family man who worked very hard to take care of his family. Eventually he fell on hard times and decided to try his luck in London leaving back his family.
He toiled hard and eventually made some money. One day he decided to write a letter to his wife:
"Dear Wife, I am sorry that you and others have to endure my absence. I made £10,000 selling 100 mattresses and 1000 panties. Very soon I'll come back and we will live the life we always dreamed of."
The letter gets to Ahmed's father first and his father wrote back:
"Dear Son, Come back now. Your wife has made £100,000 with a single mattress and no panties."
I figured I'd sleep on it.
"I'll sleep on it"
I asked him to sleep on it
The liquor salesman spoke first,"Y'know, I hate to see a woman drink alone."
The food salesman countered with,"I hate to see a woman eat alone."
The mattress salesman said,"Say, what do you fellows think of the cold weather we've been having?"
I'm going to sleep on it.
The great depression
My blow up doll ran off with my air mattress
Yo mama so fat her memory-foam mattress forgot!
Nothing Really Mattress. They only sell queen size.
Apparently there was a misunderstanding.
A gay guy's mattress.
It has amnesia
As a mattress for the soldiers!
He was already a manager at Ottoman Empire
It's what goes between the mister and the mattress.
I had forgotten how much better they taste than traditional mattresses.
His boss told him to lilo for a while.
it shall be called the tempur-speedic
Apple Inc.
I guess I'll have to sleep on it.
I told her to sleep on it.
"Hey girl, you should sleep with me, my name's short for mattress." (Just made it up today, please don't hate me.)
There's a quarter on your night stand and your mattress pad is missing.
If she wanted to do something illegal and it involves beds tonight. I can't wait to see her face light up when she finds out we're ripping all the mattress tags off this evening.
You do if you're married.
I didn't have much but I wanted to offer him a place to stay so I let him stay on a mattress in my walk-in closet. Now he is no longer homeless and no longer out of the closet.
They called it the Bed Shop Boys
Your mattress is missing and, theirs a quarter on the dresser.
prefer to sleep on Terra Firma?
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