The Best 56 Matthew Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Matthew jokes. There are some matthew broderick jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these matthew jacob puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 Funniest Matthew Jokes and Puns

Matthew McConaughey and Andre 3000 released an album together.

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What do you call Matthew Broderick after he takes his Iron deficiency pills?

Ferrous Bueller

Matthew McConaughey says he saw a ghost.

It was all white, all white, all white.

Matthew joke, Matthew McConaughey says he saw a ghost.

George Clooney, Leonardo Dicaprio and Matthew Mcconaughey got together to make a movie...

George Clooney said, "I'll direct."

Dicaprio said, "I'll produce."

And Matthew McConaughey said, "I'll write, I'll write, I'll write."

A waiter is working and sees Jesus come in

Waiter: Hello sir, welcome to our restaurant! What can I get for you?

Jesus: Hello Matthew. Today I would like a steak please.

Waiter: How did you... oh right, you're Jesus! Duh. Anyways, how would you like that?

Jesus: Well done, good and faithful servant


Confession

Matthew goes into a confessional box and says "Bless me father for I have sinned, I have been with a loose woman."

The Priest says "is that you Matthew?"

"Yes father, it is I."

"Who was the woman you were with?"

"I cannot tell you for I do not wish to sully her reputation."

The priest asks "Was it Brenda O'Malley?"

"No father."

"Was it Fiona MacDonald?"

"No father."

"Was it Ann Brown?"

"No father, I cannot tell you."

The priest says "I admire your perseverance but you must atone for your sins. Your penance will be five Our Fathers and four Hail Marys."

Matthew goes back to his pew and his buddy Sean slides over and asks "What did you get?" Matthew replies "I got five Our Fathers, four Hail Marys and three good leads."

How do you get to Matthew McConaughey's house?

A right a right a right

Matthew joke, How do you get to Matthew McConaughey's house?

My wife always accuses me of having a favorite child.

It's not true, I love Matthew and Not-Matthew equally.

What do you get when you cross iron man and Matthew Broderick?

Ferrous Bueller

I asked my wife if she wanted to watch a movie with Matthew McConaughey...

She said it's not a Matthew McKindaDay.

What did Matthew McConaughey say when he saw this year's Oscar nominees?

All white, all white, all whiiiiiiiite...

You can explore matthew matt reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean matthew jehovah dad jokes. There are also matthew puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


A priest started his Sunday sermon by saying...

... "Today's sermon is going to be about 'liars'. How many of you have read the 69th chapter of the gospel according to St Matthew? "

Nearly everyone raised their hands.

"You are exactly the people I want speak to. There is no 69th chapter of the gospel according to St Matthew."

Matthew McMonaughey's Lincoln doesn't make left turns...

It just goes all right, all right, all right.

Who says Jesus couldn't perform miracles?

He managed to find mates named Matthew, Mark, Luke and John hanging around in the Middle East.

What does Asian Matthew Mcconaughey want for dinner?

All rice, all rice, all rice

Has anyone here seen the Matthew McConaughey movie where he keeps getting grouchy in the early evenings and no one can figure out why...?

Failure to Lunch?

Matthew joke, Has anyone here seen the Matthew McConaughey movie where he keeps getting grouchy in the early eveni

What is matthew mcconaughey favorite bread?

All rye all rye

What is matthew mcconaughey' least favorite part of interstellar?

"The girls get older, but he stays the same age"

-first attempt at a original joke (apologies if its a repost that I'm unaware of)

Who does Matthew McConaughey say is the most dangerous group in America?

Alt-right, alt-right, alt-right


Matthew McConaughey set to guest edit Breibart news next week

Alt-Right Alt-Right Alt-Right

What kind of bread does Matthew McConaughey eat?

All rye all rye all rye!

My wife accuses me of favoritism over my children, which is not true.

I love Matthew and Not-Matthew equally.

What does Matthew Mcconaughey say when he sees Steve Bannon?

Alt right, alt right, alt right..

Where does Matthew McConaughey sit politically?

Alt right alt right alt right

Who did Matthew McConaughey blame in the protests in Charlottesville?

Alt-right, alt-right, alt-right.

What do you call a radical Matthew McConaughey?

Alt-right, alt-right, alt-right.

I met Matthew McConaughey and asked him to sign a photo for me. I told him to make sure he doesn't write anything in the left side of the picture though.

He said "Alright, I'll write all right."

In an upcoming film, Matthew McConaughey is going to play a Neo-Nazi

He's gonna be alt-right, alt-right, alt-right.

Why does Matthew McConaughey only watch NASCAR in a mirror?

So the turns are all right all right all right.

