Matte Jokes
104 matte jokes and hilarious matte puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about matte that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Matte Short Jokes
Short matte jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The matte humour may include short matey jokes also.
- Me: My name is Matt, and I'm an alcoholic. AAA: This is AAA, not AA.
Me: Yeah, I was just explaining how my car got in the lake. - If Matt Groening wanted to announce he wanted to do an Ask Me Anything... Would he say Future-AMA?
- Matt LeBlanc was just announced as the newest presenter on BBC's Top Gear It may be a challenge for him, on his last show it's like he was always stuck in second gear
- My mate wears the same jacket when he's impersonating either Matt Damon or Hugh Jackman. Maybe he's Bourne with it, maybe it's Wolverine.
- Alex- Have you heard? Professor Smith from our apartment house is gay!
Matt - Wow, what a surprise! I have been sleeping with him for half a year, but never knew he was a professor... - New variant is called Omicron, the 15th letter of the Greek alphabet. Futurama had Omicronians.
Matt Groening is from the future. - What's the difference between Jesus Christ and Matt Gaetz? Matt Gaetz is not coming back after he's crucified
- What's the difference between Wanda Maximoff and Matt Murdoch? Matt knows how to cope without vision.
- Matt Damon is to star in a new movie about a man who has accepted Jesus as his Savior or Redeemer. The Bourne Again Christian
- Matt Schaub and Eli Manning walk into a bar. What happened? They order a beer sampler and the bartender tells them to pick 6.
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Matte One Liners
Which matte one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with matte? I can suggest the ones about latte and mattress.
- What do you call a man with no arms and no legs lying in front of your door? Matt.
- What do you call a quadriplegic laying on the floor? Matt.
- What does Matt Damon call it when he shops for cheap clothes? Goodwill Hunting
- What do you call a communist dog? Karl Barx
Shout-out to "Matt & Tom" for that 😊 - What do you call a quadruple amputee waiting by your door? Matt
- How do you sabotage a space mission ? Send Matt Damon
- My friend Matt really likes bullfighting. Specifically, Mattadores bullfighting
- What do you name a boy with no arms and no legs? Matt
- What do you call a guy with a rug on his head? Matt
- What do you call someone without arms or legs Matt
- My mom asked me the other day, "Joe, do you think I'm a bad mother?" My name is Matt.
- What do you call a man who is always at your front door? Matt
- What do you call 3 Matts standing in line? A Matt-trick!
- A beer matt walks into a bar.. Drinks are on me!
- What were the odds that Matt Damon made it off Mars? Astronomical
Howlingly Hilarious Matte Jokes for an Unforgettable Evening
What funny jokes about matte you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean dull jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make matte pranks.
It doesn't matter how much you move the envelope
It'll still be stationary.
No matter how loud she screams, DO NOT take IT out.
protect your credit card guys :)
No matter how much I love cake..
I would never dessert you.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
It's only a matter of time before we start seeing senseless shootings in America too
No matter how romantic of a mycologist you are
Never tell your partner you're about to give them a tiny mushroom tip.
Matter is the true mvp
m = V * p
No matter which doctor I go to for a general checkup, they all hit me on the knee.
I think they get a kick out of it.
No matter what temperature your room is..
..it is always room temperature
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Look. It doesn't matter if you're black, white, gay, straight, male or female.
We all taste the same to a grizzly bear.
No matter how hard you push the envelope it's still stationary.
thanks dad!
No matter who wins the presidential election, it will be historic.
We'll either have the first female president, the first Jewish president, the first canadian president, or the last president.
No matter how bad things get, at least I have my fingers!
I know I can always count on them.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
No matter how kind you are...
No matter how kind you are, German kids are kinder.
What's the matter?
Hydrogen, mostly.
It doesn't matter whether you're a bad parent or a bad drug dealer...
Because at the end of the day a kid gets smacked.
No matter how many times I said it.
She didn't believe that I was modest.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
No matter who wins the election they are going to have a build a wall on the southern border
of Canada.
What's matter in reverse?
Antimatter.
Do you know what matter to me?
my nihilism
Mattel released a Muslim Barbie...
It's a blow-up doll.
No matter if you are a man or a woman
Taking off a bra is usually a pretty awesome event.
No matter who you vote tonight to become our next president..
there is going to be a blonde sitting in the Oval Office in about 3 months..
No matter if you are American or European
9/11 is a sad date
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
No matter how much you shake and dance...
...the last few drops end up in your pants.
-Tales from the u**...
Did you know that no matter how much you move a piece of paper,
It remains stationary...
No matter how popular they get..
... antibiotics are never going viral.
No matter how quick you pull out..
..the ATM machine always beeps.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
It's only a matter of time before Canada conquers the world...
...then we'll all be sorry.
