Me: I fucked your sister
All Fridays matter.
Would it even matter?
With the rise of self-driving vehicles, it's only a matter of time before we get a country song where a guy's truck leaves him too
Me: "yes, as a matter of fact I am"
Interviewer: "Whats 14x27"
Me: "49"
Interviewer: "that's not even close"
me: "yeah, but it was fast"
The husband sighed, and asked his wife, "Honey, do you promise me you won't get mad, no matter how I answer?"
His wife said, "I promise, I'll never bring it up again."
The husband looked her over and said, "I fucked your sister."
it wouldn't matter because money is a social construct and existence is meaningless
No matter how kind you are, German kids are kinder.
Napalm
He runs Facebook.
Unless you get multiplied by the speed of light squared. Then you Energy
He said "Come up quickly, I fought with my wife and now she wants to throw herself out the window!". The manager replied "Sir this is a personal matter and we can't get involved. I can call sec..." The man interrupted "No! This is a maintenance issue. The window won't open!".
It'll still be stationery.
it will still remain stationery
Socks come in pairs. If you put a sock on your left foot, the other sock of the pair instantly becomes the right sock, no matter where it is located in the universe.
Does money even matter
We'll either have the first female president, the first Jewish president, the first Canadian president, or the last president.
Me: I'm looking for a blow up doll
Manager: Great, we have plenty! What gender?
Me: I'd like a female.
Manager: Awesome, and would you like the doll to be Christian, Protestant, or Muslim?
Me: (confused) Why does the religion matter? What's the difference?
Manager: Well, there really is none between the Christian and Protestant. However, the Muslim will blow itself up.
and shouts "I want to know who's been fucking my wife!" One of the patrons swiveled around on his stool and drunkenly slurs, "What kind of gun is that? A Smith and Wesson 686?" The husband replies "What the fuck does that matter?!?" The drunk smiles and says, "Because a 686 only holds 6 bullets. You're gonna need to reload."
Because no matter how dire the situation gets, they won't come inside.
A surgeon went to check on his patient after an operation.
"You'll be fine," he said.
She asked ...
How long will it be before I am able to have a normal sex life again doctor?"
The surgeon seemed to pause, and a small tear ran down his cheek from the corner of his eye, which alarmed the girl.
"What's the matter Doctor? I will be all right, won't I?"
He replied ...
Yes, you'll be fine. It's just that no one has ever asked me that after having their tonsils out."
Because no matter what, women are always right, even when they're full of shit.
'No matter what choices were made the outcome was going to be the same' said a spokesman
Solid, liquid, gas, and black lives.
A guy walks into a butcher's shop and says "Sir, are you a gambling man?"
The butcher says "Why yes, as a matter of fact I am."
"Then I'll bet you $25 you can't reach up and touch that meat hanging over your head right there."
The butcher thinks for a moment and says "I'm sorry, I won't take that bet."
The guy says "But I thought you said you were a gambling man."
"I am. But the steaks are too high."
in the end, does it even matter?
'oh come on, it's just one move at the start of the game' I responded as I took his Knight.
and says my wife wants to commit suicide by jumping out of the window.
The receptionist: sir, this is a private matter. Please call the cops.
Guest: no. i need a maintenance guy. Your window doesnt open.
"Hello how I may I be of assistance sir?"
"I NEED YOU TO SEND SOMEONE TO MY ROOM RIGHT AWAY."
"Calm down Sir, what seems to be the problem?"
"My wife is trying to jump out of the window..."
"Oh that sounds like a personal matter, I'm afraid we cannot involve ourselves."
"Listen here you smartass, the window isn't opening up and that's a maintenance matter!"
Then does that mean that black lies matter?
But mathematicians are the only ones who count
but I still wish she didn't have one.
But none of them come and touch the man's Penis and say "Well done!"
Moral: hard work is never appreciated, only results matter
All birds have tail feathers that help them fly called pinions. Crows have 3 pinions and ravens have 4. The difference is just a matter of a pinion.
An irrelephant.
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