Tom Hanks, Leonardo DiCaprio and Matthew McConaughey all decide to make a movie

Tom hanks says "I'll produce it"

Leonardo DiCaprio says "I'll direct it"

Matthew McConaughey says "I'll write I'll write I'll write"

Matthew McConaughey just bought NASCAR

And he's making racers drive the opposite direction. Now instead of making left turns, they're going all right, all right, all right

I recently came down with Matthew Mcconaughey's disease

Don't worry, I'm alright alright alright now.

What did Matthew McConaughey say to me when he found out I made a joke that didn't make the front page?

"It'd be a lot cooler if you did."

What does Matthew McConaughey eat when trying to bulk up?

All rice, all rice, all rice

Turns out Matthew McCoughnehey is a racist...

... I guess we should've known he was part of the alt-right alt-right alt-right.

George Clooney Matt Damon and Matthew McConaughey got together to make a movie.

George said: I'll Direct

Matt Damon said: I'll produce

Matthew McConaughey said: ill write ill write ill wriite

What do celebrity horses eat?

Matthew McConaughay

A woman sees the news, and anxiously calls her husband.

He picks it up,

Matthew, are you driving home from work?

Yes! At least I'm trying!

Well be careful out there. There's some idiot on the interstate going in the wrong direction.

Honey... everyone's going in the wrong direction!"

[OC] What's Matthew Mcconaughey's favourite Pokemon?

_Rhydon rhydon rydon_

Matthew McConaughey walks into a bakery...

Matthew: "Can I get three loaves of bread please?"

Baker: "What type do you want sir?"

Matthew: "All rye, all rye, all rye."

George Clooney Leonardo DiCaprio and Matthew McConaughey get together to make a new film.

George Clooney says he's gonna direct Leonardo DiCaprio says he's gonna be the producer and Matthew McConaughey says I'll write I'll writte I'll write

My wife told me this one...

Leonardo DiCaprio, George Clooney and Matthew McConaughey are sitting around discussing a movie they want to make.

DiCaprio says I'll be the lead actor

Clooney says I guess I'll be the director then

McConaughey says I'll write, I'll write, I'll write

Matthew McConaughey, Leonardo DiCaprio and Brad Pitt decide to make a movie together.

Of course, they are going to need roles for each other, but none of them can decide what they want to do. They argue over this for hours, until Leonardo finally decides he wants to direct, since he is the best with cameras. Eventually, Brad Pitt decides he wants to produce, since he's the one with the most money. Now there's only one left; McConaughey. DiCaprio turns to him and says,

Well what does that leave you with?

Matthew thinks about this for a while, until he finally turns to the two of them.

I'll write, I'll write, I'll write.

Leonardo DiCaprio, George Clooney and Matthew McConaughey are sitting around discussing a movie they want to make.

DiCaprio says I'll be the lead actor
Clooney says I guess I'll be the director McConaughey says I'll write, I'll write, I'll write

What did Matthew McConaughey say to his publisher about his long awaited upcoming book?

I'll write, I'll write, I'll write!

Matthew McConaughey was spotted during the Capital Hill protests

When asked to comment what he saw he simply said,

Alt Right, Alt Right, Alt Right

Matthew McConaughey considering a run for Texas Governor.

He's planning to run on an alt-right, alt-right, alt-right platform.

George Clooney, Leonardo DiCaprio, and Matthew McConaughey get together to make a movie.

Clooney says, I'll direct.

DiCaprio says, I'll act.

McConaughey says, I'll write, I'll write, I'll write.

Now that Matthew McConaughey might be running for governor of Texas people are wondering what his politics are...

I think it's obvious he's a member of the Alt Right, Alt Right, Alt Right

What did Matthew McConaughey say when the waiter asked him if he wanted ice in his water?

It'd be a lot cooler if you did.

A priest was preaching one Sunday.

"The sermon that I'm going to preach today is about honesty"

Everyone nodded.

"Before I begin, I would like all those who have read Matthew chapter 29 verse 15 to raise their hands"

More than half the people raised their hand.

"That is very unfortunate to see as there is only 28 chapters in the book of Matthew"

What does Matthew McConaughey say when he's picking fruit?

All ripe, all ripe, all ripe.

I went to my son and asked

What is Matthew McConaughey's favorite bread and he said

All white all white all white

And I said no you dummy

It's all rye all rye all rye

What are the three steps Matthew McConaughey takes to make a left turn?

All right, all right, all right

Matthew McConaughey has a younger brother who works as a court clerk.

Everybody knows him for his signature phrase:'All rise, all rise, all rise'.

What did Matthew McConaughey tell his sweetheart when he found out he had to go overseas for a year?

I'll write, I'll write, I'll write.

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the matthew joanna jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working matthew jonathan piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

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