No matter what you think about Trump there is one thing you have to give him credit for...
...he really tries hard to end the worst presidency in history.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
As a matter of fact, I am Play-Doh.
**Wanna make something out of it?**
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
It's not what's on the outside that matters...
What matters is what you look like n**....
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
No matter how much of a good boy you are
There's always a dog that's a gooder boy than you
No matter how hard I try, I always seem to be going round in circles.
Having a broken arm while in a wheelchair isn't ideal.
No matter what State you live in, louisiana is always close to it.
I guess you could say it's always close Bayou.
No matter how unreliable your mental math skills...
You can always count on your fingers
Doesn't matter how lit you are...
Rubbish is litter.
No matter what they say, you matter.
Unless you get multiplied by the speed of light squared. Then you Energy
No matter how old you are...
...an empty wrapping paper tube is still a light saber.
No matter how much you push the envelope.
It'll still be stationery.
No matter how many times I've been on the internet...
I never expect the Spanish Inquisition
No matter how much a dog mixes up a rubik's cube it will always be solved
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
No matter what they tell you, ear s**... simply isn't a good idea
That's how you end up with hearing aids
MATTEL announced sequel to UNO called DOS.
HASBRO will announce their follow up to OPERATION:
CRIPPLING DEBT.
I'm sorry, but no matter how attractive they are, I will never be able to date a baker.
They're too kneady.
Mattel made Uno™ a "sequel" called Dos™
Legend says they started on the next one, but they disappeared without a Tres™...
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
No matter how worthless you may think you are, just remember; ...
...you are always worth something on the black market.
No matter how far you manage to throw a piece of paper
It is still stationery.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
No matter how nice you are...
German children will always be kinder
Why does it matter who I like?
It's not like they're gonna like me back.
No matter how rad your Ferrari sounds
Niki's is Lauda!
Doesn't matter how many CDs you have...
Benz has Mercedes.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
They say looks don't matter, it's what's in the inside that counts...
If you're looking for a o**... donor.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
No matter what s**... role play idea my wife decides on, I always have to play the same character.
The husband who is out of town.
No matter how far behind they got, John Kerry's wife never actually worked in the family business
She was just playing ketchup.
No matter how loud you yell, no one will hear your screams.
Criticising football players is impossible.
No matter how early I get up to drive my girlfriend to work...
She's still adamant that she's "late"
Matter is what physicists call stuff to make themselves feel like they...
No matter what happens, I can't get angry.
I guess I'm terminally chill.
No matter how many horror movies you watch...
Your mom can the scariest if you don't wake up on time.
No matter how old you are or what team you're rooting for, I think we can all agree that every basketball fan looks up to Shaquille O'Neal.
Like literally, you have to look up to him.
They say matter can neither be created nor destroyed
But we sure have a lot of fat people...
It never matters if I sleep on the left or right side of the bed...
...my wife always takes the middle!
Would you rather eat 100 bricks or a matter baby?
What's a matter baby?
Nothing, I'm fine sweetie. How are you?
What's the difference between a normal baby and a matter baby?
So, What's a matter baby?
It doesn't matter how badly you want to, you just can't fight Destiny...
Because then you'd have to fight the bouncers and the other strippers too.
It doesn't matter if you're black, white, old, young, tall, short or even if you're from another country. It's what's INSIDE that counts!
I love you refrigerator!
No matter how generous and caring your children are...
German children are kinder.
It doesn't matter if you forget the punchline to your NBA pick joke
Just don't discard the post, you'll still have a draft joke!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
No matter how kind is your kid
the German kids are always kinder
No matter how improbable, there's a parallel universe with anything you can think of. Even one where the Irish invented rap.
It's how the universe achieves Homie O'Stasis
Which matter is denser than a black hole?
The grey matter inside lockdown protesters.
No matter what you think of the celebrities commenting on how we handle the current crisis, you should ALWAYS listen to music producers.
They give sound advice.
No matter how kind you are,
German children are always Kinder.
No matter how big or small, you can make a difference.
It's called subtraction.
It does not matter how many times you fall down, what matters is how many times you get back up
Unfortunately the officer did not appreciate my grit during the roadside sobriety test.
Doesn't matter if you are tall or short, fat or thin, black or white, at the end of the day...
It will be night time.
It doesn't matter if you're gay, straight, or bisexual. At the end of the day,
It's night
No matter how much I love cake…
Never gonna run around and desert you
No matter where I go, I like to bring my ukulele, then, whenever someone asks if I play an instrument, I say...
I play a little guitar!"
It doesn't matter who you are or what you like because at the end of the day
It's night
No matter how good you treat your dog
They will always say they have it ruff
It doesn't matter if my wife tells me Im not mature
Im not going to let her enter my tree house without the right password
